r/hospice

My Dad is 81 years old and is currently battling pneumonia and Parkinson's Disease (10+ years).

His health started quickly declining around March 16th and he's been on life support and now hospice. Hospice nurse wants to immediately give him morphine because of his shortness of breath/possible chest pains. And that doesn't sit well with my mother and I since he hadn't been administered the minor pain medications.

I honestly don't know what to say/process at this time. Any kind words or advice would help. Thx and God Bless.

I’m 29 years old and I was told today by my Mom’s oncologist that she is dying. Hospice will come meet with us tomorrow at home. That is where she wants to be. My Mom has been sick for 2 years now, and still I can’t imagine getting through the loss of my mother. A doctor is telling me I’m close to this, but I can’t fathom it. I am the homesickest of homesick people, but I’ve realized as an adult that I just need to be around my parents. I am genuinely terrified of what comes next, but I think I’m so dissociated against my own will that I feel nothing but anger, jealousy, confusion, fear…. Mad that this is happening to me. To MY Mom. I’ve been her “caregiver” since she got sick. My parents have a healthy marriage, but, my Dad couldn’t put himself through anything cancer related mentally, so I just took it on without asking questions. I’m a first time mom raising my infant while taking care of my Mom. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t really thought about the end. My husband said he’s sorry that I’m so busy taking care of her but… I like the chaos because that means she’s still here.

I am in dire need of any advice on grieving when your Mom feels like the tether holding you to Earth, the only person who truly has your best interest in mind, your safety net, etc. I hope someday my husband gives me that feeling but he just doesn’t yet. It’s my Mom. I’m happy that my Dad is healthy but I’m also terrified to watch him lose the love of his life. Advice on caregiving at home also needed.

So I guess important context here is that I’m youngish(21) and obviously completely over my head in all of this. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago. She went through treatment and was in remission until a couple months ago when she was diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer. Obviously the whole family(Mom, Dad, Little Sister, and Me) is going through this process in a new way as outside of symptom management, there is little doctors say they can do. We’ve been given a 1-2 year outlook with hopes that radiation will be able to shrink the masses some and prolong that timeframe. Anyway I guess most of that isn’t actually important to my question. Mom has been meeting with and vetting Death Doulas which I think sounds like a great plan, but I honestly don’t know how to interact with them or what to expect from them. The research I’ve done has only really confused me more as it’s hard to find info on them that’s about the caregiver’s responsibilities and not how to become one. What little Ive been able to understand feels contradictory (For example I can’t tell if the doula would pick my sister up from school to give us time with mom or if they would stay home to care for mom while I/we picked up my sister) I guess it varies from person to person, but my day is easier if I know what to expect. So if you’re a death doula or have been the caregiver of someone with a death doula, any info or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

People often use the terms "hospice" and "palliative care" interchangeably, but they are actually two different types of care. If you are navigating a serious illness for yourself or a loved one, understanding this difference is crucial.
In this short video, we break down the key differences:
Palliative Care focuses on providing relief from symptoms, pain, and stress, and it is available to anyone with a serious illness. The biggest difference is that you can receive palliative care while still receiving curative treatments.

Hospice Care is a specific type of palliative care designed for patients toward the end of life—typically when a doctor certifies a life expectancy of six months or less. To receive hospice care, a patient must choose comfort care and stop curative or life-prolonging treatments.

The Golden Rule to Remember: All hospice care is palliative, but not all palliative care is hospice.

Both options provide incredible, holistic support for physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Talk to your doctor or a local care provider today to find out which option is best for your family's situation.