r/inheritance

Hello, looking for advice on a complex family dynamic. Based in Wisconsin, USA.
I have several siblings. My aunt recently passed without any children. She had a home worth over $1M and stocks worth about $2M. She gave those assets solely to me. She had some additional investments worth several hundred thousand dollars she split between my other siblings, giving them about $200k each. They have not been disinherited, they just are getting significantly less.
I am also the executor for the estate, so I’m obligated to comply with the Will, and of course will do so.
But my family has questioned what I will do AFTER the Will is distributed. They have asked me to share equally. The argument is that my Aunt may have wanted something specific, but now it’s up to me to do the right thing. They have put a lot of pressure on me.
My first inclination is to share because I want to play nice and don’t want them to consider me greedy.
But on further review and after numerous conversations with friends, I don’t think my inclination is right and I am
strongly considering simply saying No to my family based on the wishes of my Aunt.
Nevertheless, it is eating at me constantly.
If I were in the opposite position, I feel like I would never ask my siblings for something that was not given freely to me, but it is very hard to put myself in their shoes.
It’s also not our parents providing an unequal inheritance, so my sense is there should be no expectation of equality from other relatives. But what do I know? This is all new to me.
So I’m turning to Reddit for advice, lol.
Thoughts on how to proceed in a way that allows me to live with myself and not feel guilty every time I use these
gifts? Or should I just share?
Thanks!

I’ll try to be as brief as possible. My mother passed away unexpectedly. 2 weeks later my father committed suicide.

They had just finished a trust that only included the house, contents and 2 vehicles. I am the only trustee. No other heirs.

Near the end he had me call his 401k firm and change the beneficiary to the trust. I assume that he was trying to help me.

My understanding is that when funds are distributed to a trust from a 401k it will be taxed at the maximum rate.

My thought is that it would be more beneficial to leave that money in the 401k for as long as possible to grow tax free which I believe is 10 years.

My father was 77 and taking mandatory distributions. He had already taken the distribution for 2026.

I’m 57 and my wife and I earn above Roth IRA limits if that information is relevant.

Any advice would greatly appreciated and also what would you guys do in this situation.

I’ve got question on a step parent leaving everything to me. My stepdad was married to my mom for 30 years, got divorced, then within a year got back with her. That was over 20 years ago. Never remarried but together from 1969 to today with a one year break. So he’s in poor health and has left everything to me and my kids in his will. He probably will go into a hospice by year’s end. He has no other immediate heirs but he does have a predatory niece sniffing around. I, personally, per the will, get a property worth about 450k and some savings about 50k and a new paid off truck. Since it’s all there in the will, when he passes what are my most important next steps. Seeing if I should consult probate attorney sooner or wait to see if I need one when the time comes. This is in New Mexico.

Here's the story.

My wife & I were married for over 51 years. Her mother is still alive (she's 99)… her Dad died young at 49 in 1976.

Her father had set up an irrevocable trust, with her mother as the primary beneficiary and the children as secondary beneficiaries.

My wife died, her CPA brother asked for a copy of my wife's death certificate. My wife is now out of the Trust as she is deceased & so am I as far as I know.

My wife & I were married in 1972.

I am assuming that despite being married for 51 years+.. & spending ALL of my retirement caring for my wife as she died of cancer, I'm out of the Trust. It still has several million dollars in it. There are 5 surviving children (secondary beneficiaries). I'm expecting that I have no standing or position in inheritance when my MIL dies. I am still close to her family. No malice here, just curiosity. Follow up based on comments. No, no children. I suspect that the secondary beneficiaries (children of the parents) would not argue about the estate. I'm not going to appeal to them. I know her Mom always worried about the "family money" ending up in the hands of non blood family. This is pretty much as anticipated. We had only been married for 4 years when her father died & the trust was enacted. I suspect that the trust was designed before we were married. My wife the oldest child & the first one married. I'm one if 5 children of a family physician. When my mother died, each of her children paid $650 for final expenses. Literally nothing left. My father was the son of a farmer and always told us that " doctor's live rich & due poor. Farmers live poor & die rich ". He was correct. I'm still working at 76 & make a good living. Leaving the equity in 2 houses+ life insurance to my Neice... A single Mom with 3 kids.

After months of uncertainty around a trust from a person who was as close as family, I received a wire yesterday for just under $400k.

Both my wife and myself are public sector facing employees in our 40s with two young kids. Our student loans are gone as we qualified for PSLF and got that discharged a little bit ago. Both our kiddos were brought into this world through IVF and this same person helped with a $20k check for our first.

We’ve been juggling childcare, a mortgage, some credit card debt, medical issues, car payments, and trying to build some sense of stability.

Seeing a number like that appearing in my bank account just has this surreal, eerie feeling.

What’s strange is that nothing is changing overnight. My day-to-day will still continue per usual. I still have work meetings. My toddler still needs breakfast. My wife still went to work. But internally, it feels like some pressure valve I’ve carried for years suddenly have been opened.

My first moves aren’t flashy:
- paying off credit card debt that has slowly crept up
- planning to repay my dad for helping with our car down payment
- keeping most of the money parked in a money market account for now
- trying very hard not to make emotional decisions

At the same time, I’m also realizing inheritances come with weird emotions:
gratitude, grief, guilt, relief, disbelief.

Part of me still feels like the same guy stressing over Costco gas prices last week. Curious about what the future holds and how this changes our trajectory.

For those who’ve experienced a windfall or inheritance:

How long did it take before it actually felt real?
What is one thing you’re glad you did (or avoided) in the first few months?

I’m a 21 year old college student and my grandfather died about 8 months ago. I was not aware that I would receive any inheritance until the trust company managing his affairs informed me that I would be around a week after his death. Upon receiving a copy of his will and trust documents, I learned that I would receive 20% of his estate. Based on what my family thought they knew about his finances, I expected to receive somewhere around 400K.

About 4 months after his death, I was informed that his estate was much larger than anyone knew. In total, I will be inheriting around $2.6M. The money is to be managed in a trust. In ten years, I can become a co-trustee of the trust. After 20 years, I can become the sole trustee of the trust. Until then, the plan is to have Fidelity serve as both trustee and the investment advisor. I would appreciate feedback regarding these services if anyone has experience with them. The financial consultant I’ve been working with there has been great so far, so unless I hear overwhelming negative opinions regarding Fidelity’s services, I’ll be appointing them to these roles in the next few weeks.

For some additional personal background, I’m an accounting major and will be pursuing my CPA. I have no debt (student or otherwise). The full time offer I just received has me slotted to make ~80K in total compensation out of school. Regarding assets aside from the trust, I’ve been able to max my Roth IRA for the past two years, have 35K in my taxable brokerage, and 20K in my savings account. I mention all this background information to provide context that I think I’m quite financially mature and responsible for someone my age.

In addition to my earlier question about Fidelity’s services. I have two other questions pertaining to my financial/future outlook that I’d appreciate advice on.

Firstly, my goal with the trust is long-term appreciation and growth. It’s likely going to be 90%-100% in equities. Besides a home down the line, funding 529 plans for future kids, and maybe covering a grad degree at some point, I do not plan on taking distributions from the trust. Does this plan make sense? Are there any items I should add/remove from that list of things I’d fund using the trust?

Lastly, and most importantly, how do I grapple with this new found wealth on a mental and emotional perspective. By no means am I trying to cry “woe is me”, but my life has been a roller coaster these last 8 months between this and some personal medical problems and I’ve had a hard time mentally processing it all. On one hand, I understand how unfathomably fortunate I am. On the other hand, I’ve felt somewhat isolated from my friends since I obviously can’t talk about this with them. It feels like I’ve warped to a different phase of life and I have to keep up a facade that everything in my life is totally normal. Additionally, I feel like I’ve lost a sense of purpose in some ways. I have always valued myself based on my accomplishments, probably to a fault. It now feels that accomplishments going forward are going to be less meaningful.

Any additional advice is welcomed and appreciated as well. Thank you all for your help!

Growing up I knew my grandparents had some money because they owned two homes (modest looking but in very nice areas), and they were trustees of a university. My grandpa was an executive vice president at a Fortune 100 company where he worked for 40 years.

My grandparents passed a few years ago and I just learned there are several trusts still in the courts due to estate tax complexity totaling $40m that’s been left for the family. They were created in the 1970s so my grandparents were estate planning for a long time.

There are extremely strict restrictions on how it can be used (visiting family, $100k for each kid’s education, etc). There’s no way my current living extended family could spend all the money in our lifetimes due to the restrictions.

This philosophy tracks with how I was raised. I mean there were years my parents said they could barely put food on the table and needed a small loan but my grandparents refused! Just wild and still taking it all in.

Our mother died last year in Nevada, leaving my sister and I her almost ($40k short) paid off home in a desirable area. There were no other finances to work with except a $15k insurance policy. I live several states away and have two little ones, including a toddler. She is older and has managed everything for the last several months of our mother's life when she was sick, from moving her into the nursing facility and then making hospice and end of life arrangements. We have a great relationship and friendship. I flew in to visit as I could and came in for ten days with baby in tow to help clean out as much as possible when she died and again to hold an estate sale that I coordinated. There was still a lot of stuff left in their 47 years of living in the house.

Here's what I need help with. She is going to buy me out of the house and keep it. Several months ago, we agreed on a sale price of $450k for her to purchase her half (so $225k plus her half of the remaining mortgage) The area comps are closer to $550k, but I knew the home needed some updating AND of course I'd rather sell it to her than Joe Schmo. She managed the life insurance account and has been paying all the bills for the house through it while she gets it cleaned out and fixed up. She has been making great strides, but now the money has dried up as the monthly costs to take care of the house are nearly $1000/month. However, she feels slighted for all the work she has put in and claims to have saved us money by doing much of the upkeep herself.

She is now asking for us to pitch in for a few months and cover the house costs while she finalizes updates and prepares her own house to sell, which should sell at a hefty appreciation, but no idea how long it might take to sell. She is doing far more to our mother's home than we would have if we were to sell it on the market, but I don't want to be insensitive nor do I want this to affect our relationship. I know she has worked hard, often by herself, and dealt with all the things I am not there to do. So how should this proceed? Please be kind as we're trying to be good to each other, but it is complicated!

Economists are anticipating a "great wealth transfer" that will see $110 trillion flow from boomers to their millennial heirs.

The reality is more of a slow trickle, The Wall Street Journal reports.

The richest Americans are living longer — and pouring money into a growing longevity industry.

At the same time, they're doling out wealth to their children in the form of down payment assistance, tuition and family vacations, rather than a one-time inheritance.

Even at the end of life, assets pass to a spouse before reaching the next generation.

I 33f have 2 younger siblings a full brother 20 and half sister 17. When I was a teen my mom remarried and my step dad is an amazing person! I’m very happy to have him in our lives. My full brother was 2 when they got together and treats him like his own son. Which is wonderful!

Here’s the problem! I have never been given anything ever! I paid my own way through college while my step-dad paid for my brothers (not his child) education and living expenses and he would of course do the same for my sister (his daughter). Both siblings got nice cars, cell phones, never had to have jobs. Life on easy mode! I had to have a job the day I turned 16 and paid for every last item I have ever needed (even toiletries).

Step dad has always included me physically and emotionally but never financially. I don’t expect him to, I don’t feel entitled to anything that isn’t mine.

But I’m human! It hurts! Just because of my birth order I get nothing. He recently passed and his estate is being split 50/50 between my half sister and full brother (parents split 2 years ago). Not one single penny for me.

How do I let go of this resentment? I am stacked with student loans and endless bills and both my siblings stand to inherit over 2 million each. It is a deep pain I am carrying. I love my siblings, but they don’t get it because “he’s not my real dad” I don’t have a father, he died when I was a child. He’s also not my brothers dad but because he was a toddler my step dad claimed his as his own.

What do I do? I will struggle my entire life and they will be on easy street never understanding my perspective. I do not want their money. I think I want their understanding maybe? I don’t know, I’m just sad.

EDIT: MARYLAND, USA

My grandmother passed in November 2025 without a will and I’m trying to complete the process of managing her estate. I’m currently working with my mom and aunt to get this done. In February my aunt was named the administrator of the estate and a couple days ago we filed our inventory and other requested documents to the court of wills. My grandmothers wish was that the entirety of her estate would be divided three ways. Since I was managing her estate (unofficially) prior to her passing, I am the one who filled out any paperwork for her various accounts after the passing of my grandfather in 2024. I added all 3 of us as beneficiaries to every other small account but I didn’t know about one until close to her passing. I thought I would have more time, I dropped the ball and didn’t add beneficiaries to this one majorly large employer sponsored 401k account she inherited from my granddad.

So when i realized my mistake a couple weeks ago, I added a Letter of Assignment that my mom and aunt signed with a notary that said they want to transfer a portion of their inheritance to me. In this letter we listed this account and the house to be evenly divided amongst the 3 of us.

However today the plan administrator called me back and said that they default to just the children.

I left my job last year to care for my grandmother full time. I’m depending on some form of monetary inheritance in order to care for her 75 year old house and just to live right now. We all grew up in this house but I’m the only one living and paying bills in it as my mom and aunt own their own homes. If this account isn’t naturally divided to include me, I don’t trust my aunt or mom to include me if the process to do so is too complicated. My aunt and mom both make close to/over 6 figures and would also love to play this smart tax wise if possible.

Is there a way to be proactive and get this evenly divided amongst the three of us?

EDIT: My mom and aunt were aware and in agreement to everything I did to every account when my grandmother was alive. My grandmother had dementia but it was just short term memory. She could make her own decisions in the moment but needed help executing them. As her granddaughter and caregiver, that’s what I did. This account was my grandfathers and we did not know about it when he suddenly passed in 2024. I had to find every account of his, including retirement and life insurances because NO ONE KNEW ANYTHING. I spent weeks combing through my grandfathers files trying to figure out banking, insurance, 401ks, pension, everything. When I say I “managed my grandmothers estate” I just mean I am the one who found these accounts, helped my grandmother make phone calls, and fill out paperwork. I missed this account somehow.

My sister and I inherited our mother’s home in California upon her death in 2019. It was a rental prior and still is. Income from the rental has helped pay for both of my children’s college education, which is what my mother would have wanted and my sister was totally on board and was very supportive, although she originally wanted to sell it and split the proceeds since she lives in So Cal. Now that my daughter is almost done with school, my sister would like my husband and I to buy her out. We are agreeable to that since we are planning for retirement in a few years and would like the monthly cash flow. We would need to get a loan to buy her out. I got an appraisal a few months ago and it came back a little over $1M. The step up appraisal upon my mother’s death was $775k. It’s not in the greatest condition but it is in the Bay Area where the market is crazy. We have tentatively agreed upon a buy out price of $425k, although she only needs $300k now. Can she “gift” us the balance now and sign a quit claim deed? Note: we are very close and my sister is doing well financially and does not “need” the money. She has a long term partner and no children. But she is entitled to what is hers and would like to honor that. Please provide input if you have been in a similar situation and/or any insight I may be overlooking. My CPA has been slow in responding so I’m hoping to hear back from this tribe. Thank you!

My spouse is 1 of 3 children. When they were still in school, they lost their mother to cancer (nearly 30 years ago).

Their father met a woman shortly after, and they lived together for 15 years before splitting up. That woman ran a hair salon from the house and wanted a form of alimony/settlement since it was his house, she was the one leaving; he ended up giving her 5k. While my spouse and their siblings were outraged at that, I honestly didn’t see the issue since she had a valid point—she was there a long while, and it was going to directly impact her business. After this, he dated a few others before settling with someone; they weren’t dating very long before she moved in (from another province), and were together barely 9 years. She was a widow, married before and seemed to be fairly wealthy; never had children she told us.

Sadly, my FIL passed away (unexpectedly, but he was approaching 80 so not shocking). Turns out, a year & a half before, the executor of his estate changed from the oldest sibling to this woman, who was now also an equal beneficiary of his estate AND the sole recipient of what remained of his pension...I found this odd, but it isn’t my immediate family so I stayed out of it.

As per his wishes, there was no funeral. It took nearly 2 weeks to post the obituary. he’d passed just before the holidays, and when his ashes were ready, she told everyone after she collected them from the funeral home that she kept them with her all day while she went shopping, eventually buying herself some jewelry…as a gift from him…in addition to stating she regularly had screaming fits when alone because of her grief…

Over the holidays, we went to visit and reminisce about my FIL. The house was fully decked out in Xmas decor, and my FIL’s ashes? On the floor, under an end table, behind a Xmas figurine. (They’re to be buried next to his first wife, my spouse’s mother when the ground thaws, in a small, private, immediate family-only service).

A few weeks after the holidays, my spouse reached out and asked when they could stop in to go through their father’s belongings, and prepare the house for the market (as outlined in the will). She put them off saying she wasn’t sleeping well, was struggling with her grief, and wasn’t able to get into grief counselling until the spring...yet was still going to bingo and socializing with others?

Three months in, she announced she’d finally gotten all the utilities switched into her name (all I could think was “you’re only getting around to that NOW?!”). Another month went by before she reached out to the lawyer who notarized the will—apparently they had passed away also (how convenient); 2-3 more weeks before she notified the bank he’d passed, she was the executor, and they froze his assets. Since then, the will has gone through probate, but very little has moved forward. She also announced that there was an payout of my FIL’s pension, and she was the sole beneficiary (um what?? why not the estate?!). According to her, he only had 1 savings account, and divided that up between the four of them. Next came the mention of a vehicle that was in fairly good shape, a utility trailer, and an all-terrain-vehicle, and whomever wanted it would need to pay out the others (reasonable, but strange). My spouse & I paid 50% of the vehicle since our child would be driving soon. Their sibling paid for the other items. When we went to pick up the vehicle, we went inside and NOTHING has been done in preparation to put it on the market. During all of this, she’s planned a “celebration of life” to take place on a random Saturday in a month from the writing of this post…despite his final wishes of not wanting anything. She’s hired a band, rented a hall, and will be putting all his homemade wine out for everyone (all without asking anyone else). When we looked over the vehicle before leaving, she casually mentions it had been her vehicle before buying the newer one she has now, and that my FIL had bought it from her after she moved in! She also dropped the bomb that her & her husband used that vehicle when they first got it to “shuttle the grandkids around”. So I said “you had kids?!” Her: “No, my husband did; it was his grandkids”…at no point in the last decade did she ever mention this—not even a hint of it. You’d think she’d have maintained contact with them if they spent enough time with them to have gotten a vehicle to shuttle them around!

I’m beginning to suspect this person may be a bit of a grifter. We’re approaching 6 months since his passing, and still no arrangements have been made for his burial, no plans for the siblings to go in and go sort his personal effects, and zero progress to get the house on the market. It feels like perhaps she’s done something similar with her husband’s family, which is why she’s never mentioned them, the grandchildren or divulged anything about her marriage other than he died (we’ve never even heard him mentioned by name).

She has been living in that house for free--and I mentioned to my spouse that isn’t right; that the siblings should request rent for each month she remained there before the estate finalizes, and to see copies of his financial statements since she had access to them (he’d always forget his PIN number so she knew what it was, and would’ve had all his cards).

AITA for thinking this is getting to be a bit suspicious, and that she’s taking advantage of the situation?

I'm not necessarily looking for advice...just need a place to vent.

My grandfather had a house custom-built for his wife back in the 1970s, she passed away in 1982 and he passed away in 2006. My father and his wife moved in afterwards and he passed in 2022, leaving the house to his widow. She is not in the best of health and in two months from now she will no longer have enough money to pay the mortgage.

I spoke with my attorneys about the situation and they advised me that I should not spend any of my money on that house for any reason, unless she adds my name to the deed and/or adds me to her will and has that will notarized, because if she passes and the house is not in my name, it can go to probate and I can potentially lose everything. There is a way for me to get the property after her death, but it's a major headache that can very easily be avoided.

As I mentioned, she only has two months of funds remaining. I hate having to constantly pester her about it, but her time is running out - in more ways than one - and I'm at my wits end with that woman. Every time I ask her if she has made any progress with the deed situation, she breaks out the alligator tears and whines about having to think about it and about having to call to ask about it because "people treat her like she's stupid" and she doesn't want to deal with them.

She also refuses to go to a nursing home/hospice facility, which I honestly can't say I blame her; around here, those places are horrible.

I still drive out there twice a week, against my attorneys' advice, to take care of the landscaping, help with chores, take care of the cats, and make house repairs when necessary.

I have offered to help her on two separate occasions, but she always says, "no, I'll do it.", while she does nothing but sit in her recliner all day, watching Ancient Aliens and StarTrek reruns. I work 68 hours per week and she lives 45 minutes away from me, so I don't have the time nor the patience to babysit her. If I didn't shave my head, I'd be ripping my hair out. I don't know what else to do at this point, except scream into the void.

I'm financially fine and have several adult children. My brother is financially far better off, but never married or had kids. Initially he said he'd divide his estate equally among his siblings. Lately he said he'd not give me anything, but instead divide the portion he was going to leave me among my kids equally. It's his money to do whatever he wants. But we've been financially helping our kids a lot. If they get the inheritance they will be financially better off than I am. Which is great. But I've worked very hard and saved and drove second hand vehicles etc. I do not live an affluent lifestyle.

I've finally told him I don't really want to talk about his will anymore but he can do whatever he wants with his own money. But he still sneaks it into conversation. Why is he doing this and what can I do about it?

Not sure location is relevant, but it is in Canada

4 siblings, trust established, parents are 91, wanting to keep Lake house until after they pass. My brother has started filling house and exterior with his stuff.
I mean 3 boats, wave runners, kayaks.
He is volatile, angry and entitled. He is aggressive towards elderly parents, we are all afraid of what he is capable of.
Is it best to have him removed and sell property prior to parents passing?
I believe he will be a problem either way.
Oh, And I am the executor of the trust.

I'm administrator of my deceased mom's will. My two sisters are the other beneficiaries, one who had POA until mom's death. Reason to believe they both took money from the estate and neither is helping me track down credits & debits. I'm in the process of getting bank and credit card statements, tax returns, social security/pension & other important info on my own so not sure need court to request a full accounting at this point. Question is will this give me enough info to thoroughly track what came in & what went out from her account? Any other documents I might need? Don't want to miss anything as my two siblings, unfortunately, cannot be trusted. Thanks.

I have a sibling that recently informed me and my other siblings that my parent has decided to leave everything to charity and incident to that all children have been removed from the will. 'They' decided to set up some kind of charity foundation. And of course has named my sibling the sole trustee of this charity. I dont really know the details because ive been completely shut out. I only know this broad info. Idk if they've already transferred assets into said foundation or it happens as a bequeathment. Does anyone know if theres anything that can be done. It had always been an equal split amongst the kids until as of recently.

I’m Jason from Hawaii all my mail goes to my moms house. I get a letter saying I have to fill out these forms and mail it back to Nation Wide insurance. So I fill it out and go with the lump sum $260k before taxes.. My brother gets the same form not sure if he fills it out and sends it back I hardly talk to him. So I wait about 6 weeks and call them to see the status of the check they tell me that I’m not the beneficiary and that they found the beneficiary I’m puzzled I ask so who is it they can’t tell me. This annuity is from my dad’s brother who didn’t have kids and his wife died. So the person said they can’t tell me but for my mom to call them up so I tell my mom to call she’s all irritated telling me why they didn’t send her the papers but she eventually does. 2 months go by and she says she got the money so I ask her what do I get from this. She says nothing cause I’m not the beneficiary I said but uncle Joe had my name on this for a reason she tells me they used me to find her which is a lie so I ask her where’s the letter they sent she says she shredded it. That’s my dad’s brother my dad passed away a few years ago. I keep telling my mom my name wasn’t on there for nothing and me filling out these forms wasn’t to find you cause no where did it say where’s my mom.. me and my brothers name wasn’t there for nothing and why would my uncle my dads brother give everything to my mom.. I’m from Hawaii and any feed back or advice will help thank you

I’m just wondering if this is a wide-spread issue in other families? Are there many older people who struggle to maintain highly-appreciated, older, too-large homes or have even moved into assisted living, yet don’t want to sell until they pass due the loss of step up in basis for their heirs?

I realize that there is a $250k/single, $500k exemption for primary residences but in expensive areas where people bought for peanuts 50 years ago, it can be an issue. Also second homes and rentals don’t get the exemption.

I get that it’s a privileged problem to have, but it does make things difficult because then the heirs have to agree over purchase price, etc., after death and of course deal with maintenance issues. And the funds are tied up and not available for care in assisted living/memory care while the person is alive.

Also it would help younger people buy homes if these homes were available on the market.