r/genderfluid

So ive known my friend for years now. They used to identify as a demi boy but now theyre just nonbinary with they/them pronouns. I actually discovered my genderfluid identity by meeting them as they explained their own experience with gender so theyve always been a safe space to be myself and explore my gender.

Fast forward almost 4 years and they now live in my second bedroom as my roommate to me and my husband. Out of nowhere recently, theyve been heavily policing how I talk about my gender and what terms im "allowed" to use. They told me that because my gender isn't fixed, I can't say Im a Trans man and I also can't say Im nonbinary. They just keep saying "youre not non binary, youre not a Trans man, youre just genderfluid." I explained that genderfluid isn't my gender, it just explains that I have multiple genders I switch between, two of those genders being Trans male and nonbinary. They dismissed it again saying you can't use those terms, even going as far as saying genderfluid isn't a nonbinary identity even as an umbrella term! They keep insisting im gender nonconforming even though I dont identify with that term and they say I don't belong in Trans or nonbinary spaces. Its just so weird because of how wrong it is when theyre usually so aware of these things.

So the other day, they tried doing it again and I blew up. I pulled up the definition, told them theyre a dumbass, and to not tell me what my own gender is. They responded by ignoring me while playing on their phone and then just got up and left, locking themself in their room.

Theyve been doing that for the past 36 hours aside from when theyre at work, completly avoiding me now as if Im the one who's in the wrong for blowing up at them.

I just feel so insane about it like Im asking for a lot when its literally just me asking them to respect my identity.

What should I do about this? I haven't talked to them yet since. Do I set a boundary saying this is my identity and its not your place say how I experience and express it. Or is it even worth it at this point? Clearly evidence and explanation isn't effective, but theyre supposed to be myself friend and one of the only people I can be myself around, or so I thought.

Edit: UPDATE

I sent them a text basically saying what I said I would which was I dont need you to agree with or understand my gender but this is what I am. They texted back and this was their response. They didnt even mention the part where they said I can't be Trans male or nonbinary. Also, I sometimes say Im Trans female just because im never entirely cis even when Im femme so thats what theyre referring to.

"I think it’s fair that you feel hurt and I understand why so i don’t want to discount that, im sorry i hurt your feelings, but im feeling frustrated with the whole situation because you’ve been using labels that aren’t yours to use. It’s really been upsetting me that you said you used the label trans woman and i understand gender is complicated but that is not you, or any other afabs label to use. And it just feels like you have a misunderstanding of gender identities and labels and won’t listen to me when i try explaining. I don’t want to make it completion, but i’ve literally been here longer than you, I know what’s going on you don’t need to explain it to me and it feels condescending when you do. It’s not an excuse but that’s why i’ve been so agressive with my behavior so I am sorry for that. i’ll respect whatever you say from this point on, I don’t think that we shouldn’t have conversations about this anymore because it just turns into fights.

But also I’m frustrated because I’ve tried stopping these arguments before they go too far, but you keep going. I said it during our fight on sunday, that we should agree to disagree and you keep bypassing that and continuing to argue with me. When i say agree to disagree can we just stop?"

Tbh its hard to say agree to disagree when its my identity and theyre denying it, but at this point I might just ask them to move out just because me and my spouse have wanted our own space anyway.

As a trans fem with a few gender fluid friends,I’ve always asked this question to them but I’ve never gotten a “straight” answer

Like do you pick at random or do you choose the one you feel like you are? Sorry if this doesn’t make sense.

I am a closeted genderfluid person (AFAB) dating a nonbinary man (they/he) (AMAB). I have known that I'm genderfluid for around five years now, and it has been years since being open to it with a previous partner, until I came out to my current partner soon after we started dating. I typically identify as a woman, but identifying as a man is a big part of who I am to me as well. Navigating being viewed by my partner when I am a man has been tough at times, although I know that they never have bad intentions when something they say upsets me.

The issue that we face with it is that he will say things that basically show that he views me as an "afab man" or "trans man", and not just as a "man". This can be really tough on me, and every time something new along those lines is said, I just feel less seen in the way that I truly feel. When I feel like a man, that's just it, I am a man. I don't want to be reminded that my body is different from a cis mans body. It is so tough because feeling connected to my body when I feel like a man is important to me, both in sexual and non sexual ways. It's making it hard to be open to my boyfriend I think especially because they are amab, so they have the "real thing" in front of them in terms of an amab body, which I feel like probably accentuates the fact that I don't have that. I will be clear, they have been nothing but caring and respectful of me, using my pronouns, my preferred name, making sure I'm okay, etc. Every time a comment like that comes up, they immediately feel bad and apologize.

I have talked about this issue with them of course, and how their subconscious view of me has affected me. They have been trying to look into ways to shift their perspective. I've been feeling more lonely with my gender identity, due to the only person that I am actively consistently open to not viewing me in the way that I feel. I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and how they got through it and fought the loneliness.

TLDR; AMAB partner subconsciously viewing genderfluid AFAB partner as "amab man" or "trans man" instead of just "man" (when feeling man)

...I (amab) just worked out a lot and got really big pecs? They'd look a lot like breasts and would probably also help fill out dresses and feminine tops the like. But when I'm male they'll still feel gender-affirming because they're big muscles, so I'll be increasing my masculinity and femininity at the same time?

I really think I'm onto something here, especially since I don't want to deal with the other side effects of estrogen. Thoughts?

Hey guys so I wanted to create a brand specifically for trans genderfluid and androgynous people I am genderfluid myself but Im just one person I want to see what you guys would want to see from the fashion industry and what you think I should make and sell for my business I was thinking like binders that turn into bras or pants that turn into skirts and vice versa so let me know Id love to hear

"M" 31. Big, burly, bearded guy. The kind of guy, if I don't smile, you'd instantly judge me as a homophobic bonehead.

This is my first time posting/openly admitting that my identity is more complex than it looks from the outside. Please be nice ♥️🙏🙏🙏 this is very new to me to even allow myself these thoughts. I always knew at the back of my head...that I'm "something"./

News flash, that skinhead looking bear of a man who could intimate your dad by looking at him sideways is literally woke as fuck!

im sitting here in my dirty mechanic clothes and building heavy machinery, talking all tuff ™ and manly with my coworkers. Real man's man, you know..watch your mouth son, that kind of talk.

And im trying so, so hard not to cry right here and now. Because I want to paint my nails. And I want to feel pretty. And I'm so incredibly afraid and feel like I could never be brave enough. These dudes would..this is a very traditional toxic masculine environment. And it's incredibly fucked up to mask everyday and be like that to conform, as deviation will be punished, and judged mercilessly.

I'm not trans. I don't want to be a girl or have a problem with calling me a boy. But I'm so much more and so different from what I learned a boy and a man are supposed to be. I wanna be a queen some days. I wanna be me somedays. I want to ask my girlfriend to do my makeup and now I literally have to stop typing or I will cry right as I'm about to walk into the break room.

Thank you for reading.

Since I’ve come out as Genderfluid, I’ve come to discover that being a Genderfluid Lesbian is an incredibly isolating experience. I feel so alone, I’m so tired and sad. Are there any Genderfluid Lesbians here?

So I've come out to others in my life as genderfluid for about a year and a half now. When asked what pronouns I prefer, I usually say any/all because I genuinely don't mind if they use masculine, feminine, or other pronouns to refer to me usually.

I have a pretty clockable voice, however, and I think when others hear "Any/All" in their head they think "Oh, well then I'll just use he/him". Like, yes, technically you're right, but I'm giving you a blank check to use whatever and you go with the most obvious and uninspired answer? Spice it up every once and a while!

90% of people never change that pronoun choice and I think they genuinely forget I'm genderfluid until I show up in feminine attire and makeup and then I get awkward looks from them. (Genuinely their fault in that case, but still)

At this point I'm considering just switching to using they/them so that at least it's a little ambiguous and convenient, but is there something I'm missing here? In y'all's experience, how do other people interact with any/all pronouns?

Edit: spelling and format mistakes

I don't fit in anywhere even if I identify with being a women, man & tbh sometimes even non-binary. I know it doesn't make sense I sound like an idiot. Everyday I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I'm tired man, tired of being embarrassed of how I feel and this label. Feels like I can't connect to anyone and no one ever understands what I am. I hate myself more and more everyday. Wish I didn't even have a body anymore.

I had therapy yesterday, and I opened up to my therapist about my gender dysphoria, and when I talked about how I wanted top surgery, she started telling me things like "you'll still look like a girl" and "your face looks very feminine." It made me very upset at the moment, and maybe even angry, and when I started expressing how it made me feel, she didn't think to stop. She just kept going on about how I'll never look masculine, and I'm still really upset about it. I don't know why she did it, and I don't know why she kept saying it when I was obviously very uncomfortable and upset. I'm still kind of angry about it, and it makes me upset that she thinks I'll always look like a girl, even if I do get top surgery. Why did she think it's a good idea to say that to me???

I only recently discovered I'm genderfluid, but I experience it in a very specific way. I spent my whole life living as a male without many doubts, even though I greatly appreciated everything about the female world and hated being a man. A friend pointed this out to me, and after a few months, I can confidently say that I am genderfluid.

​Honestly, I feel a little guilty because it all seems to have happened so quickly; I feel as though I’m not respecting those who take years to reach this understanding. Another challenge is that on days when I feel more feminine, I really enjoy wearing makeup, but on more masculine days, I dislike seeing photos of myself with it on. I’m also trying to look more androgynous or gender-neutral by wearing neutral clothes and eliminating details that feel too masculine.

​Throughout my life, I’ve always told everyone I was absolutely certain of my identity, and now that I’ve changed my mind, I feel like a fraud. I don’t know exactly how to handle it; sometimes it feels like a whim, and honestly, the people around me have been more accepting of it than I am of myself

This is something I’ve been wondering about for a while. On the one hand I always feel comfortable being referred to as “they”, and I never really feel like a man/woman.

But on the other hand, sometimes I feel a bit more masculine and other times a bit more feminine. And my dysphoria changes based on which way I feel. I’m not sure if genderfluid is the right word for it but I’m not aware of any terms that better describe the way I feel.

Hello, I'm not sure how to word it correctly since I'm not genderfluid anymore and english isn't my first language, but i hope you'd understand what i mean!

When i was younger i used to be genderfluid and everytime i was feeling like a man? (AFAB) i felt like my personality was different than when i was feeling like a woman, i used to be "more flirty", outgoing and like super extroverted but when i was feeling like a woman i was shy, introverted and sensitive which is how i usually act now even though I'm a trans male

Anyone else experienced something like this? As if your personality changed with the gender you're feeling today? I'm not really sure what to do about it, it's still sometimes happening when I'm on my alt account on a game, like my personality changes with the name i use, I wouldn't say it's something that's bothering me much, I'm just curious and confused about it.

Usually when I’m in a more hypomanic state I align more with femininity and when I’m masc it’s the inverse, with me being more somber. When I’m in a more intense state however (like mania) my gender and orientation can shift and fluctuate over hours. When I’m in a major depressive episode, I feel more Agender.

Just something I noticed that I thought was interesting. Anyone else have similar experiences?

No escape from the dysphoria. I'm on estrogen right now and usually the changes are great but some days it's just like "oh god what is happening to my body".

Maybe I should just stick with testosterone if I'm gonna suffer either way because at least my genitals work better on T and sex is a big deal.

Have any of you with dysphoria learned to love being gender fluid? If so, how did you get there?

Hi there, not a usual post, but this community feels really comfortable, so I thought I'd give it a try. I'm really in need of some kind of gender euphoria and affirmation, and I think that I've found a new name that I'd like to use - Enea. Could you guys do me a favor and try it out, even just saying "Hi Enea"? That would be lovely

I'd love to hear about *your* chosen name too if you want. The first time I used mine was during an hike, writing my impressions on a notebook in a church along the way