r/OCPD

i feel nuts and insane. i am constantly arguing with myself and its non stop black and white thinking. i realize that both are extremes that are panic inducing. i am trying so hard to let it go and let people be but i haaaaave to get this out so hopefully i can just let it be somewhere else and get some support for it. these are the two sides of my ocpd coin.

vast outcomes, ideals, probabilities and apprehensions. which is best? Which is efficient and morally right? martyrdom comes naturally. overcoming an intolerant society and naturally chaotic environment has never been possible for me. it’s so far out of reach it’s infuriating- why don’t these people see what I do? over and over again my passion is misconstrued with self righteousness and virtue signaling. put me on a cross I absolutely yearn for it.

why are YOU the moral arbiter of truth? do you think your a god? what if your evil? you would be imposing others and forcing them to be “pure” and stick to your puritanical beliefs. your no better than the far right, forcing others to adhere to their ideology. your just as bad as they are. bad bad bad bad bad. evil! you know better! why do you get so upset when you KNOW people have different views and perspectives on the world? they are people who experienced wildly different things in contrast to your own. YOU ARE NOT THE ARBITER OF TRUTH. you way is not the right way. it’s the right way for you. shame shame shame shame shame embarrassment cycle shameeeee never express your views again because someone could think your an evil person and try to inflict their incorrect morals onto you and then your left VULNERABLE and mailable to others

ok anyway I hope this is relatable and I hope to leave this here so I can stop thinking about it 😀👍🏻

I’m writing this frankly because I’m ashamed and honestly starting to hate myself.

To preface, I (F,38) have been married to my husband for 16 years, we have 2 kids together. He’s literally amazing. He’s kind, affectionate, a great dad, a hard worker, handsome, helps around the house, he LOVES me. I know how lucky I am but still I can’t get out of my own head.

Since I was really young I can remember having what I called “crushes”. But I don’t think it was your normal crush. I would unwillingly think about this boy 24/7. Anything could trigger it, they could be mildly attractive and say something nice to me and boom, crush. I would have these days where it was non-stop thoughts about this person (affecting schoolwork, etc) and then, with no contact, it would slowly fade away. Once it fades away there are a few things that flair it back up, the first thing and the worst thing is a dream. I’ll have a random dream about this person and it starts the cycle all over again. Other triggers would be any sort of contact with that person, or finding a new person to fixate on.

These stupid fixations can last weeks or even years.

I’ve had so many random ones over the years and each one eventually fades… My current one has been going on for years a few years. I hate it. He’s a decent looking guy but honestly, if I were single, I wouldn’t be able to stand him for more than a couple days. He’s super moody and is kind of a dick to be honest. I met him at a random event and he became friends with my husband, meaning I would see him around every now and again. Then I had an opportunity to work for this him, which in hindsight was an awful idea, but frankly, we needed the money. Nothing ever happened with this dude other than the occasional flirtatious comment from him which I did NOT reciprocate. Over the years we’ve noticed a couple common interests like nature or politics so we’ll send a snap to each other every now and again. I’m fully aware that me still being in contact with him is my own fault. I know how stupid this is but part of me doesn’t want to be mean and the other part of me just can’t help it. Other than that this guy could disappear from my life and I would never notice, except, My. Brain. Won’t. Let. Me.

I have never physically cheated on my husband but this feels like emotional cheating and I can’t help it! The amount of shame I have is unbearable. Please send some guidance.

* I should probably add that I have been diagnosed with some sort of dissociative disorder. I have terrible memory loss. I can’t remember huge chunks of my life because mentally I was not there.

Edit to add: I have been diagnosed OCD but specifically for hair pulling. I’m taking sertraline to help with that and because I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD due to assault during military service. I have not been consistent with therapy but even when I did go I never mentioned this because I was embarrassed.

It's a bit of a pet peeve to me for someone to say that "OCD" is disrespectful to people with actual OCD, yet it's actually a misnomer for OCPD. It's valid because OCPD is less known than OCD, but you should teach them the closest term to what they're talking about.

I'm struggling to understand how it can be differentiated whether symptoms are caused by OCPD, perfectionism OCD or autism (or some combo of them), when there's such significant overlap. Like I get that one of the "defining differences" is what drives the rigid/perfectionist behaviors, but most resources say OCD is driven by anxiety, but from what I have seen here with a little scrolling, there's actually a lot of fear and anxiety in OCPD too. I did the POPS survey and was constantly just thinking how many things in it are similar to what is in OCD and autism questionnaires, so how can one know if it's OCPD or just autism and/or perfectionism OCD...

(And yes, I am asking because I am myself very bothered by not knowing which of these conditions apply to me, (well ok autism I am fairly sure I have) but I am not asking for anyone's opinion on what I have, just more clarification on how these conditions can be differentiated with the overlapping symptoms very present, so I could myself better assess what could be causing my issues and discuss it with my therapist)

per chi è stato o è in una relazione, quando lei o lui va a mare non vi viene un’ansia assurda da impazzire? Io l’anno scorso stavo per svenire per l’ansia. Ho paura che succeda anche questa estate. Ho 1000 pensieri, per esempio ho paura che qualche pedofila possa guardarla, filmarla o farle del male fisico. Ho paura che qualche maschio possa approcciare con lei o farle del male fisico. Non riesco ad andare oltre questi pensieri e non posso nemmeno andare a mare con lei perché la sua famiglia non mi porterebbe perché “””siamo piccoli”””. Ho provato a fare delle cose che mi piacciono per non pensarci ma nulla. Non riesco a scacciare i pensieri in nessun modo. Ogni volta che sento la parola estate, mare o costume vado in tilt completo. Ho una paura assurda, qualcuno riesce a capirmi?

Hello! How do you guys deal with days when youre not working or dont have school? I'm currently struggling because my weekends dont have a routine and I feel almost empty and very sad during these days. I'm wondering if anyone relates and if theres something you guys do to make weekends easier or feel productive?

i've just found out that i have OCPD (never heard of it before) and mixed anxiety-depressive disorder. i immediately looked it up online and it all makes sense now.

feeling incompetent in everything that i do, but at the same time expecting perfection. feeling very uncomfortable showing people the kind of music that i listen to, the paintings that i've created, essays that i've written, or letting them taste the food that i've cooked. because it's never good enough. i've never been in a relationship because im embarrased of not having much experience and of who i am as a person. i need everything to be perfect: what i do, how i react, how i speak, what i like, how i dress, how i move.

i don't trust myself when it comes to anything. before sending an email or a text message, i have to reread it and check if im sending it to the right person several times. when it's someones birthday i have to go on facebook and check if i didnt confuse the date, or look at the text messages from a year ago, despite literally KNOWING the date.

there are so many more weird things that i do but wow, it's so good to finally know ;')

I got diagnosed 6 months ago and still discovering the traits and how to deal with them

I also found out recently that the meds causes nightmares is that true?

I just want to know more about it because it matters to me to understand what’s a trait and what’s not

I am in a really frustrating state. I am incredibly burnt out, I am behind on everything because I am not capable of doing it perfectly. I am in school full time and working 24 hours a week, I should be able to do this, but over the past few months I've slowly become worse at everything I used to do "well" in. My grades have dropped from 90+s to 70s or in some cases lower and I am missing several assignments. I am doing okay at work, but I swear I was getting double the amount done a year ago. I am constantly screaming at myself to do more, do better, but I can't and it's killing me. I'm exhausted. Days that I don't need to I'm not getting out of bed. I am so behind I'm going to puke.

It's getting so bad that I am starting to feel suicidal. I won't do anything, but I need to get help. That very well could mean hospitalization at this point. The problem is if I get help, I will end up falling further behind on school and work, and would end up in the same state. It's eating me alive. I can't do this. My fear of being behind is valid which makes it worse, as I can't just say "calm down you're fine" BECAUSE THIS IS NOT FINE.

I just need to know if anyone relates or has any advice.