Advice… Will I Get Through This?
I’m 29 years old and I was told today by my Mom’s oncologist that she is dying. Hospice will come meet with us tomorrow at home. That is where she wants to be. My Mom has been sick for 2 years now, and still I can’t imagine getting through the loss of my mother. A doctor is telling me I’m close to this, but I can’t fathom it. I am the homesickest of homesick people, but I’ve realized as an adult that I just need to be around my parents. I am genuinely terrified of what comes next, but I think I’m so dissociated against my own will that I feel nothing but anger, jealousy, confusion, fear…. Mad that this is happening to me. To MY Mom. I’ve been her “caregiver” since she got sick. My parents have a healthy marriage, but, my Dad couldn’t put himself through anything cancer related mentally, so I just took it on without asking questions. I’m a first time mom raising my infant while taking care of my Mom. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t really thought about the end. My husband said he’s sorry that I’m so busy taking care of her but… I like the chaos because that means she’s still here.
I am in dire need of any advice on grieving when your Mom feels like the tether holding you to Earth, the only person who truly has your best interest in mind, your safety net, etc. I hope someday my husband gives me that feeling but he just doesn’t yet. It’s my Mom. I’m happy that my Dad is healthy but I’m also terrified to watch him lose the love of his life. Advice on caregiving at home also needed.