Hi all,
As the title states, my wife gave me my marching orders today. I’ve been grieving a bit already for a few months expecting this day to come so part of me is relieved. Definitely not shocked by the revelation.
Unfortunately, now I get to try and explain it to my 10 and 4 year old boys.
Any advice?
So recently visiting my son I talked with my sons mother for a little bit, and she mentioned how last year I didn’t get her a gift for Mother’s Day and how her grandma said “shame on him” about me. Mind you last year kinda a week before Mother’s Day she blew up on me over some dumb stuff and I took back what I had got her, and this past year she has treated me not the best and I don’t get a lot of say of what my son does or when I want to see him. I guess what I’m trying to ask is am I a bad person for not wanting to get her anything? It’s “from my son” but I’m paying for it, but she’ll probably get something from her mom/dad or siblings anyways. I just can’t stomach the fact of doing something nice for her when I’ve been treated like absolute shit the past 2 years.
I found a GPS tracker hidden in my daughter's backpack during a pickup. She was already upset before I even asked about it. I kept my voice calm, took it out, and just told her none of this was her fault and she didn't need to worry. What bothered me most wasn't even the tracker. It was realizing how much pressure kids can feel when they're stuck between two parents who don't get along.
I focus hard on making my home the calm place where they don't feel interrogated or stressed. But situations like this test that.
If you've dealt with this and want to talk through how I handled the documentation side, feel free to DM me.
Fellas don’t give up hope! I was awarded full custody of my two boys and the judge wasn’t going for the BS that some women pull. Have your proof of being a good father, spend the money and hire a good attorney, KEEP on FIGHTING! I know it isn’t easy and I know it’s cheaper to say forget it and move on…But we made these kids and we shouldn’t let a bitter and angry spouse alienate and brainwash our children because they can’t put the children first beyond their BS. Hold your head and wipe those tears and go to war for yours fellas!!! I promise you it’ll be worth it in the end!
Divorced 2 years with three kids. Oldest snd his mother have a fractured relationship. She tells him he is mentally ill. Has tried to have him put in a mental hospital, calls the cops on him frequently in arguments over things like curfews and screen-time. Ludicrous. He is a sweet kid. 14 now.
I was awarded 80% custody of him due to some of the more wild accusations she has made about him and my son signing an affidavit of election. Other boys are still 50/50.
That order is now signed. But last night she kicked him out, called me screaming at midnight and told me to come get him. Told him to his face that he is “not welcome in the home.” And she says she feels “unsafe.” Does not want him back.
I recorded the conversation. She is swearing and sounds unhinged. I sent to their reunification therapist and separately to my lawyer.
Do I sue her for full custody? Or let it lie and just let him stay with me? I am concerned the pattern will repeat again with the other boys when they are older
I expected it at some point. Not now.
After abruptly leaving me 5 months ago (and a very hostile breakup), she was absolutely adamant about being alone. Needed space to work through her traumas. Use the time to work on herself.
Our daughter told me last week a man had been to the house, and they'd met in the park too.
So I said to my ex straight yesterday, could we agree that if either of us meet someone, to inform each other for the benefit of knowing who's around our child. I know this would be a big thing for her if I ever met someone.
What I didn't expect was a revealing that there is.
It's been a very turbulent few years. We've split three times. I know I'll be okay in future.
But it is a real punch to the gut when you learn they've moved on so quickly. The thoughts of them with someone else. Just makes you feel sick. Makes you feel replaceable.
Gutted.
Would you date and then support and move in with a pessimistic woman whose kids often or mostly misbehave?
My ex told me when she left she's going to easily find a single dad and rubbed it in my face saying you guys would understand kids more etc. and you'd be more willing to step up and help with the 3 kids and pay for everything including rent or car and phone payments.
I helped this single mom with her kids but eventually was only allowed to buy them food and video games and not discipline them. I could take them places but not tell them how to behave in my car.
I helped this woman start a cleaning business. I helped her a little with her mindset which was very negative and still is. And I was very helpful with the kids. They are actually all very loving and kind to me, but still misbehave for others. Being a child of a single mother myself I knew what it took to be a good stepdad. The kids saw it even if the mom didnt.
She left me and said she wants a single dad and that you guys are more likely to step up and take care of her the way she needs.
Would you be willing to take on a woman and three kids and pay for everything, house, cars, etc if the woman was extremely negative and the kids always misbehaved?
Guy i’m seeing has a two year old 50/50 custody and out of nowhere said he’s too distracted and disconnected from dating and romance, and wants to take a break from dating all together I don’t have kids of my own but just want some perspective on what’s it like to be a single dad navigating relationships and what would push you to feel like you can’t date? I wish i could’ve had that conversation with him instead but he wasn’t welcoming of it TIA
So this happened by accident yesterday. I came home at around 8:45pm and promptly fell asleep. I normally don't go to bed before 11:30. I woke up super early, like 4:00, fully rested and ready to go.
I went downstairs and did the dishes and started the machine. I started and finished 2 loads of laundry. I cooked a bunch of chicken for the week and made some rice. I cleaned out the fridge. I had time still, so I went outside and watered all the plants, veggies, and trees. I made breakfast for the kids. I responded to all hanging work emails.
There was NO rush or panic getting the kids ready for school. This was the most relaxing and productive morning I've had in YEARS!!!
So my question is...does anyone do this as a regular habit? Go to sleep very early, then wake up early and get a bunch of stuff done (without interruption)? I usually am too tired at night to do anything but also don't go to sleep. This seems strange but far more efficient and satisfying. So just checking if this works for anyone.
How did you guys handle the emotional side when your kids left and the house felt empty? How did you rebuild routine and stability?
So last week I posted here and got a ton of responses—almost all of them said “lawyer up.”
I get it. I really do. I want one. I’ve called like 5 at this point and every single one wants a few thousand upfront. I just don’t have that right now. Not even close.
This morning I tried posting again but I was honestly kind of spiraling and it came out messy, so I’m trying again a little more level-headed.
I’ve been separated from my ex (never married) for a few months. We’ve been doing an informal 2-2-3 schedule with our daughter, but nothing is actually set in stone. No court order, nothing official.
The problem is it’s starting to fall apart.
A big issue is childcare. I work a lot (including evenings), and she’s basically made it clear she doesn’t trust or agree with anyone watching our daughter except her or her parents. So when I’m working during “my time,” she ends up taking over anyway.
So now it feels like:
my time isn’t really my time
everything is getting bent around my work schedule
and I don’t actually have a say in how my own parenting time works
I’ve tried to talk about getting things legalized and setting real structure, but it goes nowhere.
I’m at the point where I feel like the only real solution is filing for custody and getting to conciliation so we have actual rules.
But I’m honestly scared to do it without a lawyer.
I don’t want to mess something up and end up in a worse position than I’m already in. At the same time, waiting to save money feels like I’m just letting things get more messy and one-sided.
So I guess I’m asking:
If you were in my position, would you:
wait and try to save for a lawyer first?
or
file on your own to get the process started
Any advice or experiences would really help. I feel pretty stuck right now.
Edit: We weren’t married.
I’m after some advice; I have a child arrangements order (UK) where I am meant to see my children every other weekend but my ex-wife is being nasty and is manipulating the children. I’m ready to check out because the situation is toxic.
I have a boy and a girl and the boy has already checked out back in December citing that I ask awkward questions and I have no doubt it was because my ex-wife was making him lie on her behalf such as where they’re living after the marital home was sold. I had the same consistent lie that they were living with their nan even though I knew that not to be the case because the “garden was being renovated”. This is one example of a number of things and the difficult situations the kids are being made to lie about. My little girl is hanging on in there but I keep getting guilt tripped by the ex-wife to take her to things she has arranged for her on her time with me and I say no because of distance and her lack of appetite to be up early on a weekend to go to do whatever it is that is planned. There have been a few times I’ve taken her to pre-planned events and she has turned around and said “I didn’t really want to go” and so on. I then get the guilt trip messages for not attending these pre-planned events so my little girl is obviously being used as an instrument to try to get to me.
I feel the whole situation is toxic and damaging the children’s mental health as well as beating down mine when I’ve done my time in therapy. I’ve thought about court to set her straight but sense this will need to go through mediation first. I’m not sure I’ve got it in me plus the expense to end up with no different as I know my ex-wife is vindictive and stubborn so don’t see it will make any difference whatsoever.
Can I ask for advice from anyone that has been in this situation? I thought about a letter from a solicitor to say I want to back out of the child arrangement order citing the reasons why as I feel myself doing it would be met with abuse. Its my piece of evidence to the children if they reach out in the future to show I tried and it was their mum that was the issue and not that I didn’t care. Or do I need to go back to court to get the order changed rather than an informal change? I’d rather not go through the court process again. The divorce was drawn out and expensive so seeking the path of least resistance. They are both primary school age so still very young and impressionable, and my ex-wife is a narcissist and volatile towards me.
Australia base. I’m going through a Child Support hardship assessment, but they’ve still issued a garnishment order to my employer for about $2,700 per fortnight.
My normal after‑tax income is around $4,800–$4,900, but half of that is commission. Because of stress, I won’t earn any commission this month, so my next two pays will only be about $2,500 — less than the garnishment amount.
My essential living costs (rent, utilities, internet, car repayments, insurance, fuel, credit card minimums, etc.) are around $2,000–$2,200 a fortnight.
This all started when I finally lodged several years of overdue tax returns. Most of my arrears come from the last 4 years where I underestimated my income. But Child Support refuses to adjust the earlier years where I overestimated my income, even though those assessments were based on incorrect figures. They keep referring to section 3.3.3 and say they won’t review those years, which means the debt won’t go down.
The mother won’t accept private payments, so I have no flexibility.
I’m extremely stressed, running on almost no money, and close to homelessness.
Can lawyers or Legal Aid actually help with this kind of situation?
What can I do while the hardship assessment is still pending?
Any advice would help.
Hi everyone,
I'm a single father with two children girls (11 and 15). We are currently being asked to vacate our current room rental by May 31, 2026, and I'm urgently looking for a new place to live in Orange County
About me:
25+ years of experience as a software engineer / programmer
Currently building my own AI startup
Green card holder – fully legal in the U.S.
I receive Food Stamps (EBT) and am actively working on my project
I do not drink, smoke, or use any substances at all
Clean, quiet, and responsible
No friends or family in the area I can stay with
I'm looking for a private room (or a room in a shared house/apartment) where I can live with my two kids and our pets (cat + dog). I understand this is a lot to ask, but I'm a stable, hardworking person who just needs a safe place for my family right now.
I can pay rent on time and will be a respectful, low-drama housemate. I'm happy to provide references or answer any questions.
If anyone has a room available, knows someone who does, or can point me in the right direction, I would be truly grateful.
Please DM me or comment below. Thank you so much for reading.
Andrew
me and my son were like twin souls. everything we liked the other one liked. i never had to force anything on him, we enjoyed the same hobbies, tv shows, shared many of the same outlook and views on life. it was amazing and made bonding effortless. but i never get carried away and i still make sure to be a father and guide him. so much that one day, as i was walking with him in the target. he tugs on my hand. i go "what is it?" he says "at school today, the teacher asked who is better. batman, superman, or spiderman? and i said "DADDY!!!!!!" i teared a little. i asked him "why did you tell the teacher that?" and he replies "because daddy fixing everything!". but because of his mothers constant and repeatedly infidelity with many, many, different individuals, i couldnt stay there anymore.
I’m at the point where i know i need to get things legalized… i’ve tried asking many times now for her to agree so we don’t have to involve lawyers but protect ourselves and get something on paper. but it’s always “ill think about it” or “we’ll see”.
but since we separated (not married) the one thing that’s been agreed to and followed through with is 2-2-3 50/50 custody schedule… just informally.
now though, we’ve started running into the issue of I have a new job and and my ex refuses to let anyone watch our child during my blocks that’s not her or her parents…. Yes i’ve been told it doesn’t matter what she thinks but we both are on the lease here even though she moved out to live with her parents and “i have childcare covered” would set off a bomb, have her keep my girl from me next time she has her, or even she would just show up and take her… idk.
the real issue is i have no savings available and i feel like im in a spot where i need to lawyer up NOW not in months where ive finally saved up enough to retain. idk what to do. i feel very hopeless and stuck.
i’ve called a few different lawyers and their all the same story: $250-$300 up front just for a consultation… ++>$2000 to retain. I just cannot afford that rn.
My girl is the most important thing in the world to me… i can’t lose her… not even temporarily while i wait and save… it’ll kill me.
I’m a 23yo Father and I’ve just been having a really rough time since me and my babymama broke up and I just wanted to know how long did it take and how were you able to move forward once your family unit was broken. We broke up about 8 months ago have been really co-parenting for 5 and it’s been the toughest period of my life. We broke up due to issues that I had and it affected our relationship(NOT abuse but more so personal problems I’d been dealing with for a long time). I’ve since went to therapy and it’s helped tremendously but at the moment she still doesn’t want to get back together and I honestly don’t know if we ever will. I’m trying to move forward and I still see my daughter almost everyday but it just hurts knowing what I used to have and I loved them both so deeply struggle to get through most days. She has since started dating someone and she tells me it’s not serious and still sent memories of our relationship just last week but I still assume the worst. I tried dating someone too but I’m just not ready and had to break it off. For those who had to move on how did you? How were you able to get over the loss? Any and all answers are helpful and appreciated.
i’ve got a toddler (under 2). me and his mom co parent, we’re both involved, and i have him a little over half the time. i work pretty early mornings and some weekends, so childcare has been a big thing for me. i’m pretty strict about not introducing people to my son unless it’s serious. honestly i haven’t even gotten to that point with anyone yet, and he’s not even 2, so i’ve just avoided it because i don’t want people coming in and out of his life.
which is kinda how i got myself into a bit of a pickle here…
i’m starting to fall for someone who was already in his life. i know how that sounds, but it really wasn’t like that. she was around before anything like this was even a thought. she’s a full time nanny and ended up helping me out with my son when i was in a really bad spot and would’ve been screwed without childcare, even though her schedule was already full. this was back when i was scrambling last minute trying to cover a few long shifts and didn’t have many options. she didn’t have to do that, especially for someone she barely knew, but she did.
my son already knows her, she’s around him a lot, and he’s really attached to her. i’ve honestly never seen him take to someone like that, and one of the things i like most about her is how good she is with him. she’s super patient with him and keeps everything really routine and calm, which he responds to a lot.
now i’m kinda stuck. part of me feels like i’m going against my own rule, even though i didn’t introduce her that way, but at the same time it doesn’t feel rushed or messy, it actually feels right, which is what’s confusing me.
i’m not trying to be careless about it. i don’t want to confuse my kid or blur lines too early, and i don’t want to make things weird with co parenting. but it also feels wrong to shut something down just because i’m trying to stick to rules i made before i was actually in this situation.
so i guess i’m wondering if this changes anything. do i need to pull back or set clearer boundaries now that it’s not just a childcare thing, or just leave things as they are and not overthink it?
also, is it weird that i feel kinda guilty about it even though it wasn’t planned?
any other dads been in something like this?
I was 19 when my son was born. I had a mission call to Russia, growing up in a very strict religious home/community with very clear expectations, and a room full of people telling me the same thing: walk away. You're not ready. Put him up for adoption. This isn't your time and of course, “you are so stupid! You idiot!”.
I walked away from all of it — the church, the mission, the path everyone had laid out for me — and chose to be his father instead.
What followed wasn't a redemption arc. It was a grind. Food stamps. State insurance. Jobs I took because I needed money, not because they were going anywhere. A marriage, and then the slow unraveling of one. And then custody proceedings where I sat across from a system that had already decided what kind of father it assumed I was.
When the initial custody arrangement was proposed, I was offered roughly 15 hours per week with my kids — a large portion of that during my working hours, which made it functionally less. I asked why. The answer I got was three words:
“Because I'm mom."
No claim that I was a bad father. No evidence. Just gender as justification for erasing me from my children's lives.
I want to speak directly to the dads in this community who know that feeling — because I think a lot of you do. The feeling of sitting in a courtroom while someone builds a version of you that you don't recognize. The feeling of being processed by a system that seems to have already reached its verdict. The sleepless nights. The rage you have to keep swallowing because you know that one wrong move — one text sent in anger, one parking lot confrontation, one moment where you stop performing calm and start feeling what you actually feel — could cost you everything.
That weight is real. I'm not going to tell you it isn't.
But I want to tell you what I learned on the other side of it, because there is an other side.
The standard I held myself to, through years of that, became this: never let your temper decide. Act as if everything you do is being recorded. Play the long game even when the long game feels impossibly long. It wasn't natural. It was a choice I had to make over and over, in moments specifically designed to make me make the wrong one.
Her lifestyle became increasingly unstable. When I eventually filed an emergency order, I did it carefully — a narrow, calculated ask, not an emotional one. We stood before a judge who was paying attention. She was asked to come clean. She doubled down. She was ordered to report to a drug testing facility that evening.
She tested positive for cocaine, benzodiazepines, and alcohol — which, given the timeline, meant she had been drinking before appearing in court that day.
The judge implemented orders I hadn't even asked for. I became the sole legal decision maker for my children. Before long, she stopped requesting visitation entirely. Years would pass without a birthday message.
My kids are adults now. My daughter is in university, on her way to becoming a doctor. My son is 22, building an AI business, we play pickup basketball together like old friends and talk every day. I took him to an NBA playoff game recently and sat there thinking about the 19-year-old who was told to walk away — and what would have been lost if I had.
People tell me regularly how impressive my kids are. How respectful, how grounded, how rare it is to encounter young adults who carry themselves the way they do. I take that in without deflecting, because I know what it cost.
If you're in the middle of it right now — the courts, the custody transitions, the system that seems stacked against you — I want you to hear this:
The courtroom is not where fathers lose their children. The parking lot is. The 11pm text is. The moment you let someone see you lose control is.
Hold it together. Not because the system deserves your composure. But because your kids deserve the father who has it.
You're not alone in this. And it doesn't end here.
On FL-150, page 1 asks for current income (e.g., hourly). Page 2 asks for the average over the past 12 months.
My issue is that last year I had a large one-time stock sale to help buy a house with my ex (we divorced shortly after), so my 12-month average is heavily inflated.
Which does the court rely on more - current income on page 1 or the 12-month average on page 2?
I’m scheduled for my first hearing regarding a temporary child support order soon. Will I have the opportunity to explain my situation to the court?