u/Infinite-Crab6312

I lost my husband two years ago. Three kids — two teenagers and an 8 year old. The first year was just white-knuckling through every single day. Grief on top of grief on top of keeping the house running and making sure they were okay. I didn't even register myself as a person who had needs.

Now it's been two years and something has shifted. I notice men. My body notices men. When someone touches my arm in passing I feel it everywhere and it scares me a little how strong that reaction is. I didn't plan for this. It just showed up.

Friends took me out last night and basically told me to make a dating profile or at least have a casual hookup. I laughed it off. But it's been sitting with me ever since.

I'm a senior executive at a finance firm. Two men I work with are clearly interested. One's early 50s, I'm pretty sure he's looking for something casual. The other is mid-40s and gives off relationship energy. I'm attracted to both of them, which is its own problem. Last time I dated I was 20 years old. I don't even know how this works anymore.

But underneath all the logistics, the thing I can't shake is this every time I let myself want this, I feel like I'm betraying my husband. I know that's not rational. I know he's gone. I know life goes on. But the guilt is real and it doesn't care about logic.

Another thing I often mastrubatute to my husband and i know it's extremely creepy but he was my high school sweetheart and all, this is i don't know right or wrong

I guess I'm asking how do you get out of your own way? How do you let yourself want something again without feeling like you're erasing the person you loved?

I lost my husband two years ago. Three kids — two teenagers and an 8 year old. The first year was just white-knuckling through every single day. Grief on top of grief on top of keeping the house running and making sure they were okay. I didn't even register myself as a person who had needs.

Now it's been two years and something has shifted. I notice men. My body notices men. When someone touches my arm in passing I feel it everywhere and it scares me a little how strong that reaction is. I didn't plan for this. It just showed up.

Friends took me out last night and basically told me to make a dating profile or at least have a casual hookup. I laughed it off. But it's been sitting with me ever since.

I'm a senior executive at a finance firm. Two men I work with are clearly interested. One's early 50s, I'm pretty sure he's looking for something casual. The other is mid-40s and gives off relationship energy. I'm attracted to both of them, which is its own problem. Last time I dated I was 20 years old. I don't even know how this works anymore.

But underneath all the logistics, the thing I can't shake is this every time I let myself want this, I feel like I'm betraying my husband. I know that's not rational. I know he's gone. I know life goes on. But the guilt is real and it doesn't care about logic.

I guess I'm asking how do you get out of your own way? How do you let yourself want something again without feeling like you're erasing the person you loved?

I'm 44F. Lost my husband two years ago. It's been me and three kids since two teenagers and my youngest who just turned 8.

The first year I was just surviving. Grief, routines, keeping everything together for them. I didn't even let myself think about my own needs. But somewhere in year two, something quietly shifted. For the first time, I started feeling the loneliness not just emotionally but physically too. Like I'd been holding my breath and finally noticed.

Some close friends recently encouraged me to try dating again. Maybe just casually, maybe a profile. I brushed it off in the moment but it stayed with me.

So yesterday I did what felt like the right thing I sat down with my two teenagers and gently brought it up. Not "I'm seeing someone," just asking how they'd feel if, someday, I started dating. Maybe eventually remarried. I made sure they understood no one would replace their dad. That's not even possible.

What came back at me was something I wasn't fully prepared for.

They said remarriage means someone else becomes my husband and that IS replacing their dad. They talked about me having a new family, new in-laws, a new last name. They said when I eventually die, I'd be buried next to someone else and their dad would be alone.

My older boy was visibly angry. My other one started crying.

And then one of them said something that really stopped me: if their dad is replaceable to me, does that mean they're replaceable too? If something happened to one of them, would I just... move on and replace them?

I felt it like a punch. That guilt landed somewhere deep stomach

I know logically that a widow dating again isn't a betrayal. I know my husband would not have wanted me to be alone forever. I know that loving someone new doesn't erase what we had.

But sitting across from my kids watching them hurt it made me feel like even wanting this makes me a bad mother. Like my loneliness is somehow selfish.

I'm not asking whether I have the right to date. I know I do. I'm asking how you hold that right alongside the reality of kids who are genuinely not ready, and who are still grieving in ways I maybe underestimated.

Has anyone been here How did you navigate it?

I’m trying to understand something deeply personal, and I hope this comes across respectfully.

For widowed moms, what was your journey like after losing your husband?

How did grief actually feel in the long run not just in the first few months, but over time while raising kids and rebuilding life? At what point did you start feeling emotionally ready to even think about another relationship?

If you did move forward, how did you choose your next partner? Was it something that happened naturally, or did it take a lot of internal struggle and hesitation?

Also, something more personal how difficult was it the first time you were physically intimate with someone else after your husband passed away? Was there guilt, emotional conflict, or comparison? Or did it feel like a step toward healing?

I’m not asking out of judgment just trying to understand the emotional reality of moving forward after such a loss.

So I (46M) need some perspective because I genuinely don't know how to handle this situation.

Some background. My fiancee (44F) is a widow. Her husband passed away about 4 years ago. She has a teenage son (14M). We've been together for over a 2 years and things were going well we were talking about moving in together, getting married eventually, building something real. I have 3 kids too so I understood this needed to be handled carefully. I wasn't rushing anything with her son. I gave him space. I was patient.

Then one day she was really mad at him over something and in the heat of the moment she kept him home to study for exams while we went on a short family trip both our families together it was actually pre planned. I don't know exactly what she was thinking. But I watched her the entire trip and she wasn't happy. She felt guilty the whole time. She bought him a ton of things while we were there.

When we got back everything exploded. He was crying and furious and he directed all of it at me and my kids. Accused me of telling his mom to leave him behind. Said my kids are taking up all his mom's time, that we're "playing family" and he's not family. He said that last part and I don't think I'll forget it. Because you could see how broken he was underneath all the anger

We tried to talk to him. He shut us out completely.

Then things got worse fast. He reached out to his dad's parents and his dad's sisters and told them everything, I don't know exactly what he said but whatever it was, they came in hard. Called a meeting with my fiancee. Told her what she did was evil. That she didn't deserve to be a mother. That she was moving too fast and abandoning her grieving son.

And then they gave her an ultimatum. Either she puts the relationship on hold or they pursue custody of her son. Custody. Over a relationship.

So now all talk of a wedding or moving in together is on hold indefinitely, we were planned to marry in August and prepration were started. I've been asked to stay away from the house for the next few months. My kids have been told to have no contact with her son or her family at all.

I'm not angry at her son. I genuinely mean that. He lost his dad and he's clearly still drowning in that and I feel for him. But I'm sitting here with no timeline, no say in anything, waiting on a situation that is now entirely controlled by people who basically see me as the problem.

My girlfriend is doing her best but she's caught between her son, her late husband's family, and me and it's pretty obvious I'm at the bottom of that list right now. And her son from what I can tell is pushing for her to end this completely. Cancel the wedding, cut the relationship, full stop.

I don't know what I'm actually waiting for at this point. Did the extended family ever let go of this kind of grip or did they just keep having this level of power? Is there anything I can actually do or is it genuinely just wait and hope I'm not ready to walk away from her.