u/freyab0baya

Again, and again and again...The societal expectation for women to remain young and beautiful. Old=irrelevant. Ugly=ignored. Botox and facelifts on almost every face of women in Hollywood. The pressure creeping in through social media too look like something unnatural and unattainable for most. Sadly as I approach 38 I have spent more time than I would like to admit obsessing over the lines on my face. It feels so asinine and wasteful to spend my life thinking about something so insignificant and fleeting. Here one day, gone the next... I hate feeling like my worth is dependent on the make gaze. I do not want to be perceived. Growing old and approaching death terrifies people. I'm trying to see it as part of my transformation. Like a butterfly that morphs into completely different forms until it can fly away in its final stage. Sometimes I read the five remembrances from the Buddha and that helps. Thanks for reading my brain dump..

I was looking out at my backyard and back of a shopping plaza which is basically just an empty alley and dumpsters. I saw two people back up to a dumpster at one of the businesses with their trunk open and carried a garbage bag which must have been heavy because they both had to carry it and then lift it into the bin making a large thud. Then one of the people threw in what looked like a smaller single item then one more bag and drive away. My instant thought was a busy and murder weapon 😭 probably just illegal dumping. There was also the time I saw a suitcase floating in the river.. 🙈