Is there anyone I can talk to?

Bored, I need friends. Someone cool and intelligent come talk with me. Or tell me anything thats on your mind, I'll listen.

I dont feel like I can go on anymore. I think about ending it every day. Im scared though. I need someone to talk to.

it’s a boring day saga. anyone up for a brief chat please hmu. just shoot topics at me and i’ll follow on. Any advice on how to kill boredom without social media?

I have insta, discord, this, and snap incase you want more details or want to PM.

I'm M17. I've been in boarding school since freshman year. There is... so. much. fucking. stress.

I hate this all. All of my sisters are super successful (oldest upenn then vandy, middle georgetown then william and mary, youngest a sophomore and the best art school in the country). I feel like theres just so much to live up to. I've watched friends commit right in front of me. I've had no one to talk to besides a very close couple of friends and my girlfriend but my girlfriend is on her own struggle bus and may be emancipated by her parents and I don't want to keep adding to her stress. And she keeps coming to me with all these problems despite the fact that she told me she was going to try and be more positive since she hates the doom and gloom. Of course I told her its ok but it's all her life seems to be lately and theres only so much I can do from 1600+ miles away. Obviously I'm grateful for them but I can't keep just adding on to them but I can't keep bottling my emotions up.

I'm so tired. I just want to relax. I can barely get out of bed without almost collapsing to my knees. I have diagnosed ADHD and I struggle to focus and with impulse control and I keep getting steamrolled with higher and higher expectations just because I perform somewhat well academically.I still have another year of HS and I don't even know if I'm going to be able to get into the colleges I'd like to get into and if I don't go to college my parents will disown me.

I kept getting sick for a while but thankfully that stopped but I was throwing up for MONTHS and my parents refused to believe me and its by some miracle I got better.

I wasn't able to get back to campus on time ford its finals week and theres not going to be any food until tomorrow in the dining hall and I'm starving and I can't focus on studying.

I just need someone/people to talk to. Someone/people I can lean on just a little bit until I can stand on my own two feet again.

Thank you and God bless everyone. <3

If you're willing to listen and you're willing to believe me that it's safe for us to discuss my story?

Unfortunately am unable to speak w a therapist. But it's safe and ok for to tell anyone non-professional. No it doesn't involve anything illegal or anything like child abuse or any mandatory reporting thing or anything illegal (only under the Geneva convention lol). No I'm not insane (nor has anyone suspected me of being) but trust me it's a good reason lol.

This story is probably hours long to be honest. I could easily tell it in much less time than that, maybe a half hour?

I was able to tell someone about it for the first time about a month ago - it totally changed my life. I feel like I cannot keep bothering that person. You can only ask so much of people, you know?

Hi who up need to talk who is up and what to talk to me

Hello. I’m 21 TRANS FTM and I’m in a little over 3 yr relationship. I’ve been with my fiance since I was 18 I will not be saying his age due to judgement and privacy, BUT he is older and mature so.

Anyway, we met when I was 18 I met him through FB, at that time I was going through a phase of just talking to random ppl on any website or app I downloaded. Wasn’t looking for anything long term because I was confused about my romantical feelings. I’ve had relationships before, short term and semi-long term but they never worked out due to my actions, emotional behavior and outbursts, also due to ppl just not being in to me hit that was always ok. I met my now fiance on FB while just talking to randos and we talked for a long time, all night and all day everyday. I felt like I was feeling something, but I always got it confused with just getting attention and liking it since I didn’t have friends after I graduated high school shortly before I turned 18.

We talked for a long time then he decided to call out of work and take me on a date. He picked me up, took me to eat, watch a movie then went to his place. TMI but I lost my virginity to him. After that day we never were separated, I always wanted to be around him, 2 months later he asked me to be his boyfriend then a month later I moved in and left my family. Cut all contact (they were extremely narcissistic and abusive).

Throughout the relationship we both had our ups and downs and it was ok because he was patient. But then we both started getting really toxic.

We would have screaming matches, through stuff, cuss at each other, call each other names. We leave each other be for an hour then talk. It lasted for a long time, but as we were having issues, I started cheating on him. I texted other people, I video chat and call, just talking, then it lead on to sending photos and videos. Then meeting up with only a few people. He started catching on because I was distant, cold, mean, stubborn. I felt miserable because I didn’t feel happy.

Shortly after our 2 yr anniversary I left him without saying anything, we had a bad fight the night before and I felt I’d do more good if I was gone and out of his life. When he found out after he got back from work, he found where I was and cried, begged me to come back. I couldn’t, I felt horrible for making him hurt so bad, for walking on eggshells with me, for eveything.

So I left, I was gone for a month maybe month and a half then I went back to him. During the month I didn’t want to be there, I was hurting the people I was with and myself.

So I came back to him, he took me back. We were fine for a month, then I started cheating again. Cheated for 3 months and then he found everything out. EVERYTHING.

And it was a lot. He was so hurt, so broken, so angry, so disgusting and disappointed. He stopped speaking, looking, being around me. And I understand bale cause I hurt him because of my own actions. If I could go back I would. Genuinely.

But the reason I’m typing this, is because I’m still realizing.
I’m still not happy with him, I’m not ready for commitment, I’m not ready for marriage, I’m not prepared enough. I want to be able to do my own things, learn and teach myself how to be an adult without depending on anyone. I want to go out and be myself and be happy. I want to actually have friends. I want to learn self love and heal so I’m not such a shitty ass person.

But, I’m so scared to leave because I know I feel love for him, I do love him, but I’m scared to be alone, I’m scared to be homeless, I’m scared to not have anywhere to go if I ever left him. I have no friends, no family, it’s just him. I have my car but it completely in my name. But if I ever got that done I don’t think I’d leave.

I want to feel and genuinely think if I put in the effort to be a good person, to heal, to try and be better, and work hard on myself I’d feel differently, I wouldn’t feel unhappy. But I’m also scared that even if I do change I’ll feel the same.

I doubt anyone will read this but don’t judge please or do. Free will. I just needed to vent or need advice. Idk what to do. I want to live my life but I want to be with him and live my life but I can’t. (Not because of the cheating) but because there’s so much to a relationship that is hard to me that I don’t know if I’m mentally or genuinely prepared or ready for. I haven’t even worked on my trauma or emotions because of my own negligence.

I just want to be better. I don’t want to hurt him. I just want to feel and be better for him and for me.

I'm (F30) and he's (M37).

We are soon celebrating our first relationship anniversary.

It's been really difficult lately. My mental health has been terrible, and I think it is mostly because I have some Borderline disorder traits (it's not new. A psychologist had told me that years ago).

However I need some neutral point of view.

A YEAR AGO

I was working on an island for a summer job, living in a tiny van. We met. We both wanted it serious. He welcomed me to his house every night while dating... Little by little I moved with him. He told me that I could stay live wih him after my seasonal job.

We struggled connecting a bit, as he doesn't talk much. I struggled knowing his feelings towards me.

He included me in his life, his friends, family... He showed his dedication. He also holds my hand a lot.

THREE MONTHS IN

I said I loved him. I was devastated , inside of me, when he wasn't ready to reply. "Why would I stay on this island then?" I had anxiety rising. sleepless nights. But I remained patient. Although I kept saying it wasn't sure I was going to stay on this island after my summer job.
"people are close minded here" "what if I don't make friends" "what if I don't find a job later", I often was saying those things.

He kept showing his feelings with acts, not words.

SIX MONTHS IN

He told me he loved me too. However I kept feeling more distance than with most of my boyfriends: he doesn't express himself with words easily. No deep conversations... NOTE That he's started his own business and is VERY BUSY and stressed.

I was now jobless (end of summer job).

... Sometimes I asked him "but, I feel that you're not with me ? You aren't in love with me or what" and he reassured me, saying the relationship is still new but his feelings are growing, and he's not good with words.

He kept showing me dedication though.

10 MONTHS IN

The crisis.

I cam back from a long trip and sensed him distant again (probably real tired). I really pressed him "But I can't feel a connection with you right now...You're so distant, you DON'T Love me ??!" And I pressed and I pressed and I pressed.

He finally answered "maybe that with all my relationship failures, it takes more times opening up. My walls are up. Plus you say you might leave the island, not sure to find friends or a job... So , I love you, I am in love, but not 100 % in love. That takes time, we haven't been a year together yet" I pressed again and yeah, he was 100% in love with his exes (longer

That sentence threw me and I bought a train ticket to leave the next day. He was under shock. But I could see we didn't want to lose each other, and I didn't leave.

That crisis brought us closer... But

NOW

Since then (for 2 months now) I've been having anxiety, almost panic attacks. Every weeks. Huge insecurities, about him not loving me. Loving his exes more. He keeps saying we can't compare relationships. That he does love me. But when I press him, he sometimes still says stuff like, “Yeah, maybe I was more in love with my ex” because it was more intense or lasted longer, or whatever. "With you it's still developping, I am trustful and optimistic"

My anxiety has been real bad and I've even woken him up in the middle of the night almost screaming at him.....

I know I've had borderline traits before (with self harm in the past) and I can feel it's the same kind of anxiety.

He says he is patient, wants it to work, even thinks of having a child together ... but he says that a crisis every week will tire him eventually...

Do you think there is hope? I've started seeing therapists, doctors , maybe to get medicated a bit.

Please help.

______________________________
TL;DR!: I moved to an island for a summer job, met my boyfriend. It's almost been a year, Him and I are struggling at the moment. We had trouble connecting, he is pretty walled up, but also adorable, dedicated. Tender. My relationship anxiety has always been bad (with some borderline traits) and i pressed him with questions. He one day said "yeah maybe I'm not in love 100 % yet because not sure you're going to stay and because of my past". That triggered my anxious, maybe borderline symptoms. I've having crisis every week for 2 months.

Is there hope ?

My job has gotten the best of me, being there doesn’t make me happy. I’ve been there for about a year now. And I have some emotional instability, because of how life has been. The job says they like me and want me to stay out of trouble. But I wield a lot of anger and sadness. Recently I’ve grown angry at the supervisors and managers because they have the money and don’t need to stress about it. I know for me it’s wrong to think or feel this way, I don’t know what inside their heads. But they don’t know or get this feeling. They may have at some point, but they aren’t there anymore. I’ve been trying to find another job. I’ve had interviews but missed them because of work and just being tired. A different tired to be honest. I just want to talk to someone so this emotions isn’t sitting with mr

it’s Friday night and I’m buzzed. im thinking of my ex. is anyone free to talk?

This is long as hell. I don’t expect anyone to read it all but hopefully im not alone. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Im only 19 but I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I said I’d become an animator but I feel hesitant about making that my goal in life. Look at how that industry is going. It’s going down the toilet haha. Fuck I’m studying to be an animator at the college I’m going to but I’ve fallen behind on all my work in my classes and I have like 20 missed assignments. And it’s funny because I have chunks of days where I feel happy and fine and realy it’s all because I’m ignoring the real problems in my life.

And I feel like just quitting at everything sometimes. I had a job before that was kinda ok until my boss went and screwed it over cutting all my hours and paying me noting because everyone suspected she was using company funds for who knows what, so I quit. And now I’m unsure of what I’m doing in life because I’m unemployed, living with my parents and not even making enough to cover my share of the rent anymore. I’m fucked.

I’ve been lying to everyone that my school life is fine but so behind on all my work. And I’m anxious to go to my classes because of that. Having panicked attacks in the bathroom before class type of nervous. Showing up late for class or calling in sick type of nervous. I haven’t even signed up yet for next semester’s classes and I missed my enrollment deadline.

And my dad’s been such a jerk lately. Especially to the women in his life. He makes every little problem sound like it’s the end of the world and takes it out on me and my mom but he doesn’t even fix it himself. I see how he treats my mom just sitting at the table micromanaging her cleaning the kitchen like she doesn’t know anything and can’t figure out how to dry the plates or where something goes.

And yet he has the gall to just leave his dirty dishes and pots lying around after he cooks and eats. He has the gall to leave his clothes in the bathroom and not even clean the kitchen himself. He has the gall to say me or my mom can’t have a say when he decides on how to fix up our house like we don’t know anything about renovating and has the gall to say we would be micromanaging him. We might be micromanaging and honestly we’re human sometimes, we overstep. but he has no right to micromanage us and overstep either. Especially if we know what we are doing to keep our place running and don’t need to have it mansplained while he sits there watching.

Hell and don’t even get me started on how he touts it around like it’s funny that he’s an asshole. He literally calls himself one with his friends like it’s a fun nickname. It’s just his way of justifying that if there’s a problem he can be loud and aggressive about it rather than calmly discussing it in a diplomatic manner. He just talks so harshly sometimes and uses all of these threats.

I was trying to set up a printer the other day and he yelled at me when I explained everything I was doing that he asked for because he was obviously getting impatient. And then he had the gall to say I was talking back and that in his day I would get slapped for that. Or there was a time I was clearing out a room for some work he was doing and when he criticized how I was doing it he had the gall to call me stupid. Sure I wasn’t being the most efficient about my organization but to make feel like an idiot? To call me stupid and act like I know nothing? Really?

And then say he doesn’t like something because of his own personal taste. he just gets so vocal about it to the point he’s rubbing it into everyone’s face making them feel bad instead of politely declining and making his own plans. I made a soup the other day for dinner and he hated it saying he was going to make himself something else. Yet he then had to go and dump it down the sink in front of me and my mom at the table. I already calmly told him he could do what he wanted instead of eating it.

So all of this to say I dread the future because if I actually become who want to be and do what I want I know he’ll pitch a fit and refuse to live with it. I’m nonbinary ace and pan and the closest my parents are to understanding queer stuff is being okay with gays and lesbians and that’s it. And the rest of my family is hella religious. So god forbid I grow up and get into any other type of queer relationship or finally transition. I’ll fall apart under the stress of trying to explain it to everyone and all hell will beak loose. My parents will say my name is oh so special and I was named after someone important and using pronouns is too hard for them and why would I change myself so drastically. And why am I being such a prude I need to grow up (I’m not a prude just ace). They already blew up when I came out to them the first time when I was 14 and so I packed it all away and acted like that never happened and I’m still their straight little daughter. So now if I tell them it has always been the way they don’t want it to be all this time then all hell will break even more loose.

And I can’t stand the thought of the future because I know it’s so hard to be who I am without retaliation and I don’t know where I’m going in life. if I ever admit that I’m failing school I’ll get lashed out at for having it easy and still living with them. And I say I love my parents but I hesitate to say that sometimes because if they knew who I really was they wouldn’t even like me. Not to mention that I have no friends and being autistic doesn’t help me connect with anyone any easier.

But it sucks that I have no choice but to stick with it and tough out my family and school life as if everything is all fine. I have to act as if I’m not someone they hate because my parents promised me their old car and their apartment when they finally retire as all mine. they have a modest house they bought in the countryside that they will retire in and want to be mine. That way when I grow up and they die I’ll still have a roof over my head.

And dispite all of this my dad keeps saying oh he didn’t fuck me up and I never became a druggie or had a teen pregnancy or did some stupid shit in Highschool. But he did fuck me up and continues to fuck me up. He’s berating me sometimes untill I cry and acting like he can ignore who I really am in favor of me being his “daughter” and that he can be sexist as hell to me and my mom because we’re the “women in his life” . I’m not a woman and women don’t even deserve any of this even if they are women.

I feel like one day when ignoring all this shit to be happy for a moment gets too hard to do, when I dip back into not feeling ok again, I’ll snap. Like not just cry and feel like an idiot snap. Like something worse snap. I already have thoughts sometimes that I just don’t want to grow up and I’m not ready to face the world but damn does thinking that way make me feel like I’m too privileged to think like that. Like I should just pull myself up by my bootstraps and be an adult. but adult life is hard and confusing and tiring. And every once in a while I’ll feel depressed for a day or a contemplating everything. then it will pass and I’ll turn numb enough to it all that I can ignore it to feel something. It makes me so tired to be in this cycle of being ok then being not. I’m just so tired all the time

I’m just so tired.

Is there anyone I can talk to?

I’ve struggled pretty bad with “mental health” my whole life. Idk if something fucked me up as kid or if I was just meant to be like this. I almost pulled the trigger about 2 years ago after the loss of my best and only friend. I’ve never told anyone about my issues my parents hardly know and everyone thinks I’m a normal guy with my head on straight. I’m in the military now I guess I thought I could find some meaning or purpose in my life, that was an awful mistake. Although I excel at my job and seem pretty squared away I abuse some pretty dirty substances that fly under the radar as far as drug testing goes I’ve cut myself and done some pretty reckless self destructive things. The only reason I haven’t fully kicked the chair yet is because I love this girl too much to put her through it and I know she would follow right after me if I did. I’m not built for this world I just can’t process my own existence and I can’t shake this feeling of despair thats followed me so long.

I’m looking to chat with someone who can give me some thoughts on my unfortunately turbulent social life. I’ll discuss with any age and gender but please mention it for context if you DM. I’m extroverted but my friendships are often cliquish and it leaves me exhausted by the constant conflict. so I’d love to speak honestly with someone knowing they won’t weaponize it against me to my other friends.

Idk what to say I’m totally alone

This is allot for me to talk about and it might just end up being a vent but I don’t have anyone I can really talk about it with so maybe someone here can help me or at least talk to me about it. I’m 23m first I will admit I don’t think I look the best but I don’t think I look super bad just kindof average I guess and I can be pretty goofy/weird sometimes. But I haven’t really dated much I had one girlfriend I dated from middle school until the start of junior year around but then she had broke up with me and I moved states away. For the rest of high school I was on the laptop from home then only left the house to really go to work from then till today I never really get out allot and even when i do I’m not sure how to approach someone a girl being even slightly pretty makes me nervous/shy and not sure what to say and even on dating apps I don’t seem to get barley any matches and I’m not sure really how to talk to a girl and get a conversation started beyond just the hey and how are you? Even when I do get the occasional match. I’m just really lost on what to do and it all just feels isolating. If anyone has any tips or if anyone can talk to me about it It would greatly appreciated.

I am utterly and absolutely alone since three month’s now and i am in desperate need to talk to and i meed help if anyone feels like talking to me it’d be appreciated

31 m idk what else to say