r/asexuality

Why do people judge us and tell us that “we haven’t met the right person” or that we are “just really introverted”, when they can shut the fuck up and mind their own business?

I'm 15 and I'm aroace but my father says I can't use that because I could feel romantic and sexual attraction someday and that the reason I don't is because I want to be different or because I repress my feelings.

But it's okay for my 11-year-old brother can be pansexual and grayromantic (his romantic attraction is like a pop-up shop, it comes, then it goes).

But basically, are you guys okay if I use it because I have never felt romantic or sexual attraction ever and I'm not saying that will never change but right now it feels like the right word.

Thank you for responses!

I'm 15 and aroace and my father tells me it's because I'm a late bloomer and because I want to be different or because I repress my feelings. Meanwhile my 11-year-old brother is grayromantic (romantic attraction for him is like a pop-up shop, it comes, then it goes) and pansexual. How does that make sense?

Not to mention I'm agender and go by any/all pronouns but he gets defensive when someone else calls me by masculine pronouns or when I say something like "I'm a big boy" he gets pissed.

I just wish he would shut the hell up, I know I'm not a boy, I'm not even trying to be a boy + I can un-aroace myself!

The first thing that kinda of made me question this is whenever I'd see women/AFAB talk about their experiences during ovulation and I thought it was a meme. I genuinely didn't think people actually felt these desires until I was a little older and realized that huh.. I don't. I have never fantasized about sex or wanted to do it no matter how attractive I'd imagine the man, or woman (I did question if I was lesbian for a minute LOL). However I'd still want to form a romantic relationship and share the bond without the sexual components. I imagine I wouldn't exactly mind trying it (?) but for it to be a habitual occurance doesnt sound intriguing nor enticing to me i guess. I don't know, I guess asexuality is a spectrum as well I just wanted to see if other people shared my experiences/feelings !

This is probably so annyoing for yall to read this question, because yall have probably heard this question million times but idk anyone who is asexual ir could ask.

As most people i have watched porn in the past and i have masturbated to it and did enjoy it and that was about all. I never had a partner, im a virgin and im 20 years old.

In the past i thought that when i would grow up i gonna find a partner and we would do what partners do and didnt question it. But for the past 3 years or so i just cannot imagine having sex. It actually disgusts me. I tried masturbating but no it doesnt feel good at all. Just feeling and thinking like ,,wtf am i doing" and climax is just really empty.

I do have sex truama from a situationship but that was AFTER i started feeling this way, because i got talked into some stuff that i really didnt want to do so i was just basicly emotionless at that moment. Idk if that makes sense.

That being said, i dont care if i am or not, im just trying to figure out who i am, because im really confused about myself in many things lol.

I’m wondering if I might be asexual. I have a foot fetish and can be into that, but I’m not sexually attracted to literally anything else about women/the female body and have basically no interest in sex itself. Has anyone else experienced something similar?

For context, I’m an ace who is sex averse/repulsed, so I don’t see any appeal in having sex ever. This is key part of my asexuality: I don’t like people sexually so I don’t have sex with anyone. But this is just my experience as an ace.

So, I have been wondering about aces who have sex, because I don’t understand how that works. What makes you want to have sex, if you aren’t sexually attracted to people? And how does it feel to have sex if you aren’t attracted to the person? Do most aces who have sex identify with labels like graysexual or demisexual?

I made this post, because I want to understand the ace spectrum better and hear about other ace people’s experieces. Thank you for everyone who answers!

like if you’re not ace i feel that you just don’t understand? thats prolly insensitive to me but from my experience, no one understands or takes me seriously

i don’t even tell people im aroace anymore because it’s too complicated to explain :(

like yes i’m not able to be attracted to someone but i don’t want to be alone and i cry everyday about it

Okay, so I've known that I was asexual and lesbian for about four years now, but I could never tell you what my gender is. For a bit, I've just been living as a cis girl or demigirl. But that doesn't work for me as much anymore. It just doesn't fit right for me.

Then I learned about the term agender. ​​

I'm not sure if this fits either, but it makes the most sense for me right now. No genders make me feel like me, so I guess this would fit that kind of spectrum, but it still feels like something is missing.

If any of you had similar experiences, please give me some advice, cos I am having a crisis(not literally, I'm just being dramatic).

I was out with a friend a few weeks ago, and they were a little drunk when the conversation turned to my asexuality. At one point, they said they were going to find me a nice butch to just rail me, and then I wouldn't be ace anymore. I called out their behaviour on the spot as severely acephobic, but it has left a sour taste in my mouth.

I love my aceness, and I am tired of people treating me like there is something wrong with me because I am not sexually attracted to people. I am tired of people, especially other members of the LGBTQIA+ community, trying to "fix" me. I just wish more people would accept me for all of me, and that includes my asexuality.

Hey, I'm probably overthinking this so I'd love some advice from fellow ace/queer people. I'm 25F and have identified as ace for a long time and am probably demiromantic/grayromantic. I've been having a few bad months and a friend, also 25F came to stay over for a week to keep me company and it was really nice. We've been friends for over 5 years now and she knows I am ace and we basically came out to each other the first time we spoke, she's gay and has been trying to online date someone for a few weeks now. At some point we started cuddling and holding hands on the couch while watching something and ended up spending a whole day and a half napping together in each others arms and just generally touching a lot.

She's definitely more physically affectionate while I'm more physically reserved and physical touch is harder for me but I really enjoyed it because I'm def also really touch starved. I've never been this physically close to anyone in my life before, never had a relationship, and it was just really intimate. I'm not sure we're going to do it again but it felt really casual while it happened. We didn't talk about it and now I'm kind of unsure if it was (just) platonic (for me or her) and I don't know how to read it. I struggle a lot with navigating and reading romantic/physical attraction which is why I'm definitely overthinking.

She left this morning and I'm kind of having a hard day because I'm alone again, and I just kinda wanna talk to her but also don't want to be needy. I hope I am making any sense. Maybe anyone here has any thoughts on this?

In the past year or so, I've come to identify myself as asexual to myself and a few of my close friends, which has been around a decade in the making after much, much internal debate and reflection. I've never had sex (27F), have no desire to and being in a situation where it is offered is anxiety-inducing. It's taken me a while to realise that this is anxiety related to rejecting something I have no desire for rather than just general anxiety (lol) As it's been a long time coming, I'm mostly feeling okay about it and I don't feel as if I'm "missing out" on sex. I find it fun to have "crushes" on people I find aesthetically pleasing and I'm happy with that.

The thing I'm having a lot of trouble with at the minute (and have had forever, really) is the fact that I've never been in a romantic relationship. I've been asked out multiple times, but each time rejected them due to feelings of severe anxiety that I'd never been able to explain. I've gone on dating apps and had fun texting but as soon as a real date was offered, I back off immediately. So, I've been throwing around the idea that I'm probably aromantic too.

The issue is I WANT to be in a relationship so badly, but (is this odd to say??) I can't make myself do it. Like, I want to be married so badly and to have a family and if I ever get over my fear of childbirth I'd love to have kids. It's just that the thought of going on dates and having to be intimate makes me feel as if I want to hide.

It's also (I think) becoming a worry to my family that I've never been in a relationship and I'm starting to feel as if I'm being - not judged - but definitely worried about and its become an open topic of conversation about finding me a husband. Anyway, telling them isn't really an option. I still want to be loved, you know? It's just that you can't really go on Hinge and be like, look I'm not after anything that you are but do you want to be in a relationship and get married even though blah blah blah. ANYWAY!

All of this to say... is it possible to be in a sort-of-not-really romantic relationship and get married and have kids while being ace (and likely aro) without EVER having to explain it to your family. And how does one go about it?

Hi, my name is Ghost. I’m 18, 19 soon. I’ve known I was on the aroace spectrum since I was aorund 13, but I’m apparently more aroace than I thought, since I’ve never actually had a crush on anyone nor felt sexual attraction to them. As for where I fall, I’m ambivalent to both sex and romance, only wanting them under very specific circumstances. I’m also lesbian, if that matters.

I don’t know. I just feel so alone. My friends tell me how they love their partners and I just feel like I’m missing out on something crucial. Although I am aroace, I still yearn for romance and sex, just with the right person. I’m currently indifferent to either, but I still feel like I’m missing something special. I want to make gifts for my girlfriend, I want to go on dates, I want to hold her hand, I want to kiss, I want to lose my virginity.

Like yes, I can satisfy myself sexually but I still feel as though I’m missing part of the experience that so many ppl go crazy out. I feel like my friends are getting partners and having sex and I’m being left behind. I’m gonna be 20 next year and I’m worried I’ll always be alone, still with no girlfriend and still a virgin.

How to deal with this loneliness? A QPR? The last one I attempted to be in was with a person that pushed my boundaries way too soon.

Is being alone, just reading stories of girl love and fanfiction, daydreaming for what could potentially come one day if the chances are right, is that all I have to look forward to as an aroace person?

How to deal with the emptiness that comes with being aroace?

So for a little now I've hooked up with a few ppl but didnt like it, felt bad after, and that it was a waste of time, which I could be doing something else. I've done it with one of my close friends before tho and had a great time. Also I do like porn more then having sex idk if thats normal tho.

I am Bellusromantic as well and help/ feedback is welcomed

I (f?) have always questioned my romantic orientation and wondered if it’s just aesthetic attraction. Can anyone describe how romantic attraction feels like because I’m questioning if I actually feel it?

Note: I posted this in this subreddit because it’d be nice to hear what romantic attraction feels like without the sexual attraction; from an asexual perspective