Wife, friends, job. It was my dirty secret for 8 years. I’m on day 12 of CT from 40-45gpd. I feel like crap about being such a shady person and lying to those I love. Withdrawal was/is absolute hell. It’s hard to keep pushing I feel so tired and restless, always soaked with sweat, especially on my hands and feet. It’s getting better but it’s been a slow process for me
Woke up to the news that I suddenly had lost 2 hundred thousand dollars. It made me so sick. I’m still emotional anyways. It was really hard to get out of bed. My wife managed to get me out of bed & go on a walk. It was a direct result of poor impulsive decision making when I was getting high also. Oh & I wanted to numb it but obviously didn’t. I think no matter what that would devastate & make me feel terrible but it’s even worst in my current mental state. That being said. I have to dig myself out of this hole I feel like I’m in. Mentally, chemically & financially. I can do hard things & must. But all I want to do right now is escape & hide. I feel like a man child 🤣 Fuck life can be a doozy & it sucks a whole lot worst when your trying to get over chemical dependencies.
Keep going friends! No matter what is happening. It’s all a matter of perspective but I get caught in negativity loops but I know I can break free of them if I’m sober
In 3 weeks from now I have a trip planned to Turkey, where kratom is highly illegal.
I specifically chose a country where this is the case to make me quit.
I booked this months ago, and it forced me to stay dedicated to my taper.
Now I am on my last 2,5 gpd, I can just drop .1 everyday and than it's good as finished before my flight.
I am so excited that it's almost done and feel much more natural and have had some great days, but I also feel fcking exhausted.
My kratommind wants me to take an extra dose because I am so exhausted and unproductive, and if I I wouldn't have had that trip planned I don't know if I would stand strong to be honest. It really pushes my towards the finish line.
Before my flight, I am gonne throw every kratom that I've got left in the fcking garbage. I will delete everything that reminds me of kratom.
That fcking bullshit little scale with a kratomspoon, the dumb little bottles that I've sneaky used while going everywhere.
Oh and hear this, I wanted to have a phonecombo wallet for years, but I've got this old fashioned wallet so I can secretly carry capsules with me. Oh I should order that wallet tonight.
I should even throw away the storage box that I've used for kratom, that I can still use for other things. Because of the symbolic meaning.
I don't need this shit, during this endless taper with multiple setbacks I have learned enough coping skills. I have so many things yo be excited about and to look forward to.
Felt like sharing.
Hope everyone out there is doing well, and thinking positive thoughts for all of you. This is a really minor question, but one i wanted to ask out of curiosity and to compare notes.
I was a pretty regular user for about a year and a half. Started with a teaspoon of powder a day, eventually to 2 teaspoons or tablespoons a day, then started using the extracts out of convenience more than anything else.
Eventually, i started to feel a bit numb to the effects and decided i wanted to stop. I didnt have a crazy high usage pattern. A 1kg bag of powder would last me 3-6 months, and generally with the extract tablets, i wouldn't have more than a half, or a whole tablet split in half per day, so i don't think my usage was too excessive, but i just hated the idea i was starting to rely on it to relax, and i realized it wasn't having the effect it had before, so decided to cold turkey stop.
Withdrawal for me was fairly easy thankfully. I was able to go cold turkey, and other than hot flashes at night for a few days, and just some general sleep issues, i didn't encounter too many problems.
I went on vacation after being off for a couple months, and picked up a pack of extract tabs and decided to just have some for a few days to enhance the experience, and then i had the weirdest week of absolute complete lack of energy, and some depression issues that i assumed were related, but it improved pretty quickly, within 4-5 days.
Few months pass, and a similar scenario, took a couple of tabs over a weekend, and Monday morning woke up just feeling tired, with a similar pattern as before.
This time I've decided that I'm not going to partake even casually at this point. I figured a few months off would be enough to reset my body and brain and make it acceptable for me to take it for a short term use, say over a weekend, but i was really surprised how exhausted physically id feel afterwards, and there would be a real emotional dip immediately afterwards that lasted for a few days.
I'm just curious if anyone has experienced a similar feeling after stopping and then deciding to try it again.
One of the weirdest symptoms i noticed was that when i wake in the morning, my legs and feet feel tired like they would the day after a vigorous run.
I've never written it out... I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face as I'm writing this on day 4 of my (I PROMISE) last withdrawal! When I was 19 my Dr prescribed me percs for my back pain. I used them off and on through my 20's when my Dr started upping my dosage to 120 pills at 20mg a month. Then the "we can't prescribe them because we've created a drug problem" happened. I went through my first withdrawal and it was HELL! I quickly found that imodium can help with the withdrawal symptoms and it is definitely a life saver! Although you can't shit for a month after 😅. I got my life back! I literally had the best life! Rock climbing, backpacking, mountaineering, travel, and success. Then I fell down a mountain broke my ankle and the cycle continued. I got back on the pills and one day I was in a local herb shop and they had Kratom. I would justify taking it saying it's for my ankle or back but of course they were excuses. Then I had another accident and I got a TBI and seizures. I lost my job and everything spiraled. Throw in a physically/mentally abusive relationship and a smoke shop employee saying a pill is just a concentrated kratom... It wasn't. I still don't know what it was but it was in a black bottle and the withdrawal was insane! I couldn't even drink water without throwing up. Because of this, depression, CPTSD, my seizures, and a few other things I lost everything! I got back on kratom 8 months later... I'm now 41, living with my parents, I'm unable to work a real job, I haven't really left the house other than to walk my dogs (daily) for 6 years now, and I told myself ENOUGH! I’m thankful It hasn't been too bad because of the imodium but the depression is really hitting... Morning of day 4 and I've slept probably 5 hours total BUT I'm thinking clearly again for the first time in years and it's time to get my fucking life back! So, this is my promise to myself that I'm worth it to stay clean and that there is SO much more to life than this! I've experienced that beauty, and GOD is it worth it! If you've read all of this, thank you!! I'm sending so much love your way 💜
Im on day 6 and slept one night so far. ik Gaba and clonidine would work for me but im afraid to tell a dr that I was abusing kratom. I have an Adderall prescription and im afraid of losing it. does anyone have experience with this? my ADHD psych will see any new scripts i fill. I guess I could just say I was having sleep problems from sonething else? idk.
I've had a secret addiction to kratom for almost 6 years. Not a single soul knows. Its eating me alive. I need to get the upper hand and take control of my life before this crap kills me and/or ruins my life. I have a family that I love so much, they don't deserve this. I'm a good person, but addiction is my downfall. Im glad I found this group. At least I can put this out there to the universe and maybe won't feel so alone... 🥺💔
I'm on Day 16 and confident that I'm going to be successful in the end.
One advantage I have is that I'm an older man, 64, and I have enough life experience to know that the wheel is always turning: You're up...then you're down...then you're up....then you're down, and knowing this is a big help. I feel great now but I expect that will change: maybe a little, maybe a lot. I don't know, I'm just taking it as it comes.
Jack London, who is known today (if anyone still reads him) mostly for "The Call of the Wild" and the short story "To Build a Fire," was a hugely bestselling, wealthy, and famous American author, kind of like Stephen King is today. He was also a massive alcoholic and essentially killed himself with drink. He wrote an autobiographical novel, "John Barleycorn," is which he describes the subtle internal dialog, the persuasion, the negotiation with oneself that "one drink won't hurt"... he called it "the white logic".
I haven't yet felt the white logic for kratom. Maybe I will. I'll handle it when I handle it.
Here's what happened to me. At the age of 55 I moved to Miami to work at the major military headquarters there. I'd never heard of kava or kratom, but there's a significant kava kulture in South Florida and I was soon invited to join some friends there. I'll never forget my first drink of kava combined with kratom. I spent the next ten years chasing that feeling. Wasted maybe $25,000 -- that's a low estimate -- on the green stuff. Eventually leaf wasn't enough and I moved on to MIT shots. Then on to Super-K extract. Eventually 7-OH tabs. This is over a ten year period, understand.
My wife and I have been together for 28 years. She is about ten times smarter than I am and a natural accountant. She has her own tax practice and she handles all the money in this enterprise we call "our marriage". Since I retired three years ago she pays me an allowance. Paid. Because 17 days ago she asked me point blank what I do with my money and why do I have a balance on my credit card. I couldn't lie. I love her too dearly. I'm also a little afraid of her and no married man can say he isn't too, of his own wife, just a little. I came clean. She didn't scream, she didn't cry, she didn't berate me. She simply said, "well, I'll solve this right now. You're not getting any more money." And I was relieved.
Because it happened so abruptly I didn't have a chance to plan a taper or get meds or supplements. It was just BANG, cold turkey. I'd been going through the 5-pack of Lucid 1000 tabs every other day.
The next four days were pure hell. The first night, as I stood shivering and shaking in front of the toilet, puking and squirting, I was afraid. For a few seconds. But I got better.
I also quit a moderate drinking habit at the same time, which, I admit, was reckless. I could have had a seizure. But actually I don't have any cravings for that either. This may change, too. I take Vitamin B1 and N-acetyl L-cysteine to help heal my liver from booze and K.
So anyway, here is what I did and what I think really helped:
I recommend supplements, like QuitK, but there is a lot of very good supplement advice on this sub. Check it out. Do what your pocketbook permits.
You must eat, even or especially when you have no appetite. Eat what you can keep down.
You must drink plenty of water. If you don't need to pee, then you need to drink.
If you have a doctor or access to a doctor or nurse practitioner, for heaven's sake see them and be candid and honest. Follow their advice.
And most of all, learn to recognize the "white logic" when your addict brain starts bargaining with you.
YOU CAN DO THIS. It sucks now, maybe it sucks worse than anything, but in life some things have to be endured. My heart is with you. You're not alone.
NOW GO GET IT DONE
I am absolutely heart broken. My fiancé had such a horrible time getting off kratom that he felt his only hope was getting on subs. He’s been on them for years now & been fine except one time when he did a bunch of Xanax. But I recently found out he was taking 7oh… not only that but still his subs. It started off once a month or so & now it’s constant all over again. We have had this fight with fucking kratom/7oh over 8 years now. I just don’t know what to do anymore. He refuses to do any in treatment cos he refuses to lose his job (and yes his job would NOT be okay). He says he wants to stop but can’t. Even his sub doctor said if he kept doing it he’d have to encourage in person treatment. I just don’t know how to help him anymore. This isn’t my first second third time in this thread. I guess I’m just seeking advice, how do I help him? I’m beyond getting upset with him, been that way for years now. I’m just so depressed I’m worried about my own mental health. I just want us to have happy sober lives together with nothing holding us back ): I miss when stupid ass 7oh wasnt around. My only hope is that this kratom ban hits my state. I pray and pray and pray it will. But what would that bring at the same time? New things for him to find? More sneaking and ordering online? I have never ever lost hope in him. I’m terrified I have fully lost it now
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