r/InsideIndianMarriage

My sister got married in Sept 2024. The guy was a divorcee, he is 32 and my sister is 25. They are Brahmin and we are Shetty—both are vegetarian, but their culture is very orthodox. They don't eat many things like green leaves, sprouted pulses, or fruits. ​We are not financially well-off.

We are single-parented kids; my mom took care of us alone. Since the guy's family was well-to-do, we initially thought they were good people, but my brother-in-law is behaving like a monster.

Here is what she is going through:

Food Shaming: My sister is 5’2 and 70kg. Her mother-in-law called her a "machine" in front of the whole family, mocking her saying she can eat and digest anything.

Starvation & Chores: She works 8-10 hours in a hospital. She does all the chores and helps with cooking, but every morning after she leaves, the mom and son cook and eat together without leaving anything for her.

Cruelty during periods: Yesterday, she got her period and was exhausted. The MIL asked what she wanted for dinner, but the husband interrupted saying they would just eat leftovers. When my sister said she didn’t want leftovers, they went ahead and made Ragi Mudde for themselves and didn't even call her to eat.

Pregnancy Pressure: It’s been nearly two years and they are forcing her to get pregnant. Her tests are normal, but he refuses to see a doctor. They blame her and treat her like an outcast every time she gets her period.

The Abuse: For even small arguments, he tries to snatch her thali (mangalsutra), telling her she isn't there to live a life with him. There is no physical hitting yet, but the mental torture is constant. She isn't even allowed to order coconut water on Zepto/Blinkit.

Why I am so desperate:

Throughout our childhood, our father was an alcoholic and addicted to cards. We didn't have a good life; we were physically and mentally abused by him. Now, I just want my sister to be happy, but after hearing these stories, I don't know what to do.

​I am not financially well yet. I am a BE graduate working in a BPO and preparing for my GATE exam. My mom tried to speak up once, but the MIL blamed her, saying she would "ruin the house," so my sister has stopped sharing anything. Her health is failing due to nutrient deficiency and the stress is increasing every day.

##​ I want them to be happy. How can I help her when I feel so helpless myself?

I’m looking for some honest perspective on how important kundali matching really is when it comes to long-term marriage harmony.

I’m a 33-year-old Sikh woman currently in a relationship with a 35-year-old Brahmin man. From the beginning, he mentioned that his family believes in kundali matching, but also reassured me that ultimately, decisions about our relationship would be ours. Over time, our connection has grown stronger than either of us expected—we’ve felt deeply aligned, and the past few months have genuinely felt effortless and fulfilling. We’ve both reached a point where we want to move forward and make meaningful life decisions together.

However, things have become complicated after our kundalis were matched and didn’t align well. There were even some concerning predictions raised about long-term health and other serious aspects. My family doesn’t believe in kundali at all, while his family places significant importance on it, which is now creating pressure and uncertainty.

Given that everything else between us feels right—values, compatibility, mutual respect, emotional connection—I’m struggling to understand how much weight kundali should realistically carry in such a situation.

I would really appreciate thoughtful insights: How important is kundali matching in determining the success and harmony of a marriage? And how do couples navigate situations where belief systems around this differ so strongly between families?

I’m 49F, married to 53M for 21 years. Ours was an arranged marriage and we had a very rocky start - different family culture leading to different expectations. We went for marriage therapy, he stopped going after a few sessions saying he didn’t have any issues and didn’t need to go, but I did continue to go for a few more years. We have a wonderful teenaged son. While our marriage was not perfect, and there were constant fights, occasionally I’d see moments of affection. That kept me going.

Sometime during the pandemic, my husband got involved with a religious cult. Now he spends most of his free time with this group, and uses his vacation days to visit his guru and gives them so much of his money. If that’s not bad enough, he’s completely stopped communicating with me. Most of our conversations happen via text/ email. When I talk to him, he gets so triggered and he ends up raising his voice at me. He’s is in a good job, well-respected in the community. His mother lives with us and she’s very supportive of me and says what her son does is not right. But she says we need to stay in the marriage for the sake of our school-going son. Recently, during my attempt to talk to my husband, he ended up screaming at me. My son, who overheard everything said to me, “Get a divorce already.”

I, on my part, can’t seem to accept the situation. I’m always thinking about “what could have been”. He has shown glimmers of affection. So it’s not like he’s entirely a gone case. This is a very horrible space to be in. I can either completely accept that this is who he is and develop a thick skin and stay in the marriage but live my own life without any emotional connection with him. Or say I don’t want this and leave the marriage. Unfortunately, I’m unable to do both.

But I’ve been thinking of separation quite a bit off late. My son is in high school and I wanted him to finish school before I make any decision. But some days I go off into a victim mode and make it extremely miserable for myself. This is really affecting me. He’s a decent dad and provides for the family - I’m a SAHM - but off late he’s been talking about how I don’t bring in any money. He’s in a well-paying job and remember, he gives tens of thousands of dollars to the religious organization he’s a member of.

I’ve been out for the workforce ever since my son was born. Can I separate without officially getting divorced for the time being to see how things go? If I were to get legally divorced, would he have to pay for my son’s and my living expenses till he’s 18. Based on your experience, how does a divorce affect a high school kid? I don’t want to cause any disruption to his life at least until he goes to college but with every passing day, I feel so trapped in this marriage. What can I do to get out of this victim mode? For one, I know if I completely accepted the situation, I wouldn’t slip into my victim mode but I’m always living in “what-could-be”. I live in the US, btw.

ETA: Please do not send me any direct/chat messages. If you have any advice, you can comment on this post.

35M, married 3 months ago. Somewhere between love and arranged I guess. Currently living in different towns because of my job and her studies. She has an exam coming up, but it's 3 months away. We are in the same field.

Thing is, she's not a very "relationship " person. She has almost no sense of emotional intimacy. And she almost never texts. So our only mode of communication is phone calls. Once a day in the evening. Barely 5-8 mins. Then it's Goodnight. She's overwhelmed by her exams. Sort of a studious girl I guess.

So all this is causing me a lot of stress and worry obviously because this is supposed to be our best time together right? But she makes no effort to reach out and communicate. She goes to work. Comes back, studies, goes to sleep. A few days she'll text that she's too tired and has to go to sleep. She keeps saying this is temporary, she's always stressed out before exams etc.

To be honest, I resent her at the moment. And I think I've made a huge mistake in marrying this girl. And I keep thinking if this is going to be the rest of my life. Craving emotional and physical intimacy which will be behind a wall of tiredness and petty excuses.

I'm not trying to just get out of this marriage. Please, I need some genuine guidance from people of the sub. Am I overreacting? Is marriage like this? Do wives just, give up after marriage?

Ive been quietly reading posts here for a long time…and honestly, same patterns keeps showing up again and again (excluding the cases involving abuse, narcissistic partners, etc.)

What actually makes a marriage work is not “perfect match”, kundli, money or even love alone.

It’s this:

Wife clearly communicating what is bothering her.. Not silent treatment, not expecting mind reading. Just clear communication.. “this hurt me”, “this is not okay for me”. Simple, direct.

Husband has a strong spine. Not mummy’s puppet. Not avoiding conflict. He stands up when needed, especially when things get messy with family.. protecting wife’s dignity always

Both people have done some self-work. Therapy, introspection, whatever works. But they’re aware of their own triggers. Not just blaming each other for everything.

They understand it’s not husband vs wife. It’s both vs the problem. Team mindset. Same side.

That’s it. Sounds basic but honestly very rare.

Transferred from one state to another. Husband is in a busy residency. He had promised he would take a week off. Didn't. I had to do everything alone. The new job is 10 times harder. The new place is 3 times more expensive. I have been going on and off with him for more than a week. He took 3 days off and went a day early. Because he said since id be at work,why not save a leave. I am frustrated with all the changes and i get absolutely nothing out of this move. I just want to feel better. What can be done to modify this situation?

As a relationship starts getting more serious and families get involved, I've noticed this growing sense of being observed and evaluated, how I look, how I come across, small things, etc. My partner (31M) tells me if his mom said something about my smile etc, but he was really sweet and supportive too, he told me not to feel insecure about anything. But, it's making me a bit self-conscious in a way I wasn't before, especially when things were just between the two of us.

For those who've been through this stage, how did you deal with that feeling of being judged? Does it get easier over time, or is there a better way to mentally handle it?

I’m recently married(3 years) and dealing with a serious trust issue. (F32, M 32)

I found hidden explicit photos/videos on my husband’s phone in a locked folder, and some of this content was from during our marriage, including situations where he was physically present.

-He's saying it was a bachelor's party and he was just drinking with his friend, while a prostitute was present.

-a two/three more incidents of prostitution physically present.

He downplays it and says it’s not a big deal, but it feels like a major breach of trust to me.

Has anyone dealt with something like this early in marriage? Is this something that can be worked through, or is it a clear red flag about deeper behavior and boundaries?

How would you see this situation? Is it even possible that he's just there for a drink and nothing more?