r/sexask

How do you guide a new partner sexually when your preferences are very specific?

I’m in a newer relationship with someone I’m extremely attracted to, but we’re still learning each other physically and I’m struggling to communicate what works for me without getting stuck in my head.

I don’t really enjoy a lot of the “default” foreplay approaches that seem to work for most people my boyfriend has previously been with, like lots of internal stimulation or immediate/direct clitoral touch. What works much better for me is slower build-up, teasing, pressure and more full-body/pelvic contact rather than very focused stimulation.

My boyfriend is genuinely lovely and really wants to understand me properly. He’s very respectful and conscious of boundaries, especially because he knows I had a bad early experience with consent when I was younger. The problem is that he asks me to show or explain what I like, and I completely freeze when I feel watched or perceived. I’m AuDHD and once I become self-aware during intimacy I get stuck in analysis mode and can’t relax again.

My ex and I figured things out much more instinctively over time, but with my current boyfriend I think we’re both trying so hard to “get it right” that it’s accidentally creating pressure.

I don’t think the issue is lack of attraction or chemistry at all, it’s more that I struggle to communicate physically/verbally in the moment without feeling awkward or like I’m killing the mood.

Has anyone navigated something similar? Especially moving from overthinking/performance anxiety into more natural chemistry and guidance with a partner who genuinely wants to learn you?

Ok, I'm obviously a woman.. I was recently informed guys remember how specific women taste.. is that true? No I'm not insecure, just really curious on HOW, or WHY??? What is it about it you remember?? Is it just the good ones?? Or just the bad ones?? And how long do you remember?? Can you remember 10 years later? How about 20? And if you remember it for that long, is that a good or bad thing?

I've had it for around 6 years, but never had the chance to explore it. It can be overwhelming sometimes and consume my thoughts. It was something I think I developed because of my past. My partner isn't into it which is understandable. What can I do? Do I just learn to repress it? Has anyone been in a similar situation, and what helped?

This might be a stupid question, but sometimes when a guy introduces himself for the first time, right after saying hi, he give a super quick look up and down. When It happens kind of bothers me, but I genuinely can’t tell if they do it on purpose to flirt or if it’s just automatic 😭

It’s happened with my friends too when I wore a nice dress, and in my head I’m like “GUYS come on, I’m literally standing right here ”

I didnt notice it at first because i was so focused on the embarrassment of finishing fast but after a while i realized something else started happening too.

she stopped initiating

less flirting
less teasing
less random touching
less sexual energy overall

and honestly i dont even blame her because every time intimacy started i was already anxious stressed and in my head about it so even before sex happened the whole vibe changed. I think a lot of guys believe PE only affects the 2-3 minutes during sex but the real damage happens outside the bedroom over time. for me the shame avoidance and pressure cycle became a way bigger problem than the actual finishing fast part

curious if anyone else noticed this happening in their relationship too

Well what do you think is better? Can it be both? Can fast still be intimate or does intimate depend on positions?

My boyfriend always asks me to dominate him but I just feel like im so bad at it. The other day I tried it and I think it went okay but I just run out of stuff to do and say. Please can people just give me tips? Also im not just talking a little dominant I want to have him fully under my control and go crazy with it. Just give me things to say and do🙏🙏🙏

I am 18 (f), and i am starting to question if this is something people really do…
I would really like the input of anybody on this

I’ve always seen guys send photos of their dicks and even then masturbating and I’ve always been curious if girls even enjoy that, or is it more for the guys pleasure ? Lol

Hii! I’m not sure if this is the best place to ask but lol..basically I need help with like dirty talk. Me and my boyfriend obviously talk while we’re getting it on but I never know what to say because I don’t want to be too repetitive. He likes when I say he’s mine and when I’m aggressive and beg and whatever but he doesn’t like any of the good boy, daddy, or praise things. He doesn’t like questions, but I don’t want to keep repeating “you’re all mine” or “you feel so good” or “please”. LMFAO idk I just need new ideas I can use and new ways to not be repetitive. He’s not really a fan of compliments during it either.

My husband and I seem to have very different ideas about what a satisfying sex life looks like, and I’m struggling with it.

He seems perfectly happy having sex only occasionally, while I still want regular intimacy and sexual connection. On top of that, when we do have sex, he usually finishes pretty quickly, and I’m often left feeling frustrated, still turned on, and emotionally unsatisfied afterward.

The thing is, I’ve genuinely tried to work on this together. I’ve brought it up calmly, tried flirting more, sexting, initiating, creating more emotional connection during the day, planning time together, etc. But it never really changes for long, and he doesn’t seem particularly motivated to improve things because he seems content with how things are.

I’m starting to feel lonely and undesirable in my own marriage, which is hard because outside of this we function pretty well together.

I don’t need sex every single day or porn star level performance. I just want to feel wanted and like my pleasure and needs matter too!

For people who’ve dealt with mismatched libido or a partner who seems disengaged sexually: what helped? How do you approach this without turning it into constant pressure or resentment?

I’ve been with my partner for 6 years (21F) (22M) we were together since like 16. I love him so much, I can genuinely see myself marrying him and having his kids . But apart of me feels like we won’t be able to until we grow outside of each other . I think I have a strong sense of who I am I don’t think he does . I want to go to clubs, go out with friends , travel a bunch. It genuinely seems like he doesn’t have any dreams outside of what I give him advice on. I think he’s figuring it out and that’s okay but I think I’m hindering him. I think he’s comfortable with our relationship and doesn’t see a need to grow sometimes.

For example , clothing style , he doesn’t even have a clothing style he likes or clothes he thinks are cool. He just chooses to go with what’s comfortable because Im okay with it , not sure if that makes sense. Dreams or wants He doesn’t have any dreams or wants like I want to go to China for 6 months studying abroad and he doesn’t want to do anything , he doesn’t have like a want . Appearance I love him and think he’s handsome all the time but I don’t see him putting effort into making himself feel or look good. Which is okay because I think he’s handsome but I would love to watch him make himself feel good and look good in ways HE wants . For him not me.

It’s so hard and genuinely I feel so heart broken. I tell him over and over find out who you are and live without me . I tell him to even go out to bars with friends meet new people do anything on his own! Which I feel like I do a lot. But I feel like we need to take a break from each other so we can grow as adults and experience the world. I feel like then I can really see myself being with him fully committed in the future and lasting for life . But right now it’s almost as if I see us in the future , but like not right now or like this.

he treats me so well, but I want to know who he really is after blossoming and growing up I want to see that and that’s the person I can see myself marrying and same with me . There’s litterly tears on my eyes while writing this I think I will bring the conversation up when time is right not right now I’m still processing. I don’t know anything out side of him and I want to , I want him to know what there is outside of me too.

So during my first round I tend to finish quickly I try to zone out by getting into a flow state or by thinking of something weird

Any explanation what this “flow” state is ?

I was chatting with a female friend, and the conversation of porn and females came up so im curious; what do females feel about porn, mostly male on male porn or female on female. Guys enjoy watching girls but do girls feel the same way? Im attempting to ask this in the most mature way possible without giving too much back story lol