r/selfcare

Graduated at 20, and since then it's been work, baby, sleep, repeat. That's literally it. My back went out six months ago from some combo of bad posture and stress and it still hurts every day. I was sitting on the couch last month and realized I don't have a single room in this house where I can just exist without someone needing something.

So I took the guest room. It was basically a storage closet full of boxes and cat hair. Bought a bunch of books I've been "meaning to read" for years. Finally picked up The Alchemist again. Got this ridiculous pink ergonomic chair (Musso E80) because I was destroying my spine on kitchen chairs. Expensive but honestly my back feels better already.

Found a vintage lamp on Facebook Marketplace. Too dim for real work but perfect for reading. And I finally set up my record player properly with an actual amp instead of the crappy built-in speakers. Last night I sat in there for three hours. Just reading and listening to music. Didn't think about dinner or work or who's picking up the kid tomorrow. First time in... I don't even know how long. Kind of mad at myself for waiting this long tbh. Anyone else carve out space for themselves recently? What did you do?

I used to think self-care meant doing a lot, but now I’m realizing it can be really simple.

Even just taking a quiet moment or doing something small can already help.

What’s your simplest form of self-care?

At some point I turned self-care into a checklist.

Morning routine

Meditation

Journaling

Workout

If I didn’t do everything, I felt like I failed the day.

It stopped feeling like care… and started feeling like pressure.

So I simplified it.

Now it’s just:

one or two things I actually feel like doing

And it feels way lighter.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Is it just me, or is the whole ""meditation app"" thing a total trap? i’ve been trying to deal with my night anxiety for months, and every time a notification tells me it’s ""time to be mindful,"" i end up scrolling for two hours instead. it’s like trying to cure a screen addiction with… another screen.

I decided to go completely analog last month and it’s actually working. my therapist mentioned something about ""sensory grounding,"" so i picked up this strand of handmade incense beads from yigengstore.

It sounds kind of woo-woo, but having something physical to fiddle with is a game changer. the beads are made from pressed herbal powder, so they have this super faint, woody scent that doesn't hit u in the face like a candle. whenever my brain starts looping at 1am, i just dim the lights and focus on the texture of the beads.

It’s basically a fidget spinner for adults but it actually smells grounding. no batteries, no ""subscription plans,"" and no staring at a blue light screen when i’m trying to sleep.

Anyone else ditching the tech for something tactile? or do u guys have other non-screen rituals that actually work for quietening a loud brain?

For the last few years, I’ve spent my birthdays alone. While some might find that lonely, it has actually become a deeply intentional part of my self-care routine. I use the day to reflect, reset, and treat myself to one 'special gift' that marks my growth.

In the past, I’ve done things like a solo spa day or buying that one book I’ve been eyeing for months. But this year, I’m drawing a total blank. I want something that feels meaningful rather than just 'stuff.'

Does anyone else celebrate their birthday solo? How do you choose a gift for yourself that feels like a genuine act of self-care? I’d love to hear your suggestions or even just your stories about how you treat yourself when no one else is around.

ey guys, i made a fully free oral care habit tracking app that builds and creates a dynamic routine each day based on the tools you have.

it has streaks and scores and more of a duolingo-y vibe to help you stick to a consistent oral care routine.

it creates a daily dynamic routine from activities like morning/night brush, flossing, tongue cleaning, mouthwash, retainers, and aligners that you go in and do each day. No two days are the same.

thought i would post in here as it genuinely might help some of you guys (im using it myself for flossing)

i’m promoting here bc its fully free, no ads, no account required :)

“Whiten” in the app store

We’ve noticed that self-care doesn’t really come from big plans. It’s usually the small things that people actually stick with.

A quiet bath, a few minutes alone, and even just slowing down for a bit.

Curious what people here actually do that works in real life and not just in theory.

I've tried everything, no screens after 9, a wind-down routine, herbal tea, the works. Some nights it clicks, most nights my brain just keeps going. What genuinely works for you to decompress after a long day?

is this just me or w everyone,

Like there was a time where i had plenty of friends

And i have no one by my side now, i have breakdowns almost every day

I also victimise myself that i am alone

I am so difficult to be w

That everyone leaves me

But i also know that i am a very giving person

And i care for my people

Then why is that every one is a bitch to me?

Hey yall!

I’ve decided that tomorrow I’m going to take a bath for the first time ever. I guess I’m just hoping to learn what I should do before and after and if anyone had some tips for making it as relaxing and enjoyable as possible. Should I shower before? And how do I make sure the water stays warm and comfortable?

Thanks!!!

Edit:

Thank you all for the advice!! I had a great and relaxing bath :) I ended up using Dr. Teals epsom salt and lavender bubbles and it was wonderful! I also lit a candle and watched a movie. I might be a bath person now lollll

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A sudden health problem turns into a top priority all of sudden. All my life I've been living in my head not taking life seriously at all. Over the last few years, I just feel like I was living in a high low rollercoaster. The constant ups and downs feeling. I isolated myself and this seemed to ruin my mental health. I kept becoming lazy, resistance and avoidance or procrastinating increased. I gained over 20 pounds and didn't exercise at all and worst of all my diet was a complete mess just excessive food binging from the feeling of highs and lows. It's like I was eating and eating to fill this void. And yesterday I went emergency just suddenly unexpected pain in my right kidney. After doing lab work and ct scans, they were able to find out I developed kidney stones in gallbladder. Doctor was like do you like salty, sugary, fatty oily foods. Do you like processed foods. And I never checked my weight in the last couple of years. I guess health problem opened my eyes to take care of myself overall. Eat better, getting out more, exercising and so on. I guess this was my wake up call at 29

Advocating for your needs is like setting up a tent. 

It’s your shelter in the wilderness that is life.

Some of us get taught to peg our tents into the ground to secure them. We are encouraged to say things like “Hey I feel frustrated when you speak to me like that, can you please communicate in a calmer way?” We learn to identify our needs, and move towards meeting them ourselves.

Some of us get taught not to. We’re encouraged to say things like “yeah, I guess you’re right actually, sorry I brought it up”. We often don’t see what our needs are and have trouble prioritizing them even when others aren’t around.

Some of us don’t even get a tent and are told that’s what we deserve. We don’t even say anything because having someone speak down to us is just to be expected. We get stuck in cycles of self-abandonment, where we make decisions that are overall harmful to our wellbeing.

The unfortunate thing is, what we learn when we’re young, directly impacts how we do the rest of our life.

When we learn that having our tent blown away by the wind or sleeping out in the cold are just how things work, the security of being inside a tent, can actually feel unsafe. 

It feels unfamiliar and risky to advocate for our needs. We feel that people will be upset at us, will punish us or will leave us. Because that’s what happened in the past. After so many experiences of our tent being kicked, trampled and thrown away when we tried to peg it down, we learn it isn’t safe to try.

While it can take some time for you to start being able to share your needs and find people who will meet them. You already know how to do it deep inside.

We all cry as babies.
Those are just our very first attempts to have our needs met.

If there’s a part of you that wants to get a little more shelter from the wilderness of life.

I encourage you to peg it down. Little by little.

Your needs are important :)

i spent like 3 yrs just rotating through products trying to find "the one" that would fix my skin. different cleansers, moisturizers, even switched tret strengths twice, and then sometimes i'd just stop everything out of frustration

sometimes things got better, sometimes worse... but i could never actually connect why

the shift happened when i stopped treating products as the answer and started looking at myself as the variable

my sleep, stress, what i ate, whether i worked out, even how much i was touching my face during the week. i started logging all of this daily along with my skin. using skinpal ai for it now, it does a scan + lets you add notes so it's not just guessing based on memory

after like 3 months the pattern wasn't dramatic, just really obvious once i saw it

my skin was worse after bad sleep, almost every time better during low stress periods, even if nothing else changed

no product caused either of those

i did

once i realized that i stopped chasing products and focused more on managing the stuff i can actually control. still not perfect but acne is mostly gone and even bad weeks are like... half as bad as before

what's one non-product thing that actually made a big difference for your skin?

I feel like “self-care” gets talked about a lot, but most of what I see online is skincare routines, spa days, or buying things. In reality, I think it might be something deeper and more personal than that.

For you, what actually counts as real self-care in everyday life? What helps you feel more balanced, rested, or okay mentally and emotionally?

I look like a raisin in all of my travel photos because the flight air and then the destination water change does "wonders" to my face.

I already have Curél mist spray with ceramides and it’s a super fine. Grace & Stella under-eye roller. Great for depuffing. Has the metal rollerball which stays naturally cool + it's way more hygienic than using creams because you roll it directly on. Laneige lip balm.

But what I want now is recommendations for really good face products that will keep my face moisturized and also not give me breakouts, because somehow these two happen simultaneously after a flight.

Do you have any recommendations? I've heard that some use hypochlorous acid spray for that but the name sounds a bit scary

I’ve been trying to improve my self-care routine lately and ended up buying a scalp massager because I kept seeing it everywhere, especially the heeta scalp massager hair growth type posts online.

I’ve only been using it for a few weeks, but I actually really enjoy it. It feels super relaxing in the shower and makes my scalp feel a lot cleaner after shampooing, like I’m actually getting rid of buildup properly.

But I’m curious if anyone here uses one regularly as part of their self-care routine.

Did it become something you stick with long-term, or did it end up just being a “nice but optional” thing? Also wondering if anyone noticed any changes over time, or if it’s mostly just for relaxation and scalp health.

Each piece of media you consume is like a seed being tossed into a garden.
The garden of your mind.

Podcasts, TV, games, social media, articles, videos, music… the list goes on.

Every one dumping new seeds into your garden.

Now don’t get me wrong, some of those seeds might turn into plants that help you survive, or even thrive. You might, for example, gain some great insight from a video on emotions that helps you to think differently about yourself.

On the other hand, there are many that will actually damage other plants in your garden. Think of all the young people who've been led away from moving towards what they care about because of feelings of inadequacy born from stories on social media.

So there’s a risk with what kind of seed you’re accepting.

But even if you only plant positive seeds, there’s a hidden danger there too.

If you constantly dump new seeds into a garden. How are they going to grow?

External media can be fantastic for giving us new perspectives and ideas that motivate us, but if we don’t take time away from it, those ideas and motivation won’t take hold.

Seeds need to be given time, space and care. If not, they’ll compete for resources, their roots won’t spread, and you’ll end up with a bunch of little green sprouts that will soon die out. We all know the feeling of forgetting that great information you got from the first video because you’ve now watched 5 more in quick succession.

So be thoughtful about what seeds you accept.

And be wary of over-crowding.

Give yourself space to process and integrate the positive seeds you find.

You only get one garden after all.

I’m really looking to dive deeper into making my own meditation beads and want to find some "hidden gem" shops that carry unique wooden or stone beads. I'm specifically trying to capture that Charleston aesthetic think driftwood-inspired pieces, weathered textures, and sea glass color palettes. I’m looking for something more organic and rustic rather than the mass-produced plastic stuff you find at big craft stores. Does anyone have recommendations for small scale suppliers or specialty bead shops that lean into that natural, raw look? I’d love to support smaller businesses if possible!

30M live alone in NL.

Now in between jobs.

I’m just too mentally unfocused and cannot focus on this. why? how to resolve this?