Trigger warning for SA mention and potential child abuse
I’m exhausted from exams (five week finals period) and socializing with a bunch of people at school every day as is. I also do unpaid babysitting for my youngest sibling pretty often and also exercise 3x/week. My parents are complaining that I don’t talk with them much now but I don’t want to. The reasons I listed above are also surface level but I have far deeper reasons for not wanting to talk. My uncle is a rapist/child offender and they kind of kiss his ass by defending him with the “he’s family” or “he’s already been punished” when I’ve expressed not wanting to be in his vicinity as a minor because I’m extremely uncomfortable. They also planned for a trip to Denmark with him potentially involved and I literally had to be on my mom’s ass like “I refuse to go if he goes” and she’s telling me she’s trying to find an excuse to not have him go now. I don’t trust it much after she’s defended him twice already. It’s bad enough to the point that I’m planning escape routes in case of worst case scenarios.
Then my dad is also not great, he tried to swing a chair at one of my younger siblings out of anger over something stupid. My mom had to pull him off and I was genuinely messed up after that because years prior, he had broken a drawer just from anger. He’s a good dad usually, my mom tries her best but I can’t love them when I know they’re not truly safe. They’re religious too, I am a closeted trans/pansexual person. My mom knows of my sexuality but has told me she might disown me because of that when I’m an adult. I haven’t dated anyone so I think she has an “out of sight, out of mind” idea of it right now. My dad on the other hand is even less accepting and a former Trump supporter even when we’re brown. I am genuinely afraid to come out as pan, let alone trans because of his previous violence.
There’s also more reasons like me dealing with parentification, being suicidal because of them when I was too young and also now recently but I’m trying to hold out hope for when I can move out. They’ve never been the ones that helped me mentally because I knew they weren’t reliable for such so I always sought outside resources myself. I wish I could just deal with typical teenage angst instead of whatever this is.