u/Sweet_Warning_6670

Would like to hear your stories. What made you finally say youre done? Are you an atheist now or just ex christian?

Im really sad and worried for him. Some days i feel so hopeless and can even get a bit depressed due to his current condition. His initials is MD (dob: july 18 1991).

Please if any one has any insights at all? Give it to me without sugarcoating even if its bad news I just need to know what you see for him.

This is a long story so im going to try to condense it as much as possible. I won't be able to give all details but ill talk about the most relevant info.

So this story started almost 2 years ago when I met someone here on reddit. I was 29 at the time. Side note im still a virgin and I never had a real dating history. Ive tried it but nothing serious would come out of it. Also I have never been into the idea of online dating at all.

Anyways it was april of 2024, I was taking my spring semester classes, studying alot, spending alot of time alone in my room. I made a random post about feeling so alone during these moments and wishing I had someone just to be intimate with but not have a serious relationship with because I wasnt looking for a relationship.

A guy responds to my post in a dm talking about how much he related to my post and if I wanted to talk some time. This incredibly unlike me, but immediately I started to feel so drawn to this guy from day 1. And I didnt even know what he looked like or met in person yet but we continued to talk and over time I started to grow intense feelings for him.

For rhe first time in my life I saw myself having children, being married, and becoming a housewife. Thats how much I was liking thia guy. Ive never met a man in my life up to that point that made me feel that way. We eventually did start talking about meeting each other in person. We lived in different states but ironically enough one of my siblings enlisted into the military and bootcamp would be at his state.

Anyways to wrap up this part of the story me and him spoke on and off for the next 5 months because he started to act off, putting me through emotional rollercoasters, disappearing, and I couldn't ignore my gut feelings anymore. I knew something was wrong.

Towards the last month in contact with him I discovered that he was already married and expecting his first son. When I found out I went through a massive breakdown. I genuinely felt clinically traumatized. My brain function felt off after this. The psychological shock affected me ao much that I had to withdraw from college. I could not eat for days, I looked and felt sick all the time. Even my mother noticed but I couldnt tell her what was wrong with me.

During this period in my life I was praying alot. Desperately asking god to help me. That I needed him. I was terribly broken. Mentally unwell. But this was the point in my life where I started feeling abandoned by god. And I couldnt handle the pain anymore. Not only was I heartbroken from the man I thought would become my husband but heartbroken because I felt god had abandoned me.

So fast forward 1.5 years later im still recovering from the trauma. Over time the crying at random times had decreased and felt my nervous system regulating itself again but I was still not completely okay.

Eventually I did completely renounce my faith and god. I walked away from christianity because of how hurt I still was. The last prayer I rememeber making to god I asked him if he did not care about my pain? And I did pray a couple times about not allowing any more unserious men entering my life anymore.

So around September of last year I had another reddit account I recently deleted. On thia reddit account I started posting on new age and witchcraft subs. I got so desperate to be released from my pain that I started consulting witchcraft to heal.

At one point on this reddit I was also posting on Christian subs expressing my pain and anger with the faith. This is where the next part of my story begins.

I felt like history was repeating itself. I received a dm (multiple actually) from a user who responded to one of those posts I made. Initially I was ignoring them.

A couple months went by and I noticed that this user had sent me additional messages. One of them was a happy birthday message. I was surprised to see that this user was still checking up on me enough to know my birthday by now.

So to be nice I finally responded and thanked him for the birthday wish. I had no intentions to continue talking further besides to just thank him.

It did not go that way. We kept talking. And we touched on my christian sub posts. I told him my back story and why I was feeling so down and rejecting god and christianity.

He kept encouraging me to seek god or explained to me why I went through what I did. But after a few days of talking he finally admits he started to feel something towards me.

He felt we shared alot of the same values and future goals and started taking me serious although I told him im still not in the right place for a relationship again especially another long distance with a guy off reddit again.

We continued to talk though and I started wondering if god had finally answered some prayer I made through this person. I really started to wonder if this person had a special purpose in my life because of how and when we met and if this had something to do with god.

I believe it was probably a few days or a week after we first met that he made a confession to me. He tells me that for 4 years now hes been on disability and not working because he developed an autoimmune disease that affects how well he can move his body.

Im not going to lie the moment he told me this I felt like walking away. But at the same time I felt sorry for him. I started to feel like a scum for wanting to walk away because he was ill.

But at the same time I had this thought in the back of my head questioning if he had a purpose in my life from god.

Its been 7 months now and he has been able to travel to see me twice. We've spent time together in person and while his body is still weak he was able to walk around without his walker.

He claims that after we met he got this strong urge to want to really get better again and work on gaining strength in his legs which he did.

The last time I saw him in person was February. He was always patient with me and I told him I was open to seeing where things go between us. I wanted to see if there was something that could grow and if we were really meant to be.

He prays alot. Hes probably the second person I met in my life (after my grandmother) that prays alot. Daily more than once a day and hes aware about how much ive been rejecting god. He tries to encourage me into the right path. But im still struggling.

Anyways after he returned home in February he started to focus on trying to go back to work. He called his old job and asked them if they could give him a trial to see how his body does working again.

He went back to work after 4 years homebound. But it only lasted about 2 weeks. His body relapsed and had to go back on disability. He finally quit his job because he couldn't do heavy labor jobs anymore.

His body has been in severe pain ever since. He cant sleep properly and hes become very depressed. I feel sad and guilt because a part of me blames myself for his current state. He sacrificed so much just for me.

The reason why he wanted to go back to work so bad was so we could spend more time together. He even wanted us to get our own place. But eventually I told him it wasnt a good idea because it was too soon.

I wasnt easy to deal with in the months hes known me either because I was still healing from the previous man and trauma he caused.

But anyways. I held on this long because I kept telling myself we met for a purpose and it was gods will. Now I question everything.

I wanted to so bad to be able to see a future with this man but I dont see it and im not in love with him. I never developed the same feelings hes had for me. I thought that with time feelings would grow but its been 7 months and we cant even be together in person.

So now im lost, full of guilt because he is home in pain and disabled again, depressed and I cant do anything about it. I care about him but we cant built a connection if we are living miles away from each other.

At this point all I want is for us to go our separate ways and be done with each other. But im having trouble doing so.

I really kept holding on to the hopes that we met because it was god's will. That god brought us together for a reason. But I dont think I believe that anymore. Its my fault why hes in this condition.

Im not going to get into the story as to why I got to this point in my life because its too long but to get to the point basically I walked away from the christian faith almost 2 years ago and ive been rejecting god ever since and this was triggered due to a traumatic experience I had with someone in my past and I felt at that time that god had abandoned me. I felt very alone, betrayed, and hurt by not only the person who hurt me but god himself.

Anyways for some weeks now ive had this urge to want to talk to god again. Ive been lost for so long and theres things thats been going on in my life that have me lost and not knowing what to so.

So many times now I felt like praying to ask god what to do but then I remember what happened in my darkest moments 2 years ago where I felt so alone and unheard and feel like if I prayed ill just feel that way again. Alone and unheard. More lost than before.

I want to pray to talk to god not necessarily to come back to him or to repent about anything. But my heart completely rejects him. I cant get myself to actually pray at all. But im so lost.

So long story short (if you want full story its in my reddit page)

I believe i manifested the person I wrote about in my manifestation list. Some months ago I created a list of what I want my SP to be like, and later I ended up meeting that person that matched that list like 95%.

Well after some months together (its been 7 months now) ive come to realize that there are things in my manifestation list that I shouldve added that I didnt before and now I feel like this person is not my person because im not in love with him and i dont have any real deep romantic attraction to him.

I feel like he could only be a friend and it hurts to say this because I was hopeful for a long time that he could actually be my person because he showed up in my life at a very significant timing.

He on the other hand actually wanted to marry me and knew right away. But I didnt feel that way and still dont.

I started thinking about manifesting closure with him without causing any heartbreak for either me or him because despite the fact that I never developed the same feelings he had for me, I still grew an attachment and some level of affection towards him.

But I know I need to let it go now because im starting to feel us talking like we do everyday is becoming so pointless. Nothing is coming out of it. Im struggling to see a future with him.

How can I go about this. I want us to have closure but I feel like everytime I say it or tried it in the past with him it doesnt work and we end up talking again.

This time I want to go about it silently, in a "psychological" kind of way. I want to manifest closure between us without me having to say or do anything.

I want us both to naturally drift apart peacefully.

I paid and didn't get a reading and Im still desperate need of a reading. I feel so lost and terribly depressed about so much in my life currently. Is anyone available atm? I can leave a review but I can't pay for another read. I just really need clarity. Really want to talk to someone with strong intuition and future reading

Im curious about this. Ive consulted many readers about different topics over the past few years when I started getting more into tarot.

Ive been in relationships that didnt work in the past. One person I was talking to I remember id get alot of readings about him from different readers (alot were verified readers and many of them would tell me good things about this person, that he was genuine and that he was my person but it didnt turn out that way at all. In the end it turned out that he was a huge liar and he was definitely not my person.

Now im talking to a new person and I dont get the same bad gut feelings I used to get as the previous person. Im conflicted and idk if its cause of my trauma but my gut feeling sometimes tells me this new person is truly genuine. But at the same time my trust issues cause me to doubt him alot.

Ive had readings about him too and so far I also get good things said about him. The only difference this time is that I dont get this energy of doubt with what they tell me cause my gut feeling doesnt tell me theres something hidden going on with him.

Ive had one reader so far (i havent had many readings about him) tell me he may not be my person.

While in the past i was told that the previous guy who was deceiving me was my person.

When me and him broke up id even had readings completely unrelated to him tell me he wants to come back to me or that he would despite me not even asking about him in the first place. Of course non of those readings came true either cause its been almost 2 years now since the break up.

As time went by im starting to doubt psychic readings. While i know psychics are real and I believe they do have special abilities, im starting to feel that true accuracy with these readings is extremely rare. Like a 1 in 20 chance.

I have strong intuition but I have a bad habit of not knowing if my intuition is true or not either. I lack training in that aspect.

Ive heard this before that you should keep your manifestation intentions a secret and never tell anyone until after you have manifested what you wanted.

Is this always going to be the case? Sometimes I just want to blog about my life online and talk about things I want to do. Lately ive wanted to share a vision board on my social medias about things I want to manifest, but started wondering if its safe to do so.