r/womenintech

I’ve completely lost myself. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat and I can’t remember the last day at work that brought out my passion or joy. The weeks and months go so fast and the years working for multiple terrible tech companies with the worst people in the world has devastated my mental health. Maybe it’s not their fault. Maybe they’re just trying to survive too.

Yes, I’ve tried therapy. Yes, I’ve tried exercise and eating well. But we don’t still understand the impact stress has the on the body. Or maybe we do. I can see it in my face, my hair and my lack of ability to handle mundane stressors.

I’m on my 5th manager in less than 2 years. I’ve watched countless people be scapegoated, let go, or PIP’d (not on account of their performance. Not really). There’s been many many great people in my department just leave without anything lined up. My manager included. She really was my rock.

I lead a team of technical experts. They are so burnt out. Just this week my team and I had to implement a new major system in less than 6 weeks. We stayed online at all hours of the night. Not a single thank you. Nothing is ever good enough. I’m sure the top is convinced we should or could have used AI. I don’t know how to protect them anymore. I don’t think many of these companies care about attrition anymore.

I beg and plead with my peers and stakeholders to include me so we can have a seat at the table.

I think today was my final straw. Another major project. Another fast deadline committed. Another project I wasn’t asked to perform technical scoping before the due date was assigned. In fact, I learned another department head was the one to suggest I didn’t need to be included. It feels malicious and unnecessarily so. Instead my team would just have to deliver.

I enjoyed the money. I used it as a crutch. I used it to convince myself that I didn’t deserve to be treated better. I know and understand how privileged I am to have the salary I do and the savings I do. I used it as a way to hide how scared I am. I only know tech. I’m not sure what comes next but I’m not above a retail job or a service job or any other job that requires hard work BUT RESPECT. These tech jobs aren’t all that. We aren’t better than. I want to work in a collaborative environment where we win together, as a team.

I refuse to continue to work for organizations that push AI without having conversations on the impact to the environment, lower income communities where billionaires build their data centers or the impact to us as humans. We ARE humans. NOT ROBOTS.

Maybe I sound bitter. That’s because I am. I didn’t sign up for this. I signed up to work hard and to perform well. Meet expectations and have some fun in the process.

Not sure what the future holds but somewhere along the way it will click for me. I hope if others feel the same, we can all give each other the courage to make the change.

AI is referring to LLMs.

I'm really struggling with this huge push for AI to be used in my day job. I know I hate change, so that's part of it. But moreso, I absolutely love what I do. I love the problem solving, the challenges, the code writing, and the feeling of when it works. It truly gives me purpose. I hate that I made work my life, but it is truly my joy.

Now with AI, I feel as though I am supposed to be giving my purpose in life to a machine... either by replacing me or "making my work faster". It feels like my body is on fire when I think about how angry it makes me that this is the way this industry is going. But when I talk to people about it, I feel insane because I get met with "well you better do it or get left behind" which makes me feel even more upset.

And I'm so frustrated with my coworkers turning brainless by giving their last brain cell to these AI tools... but I digress.

So my ask is:

- are others feeling the same?

- does anyone have any practical advice so I don't get left behind, but also don't take away my passion?

- anyone know how to find a job that may feel more like using AI as a helpful tool instead of a replacement? Or even better- cares about our world and is anti LLM?

Does anyone else have this absolute shit-storm going on? How are you coping?

The constant change, the AI hysteria, the expectation to transform into a vibe-coder overnight, and the pressure to outperform by insane margins every quarter - it is crushing.

All while my body and brain are staging a protest...

Every day feels like rolling boulders uphill. I only have the mental/physical capacity to "produce" for about 4 hours before I need a nap or have an emotional meltdown. I used to bang out 10-hour days and feel good about it. Thank God I don't have children; the poor things would be so neglected.

I think very seriously every day about taking a LOA, but what would I come back to? I took a 10-day vacation, and my entire job had changed when I returned. Things are moving so fast that I don't feel like I can step away without leaving tech for good. Is anyone stepping off the treadmill? Where are you going?

I'm a 25F working in FAANG as a Senior PM. TC is ~$300K.

I climbed up to senior pretty quickly and organically, but now, I feel stuck. My next IC promo probably won't be for another ~5 years. There doesn't seem to be clear leads for me to enter management/leadership anytime soon (which is what I eventually want).

I am contemplating pursuing an MBA at Harvard. I just got in.

Would I be making the wrong choice if I gave up two years of salary and tuition (~$850,000) to get a Harvard MBA?

Reasons I Want To Do It:

1. I could use a 'socially acceptable' break. I burnt myself out getting 3 promotions in 4 years. Even 'easier' work at smaller jobs is tiring now.

2. I'm tired of working with people (mainly dudes) >20 years older. I know I'm lucky to be in the room, but it's exhausting. I spent two years being called 'little girl' and many other things. HR claimed they couldn't do anything about it because the Age Discrimination Act only applies to employees 40 years and older (search it up, it's true). I wouldn't mind taking a step back for 2 years and coming back a little older.

3. I had a difficult childhood where my abuser did some messed-up things that prevented me from going to Harvard for undergrad. I know this seems small, but as a big nerd, it'd be so cool to give myself that childhood dream back. I always hated how much they took from me.

Reasons I'm Scared To Do It:

1. I already make more than the post-MBA salary. It won't give me a salary bump in the short term. Maybe in the long-term, but I don't know if an MBA (even one from Harvard) carries weight for future leadership. That's uncertain.

2. If I put the $250K tuition into VTI and let it sit for 40 years, it would be $2.5M (6% return rate) or even $1.1M (4% return rate). This doesn't even include the investments I could make if I had a salary.

Hi all - I just discovered this community and I am so happy that it exists! I’m not completely sure what I’m seeking with this post, perhaps just some solidarity. A virtual shoulder to cry on. I’d love to hear from others who have experienced similar feelings.

I’m a “tech lead manager” at a small, failing insurance startup. In practice, I’m a Senior developer, tech lead, and manager. I’m front end focused, and we don’t have a designer - so I lead product design as well.

I’ve been at this company for 3 years. I was hired as a mid level developer and sort of catapulted to the top accidentally. I have a strong work ethic, often to my own detriment, and tend to wind up in higher level roles than what I’m mentally ready for.

Lately I’ve just felt completely cooked, mentally. I spread myself too thin around year 2, giving 100% to each part of my new hybrid role. Some days it feels like I’m on a swivel, ping ponging around various Teams chats to provide assistance, often whilst sacrificing my own output velocity, which I beat myself up about. I’ve been described as “a machine” in the past, in regards to output, and I’ve certainly lost that. My output is sometimes invisible now, as it’s spent unblocking others.

I report directly to a non technical CEO, which plays out about as you’d expect. He uses our 1:1s as an opportunity to hold me as a captive audience to presentations of Claude generated POCs for features that nobody asked for, while our core application is being eaten by tech debt. He recently made the decision to lay off our entire QA department. Nobody else on the dev team cares much for quality, so I’ve absorbed much of those responsibilities as well.

Yet, we’re expected to ship at an even faster pace. The entire team is experiencing feature fatigue. New features are slotted into the road map before we’ve even had time to grasp the architecture of the prior proposals. Requirements are generated by Claude. Mockups are generated by Claude. Neither are reviewed for mistakes before being presented to dev - I’ve tacked on “reviewer of overly lengthy AI generated product documentation” to my list of responsibilities.

I could probably tune a lot of this out, but what’s bothering me the most lately is that I’m no longer interested in my work. The product is total shit, and I’m tired of looking at it. Every morning I stare into my IDE, praying that I’ll summon up the gumption to get started on my tasks. Sometimes I cry. I’m fortunately remote, so I can do that in peace. It feels like I’m lying to myself. I’ve been forcing myself to continue producing, grinding, advancing for so long - and it’s starting to crush my spirit.

I cannot quiet quit, because I carry the team. I’m simultaneously too burnt out to throw myself into a job hunt, so I feel like I’m in jail.

My misery has bled into my personal life. I have a three day weekend this week, due to the holiday, and I spent most of today in a fight or flight state. Sobbing, angry, numb. I’ve given so much of myself to work, and when I get extra time off, I no longer have the distraction of routine, and I realize just how unwell I am.

I’ve been considering not only quitting, but leaving the field altogether. Taking a sabbatical and then planning my next move. This field just does not spark joy anymore. I live below my means, and have been doing this long enough to have enough savings to float through the next 8 years, but I still fear the uncertainty that comes with losing the high salary that I’ve grown accustomed to.

It’s funny - I think back to the happiest years of my life, when I was the poorest I’ve ever been. Couch surfing, working the morning shift at a grocery store. Now here I am, financially comfortable, but yearning for the mines. I know that this is silly, with so many people struggling to find work right now. I know that the grass isn’t always greener. But there’s this part of me that’s whispering - “do it, do it and be free - even if just for a little bit”.

This feels like some combination of both burn out and bore out. Probably also some mental and behavioral health problems that I’ve been burying. Those who have experienced this - What did you do? How did you recover?

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some advice because I feel quite stuck and unsure about my next move.

I’ve been working at a large tech company for almost 15 years now, but my compensation is surprisingly low — not even on par with someone who has ~ 7 years of experience. The main reason I stayed all these years was the work-life balance and stability, along with the fact that it’s been fully remote (WFH).

However, things have changed recently. The culture has taken a downturn — longer working hours, increased pressure, less empathy from management, and expectations to be online even late evenings and Fridays. The one thing that kept me here is no longer reliable.

On top of that, there are rumors of layoffs, especially with the shift toward AI. I work on a legacy product with a tech stack that isn’t in high demand, which makes the situation more worrying. Finding a job with my current skill set is already quite difficult in today’s market.

Now, I’ve been offered an opportunity at a startup:

2.5x higher monthly take-home

Completely different tech stack

Likely high pressure and long hours

Building a modern version of the product I’ve worked on for years

They value my 15 years of domain/product knowledge

Hybrid work model, requiring a 1.5–2 hour commute

But I have a lot of doubts:

I’m 45 and would be competing with much younger engineers (Gen Z, etc.)

I’m not confident how quickly I can ramp up in a new stack

If I fail there, I risk losing both the new job and my current one

I’m also going through perimenopause, so energy levels, stress tolerance, and overall health are not always consistent — which makes the idea of a high-pressure role + long commute more daunting

Another major factor is severance. If layoffs happen, I’d get a decent payout. If I leave now, I lose that. To match that severance financially, I’d need to work ~20 months in the new role.

So I’m torn between:

Staying put, hoping for severance, and then figuring out next steps

Taking the startup risk now, learning new skills, but losing the safety net

As a woman at this stage in my career, this decision feels even heavier.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What would you do?

I was given ownership of a new feature on my team, while my tech lead was working on a different part of the same project. This feature was supposed to be a big opportunity for me and honestly felt like my path to promotion.

QE found one bug. My manager and tech lead immediately made it feel like my code was the problem, so I spent way too much time debugging and ended up making the wrong assumption about the root cause. Later it turned out the bug was actually in a couple lines of code my tech lead had written, not in my code. Fine, annoying, but fixable. I raised a PR for the bug fix and thought we were good.

Then I came in the following Monday to my manager upset and a cryptic message from my tech lead saying he had rewritten “some” of my code and used my original implementation as a reference. I also found out that same Monday that he had declined my bug-fix PR. When I looked at the branch, he had actually rewritten basically the whole thing.

The part that really pissed me off is that he buried the actual bug fix inside that giant rewrite PR. So the fix for the bug he introduced was mixed in with a massive pile of unrelated changes, which made it way harder for anyone reviewing it to clearly see where the real issue was. From a reviewer’s perspective, the bug could have looked like it came from anywhere in the rewrite.

He then told my manager my code was messy and buggy. I strongly disagree with that. My lead had reviewed and approved all of my PRs along the way, and QE had passed every test case and edge case except for the one bug that wasn’t even in my code. If my implementation was really that bad, why was none of that raised until the weekend before release?

Another thing that makes this sting is that I had already discussed some cleanup/refactor work I wanted to do, but my tech lead told me not to spend time on it yet and to use workarounds for now. The plan was that I’d get a chance to clean it up later during a tech debt sprint after release. Instead, he ended up making those exact changes himself when he rewrote the feature.

I tried defending my work to my manager, but he sided with my tech lead. He told me my ownership of the feature was a failure and that he lost trust in me. So now it feels like I got blamed for a bug that wasn’t in my code, and then my tech lead used that opening to take over the feature and make himself the hero right before release.

I had also tried to collaborate with him throughout the project, and he often made that difficult, saying things like “that’s not my priority right now.” Then once leadership started emphasizing how important this feature was, suddenly he was all over it.

I feel completely thrown under the bus, and like my promotion opportunity got ripped away from me.

I honestly don’t know what to do or how to cope with this. Anyone else have this happen to them? If so, what did you end up doing about it?

Hi everyone, as the title says, I’ve been unemployed for 6 months. I was laid off because of a delay in paperwork back in November, which was very unfortunate and unfair. Nonetheless, I started looking immediately and got an offer which was then rescinded for logistical reasons. Had 3 interview processes with 3 other companies and managed to get to final rounds with two, one rejected me, the other one ghosted me. The job market is looking really bad and it’s starting to weigh more on me. 6 months gap doesn’t look good on a resume, specially for big companies. Has anyone been through something similar and what have you done to alleviate the impact of the gap?

I’m on a large ux design team and am now in that worst position possible in a very desirable job: I got passed over for promotion bc my skip level didn’t want to support me because some people on another team thought I was “difficult.” However my manager saw this whole time that I wasn’t actually difficult, and that team has had its own issues and people on it have since been demoted / lost their reports. Doesn’t matter, it spooked my skip level who now apparently wants me to keep waiting for a promotion. No timeline given. Applied for a higher open role on my same team bc I’m a high performer and already performing at that level (acknowledged by everyone). Didn’t get it because they brought on external hires. New people across teams all 2-3 levels above me and now they’ve asked me to train them all. I am so furious. I usually go all out for my roles and always have. I don’t know how to give the bare minimum. What does the bare minimum even look like? Every time I do or almost do something now I’m asking myself, is this above my pay grade? Is this the minimum or is it above and beyond? I’ve been working above my level for multiple years now and everybody knows it. My colleagues can’t believe it when they hear what level I’m actually at. What kind of mindset shift do I need to survive here at this point?

I’ve noticed that leadership is online very late into the evening and people often do work on the weekends to catch up on the admin side of the job. Is that common for you?

Hi everyone,

I’m a 25-year-old software engineer from India with ~4 years of experience in tech. Over the last year, I’ve realized that my long-term goal is to build something of my own and eventually start a business.

The challenge is that I feel quite confused about the right path and timeline to get there.

Right now I see a few possible options:

1. Prepare for a top-tier MBA (India)

My thinking is that a strong MBA brand, network, and exposure could help with fundraising, partnerships, and understanding the business side better. But preparing seriously would likely require resigning from my job since it’s very hard to prepare alongside it.

2. Join an early-stage startup

This might give me hands-on exposure to product building, operations, and how startups actually function end-to-end before trying to build something myself.

3. Continue in my current job while exploring ideas

The issue here is that my current role doesn’t really align with my long-term goal of building something of my own, and the workload makes it difficult to explore side projects or seriously prepare for something else. Because of that, staying in this job increasingly feels not very meaningful for my end goal.

So my main questions are:

- If the end goal is building a startup, is a top-tier MBA actually worth it?

- Is it smarter to join a startup first to gain real exposure before building something?

- How risky is taking a career gap to prepare for MBA from an admissions perspective?

- What would be the most practical roadmap or timeline from where I am today?

Would really appreciate insights from founders or people who have faced a similar decision.

Thanks in advance!

I'm trying to find some paid contractor work on Upwork. Haven't used it before, but saw a post can get 30+ proposals in 5 min? And in order to be seen need to pay a lot?

So my question is:

• Do you know how much do we need to pay in order to be seen?
• How does proposal work? If so many proposals got submitted so fat, what should we do?
• Any better choice than Upwork to get AI/ML, data science related work?

Thank you!

I have a lot on my mind lately, but if I had to sum it up, I’m just tired.

I’m a senior developer, but I don’t feel like programming really adds value to who I am. What I genuinely enjoy is connecting with people—listening, supporting, communicating, organizing. I know I’m strong in those areas. The problem is that my day-to-day work is mostly programming.

As I’ve gained more experience, and especially with the rise of AI, expectations have only increased. There’s constant pressure to be more productive, more proactive, to do more and more. I try to keep up and force myself to fit into that mold, but deep down, I feel like I don’t really belong in this world of programming. It doesn’t come naturally to me.

On top of that, I struggle with impostor syndrome. Being a senior developer means I’m “supposed” to know a lot, but I often feel like I don’t know enough.

I’m not sure what to do next. I’ve thought about applying for a leadership role within my company—something focused more on people, like supporting their growth and development. But even in that path, I’d still be expected to code and stay heavily involved in technical work, and honestly, I feel drained by that. It doesn’t excite me.

What does energize me is working with people— for example, onboarding someone new, being there for them, having 1:1 conversations, helping with team dynamics or interpersonal challenges rather than technical problems. That’s where I feel most engaged.

At the same time, programming gives me structure and is my comfort zone, so stepping away from it feels scary.

I’ve always been interested in psychology, but I’m not sure I see myself as a therapist. I also have a life coaching certification, but I’m not fully convinced by that world either (there are a few people in the space who aren’t very credible) or imagine myself living by having coaching sessions.

I’ve also done a program focused on exploring my vocation within IT. Through that, I considered moving into a people care role. The psychologist running the program suggested that it could be a good idea to leverage my technical background and gradually move into an engineering leadership path, becoming less hands-on over time.

The problem is that, in my current company, that kind of transition doesn’t feel very realistic in the short term

So overall, I feel pretty lost. I can’t just quit my job—I have bills to pay—and I don’t want to leave without a clearer idea of what I want to do or at least something to try next. I also feel kind of lonely, like this whole situation just happens to me. Would like to know if other people are experiencing or have experienced something similar

I'm a complete newbie, I know basic python and sql. I have about 5 months before college starts, what can I do during this time? what skills should I learn?

I've been getting feedback from my manager that she's noticed that I'm having trouble with some things, but she's never provided examples. I just keep getting this feedback with no support.

I'm willing to hear the feedback because I want to do better, but I don't understand how I'm supposed to do better if the instances haven't been shared with me? My boss just says I'm struggling.

I spoke to a colleague that I trust because this has been going on for a while and I've been spiralling. She mentioned that she thinks it's because I partner closely with our PM. I have a reoccurring meeting with our PM and communicate with her more than my manager.

My colleague previously had issues with this PM, she said she feels like when we ask questions our PM takes that as we don't know.

Again I am open to feedback and I am not trying to sound defensive but we often get incomplete requests and we're told that all requests should go through our manager/the PM so we don't have to ask questions directly. I tried communicating with our PM which I thought was a good thing but I guess letting her know I'm researching/still working on something is overkill and she's taking that as I don't know what I'm doing.

I also told my boss once I am overwhelmed because we hadn't been allowed to take time off for months, I asked for two days off and was denied, so I feel like all of this is leading to them thinking I'm incompetent.

I think my mistake was trusting my manager/PM. I shouldn't have been honest.

I've been here for just under a year and I'm unhappy. I just wish they would be direct with feedback so I know how to improve.

On top of this, seeing all the issues we've had with the PM actually makes me want to learn how to be a PM for what I currently do. I've had great PMs in the past and I'm seeing firsthand what happens when you're in an environment where I don't get complete requirements but also cannot ask the PM.

Edit: For the first 6 months I didn't work closely with the PM because I was on a different project and I got good reviews. Now I feel like I'm doing an awful job but I don't think I'm doing anything differently.

Edit 2: I am a Engineer. PM = Product Manager/Management.

Sorry for the rant. I feel crazy.

1. Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate this? I just want to do a good job

2. Any tips for transitioning to a PM role?

I came into this big tech company as an entry level SWE and have been here for about 1.5 yrs on the same team. I am reaching the point where a lot of people are supportive of my promotion.

I recently received the opportunity to switch to a team with a promising future and more interesting work that is aligned to what I am passionate about, but it would be like starting all over again.

Should I take it or leave it?

Hi! I run an accountability-based study group for women who want to build a consistent routine but struggle with procrastination.

We have structured study sessions throughout the day. If casual drop-in groups haven’t worked for you, this is a more focused environment to help you stay consistent even on low-motivation days.

Format:

• 24/7 hourly sessions
• Cam ON (face or desk)
• 50/10 Pomodoro (Discord)
• Students and early-career women

How it works:

• Enroll in fixed hourly sessions (e.g., 7-8 AM, 8-9 PM) drop-in also allowed!
• Attendance is tracked for enrolled sessions
• Share goals and progress for accountability
• Repeated absences lead to removal

If you're interested, DM me with:

• Education level and major
• Timezone
• Days and times you can consistently attend

So a project I have been working on is a year or so in the making - it's completely a passion project based on the need for 'baking in' accessible code from the beginning rather than an overlay.

Do you think web developers would be interested in creating accessible code using a visual dashboard, which then translates into either HTML/CSS, React, Vue or Tailwind accessible components? Or does Ai take that need away?

I created an app for it but don't even know if there is a market for it. You can be brutally honest - I know posts like this don't generally get seen positively. I would just really like to see if there is a need or want out there to make accessible code easier- and as a woman in tech, would want feedback from the area I identify with most.

Let me know your thoughts! I basically want to know if I am wasting my time or not. I would really appreciate it ! 🙏

If you were watching Artemis II, you all saw Cpt Hansen enter his pin into the tablet pre launch.

My boyfriend (not IT related) thinks he is given that tablet and told this is the pin to that specific tablet.

Me, a cybersecurity engineer, has tried to repeatedly explain to him, when is the last time you were given something at work and not told to change it immediately? That, in fact, I’m willing to bet MONEY!!! That if that astronaut dropped his debit card YESTERDAY I would use that pin and be absolutely fine.

So Reddit, which side are you on??

Edited for grammar that actually bothers me and not grammar mistakes added for emphasis😂