Please tell me you understand what’s going on and why I’m going through this. This is going to be a long one I 21[F] him 22[M] and I have been together for like 6 years . Just for reference , I am a published Research author , I work at Apple , I have a social media ugc business and am going to China for 6 years .All of this happened so fast for some reference I told him when I graduated high school ( 3 years ago) to find himself too out side of us and he just didn’t . He was an AMAZING man and treated me like a princess . But He never told me his goals , dreams ideas he was a yes man to me . I was tired of controlling everything . And feeling like if I didn’t he would just do nothing but work part time at like a high school job. He doesn’t think about WHY , he listens to everything I say all the advice I give him and never ask why he wants to do it on critical thinking just what’s easy and given to him.
Last night I gained the courage to tell him we should take time apart it came to a point where I couldn’t keep being the leader in the relationship all the time . I wanted him to put me on the back burner and put himself first. he basically told me that same night we should break up and he can’t grow with me. I feel like it was just another example of what I’m talking about he’s taking the easy way out I wanted to make it work and I wanted to wait and grow too do the hard work. since there’s things I need to work on as well. And he just took the easy way out and broke up.
I can understand that mabey in the beginning of the relationship I was controlling and I may have wanted things always my way . There was a lot of things that happened when we were kids in a relationship I hurt him he hurt me I didn’t know how to navigate it . I felt like control was the only way to get the relationship better after he hurt me . But after growing up on my side I let go I did not control him. I told him to go meet friends , go to bars , find hobbies just genuinely live his life.
instead of controlling, I leaned to challenge his ideas not an unhealthy way but I made him think critically . For example he went to 2 year school for business administration awesome, his mom told him to go to Montclair state uni because it had the word state in it (like what ? ) and he listened she offered to pay but he originally wanted to go to a cheaper school. He just did what was given and what he felt was easier which ultimately fell through. His mom helped him buy his first house , which use to be a bnb. It came furnished super duper nice , he said he wants to make it an air bnb , I asked him why he thinks that a good idea, not becuase it is ultimately he should decide but he should do research on the pros and cons , he needs to understand there may be dry seasons ect which he felt was me controlling the situation. When I just want to know he knows the decisions and why he’s making them. Another example is he graduated with his 2 year degree , I asked him if he wants to do a 4 year he said yes . It was in business administration I asked him if he has an idea what he’ll use that for ? He said no basically. I said has he considered getting a degree like finance that’s more high outcome he immediately did a finance a degree without thinking about it twice . And I just asked him why not telling him to do it?
I was throwing up all night crying sobbing and feeling genuinely so sick all day and shocked . I begged him told him I’d get on my knees to not break up. But my mom told me today she thought was a yes man to me and felt like I’m such an ambitious person for my age and couldn’t understand how he was so okay living in the motions. I think it put so much into perspective . I’m not grieving him but the version he’d promised he’d be the version I wanted him to be and genuinely thought he could be . I’m so sad at our future kids I named and envisioned . But I feel like I out grew him and all of my friends just don’t understand .
Thanks for listening to my rant does this make sense am I valid? I hope it’s not the worst decision of my life