[PA] How much weight does a 15 year old’s position hold?
I can’t believe we are here, this was not on my 2026 bingo card. I recently filed a custody complaint after 12+ years of co-parenting with the other parent (T). It has not been perfect, but I’ve been proud of the fact that we have made it work for the child all this time without legal intervention. 50/50, alternating holidays, mutual understanding and grace with holidays and family visits. 3 years to go.. so close.
Over the last year, the child has been expressing wanting to come home while with T and finding their behavior increasingly annoying. The child has expressed frustration over time prior to this but nothing that escalated or lasted longer than a few days. Over the last 9 months, it has blown up out of control.
My position has always been that it is best to have both parents as the child’s relationship with parents extends far beyond the school aged years. Regardless of personal experience. Encouraging the child to find ways to communicate frustrations and find common ground, reminding that it might not make sense but T loves you was the mantra for months; until it felt wrong to keep pushing that path. Tears, sobbing, decline in school, sleepless nights, and explaining there have been many instances of emotional harm until the child finally said it’s not just one or a few things that happened that cannot be forgiven; it’s how T treats people, performs in front of others, lies often in front of them, blames the child for the stress caused, is always disrespectful when discussing different views, makes the child feel like they are responsible for T’s happiness etc. it was daily life with T that was causing the issue.
I would be remiss if I didn’t make one more effort through family counseling. Child has been in independent therapy. It’s a child’s life and relationships with parents. The child has made up their mind, they are done with T. If nothing else, my goal for counseling is for the child to talk to T in a safe and structured environment so at least the message is clear. If by some miracle it helps repair the relationship, even better. I am willing to go back to 50/50 as it was if there is safety and benefit to the child.
T is not giving up. Neither am I. At what stage does this end? How can this be daily life for the next few years? It’s not healthy. Does anyone have experience with “well reasoned preference of the child”? We are pre-trial stage of the process. I’m at my limit and at a loss.