Thinking of the past 2017-2019
Just a reflection nothing serious okay so I am kinda in a sticky situation (don't want to get too much in to it). But at the same time I can recognize the good things that I've had in my life since I was a child. And the stuff that I can do to change my position right now. But even though I'm aware of this it kinda hard to be grateful and make the steps that I need to cuz there's lot of shame and comfort that I get from being how I am right now. In a twisted way I kinda know that I'll be ok since I can depend on certain things but I know that's not always a possibility since those things/people can die. Which gives me the mindset of how I should've used the shit out of the past and the resources that I had back then. I won't say it was better but there was lot that I could've worked with but I didn't instead just stayed in my house just cause of fear and stuff. I also know that being me and the young age I was is a big factor cuz it's better for me to be wary. But I felt like I was constantly told that the world was bad and stuff maybe there was truth to that or I was stuck on a negative bubble. IDK when I was doing regular stuff I was still getting that sort of messaging. Especially with the area 51 stuff not that this was scary just that there seems like "over throwing the government" sorta of thing.
Anyways It just sucks now cuz it feels like now things are getting harder, of course I know that not how it is for everyone (like theres people who had it hard back than and still have it hard or even harder now & people who had it hard but made process) but the place that I am in right seems like this and from the stuff that I've consumes irl and online seems to show that everyone having it difficult now. Should've taken more in 2018-19 even though I was underage there was stuff I could do. And even 2020-2023 for me personal there was more I could've spent my time on and even expanding my taste in music, shows, and knowledge in general.