r/selflove

I'm having a medical procedure tomorrow that I'm not looking forward to. It's not easy to admit but I'm kind of scared. If anyone can send a little love my way it would be greatly appreciated.

because no one knows what it is like to be you. no one sees your silent battles that you fight, the quiet tears you wipe away, or the strength that you have to keep going. even when you feel tired, and even when your efforts aren't noticed, you still show up and try. that matters. so even if you haven't heard anyone say they're proud of you, be proud of yourself, because you know that it has been a challenge.

Hello everyone! Just wanted to ask how was your journey starting self loving? I used to be good at self compassion but life got busy I think I reverted back to being hard on myself and now my anxiety has caught up and I wish I could be easy on myself. Everytime I try I just feel weird like its not real or im being too lenient on myself. Did you guys ever feel this way starting ? Does it get easier ? Anxiety makes me feel like its a super long journey but I want to feel better about who I am and tell myself im enough.

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I haven’t dated since I was 21. Life took me down a different road one of healing childhood wounds, self parenting, and intentionally becoming the kind of person I’d want to be as a future partner and parent. So I’d really appreciate patience as I gently re-enter this space.

I genuinely enjoy my own company and value solitude, but having someone I can talk with would be a beautiful addition. I enjoy both meaningful conversation and deep listening the kind where exchange feels natural, not forced.

I’ve never been into hookups. I value depth, intentionality, and genuine connection.

I’m drawn to people who enjoy long conversations about philosophy, classic literature, human nature, faith, purpose, poetry, and the quiet complexity of life. Someone curious, who reads, explores new ideas, and believes love is also about asking: “How can we grow together?”

If you’re emotionally mature, kind, thoughtful, and not afraid of meaningful conversation, we’ll likely get along.

Feelings are not there to punish you.
They’re trying to show you something. ✨

They show you:
what’s missing, 🌧️
what hurts, 💔
what no longer feels right, 🍂
what truly makes you happy, 🌿
and what your soul is quietly longing for. 🌙

When was the last time you really listened to your feelings? 🤍

i have a track record of being toxic situations because I tend to look at the good in people. I’m learning to go with my gut more and to view the red flags as who they are rather than the green flags they create to mask it.

I have a friend who seem supportive granted only when I’m going through a tough time because when I’m going through positive times this friend insults me or jabs me. i’ve noticed in the past year that all this friend does is insult me or say passive aggressive comments and I noticed my self self-esteem plummeting the more I talk to this friend. I was upset over a certain dating situations, and I learned to stop confiding in her for those because she would make it worse for me and then one day I decided to confide in her because I miss talking to my best friend in that manner and her first comment is well it seems like you’re not his favorite anymore and you’re not his dream girl that’s why he did this to you.

Every time I had a dating problem, she would say it’s because I’m not their dream woman. It’s because they don’t respect me and then she also made comments about race. I don’t want to disclose my race, but I am a minority and she made a comment that if I was a different self respecting ‘insert race’ woman this guy would’ve never treated me this way. That’s when I realized that my best friend views me as below her because of my race. She made this comment multiple times and each time I said oh you’re making this a race issue now and she was like no no of course not. She’s not used to me calling her out on these comments.

At one point, she was also trying to use me for a financial gain, telling me that I should rent out a portion of her apartment for higher rent than what she is currently paying, even though I was getting a fourth of the space. She also was trying to make us roommates and use my money to get a nicer apartment and make it all about her and I was not having it.

I got into a big fight with a long, best friend and I realized that relationship was ending and I was very upset that day, but I still drove 2 1/2 hours to see her and she decides to fight with me that day saying she’s frustrated that I don’t sleepover when she wants me to sleep over then I go to her place and at 3 AM I said I’m very tired. Can I sleep here? and she says oh well my relatives gonna get mad because your car is in the parking lot and I told her I’m so tired that I could drive into the tree right now and she still kept hounding me that I should just go home. i put ice cubes on my eyes and left.

I’ve realized that she was always competing with me always one upping me and always jabbing me to make me feel bad about myself, but then she covers it up by being there for me when I need someone to talk to and by doing grandiose gestures for certain occasions. There has been distance now and I feel better about myself with it because I don’t have someone in my ear telling me that no one respects me and no one sees me as their dream woman and XY and Z.

I guess I just need some validation that this is not my friend. I tend to look at the good people and then gaslight myself into thinking. Maybe I’m in the wrong here but truly I’ve never said anything negative towards her and I’ve always been positive and supportive for her. When she started dating again, she said oh it looks like I’m going on dates now and you’re not. You’re not going on a date tonight I am. I’m the busy one with dates now. Just so odd because I don’t need to go on a date every day to feel good about myself so why would I care about that?

She had me go meet her boyfriend and I ask her what jacket I should wear because I didn’t know what the temperature was outside and she told me well. It’s not like there’s anyone that you’re trying to impress there right?

I think it’s just been built up resentment and I’ve been trying to stop being friends with her for a while after noticing things and I’m just at the point where I’m sitting here so mad that I’ve let someone manipulate me with words and big gestures like oh I love you so much blah blah blah buys me something even though I say I don’t want anything because I don’t really like accepting things from people it kind of makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want people to put themselves in a scenario where they’re tight on money because of me.

But again, I don’t know. I just feel like she was never my friend and she kind of thrives when I’m unhappy. She also asked me if I thought she was a narcissist and she said sometimes she wonders if she is one. I did notice i got weird gut feelings around her when we hung out like she was kind of a sociopath so I don’t know. I just think I need some validation here. there much more to this…. Thanks.

I am a person that have struggled with relationships since the beginning I was rejected millions of times before getting a boyfriend and that made me have a shelf over me once I started actually having serious partners, now my problem is that when I leave them at the moment I have to be this strong, independent, heartless woman, but when time passes by guilt starts to consume me and I know is because I never treated them like what they were (my partners) they’d became like strangers to me and I started acting like nothing that we went through ever happened being insensitive with my wording and my actions.
I’ve seen a lot of posts lately that reassure me. How this works now and all I have to say is people, I know it’s sucks to be the one with the heartbroken but when we have to do it let’s be more reasonable, sensitives and actually treat them like somebody we used to love it is not a competition of who is stronger heal yourself and be kind helping others on their healing process, because that shit stays with you.

I’m not. Not ready to love myself well, even though I want to. And that’s ok.

I’m not ready to break the external cycles I’ve identified. And that’s ok, I’m working on the internal ones first.

I’m slowly introducing myself, to myself, because I’ve never been able to before. It’s never been an option to give myself the same love and patience and grace and mercy I’ve given others all my life.

Self love has got to be one of the most patience straining and testing relationships I’ve had- but I know I’m worth the effort.

My one relationship and my friendships always felt surface level, i could never fully trust someone and connect with them on an deep emotional level. I tried dating and i quickly, how can i say, well i don't get bored of them i just don't feel like we can connect, therefore i dislike dating. I do feel the same as others at first, it's new and exciting, but somehow they never feel right. And i'm not talking about mistakes, everyone makes mistakes or says or does something awkward, that's not the problem.

It could be a core wound but i don't know, i don't fear opening up to a person, but i just feel like they can't be trusted with emotional topics. Recently i was talking to a man for 2 days and on the third i already switched and i'm not that interested in him anymore to be honest, then again i recognize red flags pretty well now, so maybe he just pushed a button. We didn't date yet, so i don't want to write him down, but once again this person seems inconsistent to me.

I have no idea whether there is something wrong with me or dating is just garbage nowadays, it could easily be both. We all have problems, but not all of us are willing to change. Besides i'm a magnet for emotionally unavailable or avoidant men as i have realized already. I do have one friend who i open up to but that's all.