r/Custody

Is there ever any justice for the biological parents in these situations? Childs father and I have 50/50 custody, I am doing everything right by my child, and am still hearing directly from my child's father that his girlfriend is a better mother to my child than I am.

Additionally, I have not attended an annual well-child appointment for my 5 year old in ~3 years because my child's father has been scheduling these appointments (him and i do not get along well enough to attend the same appointments), and I wasn't going to overstep if he truly wanted to be there for his child, and I am just learning (from a nasty comment made by childs father) that child's father has not attended a single PCP appointment, it has only been his girlfriend attending the annual well-child visits on his behalf. Child was also seen numerous times for office visits, and it has only been me and father's girlfriend taking child to PCP.

Child's father has also been using medical diagnoses to try to take custody from me. He called CPS on me one time after a MRSA diagnosis to tell them that child got MRSA because of dirty and horrendous conditions that I supposedly keep child in, he called CPS on me after an impetigo diagnosis to tell them that child got impetigo because I failed to take care of child properly, and he also called CPS on me to tell them that the fact that child's seasonal eczema keeps flaring up seasonally means that I am not taking the "skin condition" seriously (child inherited eczema from me)

Nasty comments I have heard from my child's father about his girlfriend's involvement in my childs care within the last year alone include "(GF) is a better mom to (child) than you are because his own mom cant even take care of herself....(GF) acts as the mother of (child) because she's the only one who takes him to dr appointments. She's a great mother to him, she even schedules the doctor appointments, which is something you should be doing yourself...(GF) is a way better mom and loves him better than you do and treats him better and helps get him clothes that actually fit him...giving birth does not make you a mom, sorry not sorry. You need to step up yourself and figure it out. If you need any pointers or tips (GF) can help with that....you just need to worry about keeping him safe and fed, super simple. Is that understood?"

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did the courts help you when it came to being bullied by your coparent like this?

Situation: father of child left mother and child to go live out of state when baby was a few months old. Father has not been back to visit child in person since-last time he saw her was a couple months past 1 year ago. We were never married but he is on birth certificate.

He has sent monthly financial support for about a year, using excuses due to disagreements or financial instability a few times. He makes FaceTime calls with her 1-3 times per month, and creating a consistent schedule has been a challenge due to his resistance. He initially demanded a schedule, I agreed, but he failed to provide one to me when I asked him to create one that fits his schedule within the child’s provided awake windows. After asking 3 times he finally provided one, saying I don’t initiate contact enough.

There were also 3 domestic violence related incidents, one involving child abuse, that all went undocumented until over a year after the incidents. I have no proof of injuries but a police report had been made for documentation. I do have evidence of him admitting to one incident over voice message and destroyed property. The reason the incidents went documented so long, particularly the incident involving child abuse, was because I was of afraid retaliation and mainly afraid of him still gaining custody of the child, and he was already of state and out of the picture directly following that incident. Terrible decision I know, and the reports hold no weight being so long ago with no injury evidence- but they’re on paper now.

He’s been very difficult to co parent with, even out of state. Cussing me out multiple times over text, calling me out of my name, changing and cancelling FaceTime schedules, and recently demanding fees for me to obtain his signature on legal documents need for our child. Truthfully I’ve been extremely pleasant and accommodating. Even with his behavior I’ve never stooped to his level or retaliated- I actually feel I’m allowing him to run all over me by accommodating all these schedule changes with his rude behavior.

With this pattern, if I file for sole legal and physical custody how likely would it be that I’m granted that? Thanks.

My ex husband moved to TX a year ago, and his family are planning to move there soon bc they get paid well i guess.

Im in California, and my daughter has been telling me the past two months her dad and family want her to move to Texas for a “year” but i told him no.

Ive told him im comfortable with her going to texas for summer break but other than that nothing more than the two month summer break.

My biggest fear is her going out there and she ends up wanting to stay there.

Dad and i dont have any legal issues, we’ve both agreed on 50/50 and hes not on child support (although i should put him on when he makes way more than me).

What can i do? Its affecting me mentally bc i dont want her to go at all but she wants to go.

Wanted to know what to expect. My ex husband threatens to file me for custody if I put him on child support. For reference, we have a four year old that he has only seen maybe 5 times and hasn’t seen since she was 3. I live in Virginia, he lives in Texas and never tries to visit her. We tried to rekindle our relationship ( I know, dumb) and we also have a 7 month old that he didn’t claim the entirety of the pregnancy and has now decided to claim but has never tried to see. I wanted to know what the visitation agreement would possibly look like.

I’m in the middle of a custody battle right now and I realized something: Divorce is like 10% actual law and 90% administrative nightmare.

​Every weekend, instead of being present with my kids, I was stuck at my desk digging through thousands of texts and PDFs to find specific facts for my lawyer. The stress of the paperwork was actually worse than the court dates.

​I couldn't find a simple way to manage it, so I built a tool called Ask Litiga.

​I just wanted a way to search my own files and find facts instantly so I could stop living in folders and get back to my life. I'm putting it out there for anyone else who is drowning in 'discovery' or paperwork fog.

​If you're going through a tough case and want to try it, I’d love to know if it helps you save time. I’m just trying to make this process suck a little less for all of us.

Ten years ago, I had a baby here in Colorado with this girl and I am on the birth certificate. The girl then proceeded to take our three month old child back to her home state of Arizona under the false pretense that she was just visiting family. Like a dumbass, I fell for it and tbh kinda believed we were still together until I got into her social media and found out she had been unfaithful on numerous occasions with many different people.

When I confronted her about paternity she went radio silent, offered no explanation, denied me visitation and basically told me she wasn't mine and to fuck off. She had already begun to cut me off slowly prior to this, after leaving Colorado, and since leaving had been doing things like refusing money for the baby, falsely accusing me of cheating, and even at one point claiming to be pregnant again even though we had been in entire other states for months at this point. Mind you there is zero proof whatsoever because I would never hit a woman.

I, of course was quite distraught by the whole situation already but then she begins to make false accusations of abuse towards her and the child and uses that as a justification to shut me out completely. I was uncertain about paternity and kept demanding a DNA test but the truth is I had watched this child be born and I wanted nothing more than for her to be my child. Time goes on and she goes back and forth from I am the dad to now I'm not and I'm just so hurt and confused about everything. I didn't know what to believe so I just tried to move on with my life. I tried to keep tabs over social media but she blocked me on everything.

I know I messed up and should have went after her in court at the time but I was 19 and in such a deep depression and I had no job or money plus they were in another state. I know these are all excuses and I am responsible for my inaction as well as my actions but I have consistently tried to be in her life but only been met with hate.

So, I dropped the ball completely and now ten years has passed. I yearn to be in my child's life in any capacity. I just can't take her growing up any longer and being denied a father simply because her mother sees it fit. She has this crazy vendetta against me and I'm not even 100% sure why because she was the one cheated on me, kidnapped my child, falsely accused me, etc; I kinda think she just used me to give her a kid and planned this all along (I have evidence she did but lets not get into that yet).

I know custody is pretty much out of the equation but is it possible to get visitation or something considering these circumstances? Will I actually have to wait 8 more years to know my daughter? And that's if she isn't fully brainwashed against me by then.

I have not paid child support up until now as there has been no formal agreement. She has done this strategically to deny me all my rights. I have tried to take her to court and have her served but she refuses to answer the door or has her bf lie and say she moved. At one point, I even hired a private investigator to find where she was so I could have her served then took time off work to drive to Arizona only for her to not answer the door.

I already know they'll hit me with back child support but I consider it worth any amount to be in her life. My situation has improved a lot in the past decade, I am in a much better position than I have been in up until now and I just feel I have to do something.

I'm sorry if this is just too personal and rambly but I hope explaining these circumstances can maybe help get me a good answer. Thank you to anyone who can offer any helpful advice at all.

My husband(29m) is going through a rough custody battle with his ex. Long story short, they were never married and the ex didn’t put him on the birth certificate. They’ve already been through a mediation session but it was at an impasse(not resolved). She did however agree to a DNA test, but she’s going to fight him. It took 2 months to actually get an answer from her and her attorney, regarding the DNA test, which still didn’t happen but she consented that my husband is the father. Now we’re preparing for the first court date.

I would really like some one else’s perspective if you’ve gone through a similar situation. I don’t understand her thought process on the whole situation, but why would she consent that he is father if she doesn’t want child support and also wants to fight him? Does something seem off about this?

EDIT: Thank you for your feedback already! It’s definitely helped me identify the real issue here…it’s the unannounced and communication through the kids versus arranged between their dad and I that’s really bothering me. My son is on the spectrum and needs clear boundaries, as well. I NEVER want them to feel like they can’t come home. I just arrange things when they’re not here, so if I need to make adjustments, I’d rather know ahead of time and from their dad.

I’m wondering if this is a common thing or if I’m overreacting. TLDR my kids (13 and 10) are being allowed to go in and out of my house, sometimes for over an hour, and sometimes with my ex, during his time. Here are the relevant details, and my main question…is this a common thing, or should there be language in the agreement?:

-we are separated but a full agreement has not been signed yet

-I live next door to my daughter’s school. We (kids and I) moved to a new town this year for a better school system and closer proximity to the children’s hospital both of my kids are seen at.

-ex has just now started unsupervised time over the weekends, every other Thursday-Monday.

-he lives just under an hour away but works 20 minutes from where we live

Now on to the crux of the problem. My son is dropped off at my house by the bus at 4:00 every day. I’m finding since we started that my house has become the pickup or drop off point regardless of whether or not I’m home. My son may wait until 5:30 or later at my house. It’s turned into the kids going in and out to get stuff they decided they want to bring or to say goodbye to their pets. Today I was informed by my kids that they were 30 minutes early for school and going to hang out at the house until school. I was not home, but my boyfriend, who they haven’t met, was!

I put my foot down and said no, and avoided a crisis today. That being said, when they are with their dad, this is a much needed break for me! I love them to bits, but having them come in, make messes in places I cleaned when they were gone, or finding evidence of my ex in my house is disturbing my peace. I have no problem with them coming to the house if they need something and we’ve arranged it ahead of time, but is it unreasonable to think that on their dads time, he should be getting my son from the bus, and if they’re early they should have a different place to go? My ex has poor boundaries and I foresee this becoming a going in and out of my apartment whenever they want regardless of my being home, what I’m doing, or who I’m with.

How is this usually handled in custody arrangements/agreements?

Hey there So long story short. My ex was served 2 petitions. One for establishing paternity, the other for relocation request. He never responded to the relocation request and in 6 days he defaults offically. May 8th. We have a hearing a couple days after that for temporary relocation. How does that work? Im not asking what the chances of me succeeding are. Ive done my homework. But I cant seem to understand if the temporary and permanent relocations are separate things or if the judge could say "well he defaulted so let's just hear the permanent one" I have never done this so im just trying to understand.

I can't remember the exact time, it was a few months into my custody battle (41M), but I was talking to my mom about the communication between me and the ex. She turned to me and said, "Why does everything have to be an argument?" 
That one statement from my mom really rattled my cage, and oddly enough, the first thing that I wanted to do was argue with her. I realised that that is exactly the point that she was making.

I had been delaying it for so long, but I went back through all of the messages between me and the ex. For all of you that have done that, you know how hard that is (its like watching a train wreck in slow motion) but I came to the realisation that she was right. And so I said to myself, "Myself, If you had to go back and speak to yourself, what advice would you give yourself?" 
And after some thought, it really came down to five things. The first thing that was glaringly obvious going through this message is that the level of emotion in every single response was huge. 
So, the first thing I'd say to myself is that you need to figure out something that can calm you down, that can regulate your nervous system. No message sent in the passions of anger or sadness is ever going to be constructive or get you the outcome that you're looking for. 
The other thing that became evident to me was that I didn't know what exactly the court orders and court documentation said. I had gone and sat with my lawyers, and I thought I had an understanding of what was actually going on, but knowing that your lawyer has got hundreds of different cases and you are just one of them, the responsibility lies with you to go through all of your documentation and find out exactly what each of those things say. There might be something that has been missed. 
Then I would tell myself that documentation is everything. It doesn't have to be massively detailed, but you need to record every day what happens with you, what happens with the kids, and what happens with the exes. A person who does that is clearly someone who is interested in the well-being of their kids. It paints the picture before you even walk into the courtroom. 
The obvious one: remove all emotion from your communication. No JADE. For all of you that don't know, JADE is an acronym that stands for what you SHOULDN’T do - justify, argue, defend, and explain. Keep your communication dull and uninteresting. Google Grey Rock method and you'll get the information you need. 
And the last one was just something that kind of happened to me. I used to be all about budgets and tracking and all of that, and that was one of the things that had driven my ex absolutely crazy, so I'd stopped doing it. When you're in a divorce situation, not knowing your numbers is such a source of stress and consternation. Once I actually sat down and plotted everything out, it was bad, it was manageable, and it was such a relief to know where I stood financially.

So that's it. That's what I would tell myself.
I wish you all the best. Fight the good fight.
You’ve got this, and your kids need you to fight.

Divorced 2 years ago in Michigan. Court order says I get the kids every other weekend plus Wednesday nights.

My ex has cancelled my last 4 Wednesday visits. Always an excuse - kids are sick, school event, they're tired. Then this weekend she took them to her parents' cottage during my scheduled weekend. Didn't ask, didn't tell me until I showed up to pick them up.

I've documented everything. Texts, emails, dates she refused. But filing a motion feels extreme and expensive. Will Michigan courts even care about this or do I just deal with it?

At what point does this become contempt of court? I'm losing time with my kids and she knows I can't afford to keep running back to court.

I can’t believe we are here, this was not on my 2026 bingo card. I recently filed a custody complaint after 12+ years of co-parenting with the other parent (T). It has not been perfect, but I’ve been proud of the fact that we have made it work for the child all this time without legal intervention. 50/50, alternating holidays, mutual understanding and grace with holidays and family visits. 3 years to go.. so close.

Over the last year, the child has been expressing wanting to come home while with T and finding their behavior increasingly annoying. The child has expressed frustration over time prior to this but nothing that escalated or lasted longer than a few days. Over the last 9 months, it has blown up out of control.

My position has always been that it is best to have both parents as the child’s relationship with parents extends far beyond the school aged years. Regardless of personal experience. Encouraging the child to find ways to communicate frustrations and find common ground, reminding that it might not make sense but T loves you was the mantra for months; until it felt wrong to keep pushing that path. Tears, sobbing, decline in school, sleepless nights, and explaining there have been many instances of emotional harm until the child finally said it’s not just one or a few things that happened that cannot be forgiven; it’s how T treats people, performs in front of others, lies often in front of them, blames the child for the stress caused, is always disrespectful when discussing different views, makes the child feel like they are responsible for T’s happiness etc. it was daily life with T that was causing the issue.

I would be remiss if I didn’t make one more effort through family counseling. Child has been in independent therapy. It’s a child’s life and relationships with parents. The child has made up their mind, they are done with T. If nothing else, my goal for counseling is for the child to talk to T in a safe and structured environment so at least the message is clear. If by some miracle it helps repair the relationship, even better. I am willing to go back to 50/50 as it was if there is safety and benefit to the child.

T is not giving up. Neither am I. At what stage does this end? How can this be daily life for the next few years? It’s not healthy. Does anyone have experience with “well reasoned preference of the child”? We are pre-trial stage of the process. I’m at my limit and at a loss.

I have my very first court appearance next week. my first child custody case management conference. My daughters Mom moved my child out of Missouri to Florida without telling or asking me then lied about it the first few weeks until I had proof then cut off contact when I discovered the move after not seeing my daughter for a few weeks. I have established paternity with a DNA test as well as being on birth certificate. We were never married and had no prior court ordered parenting plan just a verbal agreement I have via texts/emails. I filed Dec 18, 2025 BEFORE she moved after she withheld my child for the 3rd time when I wouldn’t switch my Sunday (because she wanted me to switch for her Monday) due to her sister coming in town but my sister was also coming into town on that day which was my assigned day via our schedule. She was not served in Mo because she moved to Fl Jan 30th 2026 and sheriffs office was slow and did not try to serve her until the last week before their deadline which was late February so I got a private process server to serve her in Fl. I had my Daughter 4/7 days overnight initially before her being taken away. Both our families live in Kcmo she does not have family or a job down there and she moved to be with her boyfriend but they are no longer together. What can I expect on our very first court date? My goal is to get my daughter back down here to Kansas City

I received family court papers in the mail the other day probably should have opened them but I haven’t. I only have a few years left until my child hits 18. I have no intentions of going through family court nonsense and acquiring exorbitant attorney fees even though I could realistically pay for them.

whats my best course of action in not contesting this? I love my child but I also don’t wanna pay an attorney for an unreasonable woman in a case that I don’t think would be over by the time she was 18.

I’m the custodial parent and he has visitation every other weekend. He can also see them whenever with communication. He’s done it three times now. The first time I texted him it was fine but next time to communicate before hand because I had work. He went off about it being 50/50 and I can’t control him. I said I have no problem him spending time with them. It just needs to be communicated prior in case we have plans or something going on. The next time he showed up randomly same thing. Today he did it again. Stating I can’t control him. Is the only way to stop this filing a violation or the custody agreement?

Coparent suggests that we switch to school district to the one in his city instead of where our child has been enrolled from elementary through middle school.

Our kid will be starting high school, 14 years old. When my coparent moved about two years ago we amended our custody agreement to state that the child would stay in the current district where I reside through 12th grade.

But now he wants to change it. He took our child on a tour of said school without my knowledge and is now saying our child wants to go there because it is smaller and less chaotic than the school he is already enrolled in and ready to start next fall. The school outside the current district is much worse from an academic stand point as well as suspension rates/graduation rates.

I’ve told him no, I do not agree to this change. The commute for my child would be brutal during my custody time and I would not be able to help due to distance from my job and rush hour traffic so the child would have to navigate a complicated public transit commute that would start with an bike ride and end with a 15 min walk through a sketchy area of his city.

What are his chances of getting a judge to agree to the district change if he ends up taking this to court to modify?

hello my sister recently passed away and we are looking to get half custody of my nephew. my nephew primarily lives with us (us being me and my mom, his grandma) and only goes to his dad's house (which is 40 mins away) every weekend. he isn't a bad person or dad but seems to not like the idea of us taking half custody of my nephew. seeing as he goes to school in our town, he's more comfortable here, and it's what his mom would have wanted. he does give child support every month but seems to like the idea that he has all the power when it comes to my nephew. we have asked my nephew's opinion as well and he prefers to stay here with us. he feels closer to his mom with us and had always been closer to her than his dad. he works out of town about 2 hours away and has no plans to leave his job to take care of my nephew full time. how should we go about this?

Seeking stories and sharing mine!

My divorce lawyer is a solo practitioner and is superrrrrrrr slow. No paralegal or legal secretary either with a ton of clients. $450/hour. I’ve already spent $7K and it’s been about a month (because I had to refill my retainer). My issue is very urgent as I could end up homeless and lose custody by default. Whenever she says something will be done by the end of the week, it’s always 2 weeks after that.

My ex’s lawyer seems to have his stuff together more. It’s taken my lawyer weeks to file something simple and to put together basic documents and I have to follow up several times for things to get done. Also always wants to talk on the phone to go over every email she writes to my partner’s lawyer (where I’m approving what she’s saying). I feel like I’m always talking to him whereas time would be better spent if she was just working on what I want to get done (I don’t care how it’s accomplished). High-stakes, high-conflict custody situation.

There is a more expensive lawyer but because much of the work would be done by paralegals, I’d be saving $ in the long run. Is it worth it? I’d be spending an extra $1500 on the retainer but the lawyer said I likely wouldn’t have to pay a second one.

How do you know?

Hello, everyone - Just wanted to get some advice or see if anyone has gone through this. She just asked me yesterday so I dont expect it to happen for at least another 5-6 months if not longer. However, I've learned that there is no such thing as being too prepared.

Our son is 6 and his mom and I are joint conservators. His mom has primary custody. Our order is:

I pick him up every week from school at dismissal on Friday's. I drop him off at school on Monday and his mother picks him up at dismissal. Although, I have the right to keep him until 6 PM. I try to be a good co-parent so I allow her to pick him up. We've found that as little interaction/crossing paths as possible is what's best for the co-parenting relationship.

I've been in my our son's life since the day he was born. I have been to every appointment he has had. Every class event. I strive to be a present dad that I never had. I even coached his sports team this year. I just try to spend as much time as possible with our son. I really do enjoy the time and he truly is my best friend.

We're both for the most part pretty understanding about sharing our son even during times that are not our time to be with him. It has taken a lot of work.

The current issue that has now presented itself:

His mother is requesting that I allow her to move our son two hours away. All her family is here and so is mine. She is wanting to move them both so she can be closer to where he clincals will be for her degree path. Trust me, I completely understand that education is important. However, we have geographical restrictions in our final custody order that does not allow her to move outside the 3 counties in our area.

Of course, when she asked me I said no immediately. I'm not going to be ok with that, ever. She has always tried her hardest to minimize me and my role as our son's dad whenever she starts dating a new guy. So, the blatant disregard and care free attitude when she asked me just made me feel uneasy. There's a lot more I can say so if you need any specifics - please let me know.

My question is, can she do this for this reason if I deny the request? What are your thoughts that she gets granted this modification?

He currently goes to the best public school in this city. It actually is rated the #1 elementary school in this city and the isd. For test scores or other reason - they really are a great school.

Please share your thoughts, I'd greatly appreciate it. Please let me know if you've gone through this situation and how it turned out for you.

I'm not sure if this is the best page for this topic, but I'll make the post anyways.

I am a 36 yo male custodial parent with an extended standard possession order with 30yo mother of my 6yo child. It ends up being I get my child about 47% of the year which is great. So I think it's extremely common to have a pretty rough coparenting situation and that's exactly what I have. One year the mother tried to hit me while I was down, hadn't worked in months and boom I receive a cps case and get served for family court with completely false and crazy accusations. Cps case closed in my favor and the mother withdrew the court case after she basically was an embarrassment in the 1st hearing. That gives you some insight on what kind of person I'm dealing with. So the mother and grandma have been extremely manipulative of my child and now they're messing with the pickups big time. 1st off) The grandmother started working at my childs school and she tried this very manipulative situation where she would watch my child while she does her car rider line duties while I wait in the parking lot and she personally brings her to me. I knew right away it was some sick manipulation shit so I said na ahh, we do pickups regular way. I'm always one of the 1st in her line, theirs no reason to make my child wait and make her feel some type of way right before I get her. 2nd off) the grandma purposely moves swaps with one of the teacher car rider lines to go to my childs then coddles her everytime at pickups and gets my kiddo emotional. 3rdly) the mother just threw in my face that she now has an interview at my childs school and she'll be around her all the time, pickups drop offs everything. I I can understand that you want to be around your child and working with them at the same time basically is pretty awesome, but this situation involves their spite towards me and emotional manipulation on my child. Should I say something to the school? Would they even do anything? Hiring the mother at their school would be a huge conflict of interest and make the struggles my child and I have been going through much more difficult