r/Agoraphobia

Agoraphobia ruled most of my life, and I was home bound at one point. After years of therapy and exposures, I finally feel like I have won the fight. I fly, go to concerts, give presentations, drive on highways… all things I thought would never be possible for me.

M | 23

I JUST WANNA GET OUT OF THIS CITY AND I CAN'T. I have soo much to look forward to but apparently iam scared as shit about my heart pounding fast as hell and me losing control/dying during the journey. I WANT MY LIFE BACK 😭

title

I am afraid of new situations or unfamiliar places. But not because I'm afraid of having a panic attack or being helpless. Also, I'm not confined to my home at all and I can go to many new places just fine.

My problem is that I'm afraid of specific new situations, particularly ones that are highly unpredictable. For example, when I was younger my friends from church invited me to a party at their house. I knew everyone who would be attending, but I had never been to my friend's house before. The thought and fear of going made me so anxious that I started shaking and crying. This has happened almost every time I'm suddenly invited somewhere I've never been.

I'm afraid because I have no idea what to expect, I have no idea how I'm expected to act, I don't know how people are going to talk to me and how I'm supposed to talk to them in this situation. Also, I don't know if I'm allowed to eat, drink, I don't know the etiquette of their house and I'm not great at picking up on unspoken rules so I'm afraid of offending them accidentally. Essentially, there are just so many unpredictable variables that it is very overwhelming to me. There is so much that could go wrong and I don't know how to plan ahead for things in case they do go wrong because I have no idea what to expect. This has been a struggle of mine for years and has prevented me from maintaining friendships, starting new jobs, etc.

However, after looking into the diagnostic criteria for agoraphobia, this doesn't quite seem like it fits. But, I don't know what else it could be. I have a history of panic attacks, but they do not seem to be the source of whatever this is (in fact, it's the other way around). I'm not afraid necessarily of having a panic attack in these unfamiliar places. It's more of a general fear of the unknown, I'd say, of everything that could possibly go wrong and specifically because I can't predict what will happen and cannot prepare.

throwaway account because I do not know if they are on reddit.

Friend I have known for about 1 or two months now tells me everytime they see a car turning out of a parking lot or speeding up or slowing down or in my blindspot. they do this about every 30 seconds to every 3 minutes every time they get it my car.

they mentioned they have agorophobia but before this and not in response to it.

I am a rideshre driver and have completed probably over 5000 rides on 2 platforms.

no one has ever been injured riding with me. I have been in 3 accidents that aren't my fault. one hit and run, someone pulling out of a parking spot not looking and hitting me, and some kid rear ending me very hard.

I do not want to be in another accident.

this behavior stresses me out while I'm driving, distracts me from driving due to its frequency with them remarking on nearly every car they see.

I have told them to stop.

they said "I drive too slow." I do drive slower in the right lane when people are entering in front of me and traffic.

I sent them a screenshot of a Google search telling me the *proper thing* to do is to slow down.

in response they said "I don't like my boundaries and safety being disrespected"

this was the whole point of the discussion. they are distracting me while operating a motor vehicle and telling me how to drive.

I do not have any tickets in the last 5 years save for one which is not for distracted driving but is distracted driving related because I failed to ignore unsafe directions from GPS.

I told them their feelings are valid but if my driving distresses them that they should maybe ride with someone else they trust more. in response they didn't apologize but said "im sorry but your driving scares me, I'll try harder."

my car is my income and i am unwilling to sacrifice my car, my safety or my income over this behavior. I'm not going to continue to give them rides if they don't stop this behavior. and i think this may end the friendship for them. the sad part is I do not want to lose the friendship but I value my safety over a. opinion that I think stems from a mental condition and a. behavior that can literally ruin me financially and health wise.

I do not think they are in therapy. I do not want to suggest they go. they are 35 plus with a partner and are s mature adult with a job. they might have trouble affording it but they do have a city job with benefits I think k and two I incomes where I have only one. so if they need to do that I'm sure they can find a way.

do you all have any advice

I force myself to go to theatre or shopping, but it hurts. I am always fear of panic attacks happening. The first time it happened, it stayed for hours. That made me a little cautious. That was 12 years ago. Now, I don’t even go outside. It is making me suicidal.

Is it possible to thrive in your adult years if you have struggled with mental health mostly all your life? I’ve had the roughest year with mental health and lost all ability of freedom and am slowly getting it back, but have always struggled with mental health since a kid. I’m feeling really doubtful recently , does anyone have experience with this? I can’t imagine being happy in later years , is it possible to get better and genuinely feel happy and thrive in later adulthood after going through this?

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I have developed agoraphobia over the last 9 months due to having GI issues and having the fear of going outside because of my stomach acting up. It’s lead me to not leaving the house at all or having major panic attacks when I’m outside that just don’t go away. I had a doctors appointment yesterday that my mom drove me to and I was panicking the entire time. When I got to the doctors appointment I was shaking so badly and was trying to “accept the fact that I’m anxious” but it wasn’t working. I timed out the appointment so that I would get there and not have to sit for a long time and just get the appointment done as quickly as possible but then the front desk lady told me someone was before me. I started panicking and telling my mom I can’t wait until the other lady was done and so the front desk lady sent for the doctor to come check up on me becuase I was very visibly anxious and he took me back and I just started bawling. He told me he did have to see the other lady first and that I would need to wait. I said that I couldn’t wait another 30 minutes and to reschedule for tomorrow. Today is when my rescheduled appointment was and I missed it because I prepared myself all week to go to that appointment and I had no time to prep before going today, so I canceled it. I feel horrible about myself and my dad is disappointment in me thinking that I’m being lazy and that I need to “just do it.” I felt like I was dying yesterday and I tried my hardest to get out as it was the first time in months which is still an accomplishment but I feel like a failure. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m 22M, developed C-PTSD in 2023 after a car-crash and was diagnosed with autism in early 2020, been struggling hard with agoraphobia since the summer of 2023 sort of as a result of a “Just Right” OCD mindset. Its gotten better, I got an incredible service dog that makes it much more possible for me to go out, but even then sometimes it feels impossible for me to leave my home.

When my partner gets invited to or goes out with our mutual friends I find myself getting really jealous and irritated. Ive never ever let on that I feel that way and I would never dream of taking it out on my friends or partner, but god damn does it eat away at me. It doesn’t help that a lot of the planning goes on right in front of me in mutual discord servers.

It feels like its my fault that Im like this, so I just get resentful that my partner has no inhibitions like that and gets to go have adventures and new experiences, but I also am acutely aware that I wouldn’t have fun going out and doing these things, my social battery is a quarter the size of everyone else’s and I’d just end up wanting to come home anyways.

Does it get better? How do I stop putting this misplaced anger into my partner literally just going to spend time with friends? Any advice is appreciated

hi everyone!

I'm writing a script and my main character has agoraphobia. It would be very helpful if you could answer whatever questions interesting to you or just comment anything, really, to help me write it in the best way I can.

• Tell me a story about a time when you tried going somewhere, what did you do and how did it turn out?
• What's a common everyday struggle you deal with?
• What's unexpected about it, something people don't know?
• What actually helps you when you try to go outside? or in general?
• What is unhelpful?
• Tell me about a relationship that was affected by it.
• What are small details in your life\behavior that come from it?
• How would you describe the experience of going outside someplace scary?
• How often do you go outside, and where?
• What are daily tasks that are difficult and how do you go around them?
• Any other thoughts you have, stuff to share, mistakes and presumptions I am making, the stage is yours

I'm a film student (first year :), and I want to make a short film about fear, through the story of someone with agoraphobia trying to go get a package from the other side of town.

A ton of love to all of you.

This really fkn sucks! The meds they give me to cope with the anxiety to get through something like this are ineffective sh!t. Like, "here's some propranolol", oh joy another bs anxiety med that does absolutely fk all. 🎉 Personally I think the "lol" at the end is exactly what this disorder does to all that crap, and even though I have a diagnosis of agoraphobia, and a referral for pre medication due to a inpatient panic attack, they keep prescribing pure bullsh!t! And to top it all off, the insurance I have gives me generic everything, and that includes the Dr.'s, who for some reason I have to keep explaining this diagnosis to.. So I guess I'll fkn die... whatever.. Does anyone have any tips or suggestions that may help? I'm at my wits end..

Hi everyone ! This is my first post here but i've read many of your stories and wins, which gave me a lot of hope.
Long story short i've been having agoraphobia symptoms for about a year now, always when i have to be out alone. Whenever someone's with me i can do anything. But if i am alone in very crowded/open places it becomes a problem. And it's frustrating because i used to live in a big city, go to concerts (sometimes alone), travel abroad, it's like my brain forgot that i could do these things without any second thought.
Anyway i've been doing exposure, like gradually, doing things outside on my own, feeling the symptoms and doing my best to surrender. Not easy at all at first, but a lot less incomfortable now, i really do feel better and more confident on my own.
My goal is to go back to the big city to see my friends. Problem is that i'm doing my exposures in a relatively medium-sized city (moderately crowded) and the big city i want to go to is really next level lol (European capital of millions of people, but a city i know very well as i lived there alone for 10 years).

I have no ''inbetween'' in terms of crowds, noises, intensity of activities that i could test before going to the big city. And since it is really far from home, i cant just go there for 30 min test the waters and then go back home. Once i'm there, i'm there for 2-3 days.
I have now the hardest time figuring out if i can just go there as just another exposure, or if it will be too much at once and will ruin all my efforts. Sometimes i think about the crowds and the subway and i feel like i would just collapse there .. and sometimes i realize it's just my mind catastrophizing.
Idk if i make sense with all of this but if you have any advice, i'd be grateful ❤️

As a man, you’re expected to be strong, composed, and in control at all times. Fear is tolerated in theory but not in reality. Agoraphobia puts you in direct conflict with that expectation.

If I were honest with my friends and said, “I can’t go to event XY because I’m afraid of being in places I can’t easily leave,” the reaction wouldn’t be like „lmao, what the fuck are you talking about, are you serious?“. Maybe not openly every time, but enough to make it clear: this is not acceptable behavior for a man.

People like to think they’re open-minded and understanding. In practice, that tolerance has limit and men hit those limits much faster.

Dating is even harsher. Vulnerability in men isn’t seen as neutral, it’s often seen as weakness. If I were upfront about having agoraphobia, most women would lose interest immediately. Attraction is tied to stability, confidence, and a sense of security which I can‘t provide in certain situations.

A woman with anxiety is often met with support. A man with the same issue is far more likely to be seen as a burden.

So while society promotes the idea of acceptance, the reality is different: as a man, once you show this kind of fear, you don’t just risk being misunderstood you risk losing respect altogether.