u/infected-zombie

1. He faked dying and I was so scared that I started to panic and sob, then when he became “alive” he just laughed. - I was so young maybe like 6.

2. He acted as if he was my baby and I was his mother. “How much do you love me? Come on kiss my cheek!” etc, but that made me feel like I have to take control in everything and that I can’t be comforted. (It’s hard to explain it)

3. Stared at women in public in front of my mom and me. Without any shame. And somehow I always thought if I send my body pictures to random strangers I’ll be loved and get the attention I never got.

4. Once my mother was crying because my wonderful dad cheated for the 102993939th time and he was smirking the whole time, and the young me was scared and didn’t know what to do.

5. Made fun of me in so many ways. He ALWAYS told me to look at my feet while walking, so when I’m old my feet will stay straight. (It was always straight)

6. No healthy boundaries, like he touched my thighs and got higher and I don’t know what would happen if I didn’t stop him. (His father literally said he’d eat me) ….

Thanks for reading..

in a few days it’s my teacher’s birthday, she’s an amazing teacher and i love her so much. (singing class btw) i have no idea what to give her for her birthday. she likes music, singing, things like that. but a GIFT? i don’t know, help me.

me and my best friend have been friends for 3 years now. and it’s an online friendship. we have so many things in common, so many memories, and we know everything about each other. but it’s been 35 days since she texted me, i don’t know what happened but i KNOW she wasn’t on her phone. because nothing new happened in her social media, and i even texted her mom but she left me on read ): i asked her mom is my best friend is okay, and my message was so polite actually. but i don’t know, i miss her. i know 35 days might not look like a long time but we literally talked every single day for 3 years! well it happened that sometimes we didn’t talk, but it was maximum for one day. now 35…? i don’t know. i just hope she’s okay and that she’ll come back soon. plus my birthday is in a few days and she always said that she prepared funny things for me. i love her so much she’s literally my best friend, but anyway thanks for reading this.

i wish this would happen, but sadly i’m just a girl who’s never going to be a boy. sadly i can’t be shirtless outside, i can’t go to the pool without feeling like there’s a pound of flesh on my body (my breasts) sadly i don’t have a deep voice, i can’t have the kind of leg muscles that guys have, i can’t be a dad. because for me being a dad has always been a dream. but i guess in this lifetime i have to accept that none of it will happen.

OMG I ACCIDENTALLY PUT EATING DISORDER NOW I CANT CHANGE IT

hi everyone, i’m 16 years old and since i was a kid i always felt uncomfortable with my gender. and what i mean by that is that whenever i came out of the shower (as a kid) i went in my parents room and i put my dad’s after shave cream all over my face, and i pretend i was shaving my invisible beard. (i didn’t use a blade or anything i just took random stuff to imagine) and also, whenever i played with my cousins, i was ALWAYS the man in the games. (ex: brother, friend, dad, etc) this part is kind of embarrassing but i used to put random things under my underwear to make it look like a penis. once i was crying my eyes out because i thought if i hope, tomorrow i’ll be a boy automatically. but i think deep down, the reason i hated being a girl was because my dad always told me to NOT use any makeup or even paint my nails, and for some reason it made me hate girly stuff, and even if i was too boyish he would say act like a girl. so i don’t know, but also my grandma always told me that i couldn’t do certain stuff because i was a girl. that’s so dumb. you know what i wanted to do? help my uncle wash his car. i loved and still love cars. but anyway, i bought a binder a few months ago, i wore it two times but its so uncomfortable. OH AND i don’t know if this will change anything but i WILL absolutely get a top surgery as soon as i’m 18. (i’m saving money) but my question is, am i a boy or just a non binary person.

i don’t even see him as a dad. he never showed me any affection and he never taught me anything. he always acted like a baby and even the thought of talking to him pisses me off. i haven’t talked to him in months and i don’t answer his calls or messages. (my parents are divorced btw) i don’t know if it’ll change anything but i’m 16. and he was a cheater which caused them to divorce. anyway, i fucking hate him and i wish he wasn’t my dad. i’m wondering if that’s normal?

honestly in my opinion, shaving your head. (i haven’t done it YET but soon.)