u/Own-Counter-8042

I’m after some advice; I have a child arrangements order (UK) where I am meant to see my children every other weekend but my ex-wife is being nasty and is manipulating the children. I’m ready to check out because the situation is toxic.

I have a boy and a girl and the boy has already checked out back in December citing that I ask awkward questions and I have no doubt it was because my ex-wife was making him lie on her behalf such as where they’re living after the marital home was sold. I had the same consistent lie that they were living with their nan even though I knew that not to be the case because the “garden was being renovated”. This is one example of a number of things and the difficult situations the kids are being made to lie about. My little girl is hanging on in there but I keep getting guilt tripped by the ex-wife to take her to things she has arranged for her on her time with me and I say no because of distance and her lack of appetite to be up early on a weekend to go to do whatever it is that is planned. There have been a few times I’ve taken her to pre-planned events and she has turned around and said “I didn’t really want to go” and so on. I then get the guilt trip messages for not attending these pre-planned events so my little girl is obviously being used as an instrument to try to get to me.

I feel the whole situation is toxic and damaging the children’s mental health as well as beating down mine when I’ve done my time in therapy. I’ve thought about court to set her straight but sense this will need to go through mediation first. I’m not sure I’ve got it in me plus the expense to end up with no different as I know my ex-wife is vindictive and stubborn so don’t see it will make any difference whatsoever.

Can I ask for advice from anyone that has been in this situation? I thought about a letter from a solicitor to say I want to back out of the child arrangement order citing the reasons why as I feel myself doing it would be met with abuse. Its my piece of evidence to the children if they reach out in the future to show I tried and it was their mum that was the issue and not that I didn’t care. Or do I need to go back to court to get the order changed rather than an informal change? I’d rather not go through the court process again. The divorce was drawn out and expensive so seeking the path of least resistance. They are both primary school age so still very young and impressionable, and my ex-wife is a narcissist and volatile towards me.

I’m after some advice; I have a child arrangements order (UK) where I am meant to see my children every other weekend but my ex-wife is being nasty and is manipulating the children. I’m ready to check out because the situation is toxic.

I have a boy and a girl and the boy has already checked out back in December citing that I ask awkward questions and I have no doubt it was because my ex-wife was making him lie on her behalf such as where they’re living after the marital home was sold. I had the same consistent lie that they were living with their nan even though I knew that not to be the case because the “garden was being renovated”. This is one example of a number of things and the difficult situations the kids are being made to lie about. My little girl is hanging on in there but I keep getting guilt tripped by the ex-wife to take her to things she has arranged for her on her time with me and I say no because of distance and her lack of appetite to be up early on a weekend to go to do whatever it is that is planned. There have been a few times I’ve taken her to pre-planned events and she has turned around and said “I didn’t really want to go” and so on. I then get the guilt trip messages for not attending these pre-planned events so my little girl is obviously being used as an instrument to try to get to me.

I feel the whole situation is toxic and damaging the children’s mental health as well as beating down mine when I’ve done my time in therapy. I’ve thought about court to set her straight but sense this will need to go through mediation first. I’m not sure I’ve got it in me plus the expense to end up with no different as I know my ex-wife is vindictive and stubborn so don’t see it will make any difference whatsoever.

Can I ask for advice from anyone that has been in this situation? I thought about a letter from a solicitor to say I want to back out of the child arrangement order citing the reasons why as I feel myself doing it would be met with abuse. Its my piece of evidence to the children if they reach out in the future to show I tried and it was their mum that was the issue and not that I didn’t care. Or do I need to go back to court to get the order changed rather than an informal change? I’d rather not go through the court process again. The divorce was drawn out and expensive so seeking the path of least resistance. They are both primary school age so still very young and impressionable, and my ex-wife is a narcissist and volatile towards me.