u/Sebastianlim

I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/Stunning_Way9393.

Trigger Warnings: >!Stalking, Harassment, Attempted Rape.!<

---

AITAH for having my ex arrested at my wedding?, Posted May 4th, 2026.

This happened 2 days ago at mine (28) and my wife’s (39) wedding and a lot of people are telling me I’m in the wrong for having my ex (27) arrested and my wife is saying I ruined the wedding and caused a scene.

First a little backstory on my ex, we were together over 5 years ago for a matter of weeks, I broke things off because I just wasn’t into her that much, she began to pester me over text and social media all of the time to get back together or just hook up, this went on for months and in a particularly week moment I gave in and slept with her again at this point things got a lot worse, I tried to explain that it was a mistake and I still didn’t want anything with her, from then the messages ranged from abusive to begging me for sex eventually I just blocked her, from then she started turning up at my house, work and social spaces I went to often.
She attempted to force herself on me and threatened violence and at that point I got a restraining order. Since then I haven’t heard from her in years.

I met my wife 3 years ago and she is honestly the best thing in my life, we fell in love hard and honestly have a great relationship, we got engaged after 2 years and 2 days ago finally had our wedding, the day was going amazingly until a friend of mine who I’ll call Chris turned up with his +1, my ex, I spoke to him and he had absolutely no idea about my history with her and we tried to get her to leave.
After she refused I decided to just ring the police, 2 officers showed up to arrest her for breaking her restraining order and she flipped out, she was shouting and screaming, she hurled abuse at my wife and claimed that we were ment to be together which obviously distracted from our wedding.

Now my wife is upset with me for causing a scene and a lot of our friends are saying that I should’ve just ignored it and focused on the day because she wasn’t causing any problems up until the police showed up, so AITAH??

Edit to answer some questions I’ve had:
Yes my wife knew I had a restraining order against a stalker, we spoke about it when we started to become serious
A few family members also knew but my friends didn’t as I never spoke to them about it

Edit: UPDATE

Relevant Comments:

u/Ppjr16:

> You had a restraining order for a reason. I believe she was very well aware of it and knew what the consequences could have been. She knew better than to be attending. Who knows what plans she had in mind b4 she was taken away.

> Knowing that she was there and having the fear , you would not have enjoyed yourself if you would have let her stay.

OP:

> God knows her intentions but everyone seems to think she was doing nothing wrong and was harmless

 

u/CaptSharn:

> I doubt people would be so negative if the genders were reversed.

> She is a stalker, she knew it was your wedding and violated her restraining order. It's worrying your wife doesn't understand why this is a concern. How would she feel if her stalker came to the wedding?

OP:

> I’m hoping she’s just angry at the situation rather than me and will see it from that pov once she’s calmed down a bit

 

u/stallion8426:

> NTA. She used Chris to get to your wedding and cause trouble. You did what you had to do to protect yourself and your wife.

> I feel bad for Chris though, poor guy just got in the crossfire.

OP:

> From what I understand Chris has been with her for about 4 months and knew nothing about any of it

u/Thistime232:

> As in didn't know you had dated her at all?

OP:

> No, I was only with her a couple weeks and all of this wasn’t something I told my friends at the time as it was all rather embarrassing so he didn’t know about her at all

 

u/hikarizx (This comment has been downvoted):

> I think this one is subjective and while I personally think NTA I also think your wife’s opinion is the only one that matters here 

OP:

> I understand why my wife is upset but idk how to fix it

u/Thistime232:

> What did your wife want you to do in the moment?

OP:

> I didn’t tell her at the time as I didn’t want her to worry about it, I was hoping the police would escort her away quietly, which to be fair they did try to

u/Thistime232:

> Ok, but currently, as your wife is upset about it, has she said what she would have wanted to happen? You said she's upset you caused a scene, so has she expressed to you what she feels you did wrong in that moment?

OP:

> No I asked what I should’ve done instead and she didn’t have an answer just “not that”

 

DELETED COMMENT.

OP:

> Thankyou and yes I did panic at the time and there was no plan in place because I have actually not heard from ex since the restraining order was put in place so I thought it was all over

 

u/Kat092620 (This comment has been downvoted):

You had more than a temporary restraining order? Most of them expire. Why let her distract from the day? Were you physically afraid of her?

OP:

> I left quite a bit out of everything that happened in order to get a permanent restraining order but no mine will not expire

 

u/mamaallthetime:

> Wow. NTA. But I have some questions about your "wonderful" wife. She doesn't get that you might be traumatized by having your stalker show up? That maybe you needed to make it clear to this nut bar that she may NOT approach you? Your ex clearly schemed to get into a place she didn't belong. I find it pretty red flag behavior that your wife is angry at you and not grateful you're safe and wanting to find out how to keep you that way, especially after your exes little display. You'd be wise to think twice before signing that marriage certificate if you haven't already.

OP:

> From what others have commented I’m pretty sure my wife isn’t angry with me but just angry and has nowhere else to direct it atm

UPDATE: AITAH for having my ex arrested at my wedding?, Posted May 5th, 2026.

I got a lot of requests for an update on my original post so here it is.

It’s been a very long day since I first posted I have spoken to both my wife and Chris.

Starting with my wife, we had a very long tearful conversation about everything from my ex to our wedding, I apologised for the fact that I didn’t consider involving her before calling the police which meant that ex’s outburst when being escorted out came as a complete surprise to her.

She apologised for the way she reacted and explained that she wasn’t angry at me but is angry at ex, the fact the wedding was ruined and that the focus was shifted away from us and to ex, her anger was misdirected.

Another reason for the anger is that a lot of guests had no idea who ex was so ex’s comment of “we’re meant to be together” has apparently lead to people theorising that I had been cheating on my wife with ex, so we are now having to put out fires before rumours begin to spread.

My wife is now very much focused on making sure I am ok after all of this though she is still distraught about our special day being ruined but we will work through that together.

On to Chris, this is where things get a little scary. Me and wife called him together firstly to check that he is ok, he is, and secondly to see how the hell she’s managed to worm her way into his life in order to get to my wedding.

According to Chris they connected over social media, she started liking his posts over the course of about a month and then dm’d him and they started chatting from there, the crazy part is that to Chris, ex has a completely different name, but the posts on her profile dated back 3 years meaning she has had this profile with a fake name for at least 3 years AND ITS NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!

Chris told us that a few other guys contacted him after the wedding saying that they recognised her as they had all also got DM’s from her on different accounts, ALL WITH A DIFFERENT NAME. There is at least 3 other Acount that we are currently aware of.

Apparently ex showed no signs of being obsessed with me or even that she knew who I was, he invited her as a +1 thinking that they might eventually get serious as they were having a really good time together, he has apologised profusely but we have made it clear that we do not blame him for this.

There has been no word currently on what’s going on with ex but considering her breaching the restraining order and resisting arrest we assume she will probably end up in prison, me and wife have spoken about it and if we are contacted by the police we will absolutely press charges and wife will also be getting a restraining order.

For now we are going to try and enjoy our honeymoon and deal with the rest of this mess when we get back.
Thankyou Reddit for all of the advice and opinions you gave a lot of perspectives on the situation that I had not considered.

---

Reminder - I am not OP.

I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/Stunning_Way9393.

Trigger Warnings: >!Stalking, Harassment, Attempted Rape.!<

---

AITAH for having my ex arrested at my wedding?, Posted May 5th, 2026.

This happened 2 days ago at mine (28) and my wife’s (39) wedding and a lot of people are telling me I’m in the wrong for having my ex (27) arrested and my wife is saying I ruined the wedding and caused a scene.

First a little backstory on my ex, we were together over 5 years ago for a matter of weeks, I broke things off because I just wasn’t into her that much, she began to pester me over text and social media all of the time to get back together or just hook up, this went on for months and in a particularly week moment I gave in and slept with her again at this point things got a lot worse, I tried to explain that it was a mistake and I still didn’t want anything with her, from then the messages ranged from abusive to begging me for sex eventually I just blocked her, from then she started turning up at my house, work and social spaces I went to often.
She attempted to force herself on me and threatened violence and at that point I got a restraining order. Since then I haven’t heard from her in years.

I met my wife 3 years ago and she is honestly the best thing in my life, we fell in love hard and honestly have a great relationship, we got engaged after 2 years and 2 days ago finally had our wedding, the day was going amazingly until a friend of mine who I’ll call Chris turned up with his +1, my ex, I spoke to him and he had absolutely no idea about my history with her and we tried to get her to leave.
After she refused I decided to just ring the police, 2 officers showed up to arrest her for breaking her restraining order and she flipped out, she was shouting and screaming, she hurled abuse at my wife and claimed that we were ment to be together which obviously distracted from our wedding.

Now my wife is upset with me for causing a scene and a lot of our friends are saying that I should’ve just ignored it and focused on the day because she wasn’t causing any problems up until the police showed up, so AITAH??

Edit to answer some questions I’ve had:
Yes my wife knew I had a restraining order against a stalker, we spoke about it when we started to become serious
A few family members also knew but my friends didn’t as I never spoke to them about it

Edit: UPDATE

Relevant Comments:

u/Ppjr16:

>You had a restraining order for a reason. I believe she was very well aware of it and knew what the consequences could have been. She knew better than to be attending. Who knows what plans she had in mind b4 she was taken away.

>Knowing that she was there and having the fear , you would not have enjoyed yourself if you would have let her stay.

OP:

>God knows her intentions but everyone seems to think she was doing nothing wrong and was harmless

&nbsp;

u/CaptSharn:

>I doubt people would be so negative if the genders were reversed.

>She is a stalker, she knew it was your wedding and violated her restraining order. It's worrying your wife doesn't understand why this is a concern. How would she feel if her stalker came to the wedding?

OP:

>I’m hoping she’s just angry at the situation rather than me and will see it from that pov once she’s calmed down a bit

&nbsp;

u/stallion8426:

>NTA. She used Chris to get to your wedding and cause trouble. You did what you had to do to protect yourself and your wife.

>I feel bad for Chris though, poor guy just got in the crossfire.

OP:

>From what I understand Chris has been with her for about 4 months and knew nothing about any of it

u/Thistime232:

>As in didn't know you had dated her at all?

OP:

>No, I was only with her a couple weeks and all of this wasn’t something I told my friends at the time as it was all rather embarrassing so he didn’t know about her at all

&nbsp;

u/hikarizx (This comment has been downvoted):

>I think this one is subjective and while I personally think NTA I also think your wife’s opinion is the only one that matters here 

OP:

>I understand why my wife is upset but idk how to fix it

u/Thistime232:

>What did your wife want you to do in the moment?

OP:

>I didn’t tell her at the time as I didn’t want her to worry about it, I was hoping the police would escort her away quietly, which to be fair they did try to

u/Thistime232:

>Ok, but currently, as your wife is upset about it, has she said what she would have wanted to happen? You said she's upset you caused a scene, so has she expressed to you what she feels you did wrong in that moment?

OP:

>No I asked what I should’ve done instead and she didn’t have an answer just “not that”

&nbsp;

DELETED COMMENT.

OP:

>Thankyou and yes I did panic at the time and there was no plan in place because I have actually not heard from ex since the restraining order was put in place so I thought it was all over

&nbsp;

u/Kat092620 (This comment has been downvoted):

>You had more than a temporary restraining order? Most of them expire. Why let her distract from the day? Were you physically afraid of her?

OP:

>I left quite a bit out of everything that happened in order to get a permanent restraining order but no mine will not expire

&nbsp;

u/mamaallthetime:

>Wow. NTA. But I have some questions about your "wonderful" wife. She doesn't get that you might be traumatized by having your stalker show up? That maybe you needed to make it clear to this nut bar that she may NOT approach you? Your ex clearly schemed to get into a place she didn't belong. I find it pretty red flag behavior that your wife is angry at you and not grateful you're safe and wanting to find out how to keep you that way, especially after your exes little display. You'd be wise to think twice before signing that marriage certificate if you haven't already.

OP:

>From what others have commented I’m pretty sure my wife isn’t angry with me but just angry and has nowhere else to direct it atm

UPDATE: AITAH for having my ex arrested at my wedding?, Posted May 6th, 2025.

I got a lot of requests for an update on my original post so here it is.

It’s been a very long day since I first posted I have spoken to both my wife and Chris.

Starting with my wife, we had a very long tearful conversation about everything from my ex to our wedding, I apologised for the fact that I didn’t consider involving her before calling the police which meant that ex’s outburst when being escorted out came as a complete surprise to her.

She apologised for the way she reacted and explained that she wasn’t angry at me but is angry at ex, the fact the wedding was ruined and that the focus was shifted away from us and to ex, her anger was misdirected.

Another reason for the anger is that a lot of guests had no idea who ex was so ex’s comment of “we’re meant to be together” has apparently lead to people theorising that I had been cheating on my wife with ex, so we are now having to put out fires before rumours begin to spread.

My wife is now very much focused on making sure I am ok after all of this though she is still distraught about our special day being ruined but we will work through that together.

On to Chris, this is where things get a little scary. Me and wife called him together firstly to check that he is ok, he is, and secondly to see how the hell she’s managed to worm her way into his life in order to get to my wedding.

According to Chris they connected over social media, she started liking his posts over the course of about a month and then dm’d him and they started chatting from there, the crazy part is that to Chris, ex has a completely different name, but the posts on her profile dated back 3 years meaning she has had this profile with a fake name for at least 3 years AND ITS NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!

Chris told us that a few other guys contacted him after the wedding saying that they recognised her as they had all also got DM’s from her on different accounts, ALL WITH A DIFFERENT NAME. There is at least 3 other Acount that we are currently aware of.

Apparently ex showed no signs of being obsessed with me or even that she knew who I was, he invited her as a +1 thinking that they might eventually get serious as they were having a really good time together, he has apologised profusely but we have made it clear that we do not blame him for this.

There has been no word currently on what’s going on with ex but considering her breaching the restraining order and resisting arrest we assume she will probably end up in prison, me and wife have spoken about it and if we are contacted by the police we will absolutely press charges and wife will also be getting a restraining order.

For now we are going to try and enjoy our honeymoon and deal with the rest of this mess when we get back.
Thankyou Reddit for all of the advice and opinions you gave a lot of perspectives on the situation that I had not considered.

---

Reminder - I am not OP.