Closing this chapter
After four years, two IUIs, and four FETs using donor embryos, I just withdrew from my clinic. I’m 44 now and never imagined I still wouldn’t have a baby. The appeal of being pregnant and caring for an infant is no longer there for me. It’s a disappointing outcome and I do grieve for what could have been, but this is the right choice for me. Knowing I’ll never again have to take a hormone that makes me feel *awful*, stick a giant needle in my back side, get a vaginal sonogram (sooooo many), or pee on a stick only for a single line to appear, is such a relief! I really didn’t have another transfer in me. And I know I’ll be happy whether I’m a mom or not.
I’m proud of myself for doing this. Please be proud of yourself too—this takes enormous courage! And don’t be afraid to admit you may not want this anymore. I heard women talk about how they ended IVF with no baby because they didn’t want to do it anymore. I didn’t understand that, but now I do. It takes a toll. I am sad, but I feel liberated freeing my mind and body of this ❤️