u/InformalFishingSong

Fuck. Bad PTSD, anxiety, depression, agoraphobia. Things have been crap for years then actually got better. Then got more PTSD last year. Just got fired. Got into tiny fender bender and the other driver is faking injuries. Had workplace injury at job before I got fired. Am legally required to submit to medical treatment for the injury but have stopped cuz of the PTSD. Never had SI til I got PTSD 6 years ago. Ugh just gotta hold on a little longer til my dog goes first.

He isn’t dead yet but I marked it Rainbow Bridge.

He really has been the best boy. I got him right after high school. I think it was a backyard breeding situation but I didn’t know better. He’s the best $200 I’ve ever spent. He was so small he could fit in the palm of my hand. It was cold out in late September so the lady cut the tube off a tube sock and cut lil arm holes out and made him a lil sweater!

He’s 16 now. He’s been on hospice for dementia since December. It’s getting close. I promised I wouldn’t be selfish and keep him for too long. He could last much longer since medically he’s fine but with the dementia it would be cruel.

A couple months ago he got tangled up in his blankets and I went to help him. I flipped him over and his arm bent in a weird way. He didn’t cry but started limping. The vet said a ligament was torn and she recommended amputation. I can’t do body horror stuff to him right at the end! Just start chopping off limbs right before he dies anyways?? I declined surgery and he’s actually got along well. The vet agrees the arm is okay and doesn’t seem painful at all. So he just has a little limp now. Because I’m a piece of shit and didn’t pay attention to what I was doing.

He spends his days in a 40x80” playpen for his safety. I’m not working so I’m spending 24/7 with him. He still has an appetite and gets up to eat and potty. Sometimes he cries at night but not lately since I’ve been on-time with his meds. Man, I really wanted him to live forever.