r/trans4every1

I saw this sentence float around the trans subreddits I frequent, and I thought I would make a tumblr account for this website that would be great for trans guys!

Unfortunately, no one tells you to filter tags because of the massive amount of NSFW bots on the trans tags, which I hastily did because I didn't want to see anything like that.

There is also so much transandrophobia on there it is insane, not to mention just general transphobia. People saying "transmen" and "transwomen" instead of adding the spaces in between.

There's just so much transphobia on there and it isn't moderated, not like on here.

It's a very different experience than on here, and making it out to be this "utopic site for trans guys" is wrong, and I wish people wouldn't say that.

Genuinely feels like every other week the Big Trans Discourse is some variation of “can trans men be…” or “can trans men experience…” and it’s never actually people asking trans men in good faith, like those questions very well could’ve been. I genuinely face danger and harassment in my daily life, so I go to trans spaces to feel safe. Instead a lot of the time it just makes me feel othered and boxed in and nervous. Even from the trans community, my very real danger and experiences aren’t taken seriously :/

And if you are willing, I'd love to hear your experience with it.

"Do not bring in drama from other subreddits or the Discord server." sayeth the rules, but I will make this as vague as I can. I also don't think it's drama. I'm just sad.

This feeling was triggered by me making a post a few days ago defending religious queer people, and people insulting me and wishing the worst on me within the comments.

A while ago, I was permabanned off two trans subreddits. I don't know if I accidentally doxxed someone in someone's post asking for a wellness check on someone else. I acknowledge that had I did, it does deserve a warning or a ban, but what I wrote is "I think I recognise that person from IRL, I'll ask around in mutual circles." IRL, I asked if a wellness check was appropriate. A reputable person in the local trans community initiated the wellness check. An hour later, I was permabanned without reason (and ability to ask the mods what went wrong) from one subreddit, and permabanned in another subreddit I know has the same mods. I assume that the mod team and some other people are tight-knit.

This permaban reminded me of being permabanned off several trans and sapphic circles over the internet last summer. I vaguely and unreliably recall the reason. I must have offended someone gravely? I also know that there were also mod teams there who are tight-knit with the above two subreddits' mod teams.

It's something I painfully have had heartfelt conversations with IRL friends and acquaintances about this last year. Am I that bad?

I feel like any kind of “support system” I had really isn’t all that supportive I keep getting bit by the lie that my parents support me I’ve told my mom 5 times and every time I’ve felt the least support I’ve ever felt my dad I don’t really know where he stands but ik he doesn’t agree with it ether my brother is my closest ally atm the closest thing I can really call my support system I had have? I’m not sure any more we will say I have friends that i thought supported me but recently they have shown me that they don’t believe in hrt being healthy?? Or helpful the way my friend described it was “you can be a woman with out destroying your body with chemicals” so yeah I’ve yet to respond to that I have a message to reply i just don’t know if it’s really worth it and I was in a trans discord server but it’s slowly dying it’s basically dead and yk like I’m apart of some other community’s that are local but I just don’t like group chats because I get talked over

And if you are willing, I'd love to hear your experience with it.

EDIT: The comments have made clear to me this is not a phenomena specific to trans women. I made a separate post for trans men to try to hear from everyone. I'm sorry for making anyone feel unwelcome in their own space.

Hi, I recently got ahold of the sub r/t4t_community through a mod request. I was hoping to open the sub back up and revive the community!

Feel free to post anything that relates to being trans and t4t relationships or dynamics. Anything from discussions, advice, questions, vents, art, media, support, or anything celebratory is welcome!

If this community sounds like something you’d like to be part of and to help grow, feel free to join! :)

(posted with permission from the mods)

So like my girlfriend (24) is getting evicted and was asking her parents if she could store some things at their place(she's moving in with me).

They really want her to move back in with them though and gave her a list of things she'd have to do to be able to live with them.

At the bottom of the list they stated that I (they also misgendered me) would get in trouble for having her move in with me with the apartment complex, which is silly, because her roommates were her sister and her sister's boyfriend and her sister's boyfriend wasn't on the lease.

Luckily, her parents don't know my name or what my unit number is, so they can't tattle, but also, I'm going to add her to the lease once we get a bit more situated.

The list included a few more things than what I'll mention here but these are the things I wanted to bring up:

Haircut

No nail polish

No involvement with transgender friends

No personal tv

She's been growing out her hair for probably like 2-3 years and she loves painting her nails, surprised it didn't say anything about makeup or hormones though, maybe they don't know about hormones? Also my girlfriend isn't on hormones yet so it doesn't really make a difference.

She's literally 24, and btw, I am the transgender friend. We've been dating for about 7 months, I don't know if her parents know, but it seems to me that they likely do because they've seen us together 2 times and it wasn't really that subtle, at least one of those times.

And she wasn't upset about the tv thing and thought it was funny because like, do they think she's watching transgender television?

Anyways, I thought this list was hilarious and I'm glad that my girlfriend gets to stay with me and doesn't have to go home and be forced to detransition.

hello everyone,

i’m pretty crushingly lonely as the only friend i have besides my family is my partner, but the relationship is in a tough spot rn (bc of my own mistakes), and i really need to make some friends irl. i fortunately live in a pretty blue area on the east coast of the US, so i don’t have to worry \*too much\* about it being totally barren as far as queer spaces go, but i’ve never made any friends before while presenting fem, and am very early on into my transition, and have only come out to my partner and family.

and yeah, i’m rambling atp but basically, I wanna make friends that i can relate to, and be part of a community. how do you do it? where should i go for platonic relationships with other queer and queer-accepting people?

thanks.

Hii! I am a trans man myself but I'm not poc so I'd love to hear from some of the people I'm trying to represent! Main things I'd want to discuss are just like stereotypes you are tired of seeing and characteristics you wish were represented more :]

I'm a bi trans guy. I'm transitioning and I feel some immense relief finally being able to be on testosterone. I feel calmer and more at peace with myself. At the same time, I'm frustrated by constantly having to prove my masculinity over and over again in dating and just life in general. I love being and presenting as a guy and I wouldn't want it any other way, but I don't like masculine norms. I find them frustrating. I don't completely fit the box. It honestly kind of surprised me how many people (both girls and guys) criticized me for being stylish or wearing makeup. Most of the time I don't do it, but sometimes I want to. I think it's maybe because people claimed to be more open? I'm feeling discouraged and I want to know if people are in successful relationships where this stops mattering? I just want to be able to find someone I can fully be myself with.

I may not be a woman or a mom but I've spent most of my life as a caregiver and I know that today can be a sucky and hard day for a lot of people for a lot of reasons, especially those of us in the trans community

So to anyone who wants/needs a hug today, I'm sending you bigs squeezy hugs because you're not alone in this🫂🫂🫂

feeling like the whole world is against you and despite that staying strong and unmoved despite all the shit constantly thrown your way, god you guys are so fucking strong it makes me aspire to keep persisting too. i just wanted to let you guys know how much i appreciate you truly, in times that feel like the bleakest since ever, i admire how insanely strong your patience is, despite it all.

Trigger warning for SA mention and potential child abuse

I’m exhausted from exams (five week finals period) and socializing with a bunch of people at school every day as is. I also do unpaid babysitting for my youngest sibling pretty often and also exercise 3x/week. My parents are complaining that I don’t talk with them much now but I don’t want to. The reasons I listed above are also surface level but I have far deeper reasons for not wanting to talk. My uncle is a rapist/child offender and they kind of kiss his ass by defending him with the “he’s family” or “he’s already been punished” when I’ve expressed not wanting to be in his vicinity as a minor because I’m extremely uncomfortable. They also planned for a trip to Denmark with him potentially involved and I literally had to be on my mom’s ass like “I refuse to go if he goes” and she’s telling me she’s trying to find an excuse to not have him go now. I don’t trust it much after she’s defended him twice already. It’s bad enough to the point that I’m planning escape routes in case of worst case scenarios.

Then my dad is also not great, he tried to swing a chair at one of my younger siblings out of anger over something stupid. My mom had to pull him off and I was genuinely messed up after that because years prior, he had broken a drawer just from anger. He’s a good dad usually, my mom tries her best but I can’t love them when I know they’re not truly safe. They’re religious too, I am a closeted trans/pansexual person. My mom knows of my sexuality but has told me she might disown me because of that when I’m an adult. I haven’t dated anyone so I think she has an “out of sight, out of mind” idea of it right now. My dad on the other hand is even less accepting and a former Trump supporter even when we’re brown. I am genuinely afraid to come out as pan, let alone trans because of his previous violence.

There’s also more reasons like me dealing with parentification, being suicidal because of them when I was too young and also now recently but I’m trying to hold out hope for when I can move out. They’ve never been the ones that helped me mentally because I knew they weren’t reliable for such so I always sought outside resources myself. I wish I could just deal with typical teenage angst instead of whatever this is.