r/Husband

(33f) have been married to my (38M) husband for 8 years. I am Black and Latina and my husband is Mexican. When I first met my husband we would frequently eat out. Mainly because at the time we weren’t married and I wasn’t going to do wifey duties for someone I wasn’t married too 😂. When I first met him he was like most typical bachelors in which the food he ate were either fast food being tacos ,pizza, and any of the other typical chain restaurants. However after we got married I obviously started cooking more. I can make just about any dish. Anything from soul food, Mexican, Island,Asian, Indian,Italian. You name it I’ve made it. And even if I’ve never made it I can get it done. Now I’m no professional but I know my way all the way around the kitchen. I’ve been asked by friends and families for me to make them certain things or even if they could have my recipes. I am the one that is responsible for Thanksgiving dinner and most importantly trusted to make the Mac n cheese every year. So again I’m no professional, but I know what I’m doing. Now cooking food isn’t the problem. It’s getting my husband to eat it because we are a multicultural house I try to incorporate that into the kitchen. However, my husband only truly enjoys eating Mexican food and burgers. Don’t get me wrong. I also enjoy Mexican food when I was in high school I could eat it every day, However after years of almost eating it every day or some variation of it I no longer enjoy eating as I once did.

For the past year and a half I have since started to incorporate and cook more foods that I too also enjoy eating. Since starting this if it is not Mexican food or a burger or one of the three other options that my husband is OK with eating that aren’t Mexican food he will complain how he wishes it were Mexican food. I go to work every single day Monday through Friday so it’s not like I’m a stay at home wife and have time to whip up recipes that that take more than 45 minutes to prepare. I’m sorry but I can not eat the same thing every single day. I’m like if you don’t want what I cook by all means go get or make yourself food. To which is always met with “ If I’m working hard to pay rent, I should at least be able to have food for dinner.” Now I know I’ve mentioned how much he loves burgers but get this. Just last night I made meatloaf and he refused to eat it because he doesn’t like meatloaf. I’m like how a burger and meatloaf are literally the same thing. I can’t tell you how many times in the past that I’ve made meatloaf and put it on breading to like a meatloaf sandwich and he devoured it just like a burger. This has started to become a real problem because instead of getting his own food if it’s something he doesn’t like he will just complain. I used to love cooking now I almost dreaded it because I never know what to cook.

We just had a discussion last night on how I married a “Mexican” man and I can’t expect him to not want to eat his culture’s food. Which again I understand but every day though? I feel like if we were living in Mexico where better and more authentic ingredients were available it would be easier to accommodate and incorporate more frequently without feeling that I was eating the same three ingredients for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. So I’m seeking advice from other women who are also married to men of different nationality or culture than yourself? Do you cook food from their culture everyday? I used to cook two separate meals every day and that quickly got old and expensive.

I sit here tonight, after everything that's happened...I just miss my husband. He was my whole life. I loved him in the worst of times and of course in the good. Why didn't I deserve the same loyalty and love? He's out there somewhere. I can't imagine he's doing much better. I look beside me and expect to see his face. Every corner I round, I look for him.I forget that he's not coming. He isn't here. He won't ever be here again. He chose to leave. Why? How do you get past the why when you tried everything you knew? How do you face a life where he absolved himself with no regret, only to blame you? It registers as weak to search out someone who has chosen to hide. Let him have his peace. I don't hide. I do forgive. But how can you forgive when your knowledge of the situation is limited? I'd be a fool to do so. I'll own my blame, empty my heart, and try to forget the betrayal. Tonight I miss the man I loved, the man I married, the man who was once my husband.

Been five days since he last showered. I am disgusted but I don’t want to shame him.
We’re both Mid 30s married for six years. He’s always been an irregular shower guy so I had become comfortable with every other day shower. I can’t get myself to accept these long stretches especially because we have a nine month baby now!
He’s never really had a routine or does much of self care. Doesn’t floss or brush his teeth at night no big. Doesn’t cut his nails regularly, bites them or tears it off. Doesn’t care for his mental health. Doesn’t buy his own underwear or socks. A lot of times has not showered even after going to the gym. I am pretty sure I missed mentioning some more things.
Any advice that is not therapy would be helpful because we tried that and it didn’t work because we need to put in the work to make it work.
Feeling defeated that this is how the rest of my life is going to be. I understand this could possibly be depression but how do you help someone who doesn’t help themselves.

My husband of 6 years (been together 15) is draining. Like he does stuff on a daily basis that I’m like… “I wouldn’t do that to you.” Today is Sunday, the kids are sleeping in, I’m enjoying the sunshine and the warmth made me sleepy so I’m dozing off on the couch when all of a sudden he says “wake up” then continues to talk to me about how he found something that I had moved. This kind of just hit me in a new profound way because I would NEVER do that to anyone else especially my partner. Seeing people rest so peacefully is important to me. I’m sorry I had to vent. I hope I don’t sound stupid or silly but this is bothering me. If I bring it up to him he will convince me that it was no big deal and I’m overreacting. Happy Sunday Everyone!

I feel heartbroken even typing this.

About a year ago, I had a fever and felt awful one night, and I remember laying there hoping my husband would just do something small like make me tea, check on me, sit with me, anything. He didn’t. I ended up feeling so alone in my own house.

And honestly I think moments like that slowly changed something in me emotionally.

Now he tells me I need to “relax” more and wonders why we barely have intimacy anymore, but I feel like I’ve been emotionally carrying everything for so long that my body has started reacting physically. I’ve been getting headaches, jaw pain, stomach issues, scalp tenderness, constant tension… and when he walks into the room sometimes I physically tense up without even meaning to.

I work, take care of the kids, manage the mental load, keep track of school stuff, meals, schedules, the house, and everything that keeps life running. He’ll do dishes here and there and then get defensive and say he’s “not lazy,” but I feel like I carry the weight of almost everything every single day.

Meanwhile he’ll be laying down or gaming while I’m still doing things around the house and asking me to come cuddle or lay down with him. When I don’t, he acts hurt or says he feels like a “simp.”

But I don’t feel cared for. I feel lonely.

I keep wondering if I’m expecting too much. Is wanting comfort, partnership, and tenderness from your spouse really unreasonable? Is it normal to emotionally shut down after feeling unseen for so long?

I used to be warm and affectionate. Now I mostly feel sad, anxious, exhausted, and honestly resentful.

I just want honest perspectives because I feel very alone in this.