SKL Ang theory ko bakit madaming gasul variant sa r4r community
SKL kasi narealize ko to after 3 years of celibacy. I was also in hookup culture after a life-changing pandemic and I weighed more than 100k at that time. In short, gasul variant din ako noon.
I didn't intend it during those times but it rlly was a source of validation for me, I unknowingly thought na kahit mataba ako, appealing padin ako kasi someone's willing to sleep with me. Boy i was wrong, as much as I held contempt for the entitlement of the boys I was sleeping with, ngayon I realized na they felt the same for how I looked too.
So fast forward to today: may self reflection ako habang nagtu toothbrush ako; I've been celibate since 2023, weighing a little over 70kg, a respected person in our office, and I can confidently say nakapang basted na ako ng mga mas gwapo at established, kaysa sa mga naka-hook up ko. May doctor, may diplomat, may tatay pa nga ng kaklase ko noon, but I didn't consider it a win, for me the win in that aspect was how I didn't feel the need to grab every opportunity to prove I had an "upgrade", how I stayed with myself kahit promising yung guy pag meron talagang misalignment.
Tapos kind realization nalang, sabi ko sa sarili ko "siguro kung dito ko mami-meet sa buhay ko ngayon yung mga naka hookup ko, di nila kayang manligaw or even mag approach sa akin... And yet, they treated me so badly then" and when I finished prepping for work, nung papunta ako ng office, I checked my photos during that time.
Ang taba, ang stressed, ang losyang. To think I was 24 then. Sabi ko loaded talaga ako ng cortisol, and I realized that hooking up through reddit or bumble was my form of self-harm. It was unhygienic, and was putting me through very stressful situations (alam niyo yan, di lang hookup yan. Lalaruin at gagaguhin ka talaga kahit may strong boundaries kang NSA). Susunduin ka sa bahay niyo tapos uuwi ka ng wala man lang pinakain sayo maliban sa oten? And i let it happen??? Ang dehumanizing. Lol. And I can't blame them, neither does myself.
Iba ang dopamine hits namin noon. Ako sa self-worth ko, iniisip ko maganda lang ako pag may makakita at tumanggap ng kapangitan ng katawan ko. Yung boys? Win na nilang may babaeng nagkakandarapa at naloloka sa presence and mediocrity nila. Kaya talagang naging gasul built si ate niyo.
Girls, I wont imply anything na maga add pa sa self-hatred and resentment niyo if nasa hookup phase padin kayo. Ang akin lang, I hope we all reach a point in time na mag decenter tayo sa shallow dopamines, and quick fixes. There's more to life than hooking up or situationships, I hope you get to reach a point of seeing your healthiest and greatest version and keep that version to yourself.
Yun lang. I love you. Mwa.
[EDIT: I think I forgot to mention how big of a factor the stress from it was because I came back to my healthy weight without any weight loss program. No ozempic, just my regular workouts that I have been doing since 2020, same 3 meals a day. I didn't fact-check with science YET but so far, staying celibate and away from the stress of hookup culture was significantly something I did differently through that time span. And thank you for the kind words. Love u all]