I can't believe how I acted when I was deficient, and I'm having a hard time with it.
Treatment is working. This sub is a godsend. I feel such relief. I've been taken off of six medications so far, and the world feels bright and beautiful. Things feel calm.
I can't stop crying.
I didn't know how badly I acted when I was deficient. I mean... I *knew*, people would respond, I would be ostracized. I could see how people looked at me.
But it feels like I've finally broken the surface of the water after drowning for decades. Things are easier, calmer. I don't get as agitated, as paranoid, as anxious. It's easier to consider my words, to hold back, to let things go.
I have no idea who I am. I feel mortified. I keep on having flashbacks to how I created chaos in the lives of the people I loved. It feels like I'm reviewing my whole life in bursts, and I finally have the missing piece that makes all the mysteries fall into place.
I'm despairing. My health is so much better. I feel amazing. Tons of symptoms are gone, even ones I didn't know were problems. And yet, I can't look my partner in the eye without collapsing into tears because I remember all the fights we had and all the times he didn't understand why I was acting so erratically... and now I don't understand it either. I feel shame to the core of my being.
Has anyone felt like this after treatment?