r/RedditForGrownups

This question comes from curiosity and personal uncertainty.

I’m turning 30 soon, unmarried and no kids. I watched most of my male peers settle down before 28. I always looked at it as them having something right and me having gotten something wrong, but it was what it was.

On the other hand, when I meet older people and they find out my age and that I’m not married, they truly act like I’m a genius for it and I get endless speeches about how I should “really live” before I’d consider settling down.

I’m open to being proven wrong, but I’ve always thought it was the least bit foolish to have kids after 35 on the outside. People who have kids young complain about it limiting their time and their travels. Well, it does that - do you want less personal time and space when you’re young and have plenty of time or when you’re middle aged and your useful years are running out? Then again, people seem convinced that I’d never regret waiting until 35 (more like 40).

Truly - what was your experience and what do you advise?

Hey. So I’m 25F & he is 29M. His profile is showing serious long term intention. He laid it out in his bio and had some very filled out prompts showing his personality and hobbies. When we were gonna initially meet I wasn’t around, was traveling. He understood and when we finally get together to meet it went pretty well. We met after work and he got us stuff for a picnic kinda day.

We talked about stuff like family, life, work, hobbies, but it never quite made it past that. We align on our jokes too, but there was never flirting from either of us. I have never dated although I didn’t tell him that. Him and his friends really like Star Wars and do coordinated lightsaber battles, so he told me that. He also mentioned meeting with his friends to volunteer and how they just like to dress up or cosplay a lot. And do conventions.

But after we met up that first time there wasn’t a: that was great message, we just continued on with our banter and stuff. About a week or so after we met, he mentioned some event going on related to his hobby. I said I’ve never been. He said: if you want I can come with you. So we went. We just walked around this time around. Talked for a while.

Afterwards, same thing. We continue with the banter but it’s been several days since I’ve seen him. His profile on the app is still up. Idk if he’s scouting his options but he’s not treating me very: prospective long term partner, and I know the guy doesn’t always have to make a move but I’m confused if we just do not align or if he’s preemptively put me in a friend bucket without telling me. And I get you don’t have to make out with someone right away but my point is I don’t even know how to flirt in this kind of situation. Is it even appropriate? Why are we talking for days on end and is he just not inclined to go further

He has not asked to meet again but is texting

Hello. I’m asking for some advice on contacting my estranged sibling. My parents had me when they were in their late 30s, early 40s. My dad had two sons around 20 years older than me. The one I met maybe once, he was estranged from my dad. I don’t really know him. My dad was pretty awful, but he died in 2024. As far as he told me they had no contact for years even before his death they didn’t speak.. I ended up getting all of my dad’s stuff. I’m considering getting his email through a family member to reach out and tell him hi and ask him if he’d like his family pictures/my dad and grandpas tools as well as other things. How do I go about this? Do I try? I understand why my brother didn’t see me or my dad growing up and I wanted to tell him that too I guess. Also I’m 26 so he is probably around 45-50.

I'm currently a software engineer with 5 years of experience. Seeing how the AI advancements are really rapid and massive I am really considering going back to school instead of getting unemployed because of AI making less software jobs in the future.

Honestly I don't know what to study that will not be replaced by AI. Perhaps medical profession? Or something with a human touch? I do have savings to cover re-education and living costs and so I am considering it now before re-education becomes more expensive if I delay this decision.

Or maybe stick with IT and learn how to use AI? I am not sure on what the best thing to do is. I also want to re-study now before I get too old. How are you grown-ups, working in IT, navigate this change? Do you quit IT or double-down on it?

32 F here. I have squishmellows and stuffed animals all over my bed because I think its cute. I love hello kitty. I have a hello kitty badge at work and my boss low key/high key made fun of me for it. I sometimes buy “cute” stuff like that, I got excited and showed my mom some hello kitty stuff and she dismissed it and went “you’re a baby”

I don’t get it why does what I’m into trigger people? I can spend my hard earned money on anything I want. Why does it concern them?  

Met on a dating app and the guys profile stood out to me because he had it very filled out and expressed interest in a serious relationship. Other profiles I came by had one or two word replies. His showed personality.

Basically we messaged a bit a month ago. I was not in the country and I let him know I was visiting family abroad, and we continued to chat. He suggested a few places we meet. We got dessert the first meet up, we split like a few items and he paid at the place but I offered to pay too. He said he’s a doctor so it’s no issue for him to pay, and he explained how he was fortunate his family helped him through school.

But from the start, we spoke about our lives, hobbies, etc. My family and I came from a different country to the U.S. when I was 11. I told him that too, so we do have some differences. I’m the youngest child, he’s the eldest etc. Stuff like that. When we left the meet up he went in for a hug. And we continued to send messages after.

I took his social media although I wish I took his number instead. But anyway he messaged me for maybe over a week? I don’t know if he would ask me out had I not mentioned I enjoy concerts and there was a local artist doing something near us. He said we can go if I’d wanna. His replies slowed down or got very splotchy after I confirmed.

When it got close to the day he was more responsive but he said he bought the tickets and I just offered to pay him back and he agreed. When we got to the venue, it was so loud I didn’t hear him. He said the ticket was $21. And idk how but I heard $15. So I venmoed him 15. And we had issues with cell service. He awkwardly said I owe him a few more dollars. So I paid him that.

We hardly talked at the venue but we talked near our cars after. Seriously I can’t get the vibe. He was joking with me and stuff, he messaged me after. But we’re still corresponding on social media. And I can’t tell if he’s just keeping his options open. I know he doesn’t owe me anything but? We didn’t talk about anything dating wise or did any flirting. I know I could do some flirting too but really all we did was stare at one another and smile. I hate that I have his social media because I see he’s following more women. Idk that sounds weird of me to say. Anyway do i just give up here. I am sad about this

I'm the oldest in the family. Me, my sister, and brother fought when we were really young, and became really close when we were older, in my teens and 20s. I moved away from my family to a different state, as my field is more prevalent in the area I live in.

Everything was a nightmare this past year to the point I had confided to one of my siblings I had suicidal thoughts earlier in the year. Basically because I was forced to work at a toxic workplace, and ended up being fired (got unemployment pay at the end by winning my case I documented) being the sole provider in my current relationship (partner going to school) dealing with a bad apartment with high humidity and dr appts throughoutthe year, and job hunting everyday for 4 months. Because of this I didn't have time to answer as many calls cause I was so busy. I got so much flack with them saying I didn't care about them anymore and I never visit.

What makes me mad that I am being cut off is the fact I was parentified as a child. I paid for their first cars, I paid for their high school extracurriculars, dropped them off at college, bought them groceries when they had no food, visted once or twice a year ( i always visited them not them visiting me because they say they hate my state or they don't have money, even though they visit their friends in other states) when I didn't ever have that. I had to do everything on my own because our parents didnt want to pay anything for me. It feels like such a slap in the face that everything i did didn't matter because I needed time and support. I'm getting the silent treatment and they won't answer my calls or texts about a wedding I was planning to see them at. I feel so torn apart.

Hello. I think I'm a little sad and a little crazy. This is a long post, so please forgive me.

Has anyone reached out to an ex from a long time ago just to be friends again? Has it been successful? Here's my story:

About a year ago, my mom died. It was after a long, long, bout with cancer. I was her primary caregiver and she had special circumstances that prevented her from talking, making her care that much more stressful and all-consuming. At any rate, I think I'm still readjusting to a life without her, and at this stage, am going with a series of what-ifs. I'm older, F57, and have lived quite a life. I have, throughout my life, had three serious partners, one of which, partner #2, i was married to for 17 years. I am now with partner #3. Partner #1, whom I thought was my soul mate, ultimately was a bully and a control freak. I'll get back to him in a bit.

What does this have to do with my mom? Well, since she's passed, I've been going through old files, old photos, old memories. I came across some pictures of the guy I stopped dating so I could ultimately be with Partner #1. I was 20 years old and I had my entire life ahead of me. I wanted adventure, I wanted travel, I wanted exploration, I wanted to play the field until I (unfortunately for me) moved across country to be with P1. It was a BIG mistake, but I was stubborn and stuck to P1 for five years-long past the time where I developed PTSD. This guy whom I broke up with for P1, let's call him Guy, was stable, caring, sexy, and very, very, intelligent. We were together for over a year. He went to a prestigious college in my city, whereas I went to a not-as-prestigious one. He was geeky. I like them geeky. His drawbacks, at least as I saw them then, were he wanted a long term commitment and maybe I could accompany him to Columbus where he planned on getting his masters degree. That didn't appeal to me, in fact it made me feel constrained. This plus the fact that his mother pulled me aside and gently suggested that since I wasn't Jewish, maybe I should, again gently, let him go. I was too stunned to question it as I had thought she liked me. In hindsight I wish I had the wherewithal to tell Guy about this, but I unfortunately had my foot already out the door.

At first I suggested to Guy that we stay together, but with a more casual relationship. He wasn't interested. I understood. We parted amicably, but unfortunately for good. No further contact, nothing.

Since our break up, I have from time to time tried to look him up, but his real name is the same as a famous actor, so Googling him has been out of the cards, especially early on. I had heard from a trusted source that he moved to Florida. End of the trail.

In the almost 40-year interim, I have had some serious life-altering experiences, now over fifteen years old, some due to circumstances of the economy (recession begat lay-offs, begat foreclosure, begat bankruptcy, begat divorce,) but have since overcome it by going back to school, getting my masters, finding another partner, and working part time while supporting my mom. I now have another condo, a partner (P3) and a wonderful full time job in an industry known for its tight job horizons. I should feel happy, no?

Fast forward to three weeks ago and my going through the photos. I've been feeling antsy, what with the world situation, etc. My partner, whom I love and who takes me as I am, is also kind of self-involved, and somewhat uninterested in what I do day to day. In other words, I'm lonely, maybe not in a relationship kind of way, but in a friendship and intellectual kind of way. Then I came across the Guy photos. I became curious. What happened to him? What has his life been like? Did he have a family? Did he find the nice Jewish girl his mother wanted? Did he achieve his goals? What does he look like nowadays? In my job, I do a great deal of research and have access to some specialized databases. Suffice it to say, I found him. I wrote a letter, outlining in brief what I had been up to for the last 37 years. I also noted that according to my research I found out that he is or was married, had a family, etc. I tried to use humor as much as possible while asking to see if he'd like to be a pen-pal or some such, as i genuinely wanted to know more about him from the horse's mouth. I told him that I have a partner, and that I wanted to renew his friendship more than anything, which is the honest truth.

I sent it to what I think was an email address of his. Nothing. I used a database and whittled down his current street address, printed a copy, added my email address and cell number, then sent it via snail mail two weeks ago. Nothing came back. I checked obituaries, "maybe he died?". Nothing-still alive, although I noticed his dad had passed away about the same time mine did. From this line of research, I noted his address was the same as his mom's. She has to be the same age as mine was, so he's probably taking care of her, I surmised. But--that also can mean she intercepted his mail. Moms do that. More likely, though, he just doesn't want to talk to me. Too much water under the bridge.

I sent him a Hail Mary this past week. A short note saying "message received " and to take care of himself, and that my door to him is always open. I'm just so sad, though. So lonely, and a bit crazy.

If you made it this far, I thank you for your kindness. Has anyone here had a better outcome doing something similar?

Long story short I’m an only child with widow mother. I got a new job, moved out of the house for the first time. Literally 3 days later my mom gets a major stroke. She was in the nursing home for a few months then we found a 24/7 live in caregiver in exchange for free rent for my mom. He lives with her in my aunt’s building. Anyway this is an insane life adjustment for me since my mom was just like you and me before the stroke. Walking, talking. Now she is bed bound, can only say a few words and will obviously never been the same. I don’t have much family support only my aunt how who I was never close with since he bullied me in my childhood, but I have no other choice shes the only one I have now so we grin and bear seeing each other for my mom. I just feel like is this my life? Just going to work (and I have to pick up shifts since there was expenses that insurance doesn’t cover so that’s extra money I have to pay for mom’s care). Then going to visit mom which is hard anyway since I’m exhausted from work and I live about 30 mins away. I have no friends, no life really. Just work, see mom and focus on her physical therapy, her medications, her food, her doctors appointments this and that. I feel like my life is just over and it’s like living a nightmare I can’t get out of every single day

Not sure why im making this post but.

Heres a little bit about my story. Im 30 years old woman, single, live with my Dad (and a step mom who doesnt want me here). Up until a couple of years ago i did have my own apartment but of course got evicted bevause i lost my job due to health problems again.

I have no degree. Due to major health problems and life being chaotic i had to take time off from college here and there to take care of myself.

I got married early and divorced in my mid 20s. It was very traumatic and left me depressed and rotting away the rest of my twenties trying to heal.

I feel i have so much potential but havent lived up to it.

At 30 im just starting to get very discouraged at my life when i see all my other high school classmates who are professors now, have a family or loving husbands, stay in a nice neighborhood. One of my classmates is even making lots of money investing and started their own company. Ive always had a brilliant mind, im good at art and books, but havent traditionally published any yet. I just dont know what im doing wrong. Infeel like in a few more years i will miss my chance at a w

Happy or stable life if i dont play my cards right.

I guess i just want to know if it life ever gets better or if anyone has else wasted away their twenties and made a comeback in their 30s yet?

I guess the goods news is not im working a stable job that i can handle, my health is better. The job doesnt pay very well but i make enough to get by. I save as much as possible between food and having a car, its not a lot every month. Living is expensive. But within a few months i should have enough saved up to move out into my own place again. Might be a challenge because my credit is horrible and there is already an eviction in my name. I owe my old apartment $3000 plus $500 to get the eviction file sealed if i ever want to get an apartment again. Which i do not. I never want to go through that feeling again.

Im doing youtube also. Not many subscribers but its a nice creative outlet and im looking to be monetized soon.

Once i finally do get back into my own spot i plan on finishing my psychology degree. Cant do it now because i just do not have the privacy or quiet or comfort to work fulltime, take care of myself mentally and physically and run a youtube channel and then do school.

Did i also mention i was lonely and have absolutely no luck in the dating scene? Most men here dont know what they want or they dont want anything serious.

I guess i just want to know if it life ever gets better or if anyone has else wasted away their twenties and made a comeback in their 30s yet?

I’m 26, recently tried the dating apps. Which may be a bad place to first try out dating. But I am mainly looking at guys who put: long term, or some variety of that in their profiles. It’s a lot to shuffle through because I think most people are looking for short term etc.

Well I met this guy, he’s 32 and is a doctor. He was nice and really easy to talk to but it wasn’t a: how’s your day? What do you do? We more so eventually got to joking around or realized we had the same humor.

After we met up once, he messaged me a bit before asking me to meet again, but he was super casual with the phrasing: if you wanna go. Etc.

I was traveling for work so couldn’t meet him for a while, rare in my field but finally we met. We texted a bit before then. Sometimes I run into this where the guy wants to pay the first date and then the second one I still offer, but this guy seems to be very 50/50 after the first date. He keeps bringing up finances like how his family helped him through school and they’re all doctors/ lawyers but the same time he tells me he’s always trying to get a good deal. How he didn’t even have a hotel when he visited his friend and was gonna wing it but got robbed. Or these wild stories he has.

So when we met the second time it went fine, I just feel he walked ahead of me quite a bit, but when we stopped to talk he was present. He did kind of grab my shoulder and then ran off to his car. We’ve been messaging since but idk what to think here. I sense more platonic vibes but I’m bad at assessing this stuff.

I’ve only met with two other Guys from the apps and it’s gone pretty similar to this.

(I know it’s early to say cut my losses), I had met with a guy from an online dating site, he wanted to make plans, I was a bit hard to reach. Eventually though we made plans and it went well, and we continued to message after. Age here is: mid/late 20s

We send messages for about a week. The replies become slower/ inconsistent at times. Once a day usually.

I mention a specific hobby which I like- but don’t get to do so much anymore. He suggests that if I would wanna he can come with me.

We make the plan and the messages get very slow on his end. I ask to reschedule because the replies are so slow that we just didn’t seem to have enough time to sort logistics. Eventually, he comes back and the plans are solidified. Not sure if it’s important but we paid separately this time around. First time he did. I don’t mind that, but it adds to the: is this platonic or what.

After we got our food we decide to walk back to our cars. But we spend a good half hour bantering. It was getting late so we decide to split. He messaged me after, but the replies once again are very slow.

Now for my confusion: he’s not attempted to flirt at all, he’s also has never gone into topics that aren’t very hobby or life focused. Sure we joke around, yet I can’t tell. He will give me strong eye contact, and he’s hugged me. But beyond that I can’t tell what’s going on. I have never had a relationship or my first kiss. I haven’t told him that. I don’t know for him. Maybe he’s just not interested? He has some interests that he himself proclaims to be nerdy. But even such, I feel like our interactions even read as just whatever.

I usually tip when I place an order online for a fast food place like sonic, McDonalds, wingstop, taco bell, so on and so forth when it asks me if I want to place a tip. I just don't know if I should be because I just place the order online and go through the drive through or pick it up at the counter, and i feel like its the same as if I just ordered at the time I got there. I don't really know if its necessary/the workers expect it. I don't want to be mean and not give tips if they expect it so if i could just get others opinions that would be nice. Also I am specifically only talking about fast food places.

I stopped being the ‘always available’ friend and now people say I’ve changed. Honestly, I just got tired of being the one who always shows up for everyone else.

Is setting boundaries worth losing friendships?