u/ThatItalianOverThere

Was it a result of mutation from the morphogenic engine?

Because it's unachievable by a normal human.

I don't go clubbing, never went in my life.

My hobbies are fishing, videogames and motorcycles (both riding and tuning/fixing).

I work as an electrician and I don't have an education (literally, I've never finished high school) but I make good money and honestly, I'm fairly cultured (I learned a lot of things on my own in various subjects, some people call me human wikipedia lmao).

I listen to hard rock, techno and trap music.

I don't have many friends and I don't hang out very often, I'm more of a loner.

Do y'all think I'm a boring guy because I don't like going out partying and most of my hobbies are solo?

It doesn't entirely regard my parents but since this community has always been supporting I'll post here.

Guys, lately I've been feeling very numb.

After my birthday I went down tho.

It wasn't a bad birthday, but something snapped inside me.

Year after year I realized that I'm tired of doing this.

There is no good and my hobbies aren't enough to give me joy anymore.

I literally don't care about anything at all.

I'm feeling very empty.

Idk what to do, I spend my free time just sitting and waiting for time to go by.

And a question is tormenting me: Do I really want to do it for potentially decades?

I need to do something about it, I want my purpose back.

When the intrusive thoughts get intense I go check bi/gay porn and it works very well because it makes me feel uneasy and anxious, not horny.

Then I check to BBW porn (which I truly love and I'm not ashamed of it) and it works for me.

So yeah, sounds like checking works, and I only need to check like once a month.

It makes my brain rational for big periods of time.

Note that I'm on zoloft.