Can I Ever Trust my Dad to Watch my Baby Again?
My wife and I just had our first child in October. She was premature and spent 4 weeks in the NICU. She can't latch to the breast because she got used to bottle nipples in the NICU. However, my wife spends a lot of time, energy, and sanity pumping for out daughter. She's worked hard to get her supply up to the point that baby is now EBF.
We visited my dad in December after baby was born. We told him he couldn't kiss the baby. It was our only rule and he repeatedly broke it, even though I kept explaining that baby doesn't have a developed immune system and reminding him firmly not to do it. We're visiting again now. Before we came I told my wife I will not trust him alone with her until he regains that trust. She thought I was overreacting and we should give him a second chance. I pointed out that we had already given him several chances. I said that i knew him better than she did and unless breaking the boundary had consequences he cared about he would continue to break it. I arranged with my brother and his girlfriend to come over to my dad's house to babysit for one evening so my wife and I could go out to a show.
When we got to my dad's place we sat him down to tell him we don't trust him alone with baby and he kissed her again before I could finish getting the words out. This just reinforced to me that we couldn't trust him with our baby.
We fed baby at 3:30pm and left for the show at 6:30pm. I called my brother at 9:30 during the intermission to check on baby and he said she was crying and they couldn't get her to take her milk. This happens sometimes; she will be hungry but so angry that she refuses milk. I asked how long they had been trying and they said since just after we left. I told them to dump the milk because it wasn't good anymore after being out that long and try with new milk in a little while.
When my wife and I got home at 11:30pm baby was sleeping but still hadn't eaten. I woke her up and fed her with the milk in the warmer because it had been too long since she'd last eaten. Before going to bed I took stock of the remaining breastmilk bottles in the fridge. I realized by the number of bottles remaining that they hadn't dumped the milk that had been out; they had put it back in the fridge! I was immediately livid. I knew it was my dad who put it back because my brother and his gf can follow instructions. I realized I would have to ask my dad to identify the bottle he put back when baby next woke up to feed, which happened at 5:30am. When I woke him up all he could tell me was that it was in one of the short bottles and not the tall bottle. So, I had to dump both short bottles, which were full feeds. This left me with only a partial feed for baby. I wasn't going to wake my wife up to pump so I just gave baby the partial feed.
My dad claimed that my brother didn't say to dump the milk just to get new milk, but even if that's true does the man not have a brain? He has had 7 children, 11 grandchildren, and 2 great grand children. How have 6 of his 7 children survived this long with him as a father if he doesn't inherently know that you can't put milk back in the fridge after it's out for over 3 hours? Why did he think my brother asked him to get new milk if it wasn't because the milk had gone bad? Does he think the fridge magically makes rancid milk good again?
Right now, as I lie in bed awake fuming and hoping my baby doesn't get hungry again until after my wife wakes up and pumps, I don't think I can ever trust my dad to watch my baby again. If he doesn't know basic food safety can I trust him to know to wipe her front to back? To not shake her? To wash her pacifier if it falls on the floor?
Am I overreacting? Would you still trust your dad after all this? Should I tell my brother not to let our dad do anything for baby when he and his gf are watching her?