r/parentsofmultiples

My husband and I decided early on we would not refer to our identical twin daughters as “the twins”. They have always been the babies, the girls, or called by their name. I am (probably overly) sensitive to the fact that since they’re identical twins this will be a huge part of their identity that they didn’t ask for. I know most twins are thrilled to be a twin but I’m not going to reinforce that as the main part of who they are, especially within our nuclear family. I’m not going to always group them together and refer to them as “the twins”. They are their own person and I am going to foster that as much as I can. Again, I might be overly sensitive to this but I don’t want to pile onto them being the “same” as they outwardly appear and will get from society/peers.

Here’s where I’m going crazy - my MIL constantly calls them “the twins”. I asked my husband to connect with her about several times and he said he did. Tbh it’s not surprising as she lacks self/situational awareness and would not pick up on the fact that we never call them that. Nor do other members of my family. She also is the type of personality who sees them as a novelty and will tell anyone/everyone that she has identical twin granddaughters. I literally forget they’re twins sometimes just because they’re my two babies!! I just had them at the same time! I will literally tell people “I have two 10 month old daughters” and then I realize how weird that sounds so I follow up with “oh yea they’re twins”.

Anyway, I’m about to say something over text and ask her to not call them that but I’ll check-in with my husband first (and validate their discussion about it). Can anyone relate or provide advice for me to chill out?? I understand there are FAR bigger fish to fry, especially in today’s world. It’s just something that continually grinds my gears.

Does anyone have tips on how to sleep to reduce numbness overnight with pregnancy carpal tunnel? 29 weeks today with modi girlies and finally starting to feel UNCOMFY. Have not yet found a good position overnight where I don’t wake up hourly to a totally numb hand. A few finger tips are numb during the day which is manageable. TY!

Twins are 5 months. Sometimes ond wakes up, sometimes the other. We feed them both when either one wakes.

They do usually both finish their bottles (about 150ml / 4.5 oz) somewhere around 1-3am. They then usually wake again about 5-7am. Sometimes we get them back down after this, sometimes we get up if its later.

Its not a terrible system - but I wonder if we are reinforcing night feeds. How do you know when its time to stop waking the other? Mine dont appear to have super different sleep needs but I could be wrong...

What time are yalls 7 month olds going to bed?

Right now we try for a 7 pm bedtime, usually ends up in cribs at 6:30 ish, but we’re thinking of pushing it back. My husband does bedtime 3~ nights a week since I work later some nights, but the girls just do not want to cooperate and it’s been months of this. Naps don’t line up, or even if they do, one ends up screaming crying and not wanting to go to sleep until I get home, and I know it’s so hard on him, so we’re talking about moving their bedtime later. Any advice or tips and tricks to help him out in the meantime??

They do great during the day for him, but bedtime hits and it’s like a switch flips.

I have 9-month-old twins, work full time, and after one too many nights feeling like I was only washing bottles… I tracked it for a week.

Not in a super formal way, just notes on my phone whenever I was at the sink.

Context:

10~16 bottles/day (twins 🙃)

EP + formula combo

Pump parts 5-6x/day

No family help, just me + my husband both working

I knew it was taking a lot of time, but I wanted to sanity check whether I was being dramatic.

Actual looked like (hand washing + sterilizing):

12-15 min per wash

4-5 times a day

65-90 min/day

Which comes out to ~9-10 hours a week…

It’s basically a full workday just on cleaning feeding stuff. The part that’s getting to me isn’t even the total, it’s how fragmented it is, like never done:

wash → baby cries → stop

feed → pump → wash again

finally sit down → realize there are 6 more bottles

Repeat all day.

From a practical standpoint, this feels like a terrible use of time. It cuts into sleep, it cuts into work, and by the last wash of the night I’m honestly just tired and second guessing if I even did a good job cleaning everything.

Also maybe unpopular opinion but I do not find this meditative at all lol

I’m curious how others are handling this, especially EP or multiples parents:

Did you just accept this as part of the phase?

Are dishwashers/sterilizers actually making a dent?

Has anyone found a setup that reduces the mental load, not just the time?

Right now this honestly feels like the biggest daily bottleneck in our routine and I’m trying to figure out if I’m missing a better system.

We have three week old twins that are still waking up every 2-3 hours overnight, and the sleep deprivation is really starting to get to us. We tried each taking a shift a couple of nights ago and getting a longer stretch of sleep was amazing, but I found it so hard to manage feeding, burping, and diaper changes for two babies during my shift. Oh, and pumping.

So I would love to hear how you do it! No detail is too small.

Twin A is primarily nursed, while twin B primarily takes bottles of fortified breast milk. The other night when it was my shift I tried to nurse A and bottle feed B, which may have been part of the problem. I’d be open to bottle feeding both (which is what my husband did during his shift). We’re also eventually hoping to transition twin B over to primarily nursing - I can manage tandem nursing pretty well. But anyway, I would welcome logistics for any of the different ways we can feed twins!

Also, just want to mention that twin A is usually the one that wakes up every 2-3 hours. Twin B can usually go closer to 4 hours, but we have been trying to keep them on the same schedule, so we wake him up when twin A wakes. I think that’s the right move? But open to being told otherwise!

I’ve realized my twins won’t even have half the cuddles and attention my first had. First off I’m bottle feeding breast milk and not nursing (I’ve nursed my first for 13 months).

Whenever my toddler is around (she goes to daycare for 6 hrs a day) most of my attention is to her and when a twin cries I hold them until soothed and then place back in bassinet unless they actually wake up and so I hold them while moving around doing other stuff.

When toddler is at daycare I try to cuddle and give attention to the waking twin etc but then the other twin needs me so I keep rotating between the two.

Not to mention contact naps are nonexistent cause I’ve been prioritizing housework and for now they sleep well in their bassinets and Ive taken advantage of that so as long as they are sleeping I just leave them but I really loved contact naps with my first (who rarely slept in her bassinet for naps).

Also cause I’m pumping so I’m always thinking about the next pumping session in the back of my mind and arranging the day so I’m free for the next pump and before toddler arrives home.

I mean this is probably a thing for all 2nd born but for twins it feels like it kinda sucks more.

I love them but It’s just kind of hard for me to feel that bond that I’ve felt with my first.

I’m 34F, husband is 41M, we’ve been married 8 years and have 8-month-old twins. This is my first time being a mom. My pregnancy was high-risk, so we basically stopped having sex from early on. After birth, I had a really rough postpartum—C-section recovery, twins, hormones, the whole thing.

Both my mom and MIL stayed with us for about a month “to help,” but it honestly made things worse. My MIL kept going on about how tired my husband was while I was literally recovering from surgery and trying to breastfeed two babies. There was constant tension and my husband usually sided with her (or at least didn’t really have my back). I felt super alone even in a full house.

Around month 2 postpartum things started to stabilize a bit. The first time we had sex it was extremely painful (like burning—probably hormones/pelvic floor). Since then it’s been maybe 2–3 times a month at most.

Life with twins is exhausting. I had basically no sex drive for a long time and even told him he could just masturbate if he needed to. He works a lot, leaves early, comes home exhausted and passes out on the couch half the time. Between that and the babies, sex just isn’t really happening.

Today I was using his phone (he handed it to me, I wasn’t snooping), and when I clicked on Instagram search I saw he’d been searching for multiple women in sexy outfits… like 8–10 different profiles. It wasn’t random either, there was a pattern (a certain type/lingerie).

I confronted him and told him it made me feel like shit, especially given where I’m at physically right now (gained 25kg during pregnancy, lost 10 but still have 15 to go). It made me feel unattractive and honestly kind of worthless.

His response was basically: “It’s not just your sex life that sucks, mine does too. That’s why I look when I masturbate.”

I told him we’ve been married 8 years and I didn’t even know he was into this specific thing. He said he’s told me before he wants more “sexy outfits” and fantasies. We’ve bought lingerie before and I did wear it occasionally pre-pregnancy, but he never mentioned this specific preference. Now he says he wasn’t searching for anything specific, just “sexy women,” but it really didn’t look that random to me.

I feel really hurt. Not just insecure, but almost… betrayed? And more than that, I feel like he completely dismissed my feelings. I cried and he just said I’m overreacting and that not everything is about me.

i fear i’ve lost myself to motherhood. im a SAHM.. i’m with my twins 24/7, but i also don’t trust anyone to watch them for me. it also makes me feel guilty to leave them. i dont think ive ever been away for them for more then some hours.. they’re 1.5 & are the best little boys ever.. truly so perfect and amazing. love them with all of me but i just feel like i’m drowning sometimes. it’s like who am i outside of their needs? i really don’t know & i’m afraid i won’t ever know. i never have the energy to hang out with people & when i do, i’m lowkey miserable & just wanna go home. i don’t even talk on the phone bc i don’t have the energy & just don’t wanna talk. maybe i’m depressed? i don’t like looking in the mirror after giving birth. it’s like i don’t even recognize myself anymore. seeing my boys smile lights up my day.. i just don’t know. it’s a lot & i wish i had an identity or something. there’s no motivation outside of mom/girlfriend duties & even that takes a lot for me to push myself to do.

i don’t like complaining bc i have so muc to be grateful for so i just don’t say anything about it.

idk i guess i just needed to vent.. 😕

I don’t know what I want out of this post other than to just rant/complain and hear if anyone else is feeling the same way..

I’m 6 weeks in with twins and I’m hating being home with them. My husband has been home working part time since they were born and my mother in law has been here pretty much the whole time helping us.

I am exhausted and I’m not evening doing it fully in my own.

I am jealous my husband gets to go back to work next week. I miss my job so much. I loved my work and thought I would enjoy maternity leave but I’m finding it extremely challenging. Looking after two is so hard when they are both screaming.

I get 8 hours of broken sleep a night but I’m still exhausted.

I’m daydreaming of going back to work early and hiring a nanny to come look after the twins. It sounds glorious to me.. to hand them off and then go sit at my laptop and focus on work. I always wanted kids so I feel guilty about wanting to be away from them but this is so much harder than imagined it would be.

Tell me it gets easier? Will I enjoy 4-5 month old twins more in the height of summer?

My twins are going to be three months on Friday. 12 weeks, 8 adjusted. My husband went back to work after six weeks and I’m home alone with them while our toddler is at daycare. Twin A especially cries so much. First she went through a phase of crying 10 PM - 3 AM. Then from 6 PM - 10 PM. Now she’s been fussy during the day as well. Twin B is much more calm but still has needs and cries as well.

I feel like I’m losing my mind when they are both crying and nothing is helping. My nervous system is so frayed, this cannot be a normal level of stress to take on. I’m going back to work in 3.5 weeks and I’m actually so sad to be away from them - I just wish my husband could have lots of leave time together so we could be one adult to one baby. Also I don’t even want to hear how much leave time we would have in another country, it’s too heartbreaking. I’m furious at how stressful this experience has to be without a humane parental leave system in place. And I just hate feeling like I am not meeting their needs because there is just one of me.

I would give anything to just take them outside and go for a walk during the tough moments but our house is up a couple flights of stairs and hauling the stroller, its attachments, and them up and down is so hard that I usually don’t even bother 😞 just needed to vent today. I feel terrible but I wish some days that we could just skip the whole baby phase (also I know the toddler phase is hard, I promise haha).

Have a 5 year old, and twin 3 week old. We’re starting to enter the fussy stage, and with me going back to work in two weeks, just looking for some advice on how to manage the upcoming stress. I know it’s just a phase we will have to power through, just looking for some tips on how to grind it out. My wife is a rockstar, and I really admire her mental fortitude right now

Hi everyone, wish i had known about this subreddit before but here i am now. Found out on 15 weeks that my twin boys have TTTS. Baby B was 36% smaller than Baby A. just few days before they were both fine and healthy. Baby B had no amniotic fluid around him and he was stuck completely with his back to my placenta.

This past thursday i was sent to another country(Finland) to do the laser treatment as baby B had gotten worse now 40% smaller. They said baby B was stuck just about where they would usually enter so they had to go through Baby A amniotic fluid bag to reach him. A procedure that was supposed to take 30 minutes took 1.5 Hours. The surgery went okay but it was risky very risky, they lasered my placenta into two. I was hospitalised and taken care of alot which was nice, on saturday i did a ultrasound and found out my Baby B had passed away. Baby A is as of today doing okay, he has alot less fluid around him but we are hoping it will change (they had to take over 800ml fluid out and replaced it with clearer fluid since the fluid was brownish)

They told me the risk to miscarry is HUGE.

Ever since i gotten the news that i even had TTTS ive felt so tired and i felt like all my motherly instincts and feelings have gone away. Im scared. Like super scared with feeling like i need to terminate before i have the chance to miscarry my other boy as well.

im just so lost.

NB! if this isnt the right subreddit for this type of post then ill delete it.

We just got a 23 touring and then found out we’re having twins a week later and we already have a toddler. What infant car seats fit in the third row? I was thinking babies in the third row and toddler in one of the captains chairs in the middle row but with it being such a narrow space I’m not sure what infant base would fit in the third row. They’ll all be rear facing.

Hello fellow POM,

I’m looking for some advice/experiences from other parents. My twins were born at 36+5 weeks, and they are 6 weeks old now. We’re having a tough time with feeds. During feeding, the babies often turn red, cough, and spit milk while drinking. They sometimes seem uncomfortable and pull off the feed (both with formula and breast).

We have seen our GP. She thinks it may be reflux or a cow’s milk allergy, but she hasn’t asked us to change anything yet as the babies are tracking well.

The feeds are long and painful. Every 3 hours, I have to watch both my babies cry inconsolably and feel like I’m forcing them to feed.

Has anyone been in a similar boat? We can’t be the only ones. Please share your experiences and what worked for you.

Please help me find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank

Hi everyone. 23F. I had a C-section with two healthy 5 lbs twins almost 5 weeks ago. No NICU time, went home 2 days after. The same week we came home I started having horrible panic attacks and crying spells 24/7, so I got back on Prozac and they added in buspirone. Fast forward 4 weeks later they gave me Wellbutrin as well. When does it all get better? I feel so hopeless and sit and grieve my old life and body then feel horrible guilt for doing so. Both babies have colic and I feel so much anxiety being in the same room as them. We've had a ton of help, which has been great. So why am I still struggling so badly? It feels like I'm stuck like this forever and I'm a horrible mom for feeling better when I'm not around them. I'm scared I'll never feel connected with them or be able to take care of them. Does this ever go away? I feel like such a failure.

I feel like the last few weeks has just been non stop with my six month olds. I just want an hour to myself. I'd love to just do some chores even. But I don't get any time. If I do I know it won't last, so I don't bother starting any tasks because I'll just be interrupted in 5 minutes.

I'm sat here crying now because I got both babies to sleep at the same time for the first time in ages, but less than 5 minutes in, one is already awake. I'm so over it. They're grumpy all day and need constant help. I just want to lie down for a bit. I think they're teething, so the grizzling is non-stop. I'm losing my mind. When hubby comes home he watches them for an hour while I make dinner. Then the rest of the evening is just both of us surviving until bed time. They're too hard for my parents to look after regularly. We don't do day care. Can't afford baby sitting. I'm just so tired.

My twin boys are eight months old now and the weather is getting nicer here in the UK. Does anybody have recommendations for a minimalist setup to go camping with twins (and a dog)? We typically wild camp in Dartmoor and know a few spots less than ten minutes walking from a carpark.

Do I need to invest in a mega family tent and set up their travel cots in the tent? Can we just get by with a four man dome tent and place them on their own mattress in between us in their sleeping bags? I basically want to avoid carrying a mountain of gear with us to make the sleeping arrangements as simple (and safe) as possible so we can all get a good night's sleep.

It'll be me, my wife, our twins, and our small working cocker spaniel. He's a very good boy (most of the time).

Thank you all in advance!