I’m curious if anyone else is wondering if a percentage of the ‘leaving tech’ posts are propaganda to get women to leave tech more than they already are?
It’s not like other industries don’t have really dumb and/or misogynistic men. I’ve definitely run into them, and there are a lot of great men I work with in tech.
I was laid off at 26 weeks pregnant at my software engineering job that I’ve been at for 4 years now. Completely shocked and didn’t expect it at all. It’s been hell job hunting and I’ve sent out 115 applications and had only 2 places reach out for an interview. The first one didn’t work out because of my timeline, and I just got the email for this one after getting to the second interview that they’ve chosen someone else.
I feel so defeated and lost. I tried so hard to set up a position after my baby is born so I don’t have to stress. I give birth in 3 weeks now and I just wasn’t able to do it. Now I’m looking at job hunting while having a newborn.. does anyone out there have any advice? I’ve applied everywhere Lockheed, GitHub, Booz Allen, Amazon, google, even smaller companies as well. I’ve heard nothing back? I don’t know what else to do.
Thanks everyone!
Eight years in the tech industry and I still don’t know how to deal with men talking down to someone in front of the entire team to make that person feel bad.
I always get into trouble for standing up for myself. I was thrown out of a project by the lead because of a heated argument I got into over his condescending behavior, and I got a reputation for being a hotheaded person. So I decided that next time someone misbehaves, I’ll just ignore it or leave the team.
Going to HR is useless. Telling your manager is useless, because if they think the lead is important to have on the team, obviously they won’t care about you.
I felt bad. I did escalate the way he spoke and misbehaved with me, but nothing happened.
I don’t know. It still hurts. I tried to move on, and yes, I’m on a new team now and the people around me are good and nice, but I just don’t know.
I’m so close to leaving tech. I love coding but between:
- me and other women being forced to work with the people who bullied us even though we reported it
- women around me earning less and being dismissed when they self advocate
- meaningless male coded performance goals instead of just recognising how well someone does their job as an individual
- shameless pushing of AI onto people with moral objections to it
- everything boiling down to profit when my company used to care about actual impact
- random promotions of men just because they’re loud even when it’s against company policy (funny enough women never get these promotions)
- the constant gaslighting of “we don’t have a gender pay gap, trust me. I have female relatives”
I’m so close to quitting. I’m currently running on caffeine, sheer stubbornness (why should I leave when I’m damn good at what I do?), and anger playlists. What keeps you in tech?
I was at a tech conference in the Bay area yesterday and had one of the most distasteful experiences. I (senior engineer) was by myself and mostly just gathering information and trying to make good use of the conference. I got a free pass so it was a good opportunity. I also work for one of the big names so people were wowed to know what I do.
My first encounter was with this much older dude who stopped me while I was walking and said "oh you would have run into me if you didn't pay attention" I apologized and was continuing to talk. He introduced himself, and we had a polite exchange of professional intro. I excused myself telling him I need to check something out, and he immediately said he would join me. He stuck to me for the rest of the day, I didn't find anything weird I usually but slowly he gave me very weird behaviour, he said he is a VC and has funded a lot of startups and said he will introduce me to some folks in the conference- he did introduce me to one lady and while I wanted to use this chance to talk to her. He would just not leave me alone, slowly he asked for my age and I said "in my 30's" he replied he is also in his 30's. He did not look in his 30's at all, also I assumed he was gay so I was being comfortable. Some of his actions were honestly really uncomfortable - he hugged me when he saw me the next time (the one time I tried I escape), told me I am like a doll, he kept asking what I am doing after the conference and when I said I need to do yoga, he asked me "so what will do you do after yoga" I was so annoyed with him. He took my number, mentioned he will invite me to parties etc. I was so grossed out by the end of the day.
The second incident is someone I met at the conference yesterday, much older guy as well. He may probably have a daughter in my age or probably older. He has been asking me to meet for lunch since he is from Texas. I want to believe he is trying to help me since I mentioned I wanted to pivot in my career etc
I wish there were more women in conferences and some men genuinely don't creep on women. I wanted to go today as well, but just didnt have the energy for it.
Have you all faced something similar? I am also mad at myself for always being so friendly with people and end in situations like this..
Hi everyone! I’ve been thinking more seriously about future family planning lately and would love to hear from others who have navigated this or similar.
I had my first child 18 months ago, and my husband and I would love to have more than one. Given my age (turning 35 later this year), I’m starting to think more about timing for baby #2. One thing I’m struggling with is that I haven’t seen personally many examples of women going on maternity leave twice while staying at the same tech job/company.
For those who have either experienced multiple mat leaves at one company personally, or for those who have seen it happen on your teams… what was it like? For those who personally went through it, curious did it impact your career progression or if the perception/treatment felt different from the first.
Not looking for legal advice here, just would love to hear about experiences and perspectives given how little I’ve actually seen this firsthand. Also, I know this overlaps with working parent topics. But I’m specifically curious about the tech/culture aspect of this situation. Thanks in advance!!!
Okay I got tired of all the leaving tech posts so here's my "why I love what I do and why I'm staying".
I'll caveat this to say I do of course believe all the women who have struggled with shitty coworkers, managers, teams and companies. Highly paid male dominated industries are hard on us. But I also believe that almost all highly paid jobs are male dominated and similar, so it's not like there's some magical other job where I'll make the same money with the same flexibility and somehow not have to contend with the glass ceiling and boy's club bullshit.
Caveat aside. I love software engineering. I've been an engineer professionally for 25 ish years. I've done firmware, backend, frontend, big corps, startups, gov tech, all sorts of things. Nothing gives me dopamine like building something, having it work and having users enjoy it. I have friends in patent law who've asked me to join them and make big money but I can't imagine just reading and writing all day. Coding is just so fun in comparison! You make something! Out of nothing!
I always say that this is one of the few _creative_ jobs where you can really make decent money. Not to mention, we're more likely to find remote, work from home jobs. Tech companies have typically had great benefits compared to non-tech companies. Believe me, I've had a federal govt job and the regular benefits (days off, healthcare) were worse than tech. (Other than the eventual pension of course).
About male dominated workplaces, guess what it's worse in finance, law, medicine. Lots of shitty situations to deal with there too. So it's the reality of the world. I'm not about to give up the thing I love because of it. Instead I just pick my workplaces very carefully, I look for kind, humble people in the interviews, who seem genuinely happy and excited about their jobs. Who light up a bit when talking about work. Know that good teams exist, and to keep looking for the right place. Find the balance between money and the environment. More money in a terrible environment is never worth it. Get out before it damages your sense of self and esteem.
As for the men, I make friends at every workplace, and it has worked out fine. Great, even. I've been to their weddings and baby showers and them to mine. Men who are your friends at work can be your mentor and ally without them ever having read a thing about how to be a mentor and ally. Be careful and don't cross lines, but it is possible to do this well.
And yes, now AI is a challenge but it's a tool, we need to learn to use it. Most engineers don't remember a time before "cloud" was a thing. But yeah there was a time where "cloud" was the answer to everything and the way to get contracts, jobs, and VC money. We joked about adding cloud to everything and upper management not really knowing what cloud meant other than that they _needed it_. Was cloud stupid and pointless, no. Was there a lot of nonsense surrounding it, yes. Was it ultimately useful and changed how we do things? Yes.
Not to downplay the risk to our jobs. I mean, as excited as I am about being able to build things so fast, I am open eyed that this is an existential risk to my job. But I don't think that pretending it isn't happening saves my job either. So for the love of god and your future career, go learn how to use it and get very good at using it. I've been doing this a long time and my gut says very few of us are going to be writing lines of code in 5 years.
About layoffs, I've been through some and they suck. They really do. That may be the only thing I think tech is genuinely worse about than other industries. Oh, that and interviewing. I have a mental shitlist of which companies have bad policies around layoffs, that hire too fast and layoff too easily. When I interview I ask about the most recent layoff. And interviewing sucks but fingers crossed the fact that we won't be writing code in 5 years means the death of leetcode!
Well that's my ted talk. I love being a software engineer, if you do too, hang in there. Some of us have had long and happy careers so far and want you to stay and succeed!
We recently had post here that posited that AI was a severe environmental impact, and there was no math, which I thought was a shame and not really becoming for women in tech. We should work from a position of good data.
Here's the best breakdown I can do right now.
Training models were estimated to cost about 25-30 million tons of carbon in 2025. Compare that to the video game industry, which burned through more than 80 million tons of carbon in 2025. (80 million tons is just what the big studios admitted to.)
Usage of AI varies. Basic models cost about 1/3 of a gram of carbon per query. Heavier hitting AI models cost about 3/4 of gram. We can assume that some models cost more like 1.5 grams per query. Assuming 250 heavy hitting prompts in a day, which would be exceeding overkill usage, that's just about 1/3 of a kilogram per work day, or assuming about 250 workdays in a year, less that 100 kilos of carbon a year from that worker. (Less than 200 pounds.)
But I said heavy hitting, someone like me who is using AI for documentation is hitting well less than half that. We're looking at about 12 kilos or 26 pounds of carbon each year.
Anything that adds to the footprint isn't great, but that's insubstantial compared to other things that many of us do with very little consideration. The average American goes through 14-16 TONS of carbon a year. AI usage, in the office setting, at the highest imaginable use is about 1% of their total impact on the planet each year.
As a point of comparison, the average Disney vacation is just over 2 tons of carbon, spent in a matter of days. Another and possibly more salient point: the average "Korean" skincare routine is about 20 kilos, or 40 pounds of carbon a year. That doesn't include makeup or haircare. Add in haircare and makeup, and you've got another 50-100 kilos of carbon being produced. Food waste? Even if you throw out just about one fridge worth of food in a year, that's 80-100 kilos of carbon being straight up wasted.
AI is adding to a burdened environment, but it's far from being a major aggressor in the climate battle.
If you are genuinely concerned about the carbon impact of the AI you are being required to use at work, I'd suggest these actions:
and my god its like. none of them lol. my boss and guy coworkers just steamroll every single damn conversation, and im sick of it.
anyone else deal with this shit? howd you move past? confronting it? just accepting it?
I am a mom who is the primary care giver. I had a phase of doing it all but now I have deliberately taken a step back to lead a slow life. As a family we are financially comfortable and I have been quiet quitting for a while now. In addition to my change in mindset, I would have still put in more effort if I believed in the vision and projects - I don’t. I can afford to lose my job but if I can be in the current place for a year or two, the extra money won’t hurt. However the management has been catching up. I am very torn between quitting vs getting fired. Either way, if I lose the job I will at least take a year or two off and very unlikely I will return to the same type of job. Part of me wants to quit and make it easy for the bosses but part of me thinks it’s a them problem.
There's going to be a women in tech event in my city that will have talks, workshops, some sort of booths (I assume for networking) and an afterparty.
I'm in my early 20's, currently unemployed and looking for a job but I don't have any contacts, no network whatsoever. I'm wondering if it would help if I go to this event. Maybe I could talk to some people there and pass along my resume or business card? I've never been to a conference or a business event so I don't know how they work. This event is not that expensive. Costs about the same as a concert.
Another thing is that I would like to participate in the workshops but my laptop is very bad, to the point where I can't even run Figma on it. I do all my work on my desktop PC. Would I still be able to participate?
Did someone else face this, you raise a PR for a small trivial change. You accept to get it approved with no/few discussions. But somehow the reviewer remembers that the design of the module which has been there since long, is incorrect. Or some data structures are not right and asks you to change those as well?
I'm about to finish probation period (6 months) and after the initial buzz and overwhelm of starting the new job, I got really bored. I'm good at my role and oftentimes wait on other people. I try to keep myself engaged with online training courses. Our company is merging two tech teams after a merger, and it doesn't feel there is a big role for me in the new organisation. I am worried that I'm not getting better in my role if I'm not being stretched. This isn't the first time I'm bored in work. I'm on a good salary and work almost fully remote. I don't know what else to do. I'm often saying I'm free to take on more work but nothing follows. I get depressed being bored like this.
Anyone else ever feel like it’s wrong to be using AI so much for work considering how it’s impacting the environment? It’s not something I would support on my own but and feels like my hands are tied because it’s expected from me.
Not really looking for advice just wanted to see if there’s similar thoughts from anyone!
I’m 30F and honestly scared about my future in tech.
I work as a frontend web developer and I feel like I’m just average. I do my tasks, finish what needs to be done during my 8 hours, then log off. I’m not someone constantly building side projects, studying every night, or trying to become a tech lead.
I also don’t see myself becoming a manager or leader. I actually prefer being given tasks and just executing them well.
The thing is, I do like frontend development. But I keep wondering if companies still hire frontend devs in their 40s–50s, especially people who are not super ambitious or exceptional.
For people in their 40s–50s working in tech, did you ever feel this way? What did your career end up looking like?
Hi friends
I got laid off recently at 8 weeks pregnant and now have an interview with the same company
I’ve been pretty sick- nausea and vomiting even with strong meds
The reason I applied to the same co is that I was part of a mass reduction so I know my performance was good. The role is similar but in a completely different department (so overall a good fit but will still be a learning curve).
I got a decent severance and only applied to like 1-2 other roles ( am hesitant to apply to small companies that will give me a small maternity leave given I won’t qualify for FMLA)
Any advice for interviewing ? Why do I feel like I know nothing despite being in this space for almost a decade ?
Thanks!!
Hi all,
I am not a traditional "women in tech" I suppose. I am a Product Marketer with a liberal arts/journalism background but love to build bootstrapped businesses and side projects outside of my day-to-day work. I like the Indie Hackers emails and message boards but it feels very "boys club" and people not building solutions for things I personally care about.
Are there any specific communities, newsletters, etc., for women shipping things/building things/hacking things on the side, especially now that more "technical" people can use coding tools to help build.
Thanks all in advance!
Curious if anyone else feels this way. There’s research out there saying the more educated and ambitious a woman is, the harder it is to find a long-term partner. And honestly, I believe it.
As someone who eventually wants a guy who’s just as driven and financially intentional as I am, the dating pool feels small. Like really small.
For those who’ve found that person, how did you get there? And if you’re still looking, has your approach changed over time?
Edit:
Thanks for all the advice ! Summing it up for new folks since it’s a lot of reading
- A less ambition but steady partner might be ideal if I want to keep climbing
- ambition can come with competitive feels which might not be best for relationship
- if salary matters to you, don’t feel bad about, and someone shared the site theteareport.com if you want to avoid talking about money but have a rough idea
- men can be intimidated but there are good ones out there who’ll support you
Thank you ladies !
I want to say that I know that whatever I’m experiencing could always be worse. I know it would probably be worse if I had darker skin and that makes me deeply sad to think about because if I’m struggling this much, how do other women do it? I feel both in a kind of despair, overwhelmed, and enraged. Not mad, rage. I work for an all male, mostly 30 year olds tech startup that’s blowing up. It’s doing extremely well-other members of my team will make $2 million+ this year. I’m #3 on the gtm team, only female, I’m 10+ years older than everyone, I’m also taller than them, I have multiple masters degrees-I’m direct but also from the south and, I think I’m pretty nice. I have a near sick desire to be liked. I don’t need to be the favorite but I don’t want to be openly despised. Unfortunately, our head of sales is openly awful. It’s changed the way people treat me. Most of the guys won’t even make eye contact with me (when we’re in person) let alone speak with me. I’ve never experienced this kind of rejection at a base level. On top of that, the vp openly harasses me on public slack channels. It was confusing at first, then I thought if I tried harder, worked 13-15x7 I could win him (and the team over). When that failed I sobbed-beside myself. Why is he like this to me?! I’m in my 40’s-I’ve had lots of jobs, I’m not naive or sensitive but this is wild. I think what makes it worse is he doesn’t just praise others, he embellishes stories and then praises them for a fake version of events that he just made up. Like, full on lies. And in the same moment, I’ll be doing better than my peers and get a level of harsh inspection and double talk that’s baffling. I think he knows it bothers me-I tried to meet him (in person) in February to have an honest discussion. He flaked the day of the meeting as I was about to leave (it was going to be 4 hrs of driving round trip) and he said we could talk instead. But instead of our scheduled time, he called me on the spot, fully dismissed my concerns and wrapped the call in 15 min. This man has never been asked to be an adult with his communication and it’s obvious. He doesn’t read..: (no, he LITERALLY said “I’m never going to read anything you send me”) and then assaults me with questions that have already been answered in “recaps” earlier in the channel and somehow finds a way for something I say to be wrong. I use llms to make my communication sound “like a man” and “a McKinsey consultant” and that helps a little bit but we’re talking very very minor improvements. I know the answer is simple-suck it up and deal with it or leave but I’ve worked really really hard to not only be in this space in tech but also to be on a team where you finally hit the jackpot-the insane workloads are worth it because the product works and there’s a major need. We are truly talking about “potential” life changing amount of money. At first I thought, I have to get out. It’s destroying me. But then I don’t want to give them that much power. So I’m trying to disconnect, to not take it personally and focus on keeping my head down, continue what I’m doing, and ultimately saying a big middle finger with my presence and refusing to quit. We’re tracked with everything so fairly sure they know I’ve been documenting. They know im legally protected as an over 40, I have a disability and disclosed it at hiring, and as the only woman AND the fact that I’m doing better than 75% of the team with the revenue I’ve brought in, they’d be hard pressed to fire me without a legal battle. I need a better way to not react. A peer was just openly celebrated for sending 200 emails during a hack that’s basically free marketing for us. I’m not kidding, 5 min later the vp uses the moment to do deal inspection and starts badgering me about a random deal while I’m still trying to get emails out and already did over 500, maybe closer to 700. It was also 9:45 pm. I was actually still working and saw when the attack happened in real time so I was the first sales person to act-I mean, zero acknowledgement of this and instead I get some bs. He said “what’s happening with this?” I replied “I did X,Y, and Z on these dates and this was the outcome” his reply “you’re probably doing it wrong” not “let me look into this”…and then come to a conclusion or get back to you with corrections. Just a flat assumption that I’ve obviously done something wrong. I am extremely competent-I’ve lived all over the world by myself, built a company- I’m in Mensa. Which isn’t something I brag about but you show me a human that’s good enough with eq and personal communication/people skills to be at the top top level of gtm/sales AND is in Mensa?! That doesn’t exist. Or it’s exceedingly rare. I know on some level I threaten him. Is there something I can do to exist within this more effectively? Is there a way I can diffuse with humor? One friend suggested I use emojis with every slack I send-like super random ones- “thanks for feedback, appreciate the insight (money bag)” or “appreciate the context (unicorn). Maybe it’s helped with general interactions not being misinterpreted (which also happens ALLL THE TIME). I was recently told in WRITING “to be nicer” when my original email wasn’t mean, it was simply direct. Ironically I’ve trained myself to remove verbal padding bc anyone of a certain age has been told -scratch that-indoctrinated, that if you want to be taken seriously, don’t say “just”’or “sorry to bother” or “hi, I really appreciate everything you’re doing. Really great work! If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, when you have a free moment, would you mind making sure X happens”. It’s verbal fluffing and I hate it and hate that they want me to do it when I also know it’ll cause them to discount me more. I don’t know. I’m at a loss. I’m so triggered that every slight and minor negative interaction sends me into a personal tailspin and I genuinely live every day thinking I’m going to get fired. Every. Day. I know on some level this is structural. I also know with a high degree of certainty these guys are in the Joe Rogan world. Conservative for sure. They don’t hate gay people so they’re not openly that awful but they really don’t like strong women. Thoughts?