r/youngadults

i was online friends with older men for 5 years, I dont even know if friends is the right word anymore but thats what I called it then, they were much older( like 20+ years age gap) and it was during the time i was 14, 15, 16, 17, at first it felt like being seen like I was special and not like the other kids my age who were invisible to adults, I had something they didnt, I had attention, real attention from people who were supposed to be out of my league, they listened to me and they made me feel like I mattered and they admired the way I think, the thing that probably made me matter was that I wasnt 18 yet maybe, I didnt understand thats what it was, not the way I do now thats just what happened, four years of that caused this, now my body reacts to things I dont even understand and the depression makes me feel like nothing matters anymore because Im not that age, I dont have the energy to explain it better than that, I just know I didnt have these problems before them and now I do

twenty feels like a funeral, because somewhere in those four years I learned something that I cant unlearn, I learned that love has an age limit, that the only kind of love worth having comes from older people who look at you like youre still soft, still small, still young enough to be interesting, I learned that growing up means growing invisible, that the day you turn 19 and 20 the door closes and youre supposed to just walk away, be normal, date people your own age, want things that adults want .

btw Im autistic, I probably spent my whole life trying to decode people, and by the time I realized that older men online were decoding me for the wrong reasons, I was already in too deep . but I dont want to feel that way or think that, and I know I sound really weird right now, Im probably mentally ill

now I watch younger girls, thirteen, fifteen, seventeen, and my stomach twists, not because I wish them harm, I dont, I wish I could protect them, but underneath that theres something uglier, something Im ashamed to admit and no one knows about, Im really really jealous of them, they still have time, they still have that window, someone might still look at them the way I was looked at, but I know, I know, and I know its wrong, I was always really happy to be told I acted older than my age

my parents kept me so locked away that by that time I was starving, not just for freedom but for proof that I existed to anyone outside those four walls, I never got the messy normal alive parts of being young, the sleepovers where you stay up late, the stupid group chats or silly little crushes on classmates, not even a simple hangout with friends in the mall, the feeling of being reckless and a little safe at the same time, so when older men turned their attention on me I didnt see danger, I saw the love that had been denied, it felt huge, I now find myself frozen in front of younger girls, not just jealous of the predatory attention they might get but jealous that theyre still in that age, I want to be younger because I never got to be a kid or teen at all, and somehow in my head being younger than 18 feels like the only way I could ever go back and claim the chaotic unbroken adolescence that was stolen from me twice .
I shouldnt think like that.

20 is too old to be wanted, too old to be special, too old to matter in the only way I was taught to matter

I dont know how to want to be 20, I dont know how to want an adult life when my whole sense of being loved is stuck back there in those rooms with those people who would have dropped me the second I aged out, which they did or they would have or they should have, I dont even know anymore

sometimes I think Im still waiting for someone older to look at me and see something worth keeping, but I wont

so I stay jealous, I stay wishing I was younger, not because I want to be a child but because I want to be loved the only way I know how

and I hate that I know that way at all.

so tired of everyone saying “you need to just learn how to be alone” that’s what 95% of my life has been. i’ve always been a loner. i love & hate it at the same time. would really love to talk to someone genuine & likeminded around my age, but i don’t have much in me.

i guess this is my proposal for someone to be my friend.

Moving out and starting university at 18 has been exciting, but also much harder than I expected. Since I began living alone, I’ve struggled to build a stable routine—things like doing laundry, going to the gym, studying consistently, eating properly, and even grocery shopping feel difficult to manage.

Everything still feels unfamiliar, and having to organize my entire life by myself is overwhelming. What frustrates me most is that I don’t see much progress in my routine, despite trying. Because of this, I’ve started to feel disappointed during what should be a beautiful and important new chapter of my life.

I really want to improve my student life and build good habits while living independently, but I’m not sure where to start.

There’s always a meme, discussion, or anything that revolves around porn or something that has to do with taboo kinks. I get it. It’s the internet but holy schnitzel, it’s everywhere. I end up learning things that I wish I hadn’t but what can I really do? It’s the era of the internet and I’m expected to be on a device in order to do anything in life.

I straight (19M) have never dated I find myself somewhat introverted and extroverted. I’ve tended to be more introverted over the last year. So if you’re somewhat introverted where do you actually meet people if you’re trying date?

Hey everyone, I really need some honest advice.

I’m currently stuck between staying in New York City with my dad’s side of the family or going back to University of North Georgia where I’m already enrolled.

A little background—I’ve had some issues with my mom in Georgia, which is part of why I left. I recently moved to NYC to reconnect with my dad and his side of the family after not seeing them for years, and honestly, it’s been really meaningful. I love being around them.

The problem is finances. Living in New York City is expensive, and my dad is low-income. We’re currently living in my late grandmother’s apartment, and while family helps, money is still tight.

On the other hand, if I go back to Georgia, I can stay with my boyfriend and his mom. I’m already attending University of North Georgia online, everything is set, and I’m on track to graduate with my BSN around 2028. School is also much more affordable there since I’m considered in-state.

My biggest concern with going back is relying on my relationship. My boyfriend and I do argue sometimes (like any couple), and while we always work things out, I worry about what would happen if we broke up while I’m living there. I don’t want to end up in a bad situation and have to start over again.

If I stay in NYC, I’d probably go to Hunter College, but I’m not sure how many of my credits will transfer, if I’ll graduate on time, or if I’ll be considered in-state yet. Financially, it’s definitely more stressful here.

So I’m stuck between:

Staying in NYC with family (emotional support but financial stress + uncertainty with school)

Going back to Georgia (more stable financially + clear school path, but relying on a relationship)

I keep going back and forth, and I know I need to make a final decision soon.

What would you do in my situation? Any advice or perspective would really help.

Just a reflection nothing serious okay so I am kinda in a sticky situation (don't want to get too much in to it). But at the same time I can recognize the good things that I've had in my life since I was a child. And the stuff that I can do to change my position right now. But even though I'm aware of this it kinda hard to be grateful and make the steps that I need to cuz there's lot of shame and comfort that I get from being how I am right now. In a twisted way I kinda know that I'll be ok since I can depend on certain things but I know that's not always a possibility since those things/people can die. Which gives me the mindset of how I should've used the shit out of the past and the resources that I had back then. I won't say it was better but there was lot that I could've worked with but I didn't instead just stayed in my house just cause of fear and stuff. I also know that being me and the young age I was is a big factor cuz it's better for me to be wary. But I felt like I was constantly told that the world was bad and stuff maybe there was truth to that or I was stuck on a negative bubble. IDK when I was doing regular stuff I was still getting that sort of messaging. Especially with the area 51 stuff not that this was scary just that there seems like "over throwing the government" sorta of thing.

Anyways It just sucks now cuz it feels like now things are getting harder, of course I know that not how it is for everyone (like theres people who had it hard back than and still have it hard or even harder now & people who had it hard but made process) but the place that I am in right seems like this and from the stuff that I've consumes irl and online seems to show that everyone having it difficult now. Should've taken more in 2018-19 even though I was underage there was stuff I could do. And even 2020-2023 for me personal there was more I could've spent my time on and even expanding my taste in music, shows, and knowledge in general.

I think the title says it, I don’t feel sexually attracted to my boyfriend anymore. We’re only together for 8months. I think he’s cute, pretty, his body is amazing, but he can’t trigger my sex drive anymore.

My sex drive is still here, whenever I’m alone I get horny, it just disappears when we’re together.

So I don’t get it.

I was thinking when this flipped, and there was a moment he kept a secret from me what shouldn’t have been a secret. He told me he would never hide that kind of stuff and he did. In my previous relationship something similar happened and it also was a turning point to not be attracted to him anymore.

Had someone experience with this? We totally figured the argument out, but still, no attraction, could this be ‘revived’?

TL;DR not attracted to boyfriend , I don’t know why, maybe because he lied about something. We’re over the issue but i’m still not attracted to him sexually even though he’s handsome.

Fixable?

stuff I wish someone told me:

- open a roth IRA even if you can only put $50/month in

- credit cards build credit but only if you pay them off every month

- dont pay for trading courses from people on instagram. check their real records on involio first — most of them are faking it

- your emergency fund matters more than investing right now

- time in the market beats timing the market every time

what would you add?

How do you guys stay up so late?

I usually begin to start feeling hazy by 10 PM. Am I old now? (I am 21)

I’m currently in college and realizing I should probably start taking credit more seriously now instead of waiting until I graduate. I don’t really have any credit history yet, but my goal is to be in a position to rent my own place right after school.

What are the best ways to start building credit from scratch? I’ve seen stuff about secured cards, keeping utilization low, etc., but it all feels a bit overwhelming when you’re starting at zero. Also has anyone used any apps or tools to help guide the process or keep track of everything. Just trying to set myself up properly over the next couple years.

I just fucked up really really bad. So me and my friends went out and we picked up slingshots and marbles and went around shooting the glass on bus stop shelters we destroyed probably 20 panels. I didn’t think nothing of it and then I searched it up and each panel is up to $2000. I thought that they were just shitty and cheap and that the police wouldn’t get involved because it didn’t mean anything but after looking at the price, there’s no way that they won’t. I am so fucked. I don’t know what the hell was going through my head, but it was all within a 5 km radius and I am truly terrified because this could change my life completely I’m so scared.

I’m (20 F) currently in college and am friends with zero women. This is a touchy topic for me because I think every girl should have at least one close girl friend in their life. Like as cool as my guy friends are they will never replace having a girl friend. It’s a touchy topic for me because I often find myself initiating conversations and trying to be friends with girls but it’s never reciprocated. My classes are male dominated so that makes it harder but even the few girls that are in them are always iffy. By that I mean they’ve ignored me or give u that “why tf are you talking to me” look when I simply just asked a question in class. Tbh it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me even though I’ve never done anything to them. It’s really frustrating that even when I have had friendships they’ve ended on weird terms, for example this girl randomly ghosted me with no context after hanging out multiple times. I saw her in person so I smiled and waved at her and then she just looked down. I mean Im not sure what my deal is but I feel lost, like should it be this complicated??

EDIT: Yes i’ve joined clubs and been to activities and all that, but again it’s never reciprocated

Can we crash all the markets just enough to make stuff affordable… like. People be posting their 167k mile, 10 year old Honda Accord for $25,000.

There are SHACKS that cost $145,000 in non-hood areas.

Like bruh.

I want to be able to comfortably live without having to get two jobs 🙏🙏

I paid $4.50/gal for gas the other day 😭😭

Luckily I have 2-3 years for stuff to hopefully come down before I move out and be independent.

But yeah. Prices of everything are insane. I say we bring back bartering fr.

I moved to a different town when I was 17, I'm now 19 and I am honestly struggling to make new friends, don't get me wrong I'm thankful I have a lot of friends back where I use to live however I do get quite lonely sometimes.

Is it really this hard to make new friends as you get older?

Im in college but graduating next month. Honestly, none of my classmates is close enough to me to be considered as friends. I feel like its too hard to make friends now, in highschool it was rather easy, but now its way too hard. And i wont talk about relationships. I (20F) broke up almost 1 year ago with my ex, and i can't seem to get back into the dating stage. The only guy i've been interested into (and shoot my shot with) was gay.....

Anyways im quite lonely i think. If anyone wants to be friends, im open to everyone :) (please just not minors!)