just got diagnosed, suddenly everything makes sense
i've just found out that i have OCPD (never heard of it before) and mixed anxiety-depressive disorder. i immediately looked it up online and it all makes sense now.
feeling incompetent in everything that i do, but at the same time expecting perfection. feeling very uncomfortable showing people the kind of music that i listen to, the paintings that i've created, essays that i've written, or letting them taste the food that i've cooked. because it's never good enough. i've never been in a relationship because im embarrased of not having much experience and of who i am as a person. i need everything to be perfect: what i do, how i react, how i speak, what i like, how i dress, how i move.
i don't trust myself when it comes to anything. before sending an email or a text message, i have to reread it and check if im sending it to the right person several times. when it's someones birthday i have to go on facebook and check if i didnt confuse the date, or look at the text messages from a year ago, despite literally KNOWING the date.
there are so many more weird things that i do but wow, it's so good to finally know ;')