r/NannyEmployers

What is the policy for either a nanny you hire or a family you work for in terms of food?

I used to nanny so I told our nanny of course that she can help herself to anything in the house if she’s hungry but to bring a lunch. So I was expecting she would have some snacks here while baby is eating but bring her own lunch if she wants a full meal. When I was nannying I would drink the families coffee sometimes and occasionally eat a snack if I was hungry and already ate my lunch/snacks I brought. So I guess having been in her shoes, I want her to be comfortable eating what she needs but also want her to be mindful of how much she’s eating here.

Since working here for 5 months she’s only brought food twice and is eating lunch here daily. I don’t mind with some things but she’s eating all of our protein bars, protein shakes, oranges, bananas, and other healthy/pricier food items. She also started eating our leftovers but we eat those for lunches and she noticed so thankfully she didn’t do that again and I didn’t have to say anything. We try to keep frozen meals and soup on hand for her that we know she likes (originally this was if she forgot lunch).

I haven’t said anything because I also don’t want her to be hungry or uncomfortable. She’s also only here 8-2 daily.

So I guess just curious what your policies are or if this is typical?

I’ll keep it short: phone and in-person interview with nanny went very well. Trial run was okay, nothing impressive. Second day… blatantly worse..

We don’t want to work with her anymore. There wasn’t any contract signed, just a verbal agreed upon duration for a few months. Is it business as usual to drop a nanny in less than a week worth of childcare? Or am I being too rushed? Wife and I agree we both aren’t happy with her.

i don’t want to go into detail why, but what she agreed upon in the interview isn’t showing. She’s shown up late each time by 30-45 minutes when we need her the most. theres more, but I’ll leave it at that.

Potential nanny here with lots of previous nannying experience and references.

I am wondering if there are families out there with young or immunocompromised children who would see it as a benefit to have a nanny that was avoiding most crowds and masking when in crowds?

I imagine there must be families who would see this as a plus instead of a disadvantage. There must be some households out there who are still masking in crowds as well, especially with babies, I would assume.

Any advice on how to match with such a family? Where to look?

I posted this on the r/Nanny sub too, but someone suggested I posted it here to get responses from other employers.

I even know which book it was because I've read it before too 😭😭 Knight by Kristen Ashley. The scene she was listening to wasn't a sex scene BUT from what I remember (it's been over a year since I read it) it was a decent way into the book so it wasn't like she accidentally started listening to it without realizing it was a book full of sex. And it's not polite sex either if you get what I'm saying.

I wasn't supposed to be home but I had to come back to the house to get something. I could hear the audiobook from the next room (to give you an idea of the volume level), and when I walked past the door Nanny dove for the phone and shut it off. I didn't say anything at the time because I was surprised and late for work and my son was napping in his room anyway but now I'm wondering if I should??

My son is 2 and sleeps in a bed, and when he wakes up from his nap he leaves his room and goes looking for people. I'm concerned he might get up and Nanny won't immediately notice and he'll wander into the room she's in and hear some of the book. Obviously he won't know what's happening in the book but what if he repeats some of the words? Or remembers it when he's older?? At the same time I've heard people say Nannies are entitled to do what they want on their breaks like reading, listening to music, general relaxing etc. Should I not bring this up and just trust that Nanny will notice when he wakes up and turn off the audiobook? I've never encountered this problem before 😭 If he was older I think it'd warrant a discussion, but he's so little so I don't know!

Also to be clear I'm not judging people for reading/listening to this genre! I personally wasn't a fan but I still read the whole series so take that as you will.

EDIT: Yes it is erotica, it has long graphic sex scenes with BDSM, it's not just a regular romance with a couple steamy scenes.

With all the conflicting information about how daycare is good for socialization and building immunity, what made you decide on hiring nanny for your family instead?

Do you buy the toys your nanny requests for the educational environment in your home? If your child is getting ready to start working on more gross motor skills like getting on their knees to play and nanny requests a toy pusher to help get child to their knees do you simply agree and buy it? Or no, they must make due with what is already in our home? Or say puppets for language and imagination or balls for coordination ect. Do you have prior agreed upon limit? Or unlimited for educational purposes? Or none

I’m a full-time professional nanny with 10 years of experience, been with my current family for 3 years in a VHCOL Canadian city. My base rate for one child is $31/hr.

When they had a second baby, I absorbed the increased workload in good faith — adjusting routines around a newborn’s nap schedule, additional household tasks, occasionally switching off with the baby, navigating a two-child dynamic with a parent present, without asking for a raise at the time. I didn’t receive a COL raise that year either.

When the younger child turned one and I’d be caring for both full time, I asked for $37, $5 for the second child and $1 COL (to account for the missed raise). They countered at $35, citing a Facebook group for nanny employers as their benchmark and saying that was the standard, and said they weren’t willing to go higher. I thanked them for the offer and explained my reasoning for my rate which is hey didn’t seem to absorb but I nevertheless accepted.

They also offered to pay overtime cash under the table to make up the difference, which I wasn’t fully comfortable with. I felt slighted that I would have to do something illegal to make it to my asking rate which I thought was a fair rate.

From employers who’ve been around the block: is what I asked for reasonable for someone with my tenure and experience? Or is $35 actually the right call here?

I’ve been going down a bit of a rabbit hole on this lately after seeing a couple of situations where things got awkward between families and nannies, mostly around pay, schedule, time off, that kind of stuff.

What stood out is that it’s not like people don’t talk about these things, it just feels like they don’t always get fully agreed in a clear way at the start.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what actually makes that process difficult. Is it just awkward to bring things up? Or is it more that people don’t know what they should be agreeing on in the first place?

Would be really interested to hear how it’s gone for others.

We are parting ways with our nanny due to a career change for mom. We gave 6 weeks notice to her and offered her a retention bonus to stay through my last day of work.

I found her next gig, which was willing to wait 3 more weeks for her to finish out here. Now she is asking for her last 3 weeks here to work 3 days at the other house… i have big deliverables to finish at my job and now im scrambling. I dont want to take the bonus off the table, but also does not seem fair for me to pay her when she wont be here over half of the last three weeks. Thought?

I take everything on social media with a grain of salt but man, 90% of the posts here make me question people‘s common sense, sanity, etc.

Literally just read a post about a NP wanting to fire their nanny because the nanny’s boyfriend hit her. Are you ok?

I see posts on the daily of people saying they’re looking for an experienced nanny, offering barely above minimum wage. Then I read comments of parents saying they don’t let their nanny go on any outtings - they don’t trust them.

PUT YOUR KID IN DAYCARE THEN. How fucking boring would it be for anyone, including your kid!!!, to sit in your house allllll day, day after day??? You don’t trust your nanny? then don’t have one!!!! You can’t afford above minimum wage???? Then don’t have one!!! You won’t pay guaranteed hours but you expect to be paid every paycheck on the dot right?

BONKERS - if you’re not ready to be an employer, don’t be one. Period. This is the person you’re entrusting your child with, your precious child, and you’re counting pennies and talking badly about them? Seek help!

My 16-month-old is mostly on solids. He poops daily but sometimes seems a bit uncomfortable (I think he could drink more water). He’s also doing surprisingly well with the potty.

When our nanny is here, she asks what to feed him. I’ll give general guidance, but she seems to prefer when I prep everything myself (e.g., fruit + omelette). For context, he likes yogurt, teething crackers, quesadillas, triscuits, etc.

A couple things I’ve noticed:

-He always seems hungrier on the days she’s here.

-She insists on giving him 2% milk, which he doesn’t like.

-She refused to read him a book he was interested in while feeding him because it was “too much going on at once”

This week:

- I suggested rice and chicken → she said rice can worsen constipation, so I changed it → he didn’t eat it.

-Next day I made bean tacos → she said he only ate the tortilla. This morning I gave him the same tacos → he ate everything.

I’m starting to feel like she’s either overcorrecting based on her own opinions or not getting him to eat the same way I do. How would yall address it?

Looking for some input on this situation. We’ve had our nanny for over a year for my 3yo. She’s great with creating activities and fully engaging my kiddo. I’m currently on maternity leave so I’m hearing more interactions between Nanny and my 3yo and overall I have few complaints. She’s as patient as she can be with my over communicative toddler. She rarely prioritizes herself in choosing activities. I could go on calling out positives.

Today she came in with heavy and avoidant energy. To the point of not responding to my 3yo in a timely manner. My toddler repeated her statement and tried to engage again and she had a pretty delayed response. Her tone was very flat. Not her usual tone of voice or response time. I could tell something personal was going on with her but she didn’t address it.

I noticed my toddler picking up on her energy and consequently over engaging with nanny. My toddler is very intuitive. I’d also like to note I have a degree in child development and worked in child life. I know what stress or confusion looks and sounds like from a toddler despite their inability to speak it plainly.

I assumed nanny would perk up as the day went on but she seemed to deteriorate as the day went on. Laying her head down during snack time and delaying her responses to my toddler.

Once nap time came around I checked in with nanny asking if she was ok and if she was aware of her energy. She did not want to share the issues. I’m completely fine with that. I let her know I didn’t expect her to pretend she’s perfectly fine, but that her energy is heavy and stressing toddler. I asked if she needed to leave and are said no. I let her know her energy needed to shift post nap time. It did not.

I’m sure postpartum is playing a role but I’m pretty frustrated with this experience. At the same time, I’m not sure what I should expect from nanny when personal things are going on.

As a parent, there is always something going on that I don’t make my 3yo emotionally responsible for. I definitely don’t want to pay for this experience. I’d much rather she not come in if she can’t manager herself for 4-5 hours with my toddler.

Has anyone had experience with this?

Mine is 100% after taxes and benefits. Lol. I think of it as a season where we make the nanny rich and us poor.

I'm a WFH mom with a 20 month old daughter. Our nanny has been with us a little over a year and she works two days a week. Nanny is punctual, personable, sticks to our schedule, is willing to do some cooking and light chores (even non-baby-related), and is willing/able to take more hours if needed. I have a good working relationship with her and our daughter seems well-cared for from a physical standpoint.

Lately I have been concerned that our daughter still gets upset when the nanny arrives and for a time after the handoff. Sometimes she's upset for 10-15 minutes after I've gone to my office, sometimes it's just a minute or two of crying. She knows the nanny's name and often says it when she's not here. I have tried to make a habit of "reminding" her that the nanny is coming both the night before and the morning of ("We get to see X tomorrow/soon!") to keep the arrival from being an "upsetting surprise." From what I can hear during the 7 hour day (2-3 hours of napping), she doesn't seem upset the rest of the time but is often saying "mama" (and sometimes "dada" or "grandma/grandpa").

I'm starting to get uneasy that they don't have enough of a bond after all this time and wonder if it's just not working (though I dread a new nanny hunt since overall we like this one).

Is this normal separation anxiety? Perhaps compounded by the fact that my daughter knows I'm still in the house?

Is it perhaps that the nanny isn't engaging/fun enough? I have concerns from what I can hear during the day that she just isn't providing enough developmental stimulation. This has become more glaring as our daughter has started walking (she was late to the game), talking more, and is overall "busier." It seems like each day is the same with the toys and activities we have on hand. It sounds like there is more independent play than what I would like for a nanny/child relationship.

How should I proceed? Attempt to keep the nanny and be more direct about the level of engagement we expect and hope that makes my daughter happier to hang out with her? Or do we need to cut and run after all this time of my daughter still not having enough of a bond to be happy when she shows up?

Hi all! We are about to welcome a new baby and are updating our nanny’s annual contract. She has been with us for almost 3 years and works 4 days per week - she is younger (less than 5 years experience). She currently cares for our 3.5F. We will be giving her a $6 total raise - $2 annual and $4 for new baby. Along with this, she has guaranteed hours, increasing from 10 to 12 days PTO (i.e. 2 weeks vacation, 1 week sick), unlimited sick days if goes over her PTO use, mileage compensation, and a personal credit card to use for child related activities. I wanted to be sure we are being fair with our increase of pay for the new baby. Any advice welcome. Thanks so much.

She came and told me this today. And he’s in jail…. I asked a MILLION questions like does he know where my kids go to school, where we live, outings they take. She said no. They’re done/broken up. I just don’t know what to do. Am I putting my child’s life at risk? I feel awful this happened to her but I have no idea what to do moving forward. Please help!

My son loves his 64 year old nanny. She has become a part of the family. Would it be strange to give her mother's day candy and flowers?

My older relative she’s in her mid 50s is currently having trouble finding a nanny position. She has years of experience, including being cpr certified and all.
I’m trying to help her find a good fit, but even after countless of “good” interviews, she doesn’t land a job.
I’m curious if there’s a stigma on hiring older Nannie’s? Because I use to think the older, the more experience you have is better.

Hey y’all. We just changed nannies (not my preference- previous nanny couldnt give us the hours we needed despite promising it beforehand). I went back to work around the same time. The new nanny was called for 2 hours daily for about 10 days before starting full time to start getting familiar with the baby.

My baby is 7 months now. She is highly alert, has a very sensitive temperament and has always needed help for day naps- rock for about 7-10 mins in recliner and contact naps only. Our previous nanny did this well and had just started the crib transition for 1 nap. My problem with new nanny is that baby screams at the top of her lungs everytime the new nanny tries to put her to sleep. Its been 10 days and every single time there is no improvement. I dont intervene if her cry is the ‘tired cry’, and also wait it out. But if its been 15 mins of crying and its the ‘want mommy’ cry (hysterical, lose your voice cry), I step in, calm her, rock her and once she is asleep I then hand her over.

My nanny is not happy with this and wants the baby to be left to her no matter how long it takes. I get that baby needs time to get used to her but is it okay to let the baby cry hysterically for 20-30 mins just to let her be used to her? The way I think about it- if I have to leave her crying like that for so long repeatedly might as well sleep train her?

Our nanny recently asked if we could give her a healthcare stipend. We cannot afford to do so (we pay her extremely well already, more than half of my husband and my combined annual income), but I’m trying to figure out if we could set up an HSA for her. Everything I’ve found online is for small businesses with multiple employees who need to pay for an expensive service to manage it. Is there a way to do it without that? We use Nest payroll which does deductions, but doesn’t seem to have an HSA option. Is it even possible?