Notes on Quitting
I'm on Day 16 and confident that I'm going to be successful in the end.
One advantage I have is that I'm an older man, 64, and I have enough life experience to know that the wheel is always turning: You're up...then you're down...then you're up....then you're down, and knowing this is a big help. I feel great now but I expect that will change: maybe a little, maybe a lot. I don't know, I'm just taking it as it comes.
Jack London, who is known today (if anyone still reads him) mostly for "The Call of the Wild" and the short story "To Build a Fire," was a hugely bestselling, wealthy, and famous American author, kind of like Stephen King is today. He was also a massive alcoholic and essentially killed himself with drink. He wrote an autobiographical novel, "John Barleycorn," is which he describes the subtle internal dialog, the persuasion, the negotiation with oneself that "one drink won't hurt"... he called it "the white logic".
I haven't yet felt the white logic for kratom. Maybe I will. I'll handle it when I handle it.
Here's what happened to me. At the age of 55 I moved to Miami to work at the major military headquarters there. I'd never heard of kava or kratom, but there's a significant kava kulture in South Florida and I was soon invited to join some friends there. I'll never forget my first drink of kava combined with kratom. I spent the next ten years chasing that feeling. Wasted maybe $25,000 -- that's a low estimate -- on the green stuff. Eventually leaf wasn't enough and I moved on to MIT shots. Then on to Super-K extract. Eventually 7-OH tabs. This is over a ten year period, understand.
My wife and I have been together for 28 years. She is about ten times smarter than I am and a natural accountant. She has her own tax practice and she handles all the money in this enterprise we call "our marriage". Since I retired three years ago she pays me an allowance. Paid. Because 17 days ago she asked me point blank what I do with my money and why do I have a balance on my credit card. I couldn't lie. I love her too dearly. I'm also a little afraid of her and no married man can say he isn't too, of his own wife, just a little. I came clean. She didn't scream, she didn't cry, she didn't berate me. She simply said, "well, I'll solve this right now. You're not getting any more money." And I was relieved.
Because it happened so abruptly I didn't have a chance to plan a taper or get meds or supplements. It was just BANG, cold turkey. I'd been going through the 5-pack of Lucid 1000 tabs every other day.
The next four days were pure hell. The first night, as I stood shivering and shaking in front of the toilet, puking and squirting, I was afraid. For a few seconds. But I got better.
I also quit a moderate drinking habit at the same time, which, I admit, was reckless. I could have had a seizure. But actually I don't have any cravings for that either. This may change, too. I take Vitamin B1 and N-acetyl L-cysteine to help heal my liver from booze and K.
So anyway, here is what I did and what I think really helped:
- I have a good woman. I know a lot of us on this sub are alone or in difficult relationships. If you don't have a partner or a friend you can trust, come here. We give a damn.
- I have a strong religious faith and the fact that four worst days essentially tracked the Passion of Christ was a huge comfort for me. I realize not everyone shares this.
- I have very smart, knowledgeable friend who is an expert on nutrition and exercise. Seriously you should see this guy, he looks like a Greek god. He quit K with the help of nutrition and supplements, and he recommended QuitK. I managed to get hold of it on Day 3 and it was a total gamechanger for me. Helped with the RLS and the insomnia. I started getting sleep on Day 5 and sound sleep on day 7.
I recommend supplements, like QuitK, but there is a lot of very good supplement advice on this sub. Check it out. Do what your pocketbook permits.
You must eat, even or especially when you have no appetite. Eat what you can keep down.
You must drink plenty of water. If you don't need to pee, then you need to drink.
If you have a doctor or access to a doctor or nurse practitioner, for heaven's sake see them and be candid and honest. Follow their advice.
And most of all, learn to recognize the "white logic" when your addict brain starts bargaining with you.
YOU CAN DO THIS. It sucks now, maybe it sucks worse than anything, but in life some things have to be endured. My heart is with you. You're not alone.
NOW GO GET IT DONE