I feel heartbroken even typing this.
About a year ago, I had a fever and felt awful one night, and I remember laying there hoping my husband would just do something small like make me tea, check on me, sit with me, anything. He didn’t. I ended up feeling so alone in my own house.
And honestly I think moments like that slowly changed something in me emotionally.
Now he tells me I need to “relax” more and wonders why we barely have intimacy anymore, but I feel like I’ve been emotionally carrying everything for so long that my body has started reacting physically. I’ve been getting headaches, jaw pain, stomach issues, scalp tenderness, constant tension… and when he walks into the room sometimes I physically tense up without even meaning to.
I work, take care of the kids, manage the mental load, keep track of school stuff, meals, schedules, the house, and everything that keeps life running. He’ll do dishes here and there and then get defensive and say he’s “not lazy,” but I feel like I carry the weight of almost everything every single day.
Meanwhile he’ll be laying down or gaming while I’m still doing things around the house and asking me to come cuddle or lay down with him. When I don’t, he acts hurt or says he feels like a “simp.”
But I don’t feel cared for. I feel lonely.
I keep wondering if I’m expecting too much. Is wanting comfort, partnership, and tenderness from your spouse really unreasonable? Is it normal to emotionally shut down after feeling unseen for so long?
I used to be warm and affectionate. Now I mostly feel sad, anxious, exhausted, and honestly resentful.
I just want honest perspectives because I feel very alone in this.