AITAH Inheritance, Wills & Estates
My spouse is 1 of 3 children. When they were still in school, they lost their mother to cancer (nearly 30 years ago).
Their father met a woman shortly after, and they lived together for 15 years before splitting up. That woman ran a hair salon from the house and wanted a form of alimony/settlement since it was his house, she was the one leaving; he ended up giving her 5k. While my spouse and their siblings were outraged at that, I honestly didn’t see the issue since she had a valid point—she was there a long while, and it was going to directly impact her business. After this, he dated a few others before settling with someone; they weren’t dating very long before she moved in (from another province), and were together barely 9 years. She was a widow, married before and seemed to be fairly wealthy; never had children she told us.
Sadly, my FIL passed away (unexpectedly, but he was approaching 80 so not shocking). Turns out, a year & a half before, the executor of his estate changed from the oldest sibling to this woman, who was now also an equal beneficiary of his estate AND the sole recipient of what remained of his pension...I found this odd, but it isn’t my immediate family so I stayed out of it.
As per his wishes, there was no funeral. It took nearly 2 weeks to post the obituary. he’d passed just before the holidays, and when his ashes were ready, she told everyone after she collected them from the funeral home that she kept them with her all day while she went shopping, eventually buying herself some jewelry…as a gift from him…in addition to stating she regularly had screaming fits when alone because of her grief…
Over the holidays, we went to visit and reminisce about my FIL. The house was fully decked out in Xmas decor, and my FIL’s ashes? On the floor, under an end table, behind a Xmas figurine. (They’re to be buried next to his first wife, my spouse’s mother when the ground thaws, in a small, private, immediate family-only service).
A few weeks after the holidays, my spouse reached out and asked when they could stop in to go through their father’s belongings, and prepare the house for the market (as outlined in the will). She put them off saying she wasn’t sleeping well, was struggling with her grief, and wasn’t able to get into grief counselling until the spring...yet was still going to bingo and socializing with others?
Three months in, she announced she’d finally gotten all the utilities switched into her name (all I could think was “you’re only getting around to that NOW?!”). Another month went by before she reached out to the lawyer who notarized the will—apparently they had passed away also (how convenient); 2-3 more weeks before she notified the bank he’d passed, she was the executor, and they froze his assets. Since then, the will has gone through probate, but very little has moved forward. She also announced that there was an payout of my FIL’s pension, and she was the sole beneficiary (um what?? why not the estate?!). According to her, he only had 1 savings account, and divided that up between the four of them. Next came the mention of a vehicle that was in fairly good shape, a utility trailer, and an all-terrain-vehicle, and whomever wanted it would need to pay out the others (reasonable, but strange). My spouse & I paid 50% of the vehicle since our child would be driving soon. Their sibling paid for the other items. When we went to pick up the vehicle, we went inside and NOTHING has been done in preparation to put it on the market. During all of this, she’s planned a “celebration of life” to take place on a random Saturday in a month from the writing of this post…despite his final wishes of not wanting anything. She’s hired a band, rented a hall, and will be putting all his homemade wine out for everyone (all without asking anyone else). When we looked over the vehicle before leaving, she casually mentions it had been her vehicle before buying the newer one she has now, and that my FIL had bought it from her after she moved in! She also dropped the bomb that her & her husband used that vehicle when they first got it to “shuttle the grandkids around”. So I said “you had kids?!” Her: “No, my husband did; it was his grandkids”…at no point in the last decade did she ever mention this—not even a hint of it. You’d think she’d have maintained contact with them if they spent enough time with them to have gotten a vehicle to shuttle them around!
I’m beginning to suspect this person may be a bit of a grifter. We’re approaching 6 months since his passing, and still no arrangements have been made for his burial, no plans for the siblings to go in and go sort his personal effects, and zero progress to get the house on the market. It feels like perhaps she’s done something similar with her husband’s family, which is why she’s never mentioned them, the grandchildren or divulged anything about her marriage other than he died (we’ve never even heard him mentioned by name).
She has been living in that house for free--and I mentioned to my spouse that isn’t right; that the siblings should request rent for each month she remained there before the estate finalizes, and to see copies of his financial statements since she had access to them (he’d always forget his PIN number so she knew what it was, and would’ve had all his cards).
AITA for thinking this is getting to be a bit suspicious, and that she’s taking advantage of the situation?