u/LarkAlaric

Reasons I am unlovable

I’ve been kicked out of friend groups before and mocked for how difficult I am. I can’t seem to make most relationships last and I’m very rarely good enough for anyone

I’m socially anxious and awkward. I’m never the type to be immediately fun and interesting, it takes a lot of repeated attempts for people to get to know me and for me to open up. I’m autistic and I act like a complete freak

I barely have any close friends. Most of them have ditched me because my mental health was so bad. I’ve alienated nearly everyone at this point.

I’ve been sexually abused four different times leaving me unable to truly be intimate and open with romantic/sexual partners. I dissociate during sex and struggle to verbalize my needs. I also feel intense shame for how many times I’ve been taken advantage of. I’m afraid that it might be my fault I’ve been raped more than once.

I’m never chosen or preferred. Nobody truly picks me first. I’m almost always on the back burner or on the sidelines.

I’m so depressed and negative all the time. I hate my life and feel intense bitterness towards the other people around me for having it better.

I’m not a cis woman. My body isn’t naturally feminine. I have terrible dysphoria. I can’t bear children and I’ll need to change my legal name, identification documents, and have sexual reassignment surgery in order to truly be accepted by society.

I have an abusive past that left me with debilitating mental issues. I can’t function like normal people and I find everyday life exhausting and stressful. I spent my childhood being hit, yelled at, strangled, beaten, shaken and grabbed, threatened, and degraded.

I am utterly worthless. I have no future and I know it. All my life my parents have called me worthless or stupid or pathetic. Nearly everyone believes I have no potential and will always be a mess.

I can’t think of a single memory or moment from the last 25 years that I can honestly say I’m glad to be alive for. Not a single second or day or week or year in my 25 years of living has ever convinced me that I should stay alive.

If I was truly lovable wouldn’t love have found me at this point? How long does someone like me have to wait? Why does everyone else around me have people that love and cherish them while I’m completely. I should qualify for assisted suicide because there is no point in living a life like this.