Last night, my son was completely disrespectful towards me. The things he was saying were at this moment in time unforgivable.
I had had enough of his disrespect and asked for his phone. He completely refused! Not one once but about 10 times.
No matter what I say to him. He does not listen to me. “This is my property! , this is my room!” etc etc.
Since reading “a whole civilization will be wiped out…” I have been panicking. I know it’s likely, and hopefully, a bluff.
I’m supposed to be working but I’m online looking up survival gear. Worried about how are we going to deal with our 2 year old and protect him if something happens whether here or elsewhere. What about nuclear dust? He’s not going to wear a mask!
As my kids are hurtling towards adulthood (14 and nearly 17 rn) i'm growing increasingly worried that one or both of my kids are going to have significant difficulties transitioning into adulthood.
If you are the parent of an adult child who is experiencing failure to launch what were the signs when they were teenagers? if there even were any? Knowing what you know now what would you have done differently?
My son's father and I divorced when my son had just turned 2. He is 10 now, and I have been raising him myself since then (along with my now husband since my son was about 3)
Throughout my son's life, my ex has been pretty much hands-off, and on his own time and convenience kind of parent (he goes from no communication for months at a time and then will pop in for overnight visits, or he will catch a ball game or two, or will take our son out for a "Disney day" lol that is what I call it). And I'm not going to lie, in the beginning, it was difficult, and then it got easier to emotionally handle. My husband took on the role as our son's full time dad-figure and they have grown very close.
My husband and I have gone through the emotional waves of my ex's appearances. Such as consoling our son when he's upset when he cant see his dad, or over broken promises from his dad, or over unread or no response messages or calls to his dad. We have explained to our ex of these issues, followed by minor consistency and then he'll drop back off for a while.
That's not even the real issue to me... MY issue and hurt comes from my son's most recent attitude towards my husband and me. Ever since he was little, his dad would always spoil him (buy him TONS of toys or take him to closest fun zones for the day or even on lavish vacations) during his visits. So much so, when my ex wouldn't show up, our son would have fits and cry over missing a trip to Target. I get that when a kid is exposed to that from one parent, that's what they favor. While I have been the stable parent and the "Hey, let's get our homework done" and "Hey we have to do chores before video games" kind of mom.
But recently, if we don't get him the latest game or toy or whatever INSTANTLY its "well fine I'll just go ask my dad. he'll get it". My husband and I have 2 other children. If I get them something nice or praise them over reaching new milestones, it's "You never get me anything. whatever, I'll just tell my dad." If our weekend plans are to just sit at home and hang out as a family its "We NEVER do anything. I want to go to my dad's house." A few weeks ago, my husband and I spent a ton over a weekend family vacation, booking a house for us and my in laws and their kids, and we had a blast! But then my ex showed up to take our son out literally the next weekend, and my son returned home complaining that I never plan anything fun for us to do. Also, its like if something inconveniences him, or we tell him no, or we set a boundary or a rule, he just defaults to "Well my dad Blah blah blah"
So. THAT. Along with him making comments to my husband that have hurt. My husband took on being a coach for our son's ball team. Despite having a ton on his plate, he took it on to bond with our son. In one instance, he had to be a little hard on him, and our son said, "Well, I didn't ask you to be out here, you're not my dad." (Our son calls him dad, and my husband has raised him as his son btw) The other night, my son asked the dreaded "why did you and my dad get divorced" question. I have tried to read every book and online advice on this, as his dad was physically, emotionally, and verbally... unkind. I explained that I didn't feel safe around his dad, I didn't feel like the 2 of us were in a healthy and safe environment, and I thought it would be best to move on into this life we have now, it felt like the best choice for us. Followed by "Well. he has never been mean to me. What did you do to make him so mean to you?" He has told my husband multiple times at random that he wished my ex and I had never divorced.
One weekend that my ex popped in for a visit, was during my birthday. I was planning on being out of town for the day so it worked out, but I did ask that he calls me (or I would call him) on my birthday. The day of, I texted him and said that when he had the time, I'd love to hear from him and to give me a call. He read the message and after a few hours I just called him. He didn't answer. So I let it be. Later when we got home, I asked him about it and he said "Well my dad and I were playing video games and I just didn't feel like calling you." I said "Well I called you later on in the day? Just wanted two seconds to say hi and that I love you." and he said "Well yeah when you called we were out shopping. so."
MIND YOU, this is happening over someone that spends... maybe like 30 days out of the entire year with his dad. It's not that he remembers the divorce or his life before, and its not that we have a consistent schedule and he sees his dad often.
Anyways, my husband has been nothing but doting and understanding. He is the most patient man I have ever met in my life. He is the one our son confides in... just about everything. And when our son makes comments about his dad, my husband doesn't react or take it personally, but I can see that it stings. I don't want to make my kid guilty over it, but also... am I allowed to say that his attitude hurts? Like I know we cant always be fun. But we try. We try to give him the best life and childhood. (I know that kids don't want to hear that... nor do I think it's my place to make him feel any type of way about my sacrifice as a parent) I have been patient and understanding. But I am also a person too. I have feelings too. I just don't know how to maneuver and how to appropriately relay those emotions.
I just sat down to "plan the week" and realized my first grader has soccer Monday, piano Tuesday, swim Wednesday, art Thursday, and a birthday party every single Saturday until the sun burns out. I spent more time in my minivan last week than in my own house. My husband asked what's for dinner and I almost said "I don't know, I've been driving since 3pm." When did we all decide kids need a full resume before they can tie their shoes? Anyone else just completely drowning in this?
Has anyone else felt this way since having kids?
My parents were stoked to become grandparents. Told me all the things they wanted to do.. then nothing came of that. They rarely see our kids even though they are retired. They have decided to become lazy in retirement. They drink much more than they ever did and spend the rest of the time traveling, but tell me they are too old and tired to come up to visit. We live about 1.5-2 hours away and its hard for us to go visit; there is no place to stay and after an hour or so the kids are wild (two toddlers in an unfamiliar place) and they are unhelpful. My dad is also typical boomer and some of his comments/actions go very against how I am raising my children.
Similar story with my in laws who are living their best retirement life (more social than I’ve ever been) and openly have little interest in the grandkids.
Everyone else I know has hands on grandparents. I’m becoming so resentful and I don’t want it to hurt my relationship with my parents but also how they said they would be and how they are, are two different stories.
TLDR: 22 y/o adult child has attended 3 colleges in the last four years, changed majors, lying, and is struggling to grow up and assimilate into adult life.
Let me start this by saying that I love my child very much and we have suggested to them that maybe they should speak to a professional or perhaps needs something else. They have chosen against that and we cannot force the issue. We have also suggested trade school, the military, or just getting a full time job as college isn’t the only way to success and they have also declined.
This situation is more complicated by the fact that parents are divorced so they can escape any situation by staying at the other parents house for a while and have very sympathetic grandparents. While I have tried to unite with the other parent, that has not been reciprocal and since the most recent incident, we have established rules to try and prevent being used as a place to avoid responsibility.
My child has always been incredibly smart, to their own detriment. School was never challenging, and they excelled without studying or much work, despite being placed in college courses while still in high school. They graduated and because of this was on a path to complete their bachelors in less than three years post high school.
They opted to go out of state for college, and was unprepared for the self motivation adult life takes. Missed classes, ended up on academic-probation. They spent another year there and then came home saying that online school would be less expensive and more doable. We agreed and said they could be here rent free as long as they were enrolled full time working towards a degree. They were not required to get a job, but opted for a part time job.
Additional friction developed when they became nocturnal, disrupting the house with online gaming and waking me up at 1 am when everyone works. When it appeared they weren’t doing any schoolwork, we asked to see their grades and discovered they only completed one 6 week session online and then academically failed the second session for not completing any work or withdrawing on time. When confronted, they stated that they need the structure of in person classes, and also they want to change their major.
It hurt very much to be lied to because we emphasized when they moved back that if they were struggling academically to please come to us and maybe we could help. But because they lied we stated they would start paying rent April 1st. They opted to go to the other parent rather than pay rent.
That apparently isn’t working out, and now they are coming back here and will pay rent. Currently, between all the adults that care about them they pay very little in bills and we pay their cell phone service bill and when they are enrolled in school they get a $40/week stipend. This was obviously cut off upon discovery of the lie.
I guess my question if you’ve stayed with me this long is how to navigate moving forward? We want to create a supportive environment, but we’ve been taken advantage of. We want to say they don’t have to pay rent if they’re in school, but want to see their grades to ensure they’re actually in school, but that seems like quite a bit of oversight for their age. They can’t learn to be independent if we are helicoptering them, but when they are on their own they can’t self manage effectively.
What would you do?
My teen is, like I’m sure most, super into Sephora, makeup, hair products, etc.
I saw that tiktok video where the mom gave her kid an allowance to get hygiene products. It got me thinking maybe this is something I could do with my teen.
I was thinking an allowance of $100/month for hygiene, makeup, hair items. This includes things like deodorant, shampoo, body wash, but also makeup, hair accessories etc.
I think it’s a good opportunity for her to understand the value of money, learn to shop sales, plan, but also be cognizant of how long products last.
Feedback? Does $100 seem reasonable?
We will always have the basic body wash, shampoo and conditioner in the shower as well. She would never go without.
Edit: I’m in Canada! So these amounts are in CAD. My daughter also has curly hair so needs a few more products.
Was thinking anything left over from the $100 she could keep for her savings
My son is in grade 8. For the past two weeks he has been relentlessly bullied by a classmate over his height. Today, my son got sick of ignoring it (his words), and ended up tripping and nailing the kid to the ground (didn’t hit him). The kid elbowed him the face and in process broke his glasses.
Both kids almost got suspended but were offered the opportunity to talk and take responsibility and they took it. Principal told me they both seemed sincere and that they agreed to stay away from each other, even though the bully sits right behind my son in class.
Later today unbeknownst to me my son sent the kid a message saying “hey it’s going to cost $650 to fix the glasses” (which it will) and the kid wrote back “hahahaha”. I told my son to block him and stop engaging with him as he’s clearly trying to provoke a reaction.
The principal advised that we let our son wear the broken glasses, currently held up by scotch tape, as a natural consequence because “he put himself in that position”. While he was wrong to get physical, I don’t think we should be entirely on the hook for the glasses given this all happened because of bullying. So, who should bear responsibility for the broken glasses in this case?
Edit: glasses have special myopia control lenses which is why they’re so expensive.
My wife and I just had our first child in October. She was premature and spent 4 weeks in the NICU. She can't latch to the breast because she got used to bottle nipples in the NICU. However, my wife spends a lot of time, energy, and sanity pumping for out daughter. She's worked hard to get her supply up to the point that baby is now EBF.
We visited my dad in December after baby was born. We told him he couldn't kiss the baby. It was our only rule and he repeatedly broke it, even though I kept explaining that baby doesn't have a developed immune system and reminding him firmly not to do it. We're visiting again now. Before we came I told my wife I will not trust him alone with her until he regains that trust. She thought I was overreacting and we should give him a second chance. I pointed out that we had already given him several chances. I said that i knew him better than she did and unless breaking the boundary had consequences he cared about he would continue to break it. I arranged with my brother and his girlfriend to come over to my dad's house to babysit for one evening so my wife and I could go out to a show.
When we got to my dad's place we sat him down to tell him we don't trust him alone with baby and he kissed her again before I could finish getting the words out. This just reinforced to me that we couldn't trust him with our baby.
We fed baby at 3:30pm and left for the show at 6:30pm. I called my brother at 9:30 during the intermission to check on baby and he said she was crying and they couldn't get her to take her milk. This happens sometimes; she will be hungry but so angry that she refuses milk. I asked how long they had been trying and they said since just after we left. I told them to dump the milk because it wasn't good anymore after being out that long and try with new milk in a little while.
When my wife and I got home at 11:30pm baby was sleeping but still hadn't eaten. I woke her up and fed her with the milk in the warmer because it had been too long since she'd last eaten. Before going to bed I took stock of the remaining breastmilk bottles in the fridge. I realized by the number of bottles remaining that they hadn't dumped the milk that had been out; they had put it back in the fridge! I was immediately livid. I knew it was my dad who put it back because my brother and his gf can follow instructions. I realized I would have to ask my dad to identify the bottle he put back when baby next woke up to feed, which happened at 5:30am. When I woke him up all he could tell me was that it was in one of the short bottles and not the tall bottle. So, I had to dump both short bottles, which were full feeds. This left me with only a partial feed for baby. I wasn't going to wake my wife up to pump so I just gave baby the partial feed.
My dad claimed that my brother didn't say to dump the milk just to get new milk, but even if that's true does the man not have a brain? He has had 7 children, 11 grandchildren, and 2 great grand children. How have 6 of his 7 children survived this long with him as a father if he doesn't inherently know that you can't put milk back in the fridge after it's out for over 3 hours? Why did he think my brother asked him to get new milk if it wasn't because the milk had gone bad? Does he think the fridge magically makes rancid milk good again?
Right now, as I lie in bed awake fuming and hoping my baby doesn't get hungry again until after my wife wakes up and pumps, I don't think I can ever trust my dad to watch my baby again. If he doesn't know basic food safety can I trust him to know to wipe her front to back? To not shake her? To wash her pacifier if it falls on the floor?
Am I overreacting? Would you still trust your dad after all this? Should I tell my brother not to let our dad do anything for baby when he and his gf are watching her?
My maternity leave ends next week (I'm not ready!!) and I'm a little worried about pumping in the office. My boss is super great and we've already worked out that it's fin for me to take whatever time I need alone in my office, but I don't want to be carrying a my pumping supplies in and out everyday in my purse or loose. I realized that I don't actually have a diaper bag and we've just been throwing stuff in an old beach bag. I'd love a stylish and professional looking diaper bag backpack that's easy to carry but won't break the bank (not looking for any designer bags). Any suggestions would be appreciated!
I know this is really on me and her dad for using our phones while holding the baby. Our LO was a NICU baby and it became a habit to use them while she's feeding / being a grub especially late at night when we needed to stay awake without stimulating the baby - her dad used to watch TV for the feeds in the middle of the night and the phone with low/no volume was the compromise. We've talked about reducing our personal screen time, but baby still grabs our phones, even when the screen is off. I would greatly appreciate it if the 100% no screen folks would just keep scrolling or even read this post from the American Academy of Pediatrics about the merits of co-viewing educational shows, which we do with Mr. Rogers, Miss Rachel, Arthur, etc on our TV.
I have an 8-month-old who is in her grabby phase. She grabs our cups when drinking, tries to get our food, and grabs our phones. I've talked to her dad about reducing our use of our phones when we're holding her, but she grabs them and tries to eat them even when the screen is off (she's also in her put-everything-in-mouth phase).
Any recommendations for redirection or just general phone protection? TIA
My son made friends with a boy at school and they get along really well. They both really want a playdate. I managed to swap numbers with his mother, and she initially replied, but when I directly try to arrange a playdate, she just doesn’t reply.
I don’t want to spend hours over-analyzing why she hasn’t replied. (Maybe she is rude. Maybe she is forgetful. Who cares? I am very polite, get along with other parents, and my son is a well-behaved student at school, so if she doesn’t want her son to play with mine, that’s her problem.)
I just don’t know what to say to my son. I don’t want to say anything bad about his friend’s mom, and nor do I want him to take the situation personally. I’m planning on lying and just saying “they’re just too busy”. What would you say?
Another problem is my son’s birthday is coming up soon and he really wants to invite this friend. It’s going to be so awkward trying to invite him when the mother ghosts me. I feel bad for my son.
(Honestly, screw these fully grown adults who behave like this. Kids just want to play with their friends, and in this age of screens and social isolation, kids need these positive friendships more than ever before. These adults are literally ruining important childhood memories with their antisocial behavior. If you’re a parent, get over yourself and help your kid and your school community by being polite and responsive. If you really must, make up a lie about why your kid can’t do a playdate, but don’t ghost other families and leave their innocent kids feeling bad.)
My son’s 5th birthday is coming up on April 24th. To give everyone plenty of time, I sent out invites to 15 families about 10 days ago.
I’ve noticed a frustrating trend: I can see that almost everyone has viewed the invite, yet the vast majority haven’t responded. I don’t expect an immediate "yes" or "no" if people need to check their schedules, but is it too much to expect some acknowledgment?
When I receive an invite, if I’m unsure of my plans, I usually message the host to say, "Hey, I saw the invite! Checking our calendar and I’ll let you know by [date]." If I know I’m free, I RSVP immediately. I feel like if someone invited you to their home in person, you wouldn’t just stare at them in silence, you’d give an answer. Why is that courtesy not extended to virtual invites?
Even more confusingly, I’ve reached out to a few people personally via WhatsApp. They’ve seen the message, but haven't replied.
I feel like I’m constantly having to send "reminders" just to get a basic head count so I can plan food and goody bags. Am I being too sensitive or "old school" about this, or is this just the new norm for parents? How do you all handle the radio silence without feeling like you're pestering people?
I try not to overanalyze my LO since he’s only 2.5 but this is something that’s really been making me think. He has an OBSESSION with ABCs. It’s starting to seem abnormal to me. And like any toddler, he’s been through his phases of different obsessions but this one seems to be a bit different. He can recite them forwards, backwards, phonetically (I think that’s what it’s called, where you make the sounds of the letters, he can tell you what letter a word starts with, HE TAUGHT HIMSELF HOW TO SIGN THE LETTERS!, well Jack Hartman did on YT but you catch my drift. He obsesses over his letter magnets, gets pissed off if they’re not in order, or if they don’t match as he has multiple sets due to losing some. If he sees a word written he has to spell it out. He’ll sit there quietly and sign the alphabet with his little hand.
Is this normal? His obsession started about two months ago and hasn’t quit and doesn’t seem like it will anytime soon. Then I read about hyperlexia and went down a small rabbit hole trying to decipher if this is similar to that, although he isn’t reading yet. Idk I guess I’m just looking for insight. Has anyone ever dealt with this or seen this?
My son (6) is going through his garbage truck phase which is something a lot of parents can probably relate to. It feels like it’s mandatory for kids of a certain age to go through this phase. Every week on garbage day we wake up early to watch the truck come, he says hi to the garbage man, who we know by name, and he especially loves watching the truck crush the garbage in the back.
Recently he got the idea in his head that he wants to throw away some of his stuffed animals so he can see them go in the garbage truck. He has a lot of stuffed animals and he loves them very much so it comes as a surprise to me that he would want to throw them away. I explained to him that this would mean they would go away forever, but he still insists he wants to go through with it. He’s picked out a select few stuffed animals, which includes some of his most special stuffed animals and his all time favorite, for this “mission”.
I’m not sure what to do. He has been telling me for months now he wants to do this, but I don’t know if he’ll regret it after. Half of me thinks this is a bad idea but the other half says why not, he really wants to do it and I will get some decluttering done as an added bonus.
Side note: if we go through with it, how should we throw them away? I’m worried if we just throw them in the bin like normal trash they mignt not be visible going in the truck, which is what he wants to see.
My daughter is in third grade, she's a really strong reader and plows through books at home. She loves it, I often have to tell her to put her down a book to do something she's supposed to be doing. But she hates her "boring" language arts class in school. It turns out the curriculum is basically reading short passages, hunting for information in the passages, and answering questions. And yeah.... I can't blame her, that IS pretty boring.
My memory is a little fuzzy, but I think by third grade when I was a kid we were reading books like Charlotte's Web and Anne of Green Gables in school. We definitely had a language arts textbook as well with lots of short stories.
So I guess my question is: when do schools nowadays typically start to actually read stories and books in the curriculum? Is it just going to be this way up till high school? I don't want my daughter to lose her love of reading because schools make reading into just an information hunting chore.
I guess I should add that they do take the kids to the school library once a week and they get to check out books, which is great. I'm just surprised that they don't actually talk about books and stories as part of the curriculum.
My (34F) husband (35M) has started calling me a bad mother. For context, we have a 2.5 year old and we live in an Asian country and we do have a live in nanny/helper for the last 4 months.
Before that, my husband and I used to split chores and baby duties. Everything was fine then, I had a traumatic birth experience that led to walking difficulties for at least 6 months and now constant backaches. My husband understood and was always hands on with baby care. Now we got a nanny and i have been letting the nanny handle my child’s meals and playtime. I have finally gotten some relief. The last couple of weeks, my husband has been berating me for letting the nanny feed and play with my child and constantly calls me a bad mother.
I’ve tried to explain to him that I need to recover mentally and emotionally from this whole child raising situation, I feel emotionally distant from child and I’m constantly tired. Some days I can’t even get out of bed. But he keeps calling me a bad mother. So much has happened since my child was born, from the loss of my job, death of my parent and raising my child who as a child refused to eat and sleep.
I know I’m not doing the best as a mother but I’m feel so mentally and physically checked out. What’s best situation for my child?
My daughter whom is a 7th grader got cast in the high school play. She was so excited. She got two roles: a small villain in act one and different small villain in act two. Act two was the bigger role. She’s been loving it, and super excited everyday when I pick her up. I’ve seen her videos, shes kinda great at getting up and belting out some evilness.
They’ve been practicing for months most every day for 2-3 hours after school, but act two has only been run through about 3 times. Spring break and some overnight field trips really cut into the practice schedule. Yesterday they ran act one, she came out pumped. Today they ran act two, but before they even started the director casually announced they were giving her act two part to another kid.
She had been running her lines several times a day all week last week as it was spring break and they didn’t have practice. Their first performance (not counting the dress rehearsal tomorrow) is in two days.
I picked her up from practice and she had tears rolling down her cheeks the whole way home. Her attitude wasn’t bad - she said she was sure the director had her reasons, and the other kid really wanted the part, but two days seems kind of a shock. They have 5 performances over the next four days, a totally exhausting schedule, and I’m worried she’s going to crash out and have trouble being in the play at all now that she feels like a disappointment. I’ve told her to stick with it, she just has to get to Sunday night and then if she never wants to do theater again she doesn’t have to.
What can I do to boost her confidence/help her feel better?
When did people start allowing their tweens to go to the movies or the park with a friend? What about walking to the corner store by themself?
Also, interested in people's view on this: my child and his friend went and played basketball today. There is only one basket so they ended up playing with a guy in his 20s/30s.
Is this okay? Do you tell your kids they can't play/talk to anyone they don't know? What guidance do you give around it?
I am self-aware enough to know I'm an anxious person and so really want to check myself on this one so looking for some advice. I don't want to be so overprotective that I hinder independence.
Live in a safe neighborhood comprised of a lot of families with kids.