r/whatsbotheringyou

So my bf (36) and I (41) have been together for 10 years and recently bought a home together in November. He has started to game pretty much every night and on the weekends he tends to stay up super late and falls asleep on the sofa and doesn’t come to bed at all. This follows on to him sleeping in most mornings while I keep myself occupied waiting for him to wake up. I’d like to add that we have no children.

I keep bringing up the fact that this is ruining our relationship but he doesn’t seem to get it. He says to stop nagging him and that we get our ‘time’ together watching telly or hanging out before he starts gaming but it’s really starting to piss me off. I feel like we are roommates at this point but how do I get through to him that this is affecting our relationship? Am I overreacting? I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this.

Struggling with crippling depression, grief, autism, etc., just getting out of a SH relapse, all because everyone has succeeded in convincing me that everything is my fault. Even my therapist is giving up on me because I'm just so horrible. No matter what I do I'm always the bad person or the person who started it. No matter how nice I try to be, people only see me for my past mistakes and bad moments. Even when I know for a fact I'm not at fault, I'm still tempted to punish myself in some way because I just know in my heart that it's gonna be my fault no matter what.

This first paragraph was kinda vague, so I'll elaborate: a friend who emotionally abused me and abandoned me had left me hurting for a long time. They'd constantly threaten suicide if they didn't get what they wanted, and when I try to talk to my partner about them, my partner says that they had every right to leave me. My dad also called me a bully when I was in elementary school because of my undiagnosed autism making me act out in class. I even blame myself for my dog dying of cancer because I feel like I ignored the signs.

Sometimes I wish I could just be seen as the victim for once, just once, in my life. I wish people would stop looking at me as some sort of unlovable monster. I wish I could stop seeing myself as a monster, but I just can't.

Crying right now cuz I need to visit a dentist but I’m so scared due to getting scammed by them previously and other painful visits. And on top of that, being broke does not help. Why dentist ppl lie to their patients so much why cant they just fix the problem and make jt look pretty. I’m so tired of being lied to by doctors who are supposed to be there to help you.

I brush my teeth everyday and floss couple of times a week. Ever since my last cleaning done (it was very very painful) my gums bleed a lot since. I’m tired of being a women in this world. It’s so hard for us and nobody but us seem to understand this. Everything constantly seem to hurt I just want a break and be cared for and loved.

I'm soooo lonely but gods it's so hard to get along with people. I don't know if I'm too judgemental but I just am so disappointed with most people. I wanna make friends and I'm lonely romantically but I'm totally isolating myself because I think talking to people is such a bother. Do others feel this way too?

I have certain qualities but I have lower self esteem and people expect more from me than I do... Like I'm fine being a trash goblin but people expect something grand just because I have some good qualities... Maybe I look a certain way or I'm doing well in studies and I'm good at art... No one wants to accept I'm messed up inside! No one wants to fix me! They just want me to work and forget about my feelings and my depression! Well I can't! That's why I ghost everyone. That's why I procrastinate! So what if I have some nice things in life? My problems aren't a joke! I'm unable to connect with people! That's a serious problem.

Apparently I have too high standards, or it's my low self esteem, or my people pleasing, or my anxious avoidant attachment style or something (mostly avoidant).

My life is progressing but I feel stunted emotionally. I want to grow but I'm stuck in this cycle with people. I'm so emotionally immature. I feel like a kid in an adult body. I suck at being an adult, I don't have adult interests! I may do some serious things, but all I wanna talk about are games, and cartoons, and fun stuff! Ugh.

And when I do want to talk about more serious topics? I'm way too embarrassed to reach out to a friend to have an honest conversation. I always just maintain polite distance so I seem normal, and don't ruin their good impression of me. I don't wanna be presumptuous. I don't wanna approach someone and be rejected (in a friendship sense). But everyone already knows I never get close to someone... No one is getting fooled.

Everyone thinks I'm some creature! And if I just got off my high horse for a second and talked to them for real they'd see I'm a person just like them. But I can't! Cuz I'm afraid I'll be hated. That I'm not good enough.

I'm sorry if this comes off as obnoxious or tone deaf or lacking self-awareness but... I don't even know who to talk to. I don't have anybody. And those that I have just kinda dismiss them. I need some insight or advice. How do I even go forward?

I need to figure out if this should be bothering me as much as it seems to be today.

Yesterday my spouse and friends threw me a surprise 50th birthday party. I got there at around 3:30. Not long after I got there , a few people left. After about 2-3 hours, most of my friends had left. My spouse had lots of food left that didn’t get eaten. This was a Saturday and I guess I assumed this would be a fun party that would go into the evening. I planned my own birthday party the past few years and always did it on a Saturday and it went into the evening. I felt like I was just settling in and enjoying myself as everyone was leaving. I didn’t even get a chance to open gifts that people got me before everyone had left. It felt like it went by so fast.

I found out a larger amount of friends - most of my core best friends — who all left at the same time (about 1/3 of the guests, including a best friend who helped plan the party) had planned to go out to a bar in the evening. I was not really invited to go with them. I got an off-the-cuff invite as they were all leaving and I started asking questions. But I wasn’t going to leave my tired spouse to clean up from the party. He the plan been to officially move the celebration to the bar in the evening, I would have helped my spouse clean up earlier (though that may have left me only an hour or so to relax and celebrate)

A few friends did stay a little longer, until about 8:30. Though for a Saturday, still kind of early.

I do not want to seem ungrateful for the party. I am very grateful for them thinking of me. But some of these friends are from out of town so I don’t get to see them as often. And all through the time they were there, my friends were talking about plans for later, and talking about how early they needed to leave the party to go get ready to go out later. There was no special event at the bar. They just all wanted to go. And it didn’t seem like I was invited, until I got an off-the-cuff invite as they were leaving.

In the past, at another friend’s party, we had planned in both a party at his house and bar time later, but this didn’t seem like the case. It just felt odd and I couldn’t help but have my feelings hurt as they all left.

I did find out afterwards that they set the end time of the party on Facebook as 6pm - set by the friend that helped plan the party, not my spouse since they are not on Facebook. I guess they set I that early because they wanted to do something else without me later. I just didn’t understand that. This was a big birthday for me and some of them knew 50 was hitting me hard. I would have loved to go out with them afterwards if that was in the plans and we could have all helped clean up and put food away before we left. I just felt like the party started strong but then whimpered off quickly.

Later in the evening I even got a text from a friend who didn’t come to the party asking if I was at the bar, and I said no. Evidently that was the hot spot that night but I wasn’t factored in, even for my 50th.

I don’t want this to bother me and I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I just can’t shake the hurt feelings.

Trying to look on the bright side that my spouse did a very sweet thing and put a lot of work into it, and we are spending the rest of the weekend together.

Maybe this is still a little 50 depression seeping in…. I don’t know. Maybe I just needed to vent about it.

I’m wanting to move to the US But I don’t think I’ll make any friends over there and I have no one here so plus I’ve lived here for a little over 20 Years and just want to leave anyways, if there is anyone in the US that’s interested let me know i think this would help me and make me happy

I hope this is appropriate for this forum. I am diagnosed with clinical depression. I'm in a lot of pain every day. I've been completely alone for around seven years, and often had no friends growing up. I currently have no contacts in my phone, nor online friends. I can't seem to land a job for some reason after applying to over a thousand places over the past few years, so I have no coworkers or career path to dive into. I have no classmates, as I'm not in school. I was abused constantly at medical school until I dropped out three years ago. I try to work on content in my own time sometimes, particularly writing, worldbuilding, and new discussion communities. It's hard when I've had no resources, job, or friends for so long. Despite that, I've tried to share and engage with others and have had zero interaction or success anywhere. I've also volunteered over the years, joined interest groups, and gone to meetups. I do virtual support groups every day. There are no physical ones in my area, but I suppose they wouldn't be any different.

I'm especially disappointed that there are no good places to make friends online; in particular, with serious people. I don't necessarily need people who are severely depressed like me, although it's a good place to start in terms of mutual understanding and support. These also happen to probably be the only people who would give me any time. There seem to be very few platforms for friendship. There are apps for dating or making "friends," the latter of which seem to inevitably revolve around horniness anyway. That is why they use such short biographies and emphasize pictures. Some people also just never get matches there, and most people using them are not necessarily lonely nor have some of the same niche or digital interests I have. So when I try more ostensibly relevant platforms, they seem full of people who are inactive, inconsistent, and completely unserious. The average internet use I encounter looks like logging in for thirty minutes every once in a while to post memes. I've tried communities in my interests across medicine, music, philosophy, and writing, among others. Many of these groups are also quite cliquey, even after being there for months to years.

I've been spending several hours a day trying to make friends online or elsewhere, although with an emphasis on digital platforms due to my communication preferences, the financial and temporal accessibility, and the fact that niche communities often don't even exist in my area. I send messages to people to see if they want to get to know each other, or comment on other people's work, share my own, etc. I don't do so assuming any individual person is obligated to be my friend. But I also don't think the quality and quantity of effort I put out should lead to these kinds of results. I don't see what I am doing wrong to be so much more unlucky than almost everyone else I see around me, including people who validly discuss their loneliness while having much better social and living conditions nevertheless. I need to give serious context that may be hard to understand. Today is one bad day among many thousands of bad days in a row. Today was an average day. I submitted around twenty tailored job applications. I received a few job rejections in my email. I posted several messages looking for connection on several platforms. I went for a walk and tried to find gig work. I tried to focus on personal health. I joined some virtual support groups. I am currently living in a sort of storage space at my grandparents' house. I don't have a real bed, just a small futon. The whole room is full of junk. I have one bag of clothes. I only have enough resources for toiletries and food, which is better than nothing.

I do everything I can to be as okay as possible on my own, but we are social animals and some level of socialization comes before being okay, not the other way around. Especially after years of practicing good hygiene, going to public spaces, working on and sharing personal interests, studying, etc. (And all of that while dealing with constant unwarranted abuse from the misfortune of running into trolls.) I have done therapy for years, but I don't have the resources or insurance for proper care. It's not going to help because the issues I need addressed go beyond what a therapist can provide. I didn't mention this earlier in my post, but I became a widespread meme online (I can't elaborate on this), which has caused people to bully me at school and in the workplace.

Why is it so hard to find friends online, or people to just respond to you? I am extremely sad, desperate, and depressed. It would help so much to find an online community since my local communities are not better. The stress and pain is hard on me, and very much physiological. My head hurts often, my heart races every time I realize I will yet again not find a single friend in hours of searching, and there is nothing I can do about it. Literally nothing to make someone talk back to me. Even after reading this, I still feel like my perspective may not be understood. I do not feel like it makes sense to say that people like me can't make friends because we're not good enough or happy enough with ourselves, when I would actually love to be friends with someone in a comparable situation to mine. I deserve to have friends, talk with them about my day, and do basic activities together, or even be momentarily alone in a life where I know I am not always alone.

U.S and looking for online only worldwide connections.

No comments, I don't read or reply to comments. Yeah, that's just because I go straight for my chat req and I ignore my notify bell.

However, here is a guidesheet for what kind of Redditors that just don't mix well with me here.

And I should also address, if you want to block me for texting about my feelings about wanting a connection with you then don't waste my failing mental health as well.

Two of my friends decided to block me yesterday, because I told them you only show up once per week to ask how I'm doing, then telling you to care about me, wanting the best for me and then I get blocked for telling you ''why do you care about me? ''

''Yeah, you only show up once per week to text me because your life is too busy and this is a connection how?'' ''Where is the proof that you care about me? Showing up once per week to do a check up on me doesn't make sense to me.''

Then I got blocked by my two friends yesterday, I should address that me being on Reddit here for 5 months, I'd think Redditors see my profile ''online only.'' and I'm just a joke, that's all I'm to new friendships is just a joke.

From what I gathered here I should also address here that when I posted online only for 5 months it felt like I was/were a joke to Redditors and I still am as well.

Low chat requests will also be ignored, I'd understand why people hide behind a blank profile, that's fine it's just I'm not going to ask you what your interest and hobbies are because you should be able to do that yourself 💀

I'd also struggle with communication if someone loves texting in 1-word responses, lazy responses, or their personality is dryer than 🦴 and wall plaster as well.

Yeah, just have some life to you, because I don't 🤣

And yeah, there has been a few chat request that oddly forget that while I'd have separation anxiety, am needy that doesn't mean you've to ''get weird.''

Yeah, most Redditors when they read that I've separation anxiety, am needy then start going ''out of sfw and I'm just sitting here shaking my head about the weirdness alongside of not the good kind of weird either as well.''

However, I should also address that I'd find the mobile app of Reddit to be terrible and I don't enjoy messaging on Reddit and would prefer to chat elsewhere besides the shit fk ass app 💀

And yeah, my sleep is a mess alongside with the only need to know here is that I'm from central time then me just going to sleep anywhere between 3-7 a.m.

However, this is just why I'd look for international connections because most international people have to work at 6 p.m. jobs to the a.m. jobs and then have nobody to text because of the odd hours.

Yeah, just here is me up in those odd hours and for some reason my body has always adapted to a international sleep schedule even though I don't live there 🤣

Yeah, the only time I nap a lot is if my Vessel brain and skull are tired for the day and sometimes that can happen on occasion where I fall asleep from eating dinner shortly after 💀

Here are my small interests and why do I've small interets?

I'd understand, yeah, that just my hobbies, interests appear small and the reason for that is because my autism 360 causes me to be overwhelmed too easily if I'm focusing on too many hyper-fixations at once as well.

Yeah, just the smaller my interests, hobbies are alongside with me enjoying the repetitiveness of the conversations every single day on a daily basis with someone doesn't get boring for me anyways.

However, if you'd have other interests that are related to crafts, painting, baking, gardening, cooking and other simplistic things that's okay because if you wanted to text me an hour or however long you wanted alongside with your newest hyper-fixation that is okay with me as well.

To me here I should address that I don't get SUPER tired easily because of my autism texting about the same things multiple times throughout the day and that's just the only positive thing about my autism 360 is that .

Yeah, I just can never express boredom texting with someone about the same thing multiple times throughout the week.

Greek literature, I need to catch up on this though, Lovecraft stories (fascinating, just not the person.) Japanese Yokai lore, new technologies that are out, Skyrim is what I play every single day, if I'm not on YT or listening to music, occasionally everyday or every other day or two I get on Mario Kart 8 and on occasion Splatoon 3.

Yeah, this is just what interests me single day of the week, nothing changes and this is why asking me what's up will get VERY boring every single day.

Big Macs (no lettuce, no pickles and light Big Mac sauce.) Mcdonald's hot chocolate is amazing in flavor and 10 grams of protein for a small is awesome/kool.

Sea salt caramel.

Sugary or caramel perfume because you know that Sleep Token song huh?

Perfume that smells you walked out a forest because you know you got to remember the House of Veridian in the woods of Arcadia.

If you're also alternative, love deathcore, rock music, djent, different types of core and metal music and then just send me a chat req 🌸

Sleep Token is fusion music, that's what genre that I give Sleep Token as well 🦩

The standard Paradiddle 👑 II 🩷

Music.

Erra, Wage War, I See Stars, Currents, I'd enjoy a variety of metal genres/that even includes old-skool black metal and doom metal as well.

And yeah, just the style of old-skool-black metal bands that I'd enjoy are the 90s era of old-skool-black metal as well.

Lorna Shore (Will Ramos era only.)

How often do I go outside?

However, I should address that I'm not a people person and I'd only go out once or twice a week because I don't enjoy going out.

Yeah, just for me though I would rather be a metaphorical term of a Lovecraft unsocial hide away rathan me going out every single day to be around as well.

Highly disinterest me, maybe my Past Self would and it's just not for me anymore. Gave all away my blessings you know, put down my roses and picked up as well ⚔️

And yeah Lovecraft, I'd enjoy his books and just not the person that he is. Dagon and Mountain of Madness are my favorite as well 💯

However, I'd REALLY wish Redditors would've seen where I was/were exploring a tomb and my Steadfast Dwarven Spider went flying, the 8 legs uplifted SUPER fast from the ground and flew VERY far from the Deathlord's shout.

Yeah, just my camera angle was/were perfect where you can see the 8 legs uplift from the ground and that had to be one of the funniest things to happen in a tomb yet. However, what surprised me was/were I thought the Steadfast Dwarven Spider died and apparently this is once resilient Steadfast Dwarven 🤣

Last thing I should address is that if you read this post to the end you should put some emojis that are a bucket then followed by emojis of what you would offer to Dagon. If that doesn't interest you, then make a Sleep Token pun and my knowledge on video games is more old-skool if you want to make puns.

I think there’s a chance that after we die, a seemingly infinite amount of time passes before we are reborn as someone or something else, with no recollection of our previous life, and that this process continues forever. Our new life could be anywhere, from our planet to another universe, or even another realm of existence. In this view, everyone who has ever existed and ever will exist is ultimately the same consciousness, but only one lifetime can be experienced at a time, with no memory of the others.

I wrote a long dissertation about this idea when I was in high school after having a sudden “eureka” moment where it all clicked for me. I shared it on several philosophy boards about a decade ago. The title of the dissertation was “Could Separateness and Death Be Illusions?”

It started with me wondering why I see out of my own eyes and not someone else’s. Then I thought: I could just as easily have been born as someone else instead of myself. From there, the idea followed that maybe I am everyone else, just experiencing one life at a time. It all made sense: I am everyone.

My main argument for this hypothesis is simple: if there is enough time for something to happen, it will eventually happen. The idea that there could be something and then nothing, or living followed by permanent nonexistence requires two steps to justify. The idea that there is always something, or simply continued being, requires only one.

But I don’t think this would necessarily be a good thing, because suffering would never truly end. It would mean we could all actually be in hell and not even know it. Imagine experiencing the suffering of every Holocaust victim over and over again forever, again and again without end.

For the perfect visual of OI, Google search “The universe pretending to be individuals meme”. In the meme, the large figure resembles ‘the Universe,’ while the small Digletts connected to its hand represent individual humans who go underground after they die and come back up when the are reborn. The caption ‘The universe pretending to be individuals’ illustrates the philosophical idea that all conscious beings may actually be the same underlying consciousness experiencing itself from different perspectives.

Does anyone else ever think about this and find it frightening? How do you deal with knowing you’re going to suffer forever? 😟