r/depressionmeals

birria pizza

i smoke and drink too much, i overeat, the food i do eat is shit, i sleep and eat irregularly, i mismanage my time. it all feeds into my anxiety but it’s also the only thing that seems to quell it. i don’t even know where to begin deconstructing it all

been suffering from suicidal thoughts/ideation since i was ten or eleven. mental health problems started even earlier. i never actually tried to end it but i keep fantasizing about it allll the damn time. a few days ago i had a dream where i died and woke up crying because i was disappointed lmao 🤪

i played the same vinyl three times in a row to "celebrate" because music is one of the very few things that make me happy. and to be honest, so is controlling and restricting my calorie intake. i don't even miss regular candy at this point. i may be suicidal but at least i'm not suicidal because of my body 🔥 i'll never ever forget my classmates from middle and high school whispering about me behind my back or my own grandmother calling my ass huge

contrary to popular belief i actually like food and eating, i just like being in control more. it's most certainly better than when i was binging on chocolate bars and chips every single day 😐

~1000 calories for the entire day. it's pathetic to restrict even on your birthday, y'all don't have to say bc i know ❤

I could have gotten an easy A in the class, it was almost handed to me. Now I won’t and it’s my fault.

I did so badly last year that I was kicked out and had to be readmitted. I need every chance I can get to raise my GPA because I have actually hard classes and I want to go to grad school. This was an easy class and I still messed it up, which kind of makes me feel worse. I feel like this just shows that I’m just as stupid as last year and I’m never going to change. There’s something wrong with me.

Sushi to make me feel better

I’m done with her . Leftover cinabon and white claw for dinner . Cheers !

I know it is silly and won't magically cure my depression, but I wish a girl would hold my hand and tell me everything will be okay. Life is too difficult.

I think i know what’s wrong but its too much to do all by myself. Im malnourished and dehydrated and water makes my throat nauseous. I will eat normal food so i don’t like die from not enough food but then i pay the price after. My face is sullen and I’ve lost most of my muscles from laying in bed all day most days for a year.

Fuck. Bad PTSD, anxiety, depression, agoraphobia. Things have been crap for years then actually got better. Then got more PTSD last year. Just got fired. Got into tiny fender bender and the other driver is faking injuries. Had workplace injury at job before I got fired. Am legally required to submit to medical treatment for the injury but have stopped cuz of the PTSD. Never had SI til I got PTSD 6 years ago. Ugh just gotta hold on a little longer til my dog goes first.

spam out of the can (bc i don’t have energy in me to crisp it up) w rice & soy sauce :,) i also have tea but it basically looks like tea.

I recently went through a break-up that gave way to the worse depression and ‘paralysis’ that I’ve ever experienced. My mind was ready to move on, but my body wasn’t. All I could do was leave imprints in my bed, cry and maybe allot some time to hygiene or preparing a meal but never much more than that. I had to drop out of classes and I couldn’t exercise like I wanted to at all. I was deeply suicidal because of how hard it was to move on.

I tried very hard not to lean back into using sex as a crutch but I felt so alone. My family seldom makes time for me. When the breakup was still fresh, I wanted to go to the fair with them and it was a resounding no. I’d desperately try to wedge myself into whatever they were doing and just to feel not even an iota of love from them. So, I’ve been driving hours to “hang out” and hook up with people. Doubles as an excuse to be away from the house. It hasn't been great, but it's all I have right now.

I wanted to gift one of my fwbs something for all the support they’ve given me. It was nothing insane, just briefs and an incense holder they liked. While I had been out, my mother, with her infinite knowledge and empathy, decided to toss it. When I asked her, she was immediately on the offense. “Why didn't you tell us? You're supposed to tell us when you buy things, never mind the fact that this has never been a requirement ever. You never talk to me. It's your fault.” I had a pretty good straightman role played for the whole thing, but somehow it devolved into me making the mistake of being vulnerable to my mother. She couldn't help herself, so instead of acknowledging it, she immediately went to a low blow and refused to respond to any of my texts shortly after.

It wasn't even 12 in the afternoon and I was already in crisis mode. I don't want to do any of this anymore. I don't have a support system, I don't have help, I'm doing everything on my own and I'm struggling to meet any metric of worth. I will never be loved and I will never be valued. So, I'm not going to do anything. I am going to indulge until I hopefully die.

The best way to take a large amount of insulin is to have some carbs for it to work on. So I have this meal from the other day. Carbs and protein will hit me less hard.

My grandmother makes it better than I can but it still was alright. Made me feel good for a bit. then I felt fat.