The last time! PROMISE!
I've never written it out... I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face as I'm writing this on day 4 of my (I PROMISE) last withdrawal! When I was 19 my Dr prescribed me percs for my back pain. I used them off and on through my 20's when my Dr started upping my dosage to 120 pills at 20mg a month. Then the "we can't prescribe them because we've created a drug problem" happened. I went through my first withdrawal and it was HELL! I quickly found that imodium can help with the withdrawal symptoms and it is definitely a life saver! Although you can't shit for a month after 😅. I got my life back! I literally had the best life! Rock climbing, backpacking, mountaineering, travel, and success. Then I fell down a mountain broke my ankle and the cycle continued. I got back on the pills and one day I was in a local herb shop and they had Kratom. I would justify taking it saying it's for my ankle or back but of course they were excuses. Then I had another accident and I got a TBI and seizures. I lost my job and everything spiraled. Throw in a physically/mentally abusive relationship and a smoke shop employee saying a pill is just a concentrated kratom... It wasn't. I still don't know what it was but it was in a black bottle and the withdrawal was insane! I couldn't even drink water without throwing up. Because of this, depression, CPTSD, my seizures, and a few other things I lost everything! I got back on kratom 8 months later... I'm now 41, living with my parents, I'm unable to work a real job, I haven't really left the house other than to walk my dogs (daily) for 6 years now, and I told myself ENOUGH! I’m thankful It hasn't been too bad because of the imodium but the depression is really hitting... Morning of day 4 and I've slept probably 5 hours total BUT I'm thinking clearly again for the first time in years and it's time to get my fucking life back! So, this is my promise to myself that I'm worth it to stay clean and that there is SO much more to life than this! I've experienced that beauty, and GOD is it worth it! If you've read all of this, thank you!! I'm sending so much love your way 💜