u/lifecollab

Advocating for your needs is like setting up a tent. 

It’s your shelter in the wilderness that is life.

Some of us get taught to peg our tents into the ground to secure them. We are encouraged to say things like “Hey I feel frustrated when you speak to me like that, can you please communicate in a calmer way?” We learn to identify our needs, and move towards meeting them ourselves.

Some of us get taught not to. We’re encouraged to say things like “yeah, I guess you’re right actually, sorry I brought it up”. We often don’t see what our needs are and have trouble prioritizing them even when others aren’t around.

Some of us don’t even get a tent and are told that’s what we deserve. We don’t even say anything because having someone speak down to us is just to be expected. We get stuck in cycles of self-abandonment, where we make decisions that are overall harmful to our wellbeing.

The unfortunate thing is, what we learn when we’re young, directly impacts how we do the rest of our life.

When we learn that having our tent blown away by the wind or sleeping out in the cold are just how things work, the security of being inside a tent, can actually feel unsafe. 

It feels unfamiliar and risky to advocate for our needs. We feel that people will be upset at us, will punish us or will leave us. Because that’s what happened in the past. After so many experiences of our tent being kicked, trampled and thrown away when we tried to peg it down, we learn it isn’t safe to try.

While it can take some time for you to start being able to share your needs and find people who will meet them. You already know how to do it deep inside. We all cry as babies. Our very first attempts to have our needs met.

If there’s a part of you that wants to get a little more shelter from the wilderness of life.

I encourage you to peg it down. Little by little.

Your needs are important too :)

Advocating for your needs is like setting up a tent. 

It’s your shelter in the wilderness that is life.

Some of us get taught to peg our tents into the ground to secure them. We are encouraged to say things like “Hey I feel frustrated when you speak to me like that, can you please communicate in a calmer way?” We learn to identify our needs, and move towards meeting them ourselves.

Some of us get taught not to. We’re encouraged to say things like “yeah, I guess you’re right actually, sorry I brought it up”. We often don’t see what our needs are and have trouble prioritizing them even when others aren’t around.

Some of us don’t even get a tent and are told that’s what we deserve. We don’t even say anything because having someone speak down to us is just to be expected. We get stuck in cycles of self-abandonment, where we make decisions that are overall harmful to our wellbeing.

The unfortunate thing is, what we learn when we’re young, directly impacts how we do the rest of our life.

When we learn that having our tent blown away by the wind or sleeping out in the cold are just how things work, the security of being inside a tent, can actually feel unsafe. 

It feels unfamiliar and risky to advocate for our needs. We feel that people will be upset at us, will punish us or will leave us. Because that’s what happened in the past. After so many experiences of our tent being kicked, trampled and thrown away when we tried to peg it down, we learn it isn’t safe to try.

While it can take some time for you to start being able to share your needs and find people who will meet them. You already know how to do it deep inside.

We all cry as babies.
Those are just our very first attempts to have our needs met.

If there’s a part of you that wants to get a little more shelter from the wilderness of life.

I encourage you to peg it down. Little by little.

Your needs are important :)

Advocating for your needs is like setting up a tent. 

It’s your shelter in the wilderness that is life.

Some of us get taught to peg our tents into the ground to secure them. We are encouraged to say things like “Hey I feel frustrated when you speak to me like that, can you please communicate in a calmer way?” We learn to identify our needs, and move towards meeting them ourselves.

Some of us get taught not to. We’re encouraged to say things like “yeah, I guess you’re right actually, sorry I brought it up”. We often don’t see what our needs are and have trouble prioritizing them even when others aren’t around.

Some of us don’t even get a tent and are told that’s what we deserve. We don’t even say anything because having someone speak down to us is just to be expected. We get stuck in cycles of self-abandonment, where we make decisions that are overall harmful to our wellbeing.

The unfortunate thing is, what we learn when we’re young, directly impacts how we do the rest of our life.

When we learn that having our tent blown away by the wind or sleeping out in the cold are just how things work, the security of being inside a tent, can actually feel unsafe. 

It feels unfamiliar and risky to advocate for our needs. We feel that people will be upset at us, will punish us or will leave us. Because that’s what happened in the past. After so many experiences of our tent being kicked, trampled and thrown away when we tried to peg it down, we learn it isn’t safe to try.

While it can take some time for you to start being able to share your needs and find people who will meet them. You already know how to do it deep inside.

We all cry as babies.
Those are just our very first attempts to have our needs met.

If there’s a part of you that wants to get a little more shelter from the wilderness of life.

I encourage you to peg it down. Little by little.

Your needs are important :)

Each piece of media you consume is like a seed being tossed into a garden.
The garden of your mind.

Podcasts, TV, games, social media, articles, videos, music… the list goes on.

Every one dumping new seeds into your garden.

Now don’t get me wrong, some of those seeds might turn into plants that help you survive, or even thrive. You might, for example, gain some great insight from a video on emotions that helps you to think differently about yourself.

On the other hand, there are many that will actually damage other plants in your garden. Think of all the young people who've been led away from moving towards what they care about because of feelings of inadequacy born from stories on social media.

So there’s a risk with what kind of seed you’re accepting.

But even if you only plant positive seeds, there’s a hidden danger there too.

If you constantly dump new seeds into a garden. How are they going to grow?

External media can be fantastic for giving us new perspectives and ideas that motivate us, but if we don’t take time away from it, those ideas and motivation won’t take hold.

Seeds need to be given time, space and care. If not, they’ll compete for resources, their roots won’t spread, and you’ll end up with a bunch of little green sprouts that will soon die out. We all know the feeling of forgetting that great information you got from the first video because you’ve now watched 5 more in quick succession.

So be thoughtful about what seeds you accept.

And be wary of over-crowding.

Give yourself space to process and integrate the positive seeds you find.

You only get one garden after all.

Each piece of media you consume is like a seed being tossed into a garden.
The garden of your mind.

Podcasts, TV, games, social media, articles, videos, music… the list goes on.

Every one dumping new seeds into your garden.

Now don’t get me wrong, some of those seeds might turn into plants that help you survive, or even thrive. You might, for example, gain some great insight from a video on emotions that helps you to think differently about yourself.

On the other hand, there are many that will actually damage other plants in your garden. Think of all the young people who've been led away from moving towards what they care about because of feelings of inadequacy born from stories on social media.

So there’s a risk with what kind of seed you’re accepting.

But even if you only plant positive seeds, there’s a hidden danger there too.

If you constantly dump new seeds into a garden. How are they going to grow?

External media can be fantastic for giving us new perspectives and ideas that motivate us, but if we don’t take time away from it, those ideas and motivation won’t take hold.

Seeds need to be given time, space and care. If not, they’ll compete for resources, their roots won’t spread, and you’ll end up with a bunch of little green sprouts that will soon die out. We all know the feeling of forgetting that great information you got from the first video because you’ve now watched 5 more in quick succession.

So be thoughtful about what seeds you accept.

And be wary of over-crowding.

Give yourself space to process and integrate the positive seeds you find.

You only get one garden after all.