r/womenEngineers

Hey guys! I’m getting married in 3 weeks. We’re both taking a day off and just going to the county marriage office and getting married. Not going to host any parties, just bring as cheap as we can be.

People at work know about my relationship and also I asked around about prenups. Idk my parents and in laws don’t have one (no help from them).

Also I’m the only woman engineer in my team and we have like 3 other female operators and rest are male coworkers. I don’t want this to be something that affects my job or anything else. I know it’s illegal to discriminate against that I don’t trust the corporate system.

Anyway do I have to tell my boss and coworkers when I get married? My parents were like you should tell the coworkers.

Sorry if this question sounds uneducated. I genuinely don't know anything about work in the engineering industry and would love to learn more! I am 17 and about to select my course for early entry to uni.

Initially I wanted to do software, however due to the rise of AI I'm really not sure if that's a stable option anymore. Obviously, I'm also aware of the unequal distribution between genders in most engineering courses and would want to know more about the effect of that.

Currently I'm considering civil (?) but open to anything.

Honest as of right now, all I want is to be able to get a decent job as soon as I graduate (as I come from a low-income family and have an extreme fear of unemployment). Thank you!

So a month ago I (PM of project) posted about my male colleague (field inspector) talking to other inspectors calling me slurs like whore, bitch, cunt, etc. I told his supervisor and she basically said “he was saying things out loud that he shouldn’t have. I will be joining all calls from now on and if he trains you have someone else there”. I thought that was a disgusting way to handle it. I also found out he told HR I stick my ass and boobs out? I’m extremely professional at my job and I’ve seen him in person maybe three times on site when I’m in PPE. Typical sexist crap.

Thank god for my supervisor because he told her to fix it or he will. Leadership flew in and asked what I wanted and I said get him off my project immediately and find a replacement. They wanted to fire him but HR pushed back since it’s his first offense…I also learned that the woman I complained to didn’t care that much because it happened to her when she was younger and nobody helped her? Anyway, a new inspector, I’ll call him John was brought on as a replacement and back up.

a month goes by and John knows what happened with the first inspector. I’m on my internal call that I run today and ask John a question regarding submittals . He stays muted so I said “I think you are muted” and he just wasn’t speaking. I said “is he even on this call?” And he unmutes and goes (in a nasty tone) “MAYBE BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY!!!!” And I said “I asked you a direct question it’s a yes or no answer. You can get off this call” and I spoke with his supervisor (inspector one’s supervisor..this woman supervised the first inspector I had an issue with and this one) and said his behavior was totally unprofessional and I’m actually unsure what his purpose is on this project so he doesn’t need to be on them.

Anyway, my client calls and needs an emergency inspection tomorrow. John’s role was to fill in for things like this. I call John and can’t get a hold of him and his supervisor goes “he needs a week notice” at that point I’m like “he’s the back up. That makes no sense” then she says “well he’s just senior support to answer construction questions”. I said “why does he need a weeks notice but my other inspectors have to move their schedules around on a dime? I’m struggling to understand his purpose here” and she didn’t have anything to say. She said she will simmer on it. I also have email communication from her saying that John is EMERGENCY BACK UP.

I am done putting up with it. My other projects are fantastic and staffed well but this on…wow. The blatant disrespect. I guess I’m coming to rant but I feel worn down. I’m constantly pushing back on this behavior and at a certain point I feel like I’m blowing things up but I refuse to put up with it. Other engineers have come forward about these inspectors too and it’s becoming a shit show. I have had men fired at other jobs for this behavior and now I’m becoming the “she gets men in trouble” girl which is gross like I’m trapping them. I’m merely existing. My boss told me I’m professional and respectful and that’s on them.

I don’t know what I’m expecting writing here but I feel like if anyone gets it you guys do and I just need some words of encouragement to keep being strong and doing what’s right.

My maternity leave is coming up. I'll be taking around a year off. Wanted to get inspo on what sorts of things (other than taking care of the baby of course) other people did during there leave that helped them feel somewhat productive.

I feel like I've run the gamut of experiences as a female engineer recently. After being sidelined for several years, given less technical work than my male peers, I am finally doing my first proper design work from scratch. I've had some unfortunately gendered ups and downs these past few months. But the first working prototypes are in, and oh my GOD! The absolute joy of seeing it function! The satisfaction of knowing that was my idea and my execution, and it's real! It works! It works WELL! Ugh! I have had so many frustrations about my obstacles as a woman in engineering. But my god, this is what it's all for! I did such a COOL THING!

The pursuit of cool things is what drew me to this profession to begin with, and here I am designing robots that ultimately improve access to quality healthcare! That's fucking COOL!

I'd love to hear about cool stuff y'all have worked on too! We talk a lot about what we have to overcome, but what are you proud of? What do you get hyped about at work? What makes the bullshit worth it for you?

Hi everyone, I am a 2nd year ECE PhD student at a top ten university. Last semester, a male student who I thought of as my best friend began sexually harassing me during the death of my grandfather. He honestly had a lot of mental issues, not that that excuses any of what he did, but I’m just throwing it out there because the story sounds very bizarre.

Before the sexual harassment, he had been gradually ramping up the emotional abuse- speaking down to me, criticizing everything I did, wanting control over me, isolating me from other potential friends and my family, berating me about academics, calling me fat and old looking, ruining my birthday, confessing he enjoyed physically hurting people, gaslighting me and blowing up at the slightest perceived slight. One time, he hurt my hand by grabbing a toy slinky I was holding, stretching it to the max while I was still holding it, and letting it go so it smacked me really hard. We also went on a vacation to Yosemite and he left me in a dangerous position on some wet boulders where I was very scared I would fall and get hurt.

When my grandfather died, he began telling me I would commit suicide, he ghosted me for a few days, then he offered support and again suddenly withdrew it, he told me he was the “next Chris” (Chris was someone sexually abusive towards me in my past), he began screaming at me on my way to class (I got scared and dropped the class), he bragged about staining my grandfathers memory, then finally threatened to kill himself and screamed he’d burn everything down. He also said a bunch of weird stuff about how he considered himself to be my dog and I was his owner. He then admitted he was jealous of my will to live and jealous of the fact that I was capable of greiving for my family, because he said he wouldn’t be capable of grieving for his own family if they died, even his kid siblings. He said he was incapable of love or empathy, which was shocking to me because the person I first met seemed so loving, empathetic, gentle, and pro-woman that even though this was clearly not his true self, I was still in shock.

I was really trauma bonded, so it took me a month to consider reporting him. Coincidentally, he also reached out to apologize during that time. Weirdly, he really wanted me to report him to prove how “guilty” he felt. Since he’s a Christian, he said he wanted me to report him to the school so he could repent. I had a brief intake appointment with my school about his behavior because he demanded it. He was right outside. I didn’t tell them everything.

I briefly entertained his apology, because he offered to go to joint therapy with me, and I had no other friends at the time (I’m autistic.) Some part of me missed the person I thought he was, and I stupidly thought maybe he was just having some sort of episode. Well, his “sorry” didn’t last. Within the week, even though he had promised to talk things out with me and we had even came up with a plan to meet at coffee shops to talk about what happened, he became abusive again. He went to his PI and painted me as the harasser, citing petty things like the time I went to his office to invite a different person out for ice cream (she was an almost-friend I wanted to get closer to. Since we work in highly interrelated labs, it wasn’t weird at all that I was in his office since there’s people that go between our offices literally every day.) As a result of his tattling, I got banned from his office, which really hurt because I got all the public blame for the situation. He also told his male PI about the sexual abuse I faced when I was younger, which was humiliating.

During the only time we met up to discuss the “apology”, he became defensive and basically told me I had been asking for it. He told me that I make rpe jokes about myself and would find it funny if I got pregnant by rpe, which was alarming to hear and completely untrue. This made me scared and uncomfortable. He then called me on the phone afterwards and admitted to going to his PI about me, but made it sound like he was confessing his own wrongdoings, so I wasn’t afraid until word got back to me that he was accusing me of harassment. I was really scared and confused because I didn’t know what I did wrong. On that very same phone call, I had been crying the entire time, and he had been screaming at me. He even screamed that he wanted me to hurt him. I said “no, I just want you to treat people better.” I literally did not say anything harassing or violent.

I went to the school’s Title IX office to fully report him after that, but to my dismay, he had got there first and told them I was the problem, so instead of helping me, they got angry at me, told me harassment is often mutual, said my report would go nowhere, pressured me to admit guilt, and gave me a panic attack.

I didn’t sexually harass him. In my state of panic after he threatened to kill himself because of the way he treated me, I sent a bunch of texts apologizing and saying I forgave him and telling him it would be OK. I think it’s really sick that he’s trying to spin some type of stalker narrative about me because of this. I did beg him not to leave me a few times, but he was getting violent and abandoning me when I needed him most, and I was fawning and scared. So even though I didn’t do anything that an objective person would find very serious, I’m scared that if this goes to trial, he will use my texts pleading with him as evidence that he didn’t do anything wrong and that I was the issue. I really don’t think the staff at my school are as “trauma informed” as they claimed to be. Many survivors don’t leave immediately but they treated me with anger and suspicion because I briefly wanted to stay and work things out.

I eventually did leave and block him, and we haven’t had contact since. But to this day, it makes me sick knowing that he got away with abusing me, trashing my reputation, and then strategically playing victim. Thankfully he hasn’t show any signs of stalking me- he just wanted to upset me as much as possible and then coldly leave it seems. But the sight of him makes me sick.

I’ve missed out on 2 classes I needed because of him. I might have to skip a third if I can’t handle my PTSD symptoms well enough by then. We’re in the same tiny field (not exactly the same lab but almost just as bad), so there’s no avoiding him forever. I’ve skipped the inter-lab meetings this entire semester, but I’ve suffered professionally because of it. I’m still banned from his entire office space. I didn’t tell my PI what’s going on because denying that anything happened seemed like the safest way to make everything go away, because I know that if this goes to trial, he will be pointing a finger at me too. I feel like a pariah. I have very little evidence to back up my claims since he was smart enough to not crash out over text like I did.

If you have read all this, thank you. I am left struggling severely with mental health issues. My PhD has been basically derailed. My social life is awful, I’m afraid of everyone. I’m not the same person I used to be. Nightmares keep me up.

If you’ve survived something like this, how did you keep going? How do you handle thoughts that women won’t be seen as equals in STEM? How do you focus while sharing the same room with your abuser?

My daughter is a junior in high school who’s always loved and excelled in all things STEM. She has decided she wants to pursue engineering in college. I’m clueless and don’t know any people who took this path. She’s not the type of kid who was ever into robotics, or any of the typical “maker” stuff. The choice is ultimately hers, but I want to make sure she is poised to succeed. I realize this is a stupid question. Can someone like her do well in this field or do you have to be the type of person who was in the robotics club and tinkering on the weekends, for example? Thanks from an anxious mom

Hi all, my degree is in environmental engineering and have worked in sustainability consulting for the past 3 years since graduating. I am basically a data analyst, and most of what I do is on Excel and sometimes Power BI. I feel like my job has a high potential for being replaced by AI eventually. Any advice for skills I could learn or career paths I could shift to to get ahead of this?

I have been applying to so many jobs. Like every single one I have the minimum qualifications for. I worked in a research lab in college. I have a BS in Mechanical Engineering. I built a rocket, LITERALLY. But I did it with Solidworks, not AutoCAD so I don’t have that. And a lot of companies want you to have experience with these niche programs that you would only use once you worked somewhere because who is paying thousands of dollars to learn a program on the off chance they get hired. I already paid for the degree like come on. I don’t have experience in manufacturing, construction, or project management outside of manufacturing class. I spent A LOT of time in the makerspace/ machine shop but idk if that counts as manufacturing because it was coursework and then my senior design project. I also machined things for the lab which is on my resume but ig it doesn’t count to employers. I’m not sure if my senior design project (the rocket) counts as project management either. And i definitely don’t have 5+ years experience in anything because I graduated in May. I was going to grad school but I also just had a baby, and that wasn’t working out. The time commitment outside of work (I had to be a student to work in the lab) was way too much with a baby, so I want to get a job but honestly what am i missing???

Hi everyone! I’m currently preparing for my Mechanical Engineering exams this term and am struggling a lot when it comes to revision material. Does anyone know a good website that they used to revise? Or did you just use content provided by your university… this is because I don’t feel my university has provided us with much material and so I wanted to see if anyone else felt the same way? Thanks!

Hey there,

Curious what are red flags you have experienced or may be on the lookout during interviewing when it comes to sexism and misogyny in a workplace? And what questions did or would you ask if you wanted to get to the bottom of it before you’re even onboarded?

For transparency, I am not an engineer but an architect. Thought you all might have similar red flags in a mutual AEC environment. And we don’t have a comparable dedicated sub. :) Delete if not allowed!

Hello, this is the real world and I know appearances matter. I’m considering stopping coloring my hair and letting my true salt & pepper (grey) to reveal itself. I don’t want this to affect my career as the transition stages some may consider looks unprofessional. I dress professionally and present myself well I believe. I’m currently interviewing for private and consulting. Would love others input.

I’ve heard a lot of people say that if you study engineering, you basically have no free time. Is that actually true?

I imagine it depends on the type of engineering, so I’d love to hear your experiences.

If you’re studying or have studied engineering:

What field are you in?

How many hours do you typically study per day?

How much free time do you realistically have each week?

Hi everyone, I am in school for mech eng but I'm sorta considering working in the enviromental industiry afterwards. I was really passionate about aerospace but my first passion was sustainability and I think its coming back to me. I have done a ton of research on aerospace industries (US +Canada) but I honestly don't know a ton about the enviro industry I also don't hear a ton about job opportunities in this area either.

Hence why I'm here. I'm curious as to what your positions like working in this industry.

HR asked me to host our next women's group and give a candid talk about work-life balance as a mom (4.5 & almost 3) in engineering. What would you say to younger crowds? Anything I should add from my short list below?

I was planning to mention the difficult journey to healthy kids. The reasonable accommodations, like pregnancy parking and pump room. And helpful hints like, adding a sound machine in your home office helps drown the noise level of kids.

Hello! I am currently a BME student (junior) at KSU and got invited to an ECE banquet to both socialize and present for a couple organizations I am a part of. The problem is, the invitation states no dress code and I only know men who are going/have gone. I have genuinely no idea what to where. I do not currently have formal dresses but am willing to go buy some if needed. I do own some business casual, but I feel like some of my tops may be a bit tight for what seems like a formal event. Any input is greatly appreciated. Thank you all

Looking to update my resume, but I'm not sure what format/template everyone is using. Any help would be appreciated