u/boogieboogiee

I don’t even know where to start. I’m exhausted.

My mom had a traumatic childhood — lost her parents very young, never felt loved, then went through a horrible first marriage where her in-laws rejected her completely. She eventually divorced, but not before having my older half-brother. All that pain turned her into a narcissistic, manipulative person in her second marriage (with my dad).

In our house, my half-brother was king. My mom put him above everyone — above my dad, above me and my siblings. My half-brother physically attacked my dad with a hot rod once, left a scar that’s still there. He got kicked out multiple times but always came back because he has nowhere else to go. My dad never got love or respect. It was always mom and half-brother running everything.

Eventually, my brother and I had to leave just to survive. The damage was already done though. One of my brothers developed depression, crippling loneliness, low self-esteem — and now bipolar disorder. When he was completely out of reality and in a mental health clinic, I was the only one there for him. I had just started a new job. I took leave to visit him, care for him, advocate for him. My team leader at the time was abusive about it — accused me of lying about being late, threatened to terminate me. I was so scared I tried rushing to work 20 minutes early every day to avoid more accusations, and I re-tore my ACL after 4-5 months of rehab. Needed surgery again. New team leader now, but the damage is done. I was running on no sleep, trying to care for my little family AND my brother.

And my family? Almost all of them are narcissistic now. They all appease my mom and half-brother no matter what.

Here’s the worst part: They lied that I raped my little sister. Let me repeat that. They fabricated a rape accusation against me. Why? To guilt-trip me, shame me, scare me into submission. The real reason: I got married without their permission. Before my marriage, I actually tried to include them — I convinced them to come with me to my wife’s family for the proposal. But they tried to sabotage it by creating an impossible situation around the mahr amount (their way or no marriage). They didn’t want the marriage to happen at all.

This is not the first time they’ve lied like this. They also falsely claimed someone raped my big sister after a failed marriage agreement. They lost that case in court.

When I got married, no one supported me. Not financially, not emotionally. I had to borrow money from people. I couldn’t even afford a wedding for my wife — and that still destroys me inside. I couldn’t give her that one thing she wanted. Meanwhile, my half-brother got a full wedding with everyone’s support.

I kept going back. Kept making up with them. But they never stopped belittling me, disrespecting me, gaslighting me, guilt-tripping me at every chance. Their expectations of me are unrealistic and cruel.

Now they’ve started on my wife. She has never done or said one bad thing to them. Before our marriage and after. But they disrespect her, hurt her emotionally, exclude her. My mom has a daughter-in-law now through my half-brother, and the difference in how they treat her versus my wife is night and day. Watching that kills me.

My own dad has turned against me because my mom has guilt-tripped, gaslit, and emotionally manipulated him too.

Sometimes I wish I never existed. Or at least that I never married my wife so she wouldn’t have to suffer because of me or my family.

I don’t know what I’m asking. Advice? Validation? Permission to finally stop trying? I just needed to write it all down.

TL;DR: Traumatic family history, mother and half-brother are dominant narcissists. Family falsely accused me of raping my little sister to control me over my marriage. No support for my wedding, now they’re mistreating my wife. I feel like disappearing.

P.s. I have 1 amazing little boys- 1 yr old and 2 and years old

I don’t even know where to start. I’m exhausted.

My mom had a traumatic childhood — lost her parents very young, never felt loved, then went through a horrible first marriage where her in-laws rejected her completely. She eventually divorced, but not before having my older half-brother. All that pain turned her into a narcissistic, manipulative person in her second marriage (with my dad).

In our house, my half-brother was king. My mom put him above everyone — above my dad, above me and my siblings. My half-brother physically attacked my dad with a hot rod once, left a scar that’s still there. He got kicked out multiple times but always came back because he has nowhere else to go. My dad never got love or respect. It was always mom and half-brother running everything.

Eventually, my brother and I had to leave just to survive. The damage was already done though. One of my brothers developed depression, crippling loneliness, low self-esteem — and now bipolar disorder. When he was completely out of reality and in a mental health clinic, I was the only one there for him. I had just started a new job. I took leave to visit him, care for him, advocate for him. My team leader at the time was abusive about it — accused me of lying about being late, threatened to terminate me. I was so scared I tried rushing to work 20 minutes early every day to avoid more accusations, and I re-tore my ACL after 4-5 months of rehab. Needed surgery again. New team leader now, but the damage is done. I was running on no sleep, trying to care for my little family AND my brother.

And my family? Almost all of them are narcissistic now. They all appease my mom and half-brother no matter what.

Here’s the worst part: They lied that I raped my little sister. Let me repeat that. They fabricated a rape accusation against me. Why? To guilt-trip me, shame me, scare me into submission. The real reason: I got married without their permission. Before my marriage, I actually tried to include them — I convinced them to come with me to my wife’s family for the proposal. But they tried to sabotage it by creating an impossible situation around the mahr amount (their way or no marriage). They didn’t want the marriage to happen at all.

This is not the first time they’ve lied like this. They also falsely claimed someone raped my big sister after a failed marriage agreement. They lost that case in court.

When I got married, no one supported me. Not financially, not emotionally. I had to borrow money from people. I couldn’t even afford a wedding for my wife — and that still destroys me inside. I couldn’t give her that one thing she wanted. Meanwhile, my half-brother got a full wedding with everyone’s support.

I kept going back. Kept making up with them. But they never stopped belittling me, disrespecting me, gaslighting me, guilt-tripping me at every chance. Their expectations of me are unrealistic and cruel.

Now they’ve started on my wife. She has never done or said one bad thing to them. Before our marriage and after. But they disrespect her, hurt her emotionally, exclude her. My mom has a daughter-in-law now through my half-brother, and the difference in how they treat her versus my wife is night and day. Watching that kills me.

My own dad has turned against me because my mom has guilt-tripped, gaslit, and emotionally manipulated him too.

Sometimes I wish I never existed. Or at least that I never married my wife so she wouldn’t have to suffer because of me or my family.

I don’t know what I’m asking. Advice? Validation? Permission to finally stop trying? I just needed to write it all down.

TL;DR: Traumatic family history, mother and half-brother are dominant narcissists. Family falsely accused me of raping my little sister to control me over my marriage. No support for my wedding, now they’re mistreating my wife. I feel like disappearing.

I don’t even know where to start. I’m exhausted.

My mom had a traumatic childhood — lost her parents very young, never felt loved, then went through a horrible first marriage where her in-laws rejected her completely. She eventually divorced, but not before having my older half-brother. All that pain turned her into a narcissistic, manipulative person in her second marriage (with my dad).

In our house, my half-brother was king. My mom put him above everyone — above my dad, above me and my siblings. My half-brother physically attacked my dad with a hot rod once, left a scar that’s still there. He got kicked out multiple times but always came back because he has nowhere else to go. My dad never got love or respect. It was always mom and half-brother running everything.

Eventually, my brother and I had to leave just to survive. The damage was already done though. One of my brothers developed depression, crippling loneliness, low self-esteem — and now bipolar disorder. When he was completely out of reality and in a mental health clinic, I was the only one there for him. I had just started a new job. I took leave to visit him, care for him, advocate for him. My team leader at the time was abusive about it — accused me of lying about being late, threatened to terminate me. I was so scared I tried rushing to work 20 minutes early every day to avoid more accusations, and I re-tore my ACL after 4-5 months of rehab. Needed surgery again. New team leader now, but the damage is done. I was running on no sleep, trying to care for my little family AND my brother.

And my family? Almost all of them are narcissistic now. They all appease my mom and half-brother no matter what.

Here’s the worst part: They lied that I raped my little sister. Let me repeat that. They fabricated a rape accusation against me. Why? To guilt-trip me, shame me, scare me into submission. The real reason: I got married without their permission. Before my marriage, I actually tried to include them — I convinced them to come with me to my wife’s family for the proposal. But they tried to sabotage it by creating an impossible situation around the mahr amount (their way or no marriage). They didn’t want the marriage to happen at all.

This is not the first time they’ve lied like this. They also falsely claimed someone raped my big sister after a failed marriage agreement. They lost that case in court.

When I got married, no one supported me. Not financially, not emotionally. I had to borrow money from people. I couldn’t even afford a wedding for my wife — and that still destroys me inside. I couldn’t give her that one thing she wanted. Meanwhile, my half-brother got a full wedding with everyone’s support.

I kept going back. Kept making up with them. But they never stopped belittling me, disrespecting me, gaslighting me, guilt-tripping me at every chance. Their expectations of me are unrealistic and cruel.

Now they’ve started on my wife. She has never done or said one bad thing to them. Before our marriage and after. But they disrespect her, hurt her emotionally, exclude her. My mom has a daughter-in-law now through my half-brother, and the difference in how they treat her versus my wife is night and day. Watching that kills me.

My own dad has turned against me because my mom has guilt-tripped, gaslit, and emotionally manipulated him too.

Sometimes I wish I never existed. Or at least that I never married my wife so she wouldn’t have to suffer because of me or my family.

I don’t know what I’m asking. Advice? Validation? Permission to finally stop trying? I just needed to write it all down.

TL;DR: Traumatic family history, mother and half-brother are dominant narcissists. Family falsely accused me of raping my little sister to control me over my marriage. No support for my wedding, now they’re mistreating my wife. I feel like disappearing.

I don’t even know where to start. I’m exhausted.

My mom had a traumatic childhood — lost her parents very young, never felt loved, then went through a horrible first marriage where her in-laws rejected her completely. She eventually divorced, but not before having my older half-brother. All that pain turned her into a narcissistic, manipulative person in her second marriage (with my dad).

In our house, my half-brother was king. My mom put him above everyone — above my dad, above me and my siblings. My half-brother physically attacked my dad with a hot rod once, left a scar that’s still there. He got kicked out multiple times but always came back because he has nowhere else to go. My dad never got love or respect. It was always mom and half-brother running everything.

Eventually, my brother and I had to leave just to survive. The damage was already done though. One of my brothers developed depression, crippling loneliness, low self-esteem — and now bipolar disorder. When he was completely out of reality and in a mental health clinic, I was the only one there for him. I had just started a new job. I took leave to visit him, care for him, advocate for him. My team leader at the time was abusive about it — accused me of lying about being late, threatened to terminate me. I was so scared I tried rushing to work 20 minutes early every day to avoid more accusations, and I re-tore my ACL after 4-5 months of rehab. Needed surgery again. New team leader now, but the damage is done. I was running on no sleep, trying to care for my little family AND my brother.

And my family? Almost all of them are narcissistic now. They all appease my mom and half-brother no matter what.

Here’s the worst part: They lied that I raped my little sister. Let me repeat that. They fabricated a rape accusation against me. Why? To guilt-trip me, shame me, scare me into submission. The real reason: I got married without their permission. Before my marriage, I actually tried to include them — I convinced them to come with me to my wife’s family for the proposal. But they tried to sabotage it by creating an impossible situation around the mahr amount (their way or no marriage). They didn’t want the marriage to happen at all.

This is not the first time they’ve lied like this. They also falsely claimed someone raped my big sister after a failed marriage agreement. They lost that case in court.

When I got married, no one supported me. Not financially, not emotionally. I had to borrow money from people. I couldn’t even afford a wedding for my wife — and that still destroys me inside. I couldn’t give her that one thing she wanted. Meanwhile, my half-brother got a full wedding with everyone’s support.

I kept going back. Kept making up with them. But they never stopped belittling me, disrespecting me, gaslighting me, guilt-tripping me at every chance. Their expectations of me are unrealistic and cruel.

Now they’ve started on my wife. She has never done or said one bad thing to them. Before our marriage and after. But they disrespect her, hurt her emotionally, exclude her. My mom has a daughter-in-law now through my half-brother, and the difference in how they treat her versus my wife is night and day. Watching that kills me.

My own dad has turned against me because my mom has guilt-tripped, gaslit, and emotionally manipulated him too.

Sometimes I wish I never existed. Or at least that I never married my wife so she wouldn’t have to suffer because of me or my family.

I don’t know what I’m asking. Advice? Validation? Permission to finally stop trying? I just needed to write it all down.

TL;DR: Traumatic family history, mother and half-brother are dominant narcissists. Family falsely accused me of raping my little sister to control me over my marriage. No support for my wedding, now they’re mistreating my wife. I feel like disappearing.